When do I get over her?

[Stupid Guy]

Hi,

 

My long term partner (3 Years plus) and I recently split up (around 6 months ago) for a number of reasons. I tried to reconciliate after a month, but she insisted she had moved on and was with another man whom she says she loves. She also insisted that she wanted nothing more to do with me. While I was very hurt and heartbroken, I accepted it as best I could, and decided to try and move on with my life.

 

Since then its been an uphill battle for me. However, around a month or so ago, my ex girlfriend began talking to me again through MSN Messenger. While I felt some relief, I started hurting again when it occurred to me that she was still with this new partner. I don't want her to be unhappy, but I'm finding it difficult to move on with my life. I've been asked out a few times and tried dating new people, but I can never seem to get comfortable with anyone new.

 

I know its supposed to take time to heal, but I just seem to trip up at every corner, and while I feel like shutting my ex out of my life might help, I never wanted to cease communication with her. Moreover, I'm moving back to her hometown for a few months at the end of this year. I know much of that decision is based on her (although there is also an incredible work opportunity that I cannot pass up), however, I dont want to go there with any hope, since I just dont want to be hurt anymore. This is beginning to affect my work, my friends, my life, and it just seems to never end.

 

Any thoughts?

[HippoXNinja]

Geebuz, I'm sorry to hear that. I know that feeling, when you think its just not going to end anytime soon, it sucks more than a kick in the face. You two were together for a while so it'll take time and a lot of paitence. You seem to have a good start though, I mean you've been dating other people and stuff not sitting around and doing anything. I'd say stay busy and try to keep your sanity the best way you can.

[misscitygrl]

I think you know what u need to do .... but just in case.... it is imperative that you cut all communication with her.... I know it's going to be very very hard and there are going to be days where nopthig will feel better than to IM her .... but trust me unless u shut her out of ur life... until u have fully moved on and have no more feelings for her.... a hello here and there is going to make u feel worst and harder for u to move on...

 

I suggest blocking her from ur buddy list or changing ur screen name until u are over her... and when the fact that she has another person in her life doesn't bother u.

 

Only time can heal wounds.... About ur work ... well if u got a great offer go about ur business and try not to think about her ......... date meet pp...eventually (even though u might not think so now) u will find someone who wil make u happy. As for now ...take it easy and be strong

 

Good luck and congrats on the new job!

 

 

[Tolly]

Mate..I'm there too. 5 months down the line, Im on Prozac and its STILL hard! My ex wanted to keep in touch tho....I did that, but it just dragged out the suffering. I'v had a couple of weeks without seeing or hearing from her recently and its help alot.

 

You must cut all ties. I know its hard, but seeing or hearing from her just reopens the wound. Only when its completely healed will you be able to speak to her again.

[Stupid Guy]

Hey all

Thanks for your kind words. I know what I should do is cut all ties, but its difficult, because I have so many questions I want to ask, so many things I dont know about. Ie. If she loved me so much, like she said she did (and still says she does) - then how was it possible that she fell in love so soon (I know its an almost irrational question since love doesnt follow the normal rules) - but I just feel so shell shocked by the whole situation. I really loved her (and still do I guess, even though i havent seen her in a while), and its been near impossible for me to move on, even after so long. Was I simply deluded about our relationship, or am I simply emotionally retarded now? It just seems so difficult to fathom.

 

I guess I'd either like to find out the answers, or get to a point where I dont care anymore, but neither seems to be coming closer.

[street]

i know where u r coming from, my ex of 4 months has someone else even though she says she still has strong feelings for me..

 

anyway since i have cut contact ( 2 weeks worth) im feeling alot better..

 

i know its hard i couldn't do it for 3 months but it does help u get over them..

 

these relationships r rebounds, but what do we get out of it if they fail nothing, as i know i will never get back with her...just live ur life and enjoy..someone else will come along

[caliboy]

I'm going through the same thing as you, except i'm nine months into the break up. You can read through some of my old posts, but basically it wasn't until I forced myself to stop talking to her for a month when I felt myself starting to let go and move on. It's true that contacting her when you're not COMPLETELY over her re-opens wounds. I talked to her 4-5 times over the past month/month and a half and although it was really nice hearing her voice and just talking to her, it hurt after we'd get off the phone just cause i missed her. So don't contact her and it'll get easier. I also found being around other people and staying busy helps too. I've written so many emails and letters for her BUT never sent them to her. This helps in just getting what you want to say out. Don't think about her with her other guy, cause this only prolongs the pain. As soon as you start thinking about it (or her in general) go right to something else to get your mind off of it. It DOES get easier, it just takes time.

[Stupid Guy]

Well, I guess I'll post this here, since it'll get it out of me.

 

Dear L

 

First off, I wanted to say its been nice talking to you recently, and I'm glad that we're both mature enough to be polite to each other once again. However, I don't think I'll be able to continue talking to you in any capacity for a while. To begin with I thought I would be okay with general conversations, however, there is a part of me that still has to deal with the fact that our lives have gone in different directions now.

 

There are many questions I would like to ask you about your new life, but I dont really think dredging up the past is beneficial to either of us anymore. For some final words on the previous subject of 'us' let me just say these few things. I'm truly sorry if I ever hurt you. Our situation was difficult by any standards, and perhaps in my misguided mind, that meant I was allowed more lee-way than the average partner. However, what it really meant was the exact opposite, which is I needed to be extra attentive and caring for our relationship. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't now, and all thats left for me is regret.

 

At the same time, I would like to say that being with you was a wonderful experience. And while we had our difficulties, loving you and lying next to you was one of those unusual feelings of finding home. Life does move on though, and our time together is an experience that wont soon be forgotten.

 

I hope things are well with your new partner. Admittedly, I still have difficulty accepting that you found love so quickly after we parted company - but thats the petty and jealous side of me. The truth is, being in love is worth any risk, and since you've found it, another part of me feels good knowing you're happy wherever you are these days.

 

I hope one day in the future I'll be able to speak to you without the hurt inside me now. I will be in your town in the near future, but I'm uncertain if I'll contact you when I'm there. Its strange, we went through so much together, and we've only been apart six months, but we actually havent physically seen each other in over a year now.

 

But for now I need to come to terms with the part of me that still hurts, and take the time I need in order to let it come out of my system.

 

Till the next time we speak, know that you will always have a friend in me, and should you ever need to get in contact with me, I wont be further than a telephone call away.

 

All my love

 

S