Is it possible to get back together after becomming friends.

[Archivist]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for reading this post, i'll try to keep the details short, i'd like to hear peoples opinons or advice. My ex broke up with me two weeks ago after 17months. She broke up with me because we are still young and have so much more to experience in life yet without having to be tied down by a relationship (i'm 20 and shes 18 ).

 

We broke up wanting to remain as friends but i said i'd need time before that can happen. I decided to cut off all contact with her for the past two weeks but she messaged me on MSN recently. She asked me to go out with her as a friend with other friends. I basically told her that we both want different things (i want to get back, she wants to stay single) and until i can sort out my own feelings i could not see her.

 

We ended up talking about the break up and how painful it was for me since she wanted time and i waited for her for 3 weeks only to be dumped by her. She caused me so much pain and she realised that and she told me how she was really truly sorry, but she can't help the way she felt. She even sent me a text message when we went offline saying she hopes i understand how she felt about the break up, shes sorry and that she would always be there for me.

 

I think i'm beginning getting over the pain shes caused me, but i still miss her very much, i love her. That heart to heart over MSN has made me realise that i do still want to remain friends with her when i'm ready. My question is by remaing friends and seeing each other will that ruin all chances of us ever getting back together?

 

I'm not waiting for her, but i still believe that it we were truly meant to be we will be back together, even if it takes years. (she said in the past that she wished she had met me when she was in her 20's and she also said on MSN that she still wishes that. The problem is i don't know if she believes that, or if even i should believe in that.

 

At this moment i am not sure if i should continue with the no contact idea and move on. Or if i should try and become friends as i miss her so much.

[reinvented21]

Hello,

 

I suggest you continue the no contact thing. She broke up with you. That is very important to keep in mind. She may just want to remain friends with you to alleviate her own guilt. You two were in a relationship for a while, chance are she may feel a little(or alot) bad. Some may disagree with me, but I think that remaining friends with youre ex is a bad idea. Lets put it this way, if you guys remain friends you "probably" will have stronger feelings for her than she does for you. Problems may occur that may put a strain on youre friendship, thus ending any chances for true reconciliation. The reasons for "no contact" are crystal clear.I will list them below.

Reasons for no contact there are probably more)

1. This will give you the chance to heal, without the constant reminder of youre ex, going out and probably having fun.

 

2. This will not let youre ex alleviate her guilt. If you want her back somewhere in the future, she has to feel some sort of regret @ the loss.

 

3. This will create mystery. You want her to wonder what you are doing. You want her to wonder where you are. You want her to wonder who you are with.

 

4. She broke up with you. Why be somewhere you arent wanted? Enough said.

 

5. This will give you a chance to reflect outside of the relationship. What areas do you need to improve on. For instance, were you lacking good communications skills? Were you enough of a challenge for her? Were you confident enough? Examine these things closely so when you get into youre next relationship and meet someone better(believe it or not), you wont have those problems.

 

6. You believe you were truly meant to be. Let her go. If it was meant to be, it will be. Dont wait for her while she goes out and enjoys/expieriences what life has to offer. Embark on a self improvement program. Work out. Hang out with friends you may have neglected. Do something new. Again, if it was meant to be, it will be. If you love something let it go, if it was meant to be, she will come back.

 

7. A few things can happen with the no contact rule. One scenerio is that she misses you and wants you back. Another scenerio is that you move on find someone new and she never calls. BUT, who cares, you moved on anyway, right? And another scenerio is that you move on, meet someone new, and youre ex calls. Then you have another predicament on youre hands.

 

Listen I know you miss her, and it may be hard. Think of this as preventitive medicine. Remember once burned twice shy. Keep in mind that, even though this may be hard to hear, you have a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow into a stronger person from this expierience. When one door closes another one opens. Who knows what the future has to bring. Good luck and best wishes.