Pregnant with ex's baby.

[Scarlett_Letter]

My ex and I had only been dating for a couple of months when he suddenly changed. Everything was perfect. He treated me better than I'd ever been treated by anyone in my entire life. He was even excited to introduce me to his parents and his friends cuz he knew they would love me. Three weeks ago, after I'd come back from being out of town (and had a miserable time), he tells me that he doesn't think he can be in a relationship with me anymore. He said that I deserved someone better, someone that would make me happy. I'd been getting a little upset with him recently because his behavior was changing without any good reason. He used to barely keep his hands off me and in the end I felt like I had to throw myself at him. He sat me down and told me that he does in fact want to be with me, but he needs some alone time so he can figure some things out (and another thing that bothers me is that he doesn't talk to me about his problems...he's very introverted). The biggest problem is that 4 days ago I found out i've been pregnant with his baby for a month. According to mutual friends, he's been acting like he doesn't have a care in the world. Basically he wants me to get an abortion and get all this out of the way so he doesn't have to deal with anything. I'm not even sure why I want him back, but right now I need him. I need his support and affection and he isn't giving it to me. The least he could do is acknowledge that he's the father of my first child and always will be. Please tell me what I can do to try to make things more bearable.

[RoXyGiRl]

I have had many friends who have become with child. And a few of them have had jerk bf's that ditched them. From what I have seen, I would say that you try your best to do without him except when it comes to child support!!! You have to make sure that you get that from him. And if he refusses, take his @$$ to court. Tell him that he knew when have sex with you that there is always a possiblity of getting you pregnant. Its not just your fault or his, its both of yours!! Were you useing a condom? Are you on the pill? How old are you? Anyways, what Im getting to is that you dont want to him around you and the baby if he doesnt want to be. That will just cuase more fights and wont be good for the baby or yourself. Try finding a good friend to help you out, someone who will be there whenever you need them. Weither its a brother, sister, mother, or a best friend.....find one. Because after you have the child, you friends that you thought that would be there, wont be. You have to make sure who will be there for you. I wish the best of luck to you an your baby!! Congarts!! And dont worry, things WILL get better!!

[avman]

I'm very sorry to hear about the situation you are in. I wish your boyfriend would be a man and stand up and support you in this situation - but that may not happen.

 

You need to take care of yourself right now. Get the medical care that you need first of all. And also check out some counseling for yourself so that you have a clear understanding of your options. There are plenty of places available with low or no cost medical help and counseling. Call up your friends and tell them you need them. Your real friends will be there for you.

 

And hang in there. We're here for you as well and many people on here will be able to offer suggestions as you go through this.

[viettwinkle503]

wow...it sux that you have to deal with a break up AND a baby alone. this is really gonna change the rest of your life. i wish i had a good answer but hang in there and be strong, i hope your ex realizes what he's doing. sometimes in a relationship the best days are the beginning. sooo perfect and slowly changes before your eyes. i guess it's life but compromises and love will follow through....goood luckkk!

[Princess777]

Hello,

 

OK I definitely have experience in this area! I don't know how old you are so forgive me if I state the obvious. It sounds like you are going through some very difficult changes in your life where you need to make SURE you make some intelligent decisions. First of all, if you are fairly young, you need to go somewhere like a crisis pregnancy center that can tell you all of your options and get you the help you need as far as financial, psychological, and contact names of organizations that you will need. I suggest you don't be set on any decision until you think thoroughly about each outcome. If you don't want to keep the baby but can't see yourself getting an abortion, there are places that can arrange for you to meet with families that want to take care of your baby and you can interview them. There really are some wonderful people out there who will be great parents so don't throw that option out just yet. If you decide you definitely want to keep the child, as far as child support goes, good luck. I am not a big fan of telling women to go after it (in the U.S. anyway). I am not saying that the man should not be liable - and if he wants to help, that is wonderful - let him, of course, and you will be one of the lucky ones. But I admit I'm a majorly independent woman, and my thoughts on this are, if the guy really doesn't want to have anything to do with the kid, I'd rather him just be totally out of my life and the baby's. I wouldn't want the extra drama. I'm definitely an all-or-nothing person and I am just giving you my point of view. I'll explain why:

I got pregnant at 17 and my b/f acted happy at first. I decided to move into a home for unwed mothers which was a Catholic based organization, work full time to save money for the baby, and finish high school so I didn't have to go to school pregnant. Shortly thereafter he ended up with a woman twice his age and basically dumped me except to borrow money off of me. I told him to not have any more contact with me. I told my son the whole story when he was old enough to understand, and he is now 15 years old. His father never once tried to make contact, give money, or anything. I don't regret it at all. In fact I am glad I did what I did. Money was extremely tight in the beginning but I feel good that I did it without him and didn't depend on someone else to do it for me. I know a lot of people will probably balk at this and say to go after him but if you do, be prepared to be disappointed when you don't get those checks like you think you might. I've seen it a million times.

My advice is make an intelligent decision that you are comfortable with, stick to it, feel good about it. Forget the father if he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby. So what if he's not around... you can make a good life for the baby if you keep it or not. For me, it was like a motherly instinct that just kicked in. I'm sure you have it too. Good luck!!! I hope you work everything out.

Princess777