please help,i cant stop crying

[buffalosoldier]

I hope ive posted this in the right place,if not apologies.

Im at my wits end here.ive been crying all morning and most of last night.i just dont know what to do.i wish i had all the answers.

im thinking of breaking it off with my boyfriend of one year.

but im so scared.ive come to this forum on numerous occasions requesting advice,usually to do with my boyfriend.people have advised me and advised me,but i still dont feel like its really changed how i feel in my mind.im just so insecure all the time,not knowing from one day to the next if things are going to be ok between the two of us,and worryed every day hoping i dont put a foot wrong so as to be 'the same as the rest of them' in my boyfriends mind. i feel trapped in a way,i know he cares for me,and i love him to bits but i mean how much longer can i go on feeling as though im not getting back what im giving.i wish you could all know the situation aswell as i do coz then it would be easier.

and id love for all of you to tell me that i should stay with him and everything will be fine,but thats not the case.i dont think it is going to be fine.sometimes i can have the best time with him ever,and he is everything ive ever wanted rolled into one,but other times im just scared and worried to death about our relationship.-im worried he's gonna cheat or has cheated,im worried that im gonna end up doing something il regret and so many other things.to be honest i dont like the person i become when i am together with my boyfriend.like if things go wrong im in a foul mood with everybody,not just him and if things are good then im happy.sometimes at least. how much longer can i carry on like this?i feel as if he has so much power over me and over my feelings and i dont like it anymore.i am crying as i write this and ive got no idea why.

please help me im so scared but at the same time i feel like a prisoner of his love.-my mood cant keep on changing like the wind just coz of my boyfriend,thats not fair on anybody and i feel so bad at how i treat people sometimes.please help me i dont know what to do.

[viettwinkle503]

yes, we are all prisoners of love. weird that i can relate to so many problems like this. you're afraid that he's cheating on you? or something that you regret? gurl if u love this guy you have to trust him. and i say if u can't trust him...gotta do wat you have to and leave him. basically if you can't have a trustful relationship it's best not to have one at all. please don't cry too much...just let it all out and feel better. treat ur friends and family with the love they deserve, don't ever let pain consume who you really are.

[dino-prime]

dry your eyes buffalo dear, its ok.

i think it would be best for you both if u did separate as u both aren't giving your all.

 

u need some time and space to become you again and to find out what u really want.

 

i lived the last 18 mnths of my relationship in a 1 way love thing then suddenly my ex splits telling me shes all confused and dosen't love me. had she told me sooner and not cheated on me 3 times it would have saved a hell of a lot of heart ache. we were together 3yrs 4mnths.

 

sorry its not the best news post but in the long run delaying it will make things worse.

 

take care and pm if u wanna chat about stuff

 

dean

[buffalosoldier]

i just feel like i cant go on any more.why do bad things have to happen in the world

i feel so down i dont know what to do with myself im scared of what else is out there i love my boyfriend so much it hurts and im just lost i wish things weren't like this but im trapped no matter which way i turn.i dont wanna be alone i cant stand it

[phil1981UK]

Hi,

 

A quick bit about me so you know im qualified to talk about it ;-) I was with my girlfriend for 8 years, the last couple of years were pretty strange and we proberbly should have ended it then, but I think we were both absolutly scared witless at the thought of being alone, we were like each others lifeline. Anyway, we split, and 6 months later we are both fine, we are not alone, we have friends and family and have met new people.

 

So my advice is this, get the hell outta there, it aint gonna work and you obviously know it. I have been there and its the toughest thing you'll ever do, but afterwards you'll realise you are not alone, you will meet new people who you will get on better with, they are out there and waiting for you, I promise.

 

Have the strength, close your eyes and feel the power in yourself to do it, keep telling yourself you are strong.

 

In the future when you look back you'll wonder what you were ever worried about.

 

Go for it.

[dino-prime]

U are never alone in the world, just by posting here proves that ppl care about U and the countless others that use this service. God bless em.

 

as some one said "time heals all wounds" and "hope is the saviour of all ppl"

 

put your faith in yourself and u will be fine it is a long and difficult journey ahead but a journey of a 1000 miles starts with the first step.

