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He Turns the Lights OFF...Is He Imagining I'm a Guy?

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I care a lot for my boyfriend. However, I don't think he appreciates my physical entity enough. I am a petite clothes model, and I am in-shape and in my opinion, a sexy person. My current squeeze is a very serious, structured person, he's not into having sex before marriage for one reason only--an untimely baby would forever wreck and ruin his life goals and plans. He's pretty sexual at night, he seems to be physically into me, but somehow he seems to hold back too. He turns off the lights a lot. Most guys seem to want to leave them ON so they can see the action unfolding. This is troubling because: One time he told me he'd be in a relationship with either a woman or a man, it didn't even matter gender as long as that person was right and it was love. However, he did say he's only sexually attracted to women, and he'd feel strange doing things with a guy. He has joked around with me that I could be a guy in the dark. And he likes to play around in a doggy style position (no sex like I said), but he does enjoy touching my all-female region up on top.


I feel pretty sure I would only like heterosexual relationships, and the same out of any man I love, so this confusion puzzles and worries me. And now, I just wonder if at night he's wishing he were with a man, in the dark, he can't see my face, in the dark, skin is skin! He isn't very experienced in relationships, being younger and all, and he was very smart and didn't fit in with the immature crowds of high school. So maybe this is just residual low self-confidence showing up in the bedroom, or just the way he prefers to do things?


I just want to feel sexually and physically attractive to him, but I can't be sure. Can people feel very attracted to their partner without acting over the top about it? Or is there a problem? Like, could he perchance, be more attracted to the male form? Thanks,



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Oookkkk well guys are very experimental. And I know it's not a nice feeling if your guy is imaging that you're a guy.


Why don't you just ask him right out. Why he would like the lights off. Like you said you have it all look wise maybe he is insecure about the way he looks??

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Hi !


I don't like sex under 100W bulbs myself, but sexy lighting is totally acceptable. As for his intentions, well he could be thinking about sleeping with a guy as quick as you could be thinking about sleeping with a girl or another guy at the time.


I suspect that you are over-reacting. Asking him straight out will probably result in him clamping up on this if he is actually thinking about guys, so I wouldn't ask him straight out. Play it cool, and see where it goes - and have a look at the lighting issue - invest in some lava lamps or some other form of cool and not so intrusive lighting !!


Hope this helps you some,

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Thanks to all who have answered,


I will see if he'd be willing to try some "sexy" lighting, and maybe I'll ask him why he would like to turn the lights out. I probably am overreacting, but I think he's so sexy, I'd at least like to connect with him visually somewhat. Thanks again, and more input is welcomed gratefully!

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