New Here Hoping For Some Advice

[BellaSophia]

Hi everyone, my name is Norma and I'm 20 years old. My story might be rather long, but please bear with me...

 

I was with my boyfriend for roughly one and 5 months when we got into our very last argument as an official couple. For about 2 months or so, we had been arguing about petty things, and my attitude was becoming worse and worse. And he is such an amazing person, so beautiful and caring...So after I got mad at him again, he said we needed to be apart. I was in so much pain. I think I asked him not to end it about a million times before he just said, "let's see each other and talk about it tomorrow." We did, and he basically told me we were just arguing way too much and he didn't want us to end up hating each other. At first he wanted time to think to himself, but I was so scared of giving that to him for fear that he'd never want to see me again. We cried together, then after about 2 weeks of "space", i told him it would just be best to break up officially. It was so painful to do it, and that night I saw him and we just held hands in silence. I remember starting to cry, and he kissed me out of nowhere. We ended up sleeping together and it felt so strange, but very familiar too...

 

but we didn't speak for a few days after that. He called me 3 days later to say hi, then 3 more days later to tell me that he thought about me a lot. He said he had missed me, but didn't want to go back to what we had because it was hurting us a lot(the arguing, he meant). We agreed to seeing each other the next day, and we decided to start dating...slowly

 

3 weeks passed, and deep down inside, it hurt so much not to have him the way I did. I know it hurt him, too. One night we saw each other and he told me it didn't feel right, because we couldn't just "date" after being in something so serious. We cried together again, kind of agreeing with one another, yet for some reason we ended up being intimate that night. After that we continued to talk and see each other sporadically. We'd sleep together and it was wonderful, but talking to him on the phone was hard sometimes, because I still missed him terribly.

 

After about 3 weeks of that, I asked him if we were back together, and he said no. He brought up the fact that he knew it was hard for us to keep having sex if we weren't together, and while it felt good, it made him feel bad afterwards. Ditto, I said.

 

But we couldn't get away from each other. 2 weeks after THAT, after i had a really bad night(car broke down, i was upset because he didn't answer his phone then later found out he had no reception), he took me out the next day...we had sex again! jesus christ you must think we're maniacs....anywho..so last night he tells me we shouldn't talk as much as we do anymore because it was still really bad and pretending like nothing happened just made things worse ultimately. I understood what he meant.

 

I'm sure if we would have not had contact for a period of time, we would be just fine right now, but for some reason we still can't let go of each other. I figure that now he just doesn't want us back together because there's always a chance of us going back to what we were..And we love each other so much, man. I've heard of people breaking up for reasons like this, especially when young and after a good amount of time apart, they get back together.

 

What are my chances? I have to stop calling him as much and I'm willing to let it go for now, but deep down inside my heart tells me this is the person for me. We still have so much love for each other, and yet we both know breaking up was the right thing to do, but how in the world would anything ever come back to me? Has anyone had anything similar happen?

 

I'm so sorry for making this so long, but I had to provide as many details as possible. I'm just really, really hurt at the moment.

[Finzsoftie]

Hey there Norma,

How are you? You are lucky that you had found someone to share your special moments with to create memories. But dont you think they are just that? Memories?

 

Do you and your partner or you yourself spend heaps of time just thinking about what was and what could have been, but not wat it is right now?

 

I used to go out with this guy who was very special to me, I loved him to BITS! Anyway, when we'd break up we'd get back together for a night or so, but things didnt seem right, the sex was great everything was great but there was a barrier between us. One day i just had about enough of it, and I blew my horn, said we are either together or we are not.... well we weren't...... it was so hard to stop calling, stop messaging and stopping to see him altogether, when all i wanted was us to be together.... But time is the best medicine, and never forget that quote - if you love something let it be free, if it loves you it will come back, if it doesnt then it was never yours.

 

Eventually my ex came back, except I wasnt the same, i guess i didnt feel it, i am a strong believer that if two people love each other they stay together no matter what..... I dont know if you have seen that movie with Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts - The MExican, well there is a quote from that movie "When two people love each other so much, but just cant work it out, when do they stop trying?"

Ask yourself this question...................................

the answer is NEVER

 

If you want to chat PM me!

 

Smile!

[BellaSophia]

Sad thing is, I'm always the one who relies on the memories, he doesn't. Of course he remembers, but he always says that the past is past and we have the look at what we have right now.

 

You're right, when two people love each other, they never stop trying, that was always my motto and it still is. But what about those couples who look miserable with each other because of all the fighting and then they stay together because "they love each other"?

 

I'm so confused. But thank you so much for your advice and comfort. I was on another message board a while ago and everyone there was just bitter about the breakups, so they'd tell me there was no hope because they figured my boyfriend was just like the jerky ones they had dated and been dumped by. This man is nothing like that.

 

It's SO hard for me not to talk to him! lol..And I know I can do it if I really wanted to, but geez I'm just so accustomed to seeing how he's doing, I just wouldnt want him to think I don't love him. Why did you and your boyfriend break up? Do all breakups of my sort end up bad? I have one friend who had a boyfriend who broke up with her for the EXACT same reasons as mine did, and they saw each other for about 4 more months until she finally decided to stop talking to him for good, without even telling him! lol about 3 months passed and just recently, he came back to her saying their separation time was long enough and nothing was the same without her.

 

Time really does do something for a person, doesn't it? If I know this, why dont I just let it go? Sorry for ranting again, and thank you so much for your response.