 

keep postin hon, we are here for u.

 

dean

[buffalosoldier]

Thankyou so much for your responses guys,they've really helped.

and yes SwingFox you were right about what how you described my relationship.

i am always wondering what my boyfriend is doing when im not around him,sometimes it is worse than at other times,but he is the same way,i just know that he keeps it to himself a bit more than i do,but sometimes it will all come out and he starts the whole over protective thing.

i would love to stay in my relationship coz i love him with all my heart and the thought of being without him scares the sh*t out of me.(excuse my language.)

its worrying reading those parts about communication honesty and respect.i mean my boyfriend respects me and i respect him,but the other two are just not really there.the only time we communicate about problems is when we're in the middle of an argument usually,other than that i think we're both too worried to talk about the ups and downs incase we end up fighting or one of us hears something that we dont want to.

some people have advised me not to be too needy emotionally or this will drive him away and i have to stop asking for reassurance,but i dont do it all the time,i just feel like he never tells me why he cares about me,or even that he does.-its like he assumes i must know coz he is with me.but i know just aswell as everyone that that doesnt necessairly mean a thing.

we've had issues over me being possesive and needing his attention all the time in the past and have worked through it and im actually really proud of the way that i tend to handle things better now.-but now because of this i feel bad for wanting to know how he feels about me,which only really comes out when he's drunk.

god this is complicated.thanks again to everyone that replied and for reading my posts i feel loads better for being able to talk about this.thankyou so much

if anyone else wants to comment please feel free im open to all opinions and suggestions.*sighs* thanks again.

[pani]

High buffalo, strange you talk about this this as im going through the same problem with my girlfriend of 3 years. This girl really means the world to me, but for the last six months life has been really tough on us. We have argured countless times, not serious things but all the same very strenuous on us both. To cut long story short she never trusted me even though I can honestly say i am the most trustworthy person i know. Four weeks ago she told me while i was on holiday that she didnt want to be with me anymore and needed to find herself. i did expect this to be honest so i wasnt surprised but i was still devestated. Respecting her wishes i let her go and enjoyed the rest of my holiday. I got back about a week ago and already received 3 calls from her. Not being strong enough i saw her last night and everything went really well even though she still kept saying to me she didnt want to give me hundred percent. After getting really into her thoughts she confesed that she was very insecure with me, and never trusted me. She was scared to be with me incase i hurt her in the future. I tried telling her that i loved her so much and she loves me too but cant be with me because she dosnt trust me. All im saying to you is if you think its you thats not trusting your man and deep inside you know he loves you, try to sort it out for your self before splitting with him. If you split it will cause massive strain on you both and take it from me as you probably know you will not leave it alone if you do split. After my girlfriend leaving me i dont think i could ever trust her again. Im not trying to tell you what to do, all im saying is think carefully because if hes anything special and you love him dont lose him! After all if its your own insecuritys youll be the same with anyone else. I wished to god my girlfriend would see me for who i was and that she understood that it was so hard for me too her not trusting me. Your man probably feels the same. Sorry about the long post but thanks for reading. x

[buffalosoldier]

Thanks for your post Pani

its just such a hard situation to be in,on one side i have people saying that i should try and work it our and on the other side people are saying i should let him go,and because i have the exact same thing going on in my head its very hard to make a straight decision.im seeing him soon and theres no doubt in my mind that things will probably be great and il wonder why i was so upset but then there will be another day when it will just go back to being like this,its like being in one massive circle.

i wish i knew what he was thinking and i know you'll probably tell me to ask him,but its never easy to get his thoughts out of him and even if i did theres no telling that its the truth.

i know i can be happy with him at times,thats why im still with him,if our relationship was permanently on the rocks then i think i would have had to find the strength to let him go,but sometimes he is just the best person in the world.-do i sacrifice that?

shall i have a serious talk with him and just ask him to reassure me just this once and ask him to be honest with me?i dont want to know this sort of thing all the time,but if he could just reassure me and be honest with me,i would trust everything he said and would not bring it up again.

