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guy i'm dating wants to be alone when he's depressed/sad

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Alright, heres my story in short. The guy I have been dating lately has been very distant. His mom is back in the hospital with some stomach problem. This time she will probably be in the hospital for months and it doesn't look to good for her. He tells me this today and I feel really helpless. He said he was going to visit her in the hospital today which is by my house and then he'd come over. Then he decides that hes too sad and that he'll visit her tomorrow. He then says that if i could come over to his place instead. I said I would. Now he says that he just wants to be alone. I just feel so helpless and want to comfort him and keep his mind occupied. I wouldn't want to be alone. He just seems to dwell on things and wants to be alone when he's sad. I just can't help to sit here and not go over there and comfort him. PLEASE PLEASE help. what do i do, i'm crying inside bc I can't help sitting at home

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People handle being depressed differently. Some want to have many friends and family members around while others just want to be left alone to think to themselves. Obviously he is going through a sad time and wishes to be alone, so don't force him to be sociable when he isn't in the mood for it. When he is ready to talk about his feelings, he will. Don't force him to. I was depressed for a period of time, and I just wanted to be left alone. Having people constantly wanting me to let them talk to me made me even more upset. Just give him time and he will open up, but until then, let him be alone to sort out his emotions.

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Very true....women are a lot more emotional than men, generally. We always want to "talk about it", and have the person we love "tell us what's wrong"....guys just don't think like that. They'd rather go into their "guy space" and deal with things themselves....trust me, I've had many, many guy friends, and every one of them's told me this.


Just leave him alone. He has to do this in his own way...and, not to sound callous, but he doesn't necessarily need your help, he just needs to know that you're there loving him when he needs you. Relax....if he needs the comfort, he knows you're there to give it to him.

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im very sorry to hear about your boyfriends situation. indeed, being alone when sad or depressed is not the way for everyone, but sometimes even those who need people also need time to themselve. time to think. time to make choices and so on.


he has alot on his plate right now, and is probably trying to accept some of these things. the best thing you can do at the moment is give him the space he requires, but also let him know you are there! tell him you will give him as much time as he needs, and that if he ever needs you, you will be there. just letting him know this will be enough.


i know you are worried, but this is something he must resolve alone, before turning to you. he will be ok, trust me.


~be patient. time heals all wounds~

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I guess I'm just being selfish at this point, bc we've been casually dating for a couple of months now and I just don't know how he still feels about me. I care for him a lot and a lot of the time I want to spend time with him he changes his mind and wants to be alone or we just sit and watch tv. So this mother situation hurts me as well too bc I want to comfort him and take care of him like a girlfriend would but am I a girlfriend? I've tried to ask him if he wanted me to accompany him to the hospital or what not but the answer gets avoided. anyway, i'm at a loss bc I want to be his "girlfriend" but this depression/sadness phase has been affecting him and he can't talk to me the way he used to.

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Well I've been trying to talk to him and comfort him over IM because he doesn't seem to want to talk or see anyone.


I just I've got to stop asking how he's doing because he pretty much told me that I'm helping the situation by constantly asking and such. Today he told me that he was going to take his son to see his grandma for the last time. Geez he's not very hopeful. Tomorrow is his mother's surgery. I try to tell him to be positive. I also asked him for his mom's name and that I wouldn't try and visit because she doesn't know me very well and I didn't want them to feel awkward if she really wasn't doing too well. I wanted her name so that I could drop something off at the hospital but he didn't like that either.


Now I just told him that I see how he's upset and that I'm sorry for not understanding and that all I did was what I thought was best. I told him that I was here for him and was thinking about him and his family.


I plan on leaving him be the rest of the week. geeezzz thats hard. And when I get back from the weekend. I will talk to him and hopefully see him. We really have got to talk. I only want to give him a great big hug just for my little touch of comfort. I'm just afraid now that I've just pushed him away by all my constant talk and stuff. uggg, its just so hard because I really think I'm in love with him. anyway...please help in anyway you can.

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