trying to get back with Ex

[Joe Smith]

About two years ago I met and dated this girl, I was going through a divorce and I had issues I was dealing with. We met over the net and talked about everything. She was very hung up on loyality and trust as she should be. To make this part of the story short I lied to her, it was a small lie but still it was a lie and she caught me in it so I came clean. I was talking to an old friend and she asked me if I was and I told her no , she checked my mail and found out different I tried to explain to her that the reason I lied is we just friends and I didn't want to screw things up with her. From that point forward it all went down hill. We have kept in touch and stayed close over the years and have been like best friends.

 

A about two months ago I was talking to her about what I wanted in a woman, and she would answer "I know someone like that" and she even told me that she always thought we were meant to be together, that is when I decided to go for it again. I started calling her more and more, I sent her cards, flowers and letters telling her how I knew she was the one and how sorry I was about what happened two years ago. Basically I tried to Woo her. We seemed to be getting closer and closer I would go see her about every other weekend and I would serve her breakfast in bed and she really seemed to enjoy it. I would buy and make her special things to show her I cared deeply about her and everything seemed to be going smooth. Then she found out she was about to loose her job and it started to put some stress on us. About two weeks ago things started to really take a turn for the worse. She used to call me every day just to tell me how her day went and to check on how mine was but now she has stopped.

I went to see her two weeks ago and she told me she was telling a guy friend about me and she told me she told him that we had dated before and it didn't work out and she was in love with me but the timing was bad because of her job situation. She has even made little comments about our future. She has also told me that she wished we would work it out.

 

I called her about a week ago and we were talking about her taking a new job where she would have to work crazy hours and I asked her where did that leave us and she said she didn't know but she had to do what she had to do. I asked her did that mean we just call it quits? She said no.. She told me that she could not imagine her life without me in it but in the past two weeks she has not called unless I called her first.

 

The other night I called her and we talked about us, she was telling me that she had to take care of herself and she didn't know what would happen down the road. I asked her if it were someone else and she told me it wasn't, that she had been asked out and had considered it but told him no. She told me that she didn't have any energy to put into any relationship right now. I asked her if she was trying to let me off of the hook and try to spare my feelings and she told me "thats not it, thats not it at all" She told me she HAD to get things straightned out with her job before she could go on. I tried to reasure her that I would be here for her but it would be nice if she could ask me to wait on her and she told me she could not ask me to do that. It wasn't fair to me. She has always been up front with me about her feelings no matter if it hurt my feelings or not. She has always been very honest with me. She is very stubborn and independent. She is like no woman I have ever met, mostly like one of the guys. I will call her about every other day or so but it seems the more I call the less we talk. I am wondering if I have done too much? I don't want to loose her, she is my best friend. I think that all of this has pushed her away. What do I do?

 

Thanks

 

Joe

[phil1981UK]

Hey buddy,

 

My advice is to just drop it all starting right now, this will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do Im sure but you have to do it, you said yourself all of your efforts are pushing her further away and this is exactly what is happening, you have to stop now.

 

Dont call, dont write, dont do anything, just leave her entierly alone. If she really cares for you then she will contact you sooner or later, but you must leave her alone. If she dosent contact you after a few months then Im sorry but the truth is she dosent want to be friends (or anything else) and you will have to accept that and move on.

 

Just leave her be and enjoy your own life.

 

Good luck.

[reborn]

Hi,

I understand how difficult your situation is. To be in your shoes right now is hard indeed and must feel tricky. A bit like you are about to or threating on eggshells. You fear overdoing it for fear it may overwhelm her, however there seems to be a very strong conection there and some clear leads from her part that won´t let you leave it alone. She is also your best friend, which makes it complicated, because she is more than some normal friend for you, yet not quiet the girlfriend in your situation.

I must agree with the advice of the last poster. However I know it is hard to read it even when in your situation, for those are the very things you know but that are easier said than done.

If I were you I wouldn´t give up on this person just yet. I am afraid your heart on let you. If she is being completely honest there is something there that is something that has to do with her, not with you two that needs some fixing before anything could happen between you. It seems she has a very deep afection if not love for you. And anyone that reads your posting knows that you love her.

Regardless of how we feel, of the neediness in us that is forcefully released when someone we deeply care about and wish to be with withdraws, the wisest thing is really just to give them space. When we persue or keep them aware of our presense it seems to backfire and add negative energy to the whole equation. Withdraw, let things neutralize. Don´t call her anymore. If you want or must tell her that you understand she needs some space now, but for her to know that care about her deeply and that you are there for her. But do not contact her after this.

It is difficult to endure, but it really isn´t the end of the world. Do try to focus your mind on you, and sooth your own feelings of loneliness and desperation to see her withing you not by reaching out to her.

If she is being honest and is a straight forward person as you say, and you have this incredible conection and says there is not anyone else, why not give her the benefit of the doubt and let her fix her life. Maybe she is not ready to be in a relationship now. YOu won´t make her ready by persuing her or calling her or being there when she has expressedly asked to want to concentrate on other things.

You are her friend. Prove to her, and to you, what a friend you are. Friends are not just there in the good but also in the bad. As friends you are always there when someone needs you.She needs you know, just in a different way, show her how you respect and understand her needs by fulfilling them.

Best of luck to you. do go to link removed and read the q&a. You may find soothing answers to situations similar to yours. Keep your mind and your life positive. I hope all the best things in life come to you.

-Reborn

[tyo_8]

hey everyone i was wondering if ne of u can help me with my problem lol n if u can plz email me at email removed or reply to this message.well here it goes: liek 2 yrs ago i went out wih this guy i really liek for about 4 months n then we broke up(i think cuz of some one who pisses me off alot)n i think he hates me now cuz he doesnt talk to me and he blocked me on msn n i still really like him n liek think we were meant to b or sumtin like da queer crap lol n i really want to get bak together with him but im kinda scared to go n talk to him like im really shy. so i dont kno wut to do plz help me!!!!!

[tyo_8]

hey everyone i was wondering if ne of u can help me with my problem lol n if u can plz email me at email removed or reply to this message.well here it goes: liek 2 yrs ago i went out wih this guy i really liek for about 4 months n then we broke up(i think cuz of some one who pisses me off alot)n i think he hates me now cuz he doesnt talk to me and he blocked me on msn n i still really like him n liek think we were meant to b or sumtin like dat crap lol n i really want to get bak together with him but im kinda scared to go n talk to him like im really shy. so i dont kno wut to do plz help me!!!!!