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Some good reasons for going NC


CrapAtNC
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I am on day 12 of NC and believe that it is the best for me. I no longer will allow my ex to have me when she wants me, and discard me when she doesn't. She has sent so many mixed signals for the past 3 months post breakup.

 

I have come to the acceptance and peace that I did all I can to show her I cared and wanted her back and she did not come fully back. Our situation was much more painful than a clean break. She would actually go out with me still and dance and kiss me, then not come home with me (which she always did when together). She actually never said I want to break up, she just showed it by her actions.

 

I finally had enough and sent her a very nice email saying it was fun, we need time apart, I agreed with the breakup, maybe in the future we can reconnect and that I wished her much happiness. I then checked out for good.

 

At some point you have to let go, I did finally. Maybe down the road we will reconnect but I doubt it and am doing my best let go and accept.

 

The positive is this. I know I did my best to show her I cared. I then maned up and showed her I would not allow her to treat me this way. I have respect for myself. I finally took my power back.

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  • 6 months later...
  • 3 months later...

My,some Naysayers! What happen to the power of positive thinking? Do you think Lee Iaccoca,Henry Ford,Marian Anderson,Alexander Graham Bell, and even Helen keller,all these great people who achieved great things would there by being negative?

I believe this thread is much more positive, true,there would be a time I would give up my $200 Ugg Boots to get him back,with NC I am seeing things much more clearly.

And why not give people the incentive of NC as a road to making their dreams come true and bring their loved ones back?

Does constantly telling people 'forget about it' " Go NC to heal and move on' worked before?,or why else,just like C-tastic said would there still be numerous threads on breaking NC,asking advice about 'NC' or dealing with the Ex'.

 

Its nice to have a more positive view on things,its like a breath of fresh air,even if I don't want my ex back..knowing what didnt work in the past,learning valuable lessons,and what you can do better that may work in the future,can never hurt anyone.

Edited by vivia12
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I know my ex will be stressed and tired at a job, and I want to break NC and send him I hope you're okay text...........Can I??

 

I initiated the break, but after 2 weeks I said I realised I'd made a mistake, he then said it was too soon for change and we needed time and space.....I pushed it further to the extent he then said he hoped we would remain friends and he thought it was best we move on. He text me last weekend, I didn't respond, only to one question on Sunday, but didn't respond to his reply..............and now he's gone to NC, but possibly because he's REALLY busy................ I REALLY want to text him, will he think I don't care or that I'm a * * * * * for not seeing if he's okay??

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So you all think NC will bring back an ex? Folks, if a person says you're not the right one, it's time to move on. I hate to break the news, but most breakups are irreversible and it's out of the 'dumpee's' hands. Staying away from an ex almost never brings him or her back, and there is no evidence that I've ever seen to suggest even in those rare cases of reconciliation that NC works better than simply going with the flow.

 

yeah ive had my doubt too. I think back to another one of my girlfriends, neither of us was really the dumper, we both agreed on just being friends. Exept we didnt talk for likea month and she sends me a really long message saying how we should see eachother again. It really took me by surprise, she had pretty much been NC with me for a month and i hadnt thought about her once...this is probably the case with me now, exept im in her position. Before i found out about NC i was begging my ex to take me back, although i've got into NC to see if she realises her mistake and take me back, ive had no desire to contact her! but im slowly starting to realise she wont come back...it really sucks having an ex who says they'll do something and really be determined to committ to it, i feel as if it'l be the same with the break-up

Edited by turokturok5
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NC also helps you maintain dignity by not begging

if what some people said is true and i do believe it is true, that both sides have to work on issues they had in order to make the relationship work. Then me and my ex have no chance, the only way she can work what she did wrong is to get another boyfriend, quote from her "i've learnt from this that i need to be around more often"

Edited by turokturok5
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the majority of the posters in this break up forum are here because we want to get back together with our exes... maybe we'll change our minds in the future, but right now it's what's honestly in our minds. so if one uses that as motivation to go NC, you cant really blame them. the important thing is that NC is maintained, because as many said, that is the best step to take.

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true, however naive it may sound, i am still secretly hoping that he will show up one day all changed and improved, working a new job, and tell me 'come on, i'll show you the new place we are moving in, this time i am paying my part of the rent and don't worry about anything, i got it all worked out for us and our future family'

i really hope though to stop dreaming of this and change my mind in the future. this only happens in the movies. most probably what is going to happen is we are both going to move on

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How ti Nc if the EX is the one wanting NC?

If he says 'don't contact me, I don't want to stay in contact with you' (though he still has you on FB, MSN, chats etc) and 'I won't ever love you again' or 'may be in some years I'll give you a chance but now I'd feel dumb to be again with you'... what then?