it would be so much easier if he just told me what he was thinking,he can trust me and can tell me anything and ive told him that so why does he hold back?or is it just that he really has nothing to hold back?what do you think?guys do you find it hard to say whats on your mind?and if you had a problem with your girlfriend would you bring it up or just leave it?be honest please thankyou so much

[pani]

Ok that was one of my main issues hon whne she spoke to me. She always said i never opened up to her about my problems or life. I always though i did and never new what she wanted from me. Its really hard because if you go on at your man all the time subconsiously he really loves you but wil feel that your always be there whatever. BUT if you leave him garanteed hell be devestated. Mark my words if you think he may not feel for you as yopu feel for him youll see his reaction when you tell him you dont want to be with him. If he dosent then let him go. I knwo that i felt in a previous relationship that my girl was so dependant on me i started lying, not to decieve her but to 'keep the cool'. When she left me because i 'didnt respect her i was devested and nearly passed away' Seriously im nearly 26 and have been hurt twice now seriously, and the scarey thing is they loved me to death but said i never opened up or respected them when really they were my world. I feel for you because my recent split has screwed me up good and proper because i know she loves but cant trust me. Id really like to know what you do and what happens because i know what my girl has done to me. Not in a bad way but hell probably be the same.

[buffalosoldier]

Who needs counselling eh? you guys are truly great *hugs and kisses to everyone*. im glad that so many can relate to my situation,i hope that there are more too,i really feel loads better discussing this.

so shall i try and talk to him and ask him what his thoughts are?should i be the first one to take the step?i know theres no harm in being the first to reach out is there.i suppose ive gotta be brave,but thats never been a strong point of mine.

but going back to my earlier post,a question for the guys you felt there were problems in your relationships would you speak up or would you keep quiet to avoid confrontation and just keep it bottled up?

it seems that when we have had arguments in the past *thinks back*

alot of issues have come out that i think surprised both of us,but this has not happened recently,so do you think my boyfriend really is hiding a problem that he has or is this me being insecure?

if its to work between us,i need to work on my insecurity and i think he needs to work on saying how he feels and what he thinks as much as possible.guys do you find it easy to tell your girlfriend your thoughts?

thanks for any more replies xxx

[Princess777]

buffalosoldier,

I agree with Pani and Swingfox. Don't throw away what you've got until you are absolutely sure that you are ready. I am a firm believer in once it's over, it's over. I struggle every time my husband and I argue, but our arguments are always over stupid things. I think a good question to always ask yourself is, "If he were to get into an accident and die tomorrow, would any of this matter?". It always jolts me back into reality. The reality, the facts, that I KNOW in my heart that he truly shows me the love the only way he knows HOW. Learning how to love someone is something we are all learning constantly. SwingFox is right with all his suggestions. Implement those things into your relationship. Don't give up yet, I don't know why for the life of me, but I have this very strong feeling that you two can be very happy together if you could find a way to chill out, relax, and enjoy him for WHO he is, not what he doesn't say. Remember, if you can show him that you are comfortable with yourself, it's attractive to him. I am a very needy person too, but I have to suppress that sometimes or I will appear undesirable to my husband, and I don't want him to feel suffocated. It's SO HARD, I know. But just treasure the time you have together and before you know it he'll want to spend more time with you and he'll start opening up. Think about the facts, not your fears, hon. I wish you so much luck!!!

Princess777

[buffalosoldier]

I know where you are coming from SwingFox and Princess.i guess i should not just jump in and attck him but rather go about finding the info i need in small amounts and be more subtle about it if you know what i mean.i am the same i absolutely love to voice my thoughts,but should i tone it down a bit if my boyfriend isnt too keen on voicing his?

it must be hard for some people i guess.

and princess,when me and my boyfriend used to argue in the past it was always over silly things,so i think i might use your analogy!

i am happy that you have that feeling for me and thankyou for everyone being positive its really giving me hope,i know we could sort it out as long as we both want to.

