Need Advice !

[dreamer 61]

My lover is older than me 25 years old . Im have been involced in this relationship 2 years . Im divorced and he has an unhappy marriage .we are in a long distance relationship , It doesnt a matter even we are apart, we contact each other by emails and phone calls everyday , seeing each other every three months . I feel he is close to me . Our love is so true and we love each other more and more each day . We really enjoyed each other and we have plans for the future , unfortunetly his wife found out he is having an affair and she said she would forgive him and wants him back .she doesnt want to leave him . He rejected her but agreed to go counseling . Does it mean he wants to rebuild the marriage ? he called me and told me if I am the only one he wants to being with , he is ready to leave . I am so confused If he leave his marriage ,I am sure would cause him lots of problems . her wife will sue her half of his assets and more . I love him I dont want to see him in that situation .Should I leave or stay ? and It makes me so worry now if he would go back to his wife after the conseling . Please help !

Regards,

[mermayd]

Wow, what a situation! Well, the first mistake is that he is married. What I would like to point out to you is that what makes you think that he wouldn't be the same way with you? He already has disappointed you by agreeing to counseling with his wife. However, I think that is the right decision for he and his wife. He is unfaithful to her, so there is reason to believe that he will be unfaithful to you. Even if he weren't, if the two of you were to continue a relationship, it would constantly ponder in your mind. You have already stated that you are worried he would go back after you and he were together and nothing has happened yet. He says he is ready to leave, but if he were, he would have left already and would not have agreed to counseling. If you truly care about him, and want him to be happy, you should steer clear from him and his relationship with his wife. Marraige is based on vows and you don't want to interfere with those vows more than you already have. My advice to you is to not be involved with this guy anymore. I would end things right now. Too many people will get hurt in the long run if you dont. If they are willing to work their marraige out through conseling, then you need to walk away and let that happen. Hope this was of help.

Mermayd==

[dreamer 61]

Thx for your advice Mermayd , My lover and me had a long talk and I told him I cant go on , we both sick of the roller coaster feeling, He asked me not to stop until he knows after conseling because he is not certain & he wants to make sure he got the right choice , he said if he leaves not because of me , its just not work. He is so depressed , stick in a loveless marriage and he doesnt want to lose me . We both cried .we were unexpected fall in love and love so deeply. I understand it is very difficult for him to leave his marriage......Im not strong enough just walk away from this , I really love him very much ! what should I do?

Dreamer

[mermayd]

I know this is a very difficult situation for you to deal with. The fact that he is in a loveless marraige is NOT your problem. It is not your stress to have to deal with or your situation to save. I completely and totally understand where you are coming from and sympathize with you. I can imagine how difficult and frustrating and heartbreaking this can be for you. I am sure he cares deeply for you and doesn't want things to end. But you are who is important and you need to look at this long-term. I don't want you to get hurt by him and I have a feeling he will do to you what he is doing to his wife. To understand a realtionship with someone, you look at how they have been through their past realtionships and how they are with their mother. I know you feel weak and you feel that you don't want to lose him. But you are stronger than you think you are and you WILL heal from this. Of course this is painful. I know this is confusing. I don't know how he is but I am judging on his current behavior. I honestly think you need to let him go. If he divorces his wife, and lets himself heal for a year or so, then maybe things could work out for you two. I dont think that right now is the time for him to be looking for love elsewhere and you are only causing yourself undue pain and stress by being involved. PLease consider what I am saying to you. I am most afraid that he will treat you like he treats his wife and be unfaithful. Is that what you want in a relationship? You want someone you can trust. Someone who will commit themself to you. Someone who will be honest. Someone who will work out problems rather than stray. Can you bet your life that he would do this for you?

[SwingFox]

Hi Dreamer,

 

Thank you for posting on eNotalone. Your posting is long and thereforeeeeeee very clear. I have read all your comments as well as Mermayd's, too. I am a worried over the situation you are in. I never say that things cannot work out, but 25 years seniority is a lot to overcome. I hope you will take the time to read my comments, as well.

 

I think what you have to consider is, that the man you are in love with right now, could easily have been your father. He has gone through so much and still goes through a lot obviously. He has a lot of life experience. It's hard to say wether the same thing he's going through now, is going to happen to you, too, but there is something else to consider. Would you like to have children? Would you want him to be the father of your children with his age?

 

Dreamer, there might be so much you have not considered or you have overlooked. I would advise you to read more about what you are going into. Read articles on here and elsewhere on the web. Think before you do.

 

I wish you good luck for now!

 

~ SwingFox ~