 

Still NC?

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Of course. He has to experience life without you. If he's asked for it, then you really should respect his wishes (and yourself) and not just go NC, but move on. Create a new life for yourself, one where you're happy just by yourself but open to the idea of settling down with someone . . . that's attractive. ;-)

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But I want 'him'..

Also, if he just lives on like this, he will get used to a life without me and not search or think of me anymore...

I mean.. What I want is to win him back, not to push him further away..

 

Also is here a thread of 'what exes say and mean'? For example if they say 'never again, I won't be together with you ever again' or 'find yourself a guy that makes you happy' or 'I won't be able to love you again' or such...

do they REALLY mean it after breakup?? won't those ideas ever flew away??

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samantha, the first thing you've got to do now is Relax yourself. take a breath and hold it

your ex is not a robot that will just switch off his mind and never ever think about you. he is a human being and of course he will miss you if you give him the chance to feel the loss.

when you are around all the time he will probably not miss you and your extra presence will push him further away.

create void to make him try to come closer

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but it's already been 3 weeks.. and he is perfectly fine, doesn't miss or think of me.. after so many years he missjudged me because of a 'sickness'..

First time of breaking up he searched me the whole time.. now he's fully convinced that I'm a witch and that we can't be happy together..

 

I give him void and space and everything, but with every time I lose expectations and hopes, and strenght..

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Samatha, moving on is a way to bring them back. If you've showed him you're sorry and he knows you want to make things up with him, the best thing you can do is give him the space he's asked for. Really!

 

Any desperation you show will only push him away, even if it is to show him how much you're sorry and miss him and love him and want him back. But say those things calmly, without too much emotion, and in a way that shows you will still be fine regardless, and you'll win brownie points. This is not the time to start acting desperate; no one wants to be with a desperate person.

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you mean, because like that I don't show needyness, and he now knows that my had is full of him, and like that he might start to think that I'm not available anymore?

 

I'll try to go on with NC.. almost 3 weeks and mor than 4 since I last saw him

Thanks guys.. I'll try to push down questions and doubts and fears that come up trying to analyse is words on the last chat, if he will ever change his mind if he sees me again..

 

Being together with him made me put on weight.. with the depression I was always angry and moody at him.. maybe if he sees me again in shape, laughing and 'sunny' and such maybe he gets intrigued? I just fear that he then says 'See, I told you, you were better without me'...

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  • 1 year later...
  • 1 month later...

Bumping it up... NC rule it is new to me, but I see the benefits of it, it is more for yourself to move on than to bring your ex back... interesting enough I just realized I was never a dumpee until my current ex, it is not I want be dumper, most of my serious relationships have to end, because I do not see the future with them( because they have the issues that I cannot change or solve it, and they cannot change it either...), it is not I do not love them, I love them very much, that was why it was hurting each time for me.

 

my current ex, I could not say he have all the qualities that I am looking for, especially post BU, he have surprised me in most of bad ways, and I have forgive him as I understand everyone have different way to react after BU, I am going to move on as he start seeing someone, also I realize that is not health for me to hold something it is not real... I will try NIC/NC this time for me to move on..

 

For the info as someone want ur ex back, I would recommend NIC, all the exes have come back to my life at some point, I never tried NC, but I never initiate to contact them, only holidays/BDay greeting, no expectation... some of them become my best friends as they have good qualities that I adore, those not good one- they have out of my life for good.

 

BU is hard, I am still push myself every day after 7mo BU, I things are better, I know I will move on now..we need help each other for a better mindset and not looking back, if ex come back, and I still want them that time, I will try my best give a chance, but if not, I still be happy and have my life!

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My ex broke up with me 5 days ago telling me he couldnt be in a relationship partly because of his life being a mess and his new found adherence to religion. Whatever the reason ws he told me to "better"forget about him not wait for him. If it ws meant to be maybe fate will bring us together. But he isnt getting into any relationships for now. he cant give me the love i deserve anymore.

I cried..tried to reason but thn finally accepted the decision and left.

 

We are still added on each other fb..still on msn. But we dnt talk anymore. I did the mistake of offering a few words of comfort when he posted he was "upset". He gave a rude reply..thnx but stop caring for me. It always happens tht my one moment of happiness is followed by months of misery..em used to it"

 

I gave a calm reply. Tht its my choice and that projecting his anger on me and pushing ppl away wont bring happiness bck.

 

Now em on NC no talking no contact..I need to heal and focus on improving myself. I left a window open for him..and I do want him back..but its not possible until he wants to..I am optimistic that as I heal maybe we will be back together or ill meet another wonderful person Optimism is key.

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