Thankyou soooooo much for all your wise words everybody =D>

[pani]

Hi glad ur seeing light now, but let me ask have you bugged him recently with loads of questions all the time? If not and it has not been a problem i dont see why he would dislike you talking him and explaing to him how you feel. All i know is that if my girlfriend spoke to me and told me what really bothered her we would be together. I know how you feel not ever being relaxed Im very similar too, (yes men can be needy too!) and it hurts so much sometimes. Talking to one and other helps so much in a relationship, because when you hold something in it always arises in arguments and thats not the best time to tell your partener what bothers you as you should know from experience.

[buffalosoldier]

Ok im being really honest here Pani,to me i havent been asking him all that many questions at all,in fact ive been priding myself recently on how good ive been in that area.-but unfortunately when alcohol gets involved thats another matter i know i probably come out with alot of that stuff when ive had a bit to drink,you know the 'a drunk persons words are a sober persons thoughts' or something like that.

i used to bug him all the time,and infact i sometimes cringe when i remember the things that used to stress me out! but maybe from his point of view i am asking to many questions do you think? i dunno.i dont moan if he goes out with friends or anything like that but to be honest i do throw in the odd comment about other girls that he mentions,which i know i shouldnt.he just seems to get really squirmy when i get serious with him,and just kisses me or something like that.is this a good sign?

[pani]

Hm to tell truth i didnt mind my girl asking me anything i loved comforting her and putting her mind at rest. I used to get so hurt and angry at her when she phoned me after a night out and had a go at me suspecting me of being elsewhere and with girls etc. It was such a struggle to prove to her and such a drain on our relationship. You have to ask him questions which bother you its not a bad thing. If he never wants to listen to you then thats bad. Dont try catch him out because most of the time youll think you have but you have not. If you keep it bottled up inside you i garantee that one day even though you cannot see it now, you will detest him and youll want out of the relationship which will be more time lost and more pain. Im talking of experience with women they all do it in the end if there not happy. I say chat to him let him know whats bothering you but be specific dont just say i dont trust you. Let him know that you love him and that you dont suspect him. At the same time you do things go out and stuff. Dont always be waiting around for him to acknowledge you. Ill tell you what if you stop going on to him all the time about what hes doing hell stop and think, "hold on she hasnt bugged me in a while, i do what i want with no hassles" and trust me it will bother him to the point where youll see him paying much more attention to you and acknowledging you much more.

[buffalosoldier]

Thats really true actually,i did try that once.-like sort of being more relaxed and not acting so bothered if he said he couldnt see me or something,and your right all of a sudden he wanted to spend more time with me and stuff like that which was good.i think it has to sort of be in moderation though coz i dont want him to think that i no longer care about him.but then i suppose the male mind is different isnt it?

your right if i accuse him straight away then of course things arent gonna get better,he's not gonna exactly be thrilled is he.

*sighs* i mean on a different post someone had said to me that i shouldnt ask for perfection coz it might scare me and harm the relationship,and i can see some truth in that,but i dont want perfection i just want us to communicate better,but who knows i might be making this whole fuss over nothing,but it is concerning when he just brushes me off.-not in a nasty way,just kisses me or jokes around.is this me being insecure?is it really that bad to want to be told nice things? sorry for all my posts but its really good to vent and i feel so much better thanks again for all your help xx :scramble:

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Wow.... I agree with Swingfox and Pani big time.. It's scary to say but I am exactly like your boyfriend. My g/f broke up with me 6 weeks ago, alot due to the fact that the last 8 months we've been fighting about the stupidest things, What I mean about stupid things is like, She put the remote on the wrong table or We didn't agree on where to have lunch,McDonalds or Burger King you know stupid things.. The thing was is that she loved me soo much when we were going out, like soo much should would always talk about getting married and having children etc...But I was the quiet one.that kept all my feelings to myself and not to mention I'm a Taurus so I'm know to be Stubborn. I guess I never showed her the love that she deserved, I mean I did love her and still do but I did not express it well enough. One thing that we should have done was more of Building Blocks stuff..I mean I never told her what was on my mind, kept all or at least most feelings to myself and I shouldn't have. she was the mature one that wanted to build a life together and she was younger than me.she's 23 i'm 27... we went out for almost 3 years...I'm way too self-conscious and always cared about what other people thought. My friends still thought of me as the guy 3 years ago, Mr Popular,Life of the party,the drinker and the guy that flirts alot. I was trying to still be like that to not disappoint my buddies, afraid to grow up.

