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I Snooped...Hubby is Calling Escorts/Call Girls...Questions


JanuaryGirl

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A lawyer will help you figure out your options. I would suggest talking to a therapist as well, who can help you deal with your emotions. I know that this is a long shot but you might be able to work things out with your husband once you have enough time to look at all your options and once you figure out what is really going on.

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Guys are idiots. Here he is spending all this time, money, and effort outside of his marriage, when he could dedicate the same to his wife and get 10x the results. What a maroon.

 

AMEN! And women too. I have a friend that is putting effort into a her boss/a married man with kids instead of into her quickly failing marriage of only 7 months. Its a shame really, I can barely stand to talk to her anymore.

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I wish you the best of luck when you do confront him, just make sure you have your ducks lined up before you do so (talk to a lawyer, have a place set up where you can stay, even if with a friend or with family).

 

I don't think I'd ever be able to trust a man who did this to me again, no matter what he said. But that will ultimately be up to you.

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Thanks Ycmanvs,

 

My mind has gone to reconciling, but if I am correct, this has been going on for the majority of our time together. I feel like our relationship and marriage are shams and are built on lies and false pretenses. The length of time of this happening and the fact that he lied so well scare me and make it hard for me to see being able to trust him. I also wonder if the length of time signals an addiction...but, I think he would be adverse to calling it that and to therapy.

 

I appreciate the thought though. I agree with you though...it is a long shot. You mentioning it at least makes me think I'm not crazy for having the thought of reconciling/forgiving creep in my mind.

 

And...your therapist thought is right on. That one is on my list.

 

Oh...and Poco, I live in MD. Any insight into the laws there?

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I guess my thought process goes a little like this: You said that if it were not for the snooping, you would not have thought that something was wrong. So, it would be interesting to see what exactly is going on with him and if there is any hope of helping him and your marriage.

 

Who knows how long this has been going on? He does. Is he willing to talk about it? Is he willing to be vulnerable and tell you what is going on with him? That is a long shot.

 

I don't believe in jumping to conclusions and I don't believe in just giving up. Once you have exhausted all possibilities and avenues of working it out, then you can walk away knowing that you did nothing wrong.

 

I know that I am in the minority here, but it is a thought to consider.

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One quick question for you. How do you know all these numbers are for escorts? I mean you called each and everyone and discussed numbers for sex sessions or did you call them and ask them for their line of work?

 

How do you know for sure these phone numbers are escorts?

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Healing Hands--thanks for that thought. I will keep that in mind. But, if him leaving means I have to take care of the bills, that won't work. I will be able to afford a nice house on my own, but not one as nice as we live in now.

 

Poco--Thanks.

 

Ycmanvs--Yeah...you picked up on that important point. Besides a few battles about him staying out late (more than likely connected to this new issue), we have never had any problems. Even with that, I never considered that or anything else to be "wrong" with our relationship. He can be fairly guarded though; so I am not sure how vulnerable he'll be with me. One of my friends thinks he'll put it all out there if he knows we're going to leave. I'm not sure...I tend to think that he won't open up (or that the issue isn't that deep for him) which is why I've spent more energy looking at places to live and getting a job than considering reconciling and dealing with that process. Either way, if he does open up and lay it all on the line, it's going to take a lot for me to believe that he is being honest as opposed to that he is playing any card he can to save the marriage.

 

We'll see. Thanks a lot though.

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Hubman...I found out the numbers were to escorts because I googled, yahooed, or did a reverse phone search online. In some instances I found links to agencies and/or their personal pages that were usually connected through sites that provide lists of escorts by their city/state. Once I saw the pattern that was arising, I found a lot more numbers on sites that are dedicated to people who review the services they've received from escorts.

 

I didn't call and talk to anyone. I did call a few and got female voices on the voice mails, but no one would have indicated their line of work on their voice mail. And I thought it was pointless to even call and ask them their line of work...it's illegal, so I don't presume anyone would tell me that.

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I guess my thought process goes a little like this: You said that if it were not for the snooping, you would not have thought that something was wrong. So, it would be interesting to see what exactly is going on with him and if there is any hope of helping him and your marriage.

 

Who knows how long this has been going on? He does. Is he willing to talk about it? Is he willing to be vulnerable and tell you what is going on with him? That is a long shot.

 

I don't believe in jumping to conclusions and I don't believe in just giving up. Once you have exhausted all possibilities and avenues of working it out, then you can walk away knowing that you did nothing wrong.

 

I know that I am in the minority here, but it is a thought to consider.

 

I second this.

 

I am prone to thinking the worst and jumping to conclusions, but I still second this.

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  • 1 month later...

1. On one particular day, more than five escorts were called. Each of them was called more than one time. Some within minutes of each other. Why might this be? - a lot of websites exist online where escorts can post their daily availability- when a man is looking he will often call several until he finds one that is available

 

2. Can a session be set up with just one call. on short notice, and with just a one minute call? - yes, especially if he is an established client - many escorts have short notice availability- especially the agency girls

 

3. In one day, a particular girl is called 8 times. Why might that be? - no clue on that one unless he just kept trying to reach her or maybe they are friends

 

4. Sometimes, one particular escort will be called once or twice over a period of days. And she would be the only one called...is that a set up and then confirmation/I'm here kind of sequence? - could be, or it sounds like he may have developed a personal relationship with her

 

5. Is there any other reason why escorts and hotels (sometimes, but not all the time) would show up so frequently on his phone records. - many escorts use hotels as their "incall" locations. My other thought was that perhaps he was calling hotels to arrange for a meeting place for them if the escort only did outcalls.

