Jail relationship

[Tammy1]

I have been in this relationship for 8 months now and of 7 of these months he has been in jail for petty theif. Mainly he stole me a car. He is having a really rough time and needs someone to support him through this. He has addmitted all of his wrongs and is now really trying to make up for what he has done. He is in a low security correctional centre allowing him to walk freely outside the prison yards and has the ability to escape. I know that he wants to but wont because he is donig his time so that he can start a brand new life for us together and just wants to put the past behind him. He writes to me every day and spends all of his money on phonecalls to me instead of buying up on food and dirty mags, so I know that he is really trying. But he has lied to me in the past over all his criminal activities and although he is determined not to reoffend can I really believe him? Or will it be the case once a criminal always a criminal. He is different to most other guys. He is so kind and loving and I do love him with all my heart I just don't know if I can trust him again. He gets out in 2 months and wants to start a new life with me, I want the same but can I trust him?

[Mar]

Okay, I can give you my personal experience with someone like that, take it or leave it.

 

One of my best friends, Rich, is currently in jail. He's got a rap sheet as long as my arm, and basically has a "screw the law" attitude. But in writing to me recently, he's said how he FINALLY realizes the error of his ways and how he truly wants to be done with breaking the law and missing out on his nephew and niece growing up, etc. (He's 34.) He's also (after 11 years of friendship, with me doing everything I can to keep him straight) said how he appreciates me so much, misses me, loves me, misses our closeness, etc. But do I trust him? Er....no. Not quite. And I told him that, in my letter to him, and that I believed he had the strength to "get better", but that I wasn't going to hold out hope till he PROVED it-to me, his family, everyone that thinks he's hopeless, since he's let us all down too many times for us to blindly accept his word as truth.

 

He's lied too many times to the people he loves, "crying wolf", if you will, about how he's going to change, and wants to change. I wrote him a letter telling him that I loved him too, but that I didn't trust what he said and wouldn't until he actually PROVED he wants to change as much as he says he does, and sticks to it, more to the point. (He said all of this the last time he was out, and then deliberately screwed up his parole to get back in because he was scared of not being able to find a job and thereforeeee let people down, i.e. me, his brother, his brother's wife, etc.(

 

It's completely up to you....it's a judgement call. I know I love Rich dearly, but I'm not going to compromise MY life for his happiness, or trust him whatsoever until he PROVES he's trustworthy, since that hasn't been the case so far.

 

Go with your gut....you know what this man's like...is he liable to get into trouble again? Do you think he TRULY repents? Remember that the words are FAR easier than the actions, I know this well.

 

Be careful in your decision....but don't shut him out completely....if you're not comfortable dating him, offer to keep a certain distance until you think you can trust him to live like everyone else has to live, in following the rules, much as we might hate 'em at times...lol

 

Mar

[Tammy1]

Thanks,

I truelly do love him. I really think that I can trust him not to reoffend and he knows that he has to prove to me that I can trust him again. He is trying to do the best he can and has sent several letters applying for jobs to people he has previously worked for. So I know he is making an effort. His family havn't been that supportive at all and my family have told me if I have anything to do with him they won't speak to me again, not that they do much anyway. I think that all he needs is abit of love and support and encouragement and we will be fine. His time in jail and experiences have been extremely hard on him which makes me more confident in him not going back there. But I just don't want to be continually doubting him.