 

Anyways enough of me blabbing I really think you should have a heart to heart talk with him, a serious one without letting him walk away and tell him about the building blocks of a relationship and all because if you love him this much at least give it that 1 more push.

I regret how I treated my g/f, I wasn't an real asshole or anything but I should have communicated more and compromised more. Because now it's beeen 6 weeks since we broke up and it is tearing me apart. I love her soo much and want to be with her again but she says she is scared to try again and get hurt. It makes it even more difficult when she started dating this guy a couple of weeks after..

So good luck and I hope everything works out..

Take care..

Anyone can PM me if they want....

[Shyguy24]

Hi I can understand your situation , I am a very emotional person or extremely indifferent (I am a cusp between a Aquarian and a Piscean ) well I have known this friend of mine for 20 odd years and he rarely shows his emotions , I mean he will do things that shows he cares but it’s a different way from me . I would go there and tell him how much I treasure our friendship and how we have spent so many gr8 times together. I guess what I am saying is that some people are just different when it comes to showing emotions.

Maybe you should read about Your bf s sunsign it could give u some help into his traits which he is basically born with .

Good luck and take care

[buffalosoldier]

thankyou for your insight shy guy,its appreciated.i saw my boyfriend last night and asked him if he was happy and he basically laughed it off again and said 'why wouldnt i be'. why is it so hard for him to be serious?is he scared of being serious?i dont wanna be serious with him at all times i just need to be serious at the moment coz i think im starting to fall out of love with him. the thing is,i KNOW we could be happy and he must know that too.its like he's being stubborn for the fun of it.i was crying last night,he noticed but i said i didnt feel well coz his friend was there.

i told him in a msg that i need to talk to him soon about a few things,and no response as of yet.its doing my head in,i really want to salvage this relationship but im not happy and it wouldnt take much for me to be happy.do i sound selfish?should i be the one making the moves?i think he may be getting bored,but the truth is,i am too.its exausting thinking about this constantly and im running out of ideas on how to make things better.

i know that he would have no choice but to know how i felt if i wrote him an email or a letter,but i dont always want to communicate through writing,why cant we just say things to each others faces?

tell me if this is all in my head.is this really how all guys are?is it really that hard to just SAY WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE COMPLICATED MIND OF YOURS??? sorry,i wasnt meaning to offend any1 there.any more replies welcome xxx

[Shyguy24]

Ever heard of the saying “ if it aint broke don’t fix it”

Facts of life … WE CANT DEPEND ON OTHERS all the time no matter how much they love or care for us NOT IN THE REAL WORLD . I mean who could love you more than ure mom right , but she also will get sick of you if you don’t give her space .

 

Okay as for the salvage the relationship thingy … Go get him ..slap him accross the face if you have to but tell him in no less words .. hon I love you and I care for you so can we just talk about a few things ..look at him and tell him ur serious about it .. if he like shrugs you off or just laughs ..(I can tell you as a guy he couldn’t careless ) Throw him out of your life .. but tell him ur very serious about having this talk ..take a walk with him in the park or smthing I mean where ever you feel totally relaxed

 

DON’T mail him ..talk to him face to face if you cant do that ..then whats the point of this relationship ..you

must be able to communicate in real time .

I could also suggest that take a break or something ..like join the gym or a charity ..that will take your mind of him atleast for a few hours in a day . WHEN we focus to much on something in life it changes our perception .

 

ASK YOUR SELF Okay what is this relationship for , how did I get into it , does it have the basic ingredients trust honesty and communication ..if yes then which part is lacking .

Remember a relationship is for understanding love and emotional support but sometimes if its wrong it can become a HIGH for the other person who know he/she can control you ..if this is the case GET OUT FAST !

If u feel anxious or stressed all the time then this is not good for you period .. u could be crying today but suffer from a psychological problem tomorrow

Remember if anything dosent seem right go and look at the basics and then follow your instincts

Good luck & be careful sweety (ur not being selfish just caring)

 

PM if u need to talk or anything !