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Thanks Ltltulip32,

 

Your insight helps clarify why some of those patterns might exist. I appreciate it.

 

You're welcome. I doubt that I could be of much help to you, but if you need any insight from the other side of the fence, you can always feel free to PM me.

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  • 5 weeks later...

In June I needed to have umbilical hernia surgery. The dr. committed malpractice on me and accidentally severely cut my bladder. I had to be rushed from surgery center to a hospital by ambulance and be there for a few days before I could go home. I was in the worse pain of my life, I was in agony. I had to have a catheter for two weeks, so had to go home with the catheter. I was almost totally bedridden from pain.

 

My formerly wonderful and loving husband, I found out later, while I was IN THE HOSPITAL called a massage therapist. After I came home from the hospital he began being mean to me. I couldn't believe it. He'd often yell, "I'm running myself ragged taking care of you!" In reality, he was hardly doing anything. I had to mostly rely on my son or just go without if he wasn't home. Sometimes I didn't even have anything to drink or eat and was not physically capable of getting up and walking downstairs to the kitchen. He barely did anything for me, although at times he did a few things, all the while complaining angrily about how put out he was. He also managed to take several vacation days when I was in this helpless state -- not to take care of me, but to go boating from morning to night.

 

He would also scream at me about people "falling out of love," and that then they should get divorced "so that they don't murder each other," people don't really mean their wedding vows, and I asked him if he was cheating on me, and he said, "I hope not to cheat."

 

As if all of this isn't bad enough -- I found out that six days after my surgery when he claimed he was going to visit his son and left me lying there in agony and helplessness, he actually called an escort. He also called his son that afternoon, so I know for sure he wasn't with him. I've since found out that he has a prepaid cell phone which he keeps at work.

 

I haven't told him yet what I know. I'm devastated. Bad enough the horrible way he treated me, esp. when I was in such a terrible state, but to be cheating, too! We've only been married two years, had a great sex life, everything going well. I can't imagine why this is all happening. I feel like everything is surreal. I still don't physically feel good, have some pain still, chronic insomnia & fatigue, high BP, and I'm becoming more and more depressed by the day.

 

I've tried talking to him about the horrible way he'd treated me and the things he said, and at first he was defensive and denying, then he got "nice" for a couple of weeks and actually apologized, and now he's back to being mean. We had a huge fight this morning where he was screaming at me how selfish I am and all I think about is myself! Even though we have a nice new house (with little or no equity in it right now), we're in a lot of debt and there are many circumstances which make it really difficult from a practical viewpoint to leave. He still doesn't know that I know about the cheating. I can't even think straight anymore and feel paralyzed.

 

(I re-posted this from another thread. Anyone, in particular the OP, have any advice or updates on outcomes for their situations?)

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I do have a friend ready to take us in if needed, but I don't want to have to inconvenience anyone else if I don't have to. I'm working hard to make this all happen on my own though.

 

Having been through a similar situation...I would like to offer a small piece of advice...let your friends be there for you, let them support what you are going through and lean on them. That's what they are there for. It really does help.

 

Best of luck to you.

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  • 1 month later...

hey Januarygirl, My husband did the same I now consider myself somewhat of an expert on phone patterns and how to tell. One thing I will say is if it shows he called a number of escorts within minutes of each other yes he went to one of those he called believe me I really know what I'm talking about! I know you posted a while back so I'm not sure where you stand now if you need help in finding out more please message me. hotel calls need to be cross checked with cash withdrawals and even hotels themselves showing on his account I know what you should be looking for. also payments to brothels and such can often be hidden under different things such as tax or revenue type names! good luck

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I hate to sound uncaring, but why bother checking into what he's been up to anymore. You have enough evidence. Your story about being in the hospital and him being mean to you. I have been there, it's hard to believe isn't it.

It's because he's checked out of the marriage and is only there in body.

 

It's time to kick him to the curb. It's a daunting task and it's not easy to let go of a doomed relationship. The unknown is scary. I did it with three kids in tow, two still in diapers.

I made it through and you will too. Access all of the programs out there and seek help from your friends. Your husband is not your friend and that is part of the problem, he has zero respect for you.

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  • 8 years later...

Are you sure we're not married to the same man? I'm going through the same thing right now, I found out he's been calling escorts since 2014 and one even complained about him trying to get free cyber sex from her, which I found when I put his #in Google. The thing that's weird about his calls is they are all over the country and he doesn't leave the city so he's not going to them.

 

There have been calls to travel agencies which I assume is him arranging flights or checking arrival. He can't hide his money but he could be using his parents or their credit card without me knowing. He lives in the city during the week at his parents due to work purposes and comes home on the weekends. The last year has been extremely weird we went through loss of a loved one and there's been no sex within that time and I assumed it was just because of all the stress we were going through. The last four months have been really weird though and he freaks out if I go near his phone so I checked his phone records and that's how I found out. We also fight more than ever now.

 

We've been together for 24 years and he was my first I thought he would be my last too. It's a really complicated situation because our families are all intertwined as well as our finances so right now I'm just getting my ducks in a row. I've suggested counseling before but he always refuses even though he promised me one time we would. We've both got sick family members and right now at least for the next two weeks that will be taking up a lot of my time butt I am definitely arranging to speak to a lawyer and looking at seeing if I can take over our mortgage on my own. I still love him so much but don't think I could ever trust him again.

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