We slept together and now I'm so confused.

[ladie_jaye]

Ok, I met this guy through work and we hit it off immediately. We began with just emails and brief conversation but our relationship quickly turned into something real. I actually felt a connection with this guy and completely trusted him. Emotionally our relationship moved faster than I've ever experienced before but it just felt right. There were so many things between us that were similar and we were both looking for the same things. So I didn't bother putting the brakes on the situation because I thought I had found someone that actually knew me. In fact, it's almost as if he knows me too well. He knows my thoughts, my feelings, my insecurities ... without me even telling him.

 

All of this developed without even spending any physical time together. We would email one another multiple times a day and spend hours on the phone together as well. Then, just a few days ago, he asked if I wanted to go out for drinks. I anxiously agreed and was so excited to finally spend some one on one time with him, without a phone line between us. Just as I expected, we hit it off so well. We were so horribly comfortable with one another that I honestly felt as if we had been together far longer than we have even known one another. Anyway, he had brought a movie along that I told him I was dying to see (which I thought was so sweet ... but it might have just been a sneaky move on his part, I'm not completely sure now). As we were leaving the bar (this little sports bar everyone at work goes to in order to wind down) he grabbed the movie from his vehicle to show me. He then said he would love to come back to the house and watch it with me. So we went. I lived only 15 minutes from the bar so we went to my house. We watched maybe twenty minutes of the film and started fooling around. Looking at it now, I honestly couldn't tell you how things moved as quickly as they did. We ended up having sex that night. Now, I have never EVER condemned my friends for doing what they do, but personally, I'm not like that. At least, I wasn't. I have only been with two people my entire life and each of those were four year relationships. But for some reason I did it. I feel horribly ashamed but at the same time I'm proud that I allowed myself to do what I wanted to do.

 

I'll admit it, I wanted to have sex with him, but I don't know if that necessarily makes it ok. You can't just run around doing what you want to do .... Right? I don't know. My friends tell me that it's ok for me to have a little fun. They are all actually happy for me because not only did I have the courage & strength to leave my ex-boyfriend of 4 yrs but that I've actually proven everyone wrong by managing to not go back to him (which I knew I wouldn't, they just had no faith in my will).

 

So, is it wrong? Should I be ashamed of myself? My big fear is that people at work are going to find out and think the horrible things about me that I always hear them say about other girls in the office. Ok, I'm rambling because I'm anxious and nervous so I'll end this now...

 

Am I a bad person for having a little fun?

[raffy56]

Hi ladie_jaye, does having sex with him really bother you a lot? Maybe it's just the fear that the news would spread? Maybe you should go and talk with him about the matter, straighten things up...

[enadevoli]

what exactly should you feel bad about?? just because you werent with him for 4 years like your other times, doesn't mean you are a bad person. i mean, people go out & have sex with someone they have only met that same day. you & this guy seem to really like each other. its obvious since you put so much time in your day to talk to him & email him. you guys know each other well & for some people, its easier to talk online & open up more, so you probably know more about each other than you would by talking on the phone the whole time. unless you feel like you really did something wrong, then don't worry about it. you also shouldn't worry about what the people at work will say. it doesn't matter what they think because the only people that matter are the people who know you for you, like your friends & if a friend was saying bad things about you, then they aren't your friend. don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because you don't need to impress anyone.

[silverlady]

Hi!

Please don't feel bad about what you did. Men have been doing it for years and they're made out to be studs! LOL It's the new generation, you can choose if you want to feel bad or not. If you felt good at the time and afterwards (that night). Then honey, you go girl: Quit hitting your head against a brick wall. ](*,)

 

I was reading your story and swore I had written it. #-o LOL

 

My deal is the guy says he loves me, want's to spend the rest of his life with me. But, then he won't call until real late at night or the next day after he said he was going to call. Plus has stood me up on numerous occasions due to his kids stuff. I'm about to give up on him. We clicked as well. it was weird.

I think I've got a trust issue with this one, only from past relationships.. Because, if you say you're going to call, then call. IF you don't want to talk to this person anymore, then tell them. DON'T DRAG THEM DOWN!

 

But, my advice is, if it made you feel good.Then think of it as exercise.

You exercised your body, mind & spirit. You learned a thing or two in the experience as well. But, NEVER DOUBT your heart!

 

Plus, don't worry about what people think about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Screw 'em!! LOL

I'm sure they've done things they wouldn't ever tell you about either.

 

I'm at the point where the only person you need to worry about is your kids (if you're a parent) family & yourself! 1st!!!

If they don't like what I do, say, wear or whatever then they have the problem, NOT ME!

 

I only have one maker I need to explain things too anyway.. Besides, I think God is a pretty good judge of character besides being a great comedian. I mean come on. Look at some of the things we've gone through in our lives, I know God is laughing at me at times..LOL He's also there when I need to vent about the stupid people out there or something dumb I've done. We're NOT perfect. We make mistakes. We're human!

 

Don't worry about it.. I grew up in the 70's & it was love the one you're with. I never did actually, I was only about 14-16 at the time, but that was the deal. We women have evolved! We're stronger, smarter, and can also multi-task better than most men! LOL Don't get upset guys. We're still yet to see a woman in the White House. Even though many Queen's have run countries for centuries and doing a fine job!! LOL

 

Just hold your head high sweetie and

NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT!!!

 

\ Now go out there and dance to your hearts content and don't worry about what other people think... YOU ARE WOMEN, LET'S HEAR YOUR ROAR!!!

 

Take Care,

SL

[jsolor]

I mean, if you guys have been talking at work for the longest time and you have been causally talking over the phone, this sex matter after the bar was just a step up in the relationship. Have you researched this guy, I mean is he a swinger or is he trying to only be around you? That is the real question. If anything, at least you got laid, I mean come didn't that feel good to you. How long has it been since you had an exciting night like that. Just let time tell you what this guy is about and really ment to be. You know

 

Juan Pizzy

e-mail me if you understand,

 

email removed

[Nity]

You are hardly a bad person for having sex with someone whose company you enjoy! I hope that it was super and fufilling.