[buffalosoldier]

i feel sick to my stomach.i cant eat anything right now and i know im starving.why am i feeling so much pain.im sat here crying my eyes out and nobody has even noticed..not that i really want them to i guess.i just know in my gut somethings really wrong,he hasnt even messaged me back yet.usually he would have written back straight away to ask what i wanted to talk about,but nothing.he must be cheating on me,ive got this sickly gut feeling he is.he just doesnt seem to care any more,what am i supposed to do?when/if i talk to him at the weekend i know im just gonna start crying my eyes out and i dont want to but i know i will.why cant he just talk to me?he must have something to hide,right?if he didnt he would have given me an honest answer last night when i asked if he was happy,which would have been no,thats unless he WAS telling the truth and this is all some big illusion in my mind.but i just know somethings up and i cant go against my gut anymore.my dream would be that when i talk to him he will say everythings fine and have a reason for his actions but i know whats coming deep inside i guess.i think he has something major to hide,otherwise why would he be so quick to brush off the thought of a serious conversation,it must worry him.ive smoked about 5 cigarettes in the last half an hour im not in a good way at the moment.its lovely to have people to talk to about this,though i wish it wasnt happening.please help me,i feel like im dying with pain

[Shyguy24]

Whoa easy easy tiger … on the cigarettes and the thoughts , maybe he has got stuck somewhere , something came up .. I mean does he have a job ?

The worst thing you can do is over-react because that’s going to cloud your judgement ,

STOP THINKING SO MUCH !!!! RIGHT NOW

CALL HIM RIGHT NOW , I MEAN NOW !! DO IT NOO DON’T THINK ABOUT IT JUST DO IT

IF SOMETHING BOTHERS YOU SO MUCH GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT RIGHT NOW!!

 

sorry I don’t want to be rude but I feel ur pain and I guess in a silly way I do care (hugs)

 

“if life was perfect I would never cry, you would always be nearby, things would stay the same and nothing would ever change” (just a thought)

[buffalosoldier]

feeling a tad better now,still feeling sick and a bit shaky though.i feel bad coz im really irraitable with everyone,see this is what it does to me.i phoned him and he's going to reply to message soon,he sounded happy.shame i dont.im sorry this probably sounds like im making such a huge fuss over nothing,but you know how it is when you know somethings up.-you know the enivitable but you dont wanna believe it.even if things are all rosy between me and him again,i still think im gonna have this confusion inside.maybe the problem really does lie in me..i dont know.i was thinking about going to counsellling.I JUST WISH I KNEW THE ULTIMATE TRUTH.you know,not just his truth or my truth or anyone elses just the actual truth of this whole situation.sorry i sound really messed up i know..im not like this usully,just for some reason today all my emtions hit me at once.i hate waiting games.i wish i had some bloody guts!!

[pani]

Hi its Pani again, listen i feel your pain even though mine is different. My girl says she loves me so much it tears her apart to be with me because of jelousy. I feel so much pain that i cant be with her because i love her sooo much. I even know shes trying to get her mind off me by trying to see other guys and its tearing me apart.

 

I want you to know because others are going through pain too. The reason i think your man is not responding is because as shyguy said hes controlling you and he knows it. He knows whenever he decides to call youll be there eager to listen to his excuses. Now earlier I told you to talk to him and you have tried. Listen as I have found out in last few days you have to take the pain and call it a day babe! I know you dont want to hear this but its true sinse i got back from holiday a few days ago i met up with my ex, we had great night but i was still extremely hurt how she didnt want me 100%. Ive made decision not to be her muck around because i value myself very much. You are being this guys muck around. I know you will end this in the near future trust me it will become too much and as you say your falling out of love with him already and you know it! Contact him and tell him lightly without crying or arguing that you have been thinking and dont know if you want ot be with him anymore and that you need time. These words to any man who loves you will be like fireing nails into his eyes! Trust me. If he takes it cool relax hell be back to you quick. If in the rare chance he dosnt then you know. Make him sufere a bit though trust me i know from experience. I would marry my girl now if we could sort it!