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Hello,

I just found out from my boyfriend of 3 and a half years that a year ago, he had been feelings for his first girlfriend. He joined the military and had gone to bootcamp at the time. He actually had been writing letters to his brothers asking their advice on who to choose. Even after his bootcamp he still had feelings for her. And at one point he said that he loved her more. And then they met up one day and had lunch with his brother and friend and her friends. He said that she kissed him on the cheek at the end of the lunch. He says that it is not cheating and that that was as far as it went. And that he no longer has feelings for her and that he loves me sooo much. But I am not sure what to do. I am so confused on wheter I should break up with him. He is my First and only bofriend. I stayed faithful to him for so long. And it is hard staying t faithful to someone when u only see them maybe once a month(seeing as he is stationed 8 hours away from me and that he was sent to Iraq for 6 months). I love him sooo much. I have always put him first but this secret has shocked me so much I am so confuesd right now. Is it cheating??? Maybe I wasn't good enough. Will he get back with her later??? Maybe I just need to confront him with my feelings but I am scared.

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I agree with amdabar. If he's telling you then you're lucky. He doesn't feel like there is anything to hide anything. When you need to worry is when he stops telling you. I can diffidently see where him seeing his ex would get you nervace, but you need to chill. If it's really bothering you talk to him about it, but don't make it look like he did anything wrong because he didn't. You could ask him to give you a heads up on this kind of thing to help ease your mind. He shouldn't have much problem with that. In my opinion you have a right to know, but if you ever try and stop him, or control him, then that's where you step over the line. Now if he ever does step over the line and break your trust than that makes it a whole new ball game.

 

For now just take it easy and talk to him about what bothers you and see what he's willing to do to give you a hand in controlling you thoughts.

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My question is why did he admit to you about his lunch with the ex now and why did he keep it from you for so long. I can imagine that you were shocked when you found out but ask yourself if you can trust him again about matters where his ex is concerned. Ask him what made him choose you over his ex considering he had feelings her while you two were together. I guess the bottom line is talk to him honestly about your feelings about this whole situation.

 

Good luck

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