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Please some advice guys!

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Hi, im from the uk and i met a guy 3 years ago while on holiday in NZ, i had just come out of a bad break-up and he was great company for a few weeks, we became great mates but he always wanted moore than that from me, so much so that he packed everything up in NZ and came back to the UK. It didnt work out for me as i didnt love him and he was gutted but said we could still be mates and he returned to NZ. Over tha past 3 years we've been great mates and he's always been there for me when I needed him even if it was the other side of the world. We decided to do a road trip through Oz together last December as I hada year off to go travelling and while we were in Oz i fell head over heels for him, id heard of friends doing this and it did actually happen. At first it was great and we were in love etc. but he had to return to NZ to work as he's setting up his own company, i joined him a few weeks later and it all went wrong cos he was out working all day and then again at night on his business and then he had to fit his mates in and soccer practice etc. and i felt very lonely and rejected cos hed always made me feel special and tried to get me to live with him in NZ. Anyways i returned to the UK but missed him so much he said he felt the same and we agreed to try again and i came back to NZ in august we spent two weeks snowboarding together in Qtown and it was great just me and him, no work distractions etc. we got on briliantly and i was persuaded to move here with him, we talked about buying a house and everything but since we've returned from holiday it has all gone wrong again, we are living with his mates who are not that friendly to me although i have continued to make the effort with them, my bf is at work all day then comes home and is on the phone for his business or his mates and im just feeling very very lonely. When we go out with his mate3s i feel left out and end up getting really really drunk then behaving badly cos i want his attention and he doesnt want to leave his mates out. I suppose i love him but i see me making a huge sacrifice to be wih him and i see it as he's not changing anything in his life - hes got his mates, his work, his business etc. and im struggling to fit into it all and selfishly am putting a strain on him by wanting his time cos ive been alone all day or havent spoken to anyone! Ive kinda decided to go home now because im miserable and ive stopped making the effort to fit in because I feel he is taking me for granted. All i want is when he is with me to show me affection act like he wants me here but hes not that kinda guy really, when i pick him up from work hes tired from his day and i then feel my heart sink cos ive been on my own all day i want a big hug anfd feel like hes pleased to see me - is that weird or jealous of me or something? Please help! I dont want to make his life hard and he says he loves me very much and wants me to find a circle of friends of my own.

frustrated pomme

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It sounds like maybe this guy does love you. He said something interesting......"he loves me very much and wants me to find a circle of friends of my own." I know it may be hard since you are out of youre surroundings, but you need to try. Try to make positive friendships. Dont allow youre world to revolve around him. Also, I would like for you to communicate with him. Even though, he has a full plate, you are feeling left out. Thats not good. He needs to spend time with you. If he cant afford to do that, then he shouldnt be in a relationship. He needs to invest in time management skills. Maybe instead of looking at tv, he can spend time with you. Maybe he can cut back a little on hanging with his friends(dont expect him to drop them though). With some tweaks here and there its possible to salvage youre relationships. Again, there are two things to reiterate. First, find some friends/hobbies. MAybe you can joine a gym. Do some volunteer work. Go out and meet "positive" people. Second, communicate. If you dont know how, I suggest you learn. Communication skills should be high on youre list of relationships skills. If you two cant communicate youre needs effectively, then you either need to work on those skills or break up.



If you really really want youre relationship to blossom, ponder not drinking("i feel left out and end up getting really really drunk then behaving badly"). Get youre feelings out in a more positive manner or risk losing out on something special.


Good luck and Best wishes

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