My wife told me she was doen't know if she still loves me.

[confused man]

I am 24 years old I married a half year now. I have one daughter that isn't mine biologically but going though the adoption process, and a 2 month old boy. We fell for each other right away and moved in together just 4 months after meeting.

 

This morning I was going to go to the doctors for a vasectomy. When my wife ( that works nights) got home she was balling. I finally got it out of her that she didn't want me to go threw with it. Then she kept crying telling me that she was in her car in the parking lot of her work with a Male co-worker that she knew for 2 weeks now. she was telling him her problem (as she says) She talks about how he reminds her of me and how nice he is. And the people at work tell her how beautiful she is.

 

Well then she says she's not happy. She says there's something missing. She even admitted we don't fight, no abuse, no drinking, have a house, 2 cars, everything she ever wanted in life, but this one thing she says she needs.

 

I know we don't go out much with the kids and all, but she needs more.

 

Said the reason that she don't want me to get a vesectomy is becauase, "What if somthing happens and we are sepperated and you want to have more kids. then you would blame me" I think she is sereously thinking about leaving me?? PLease give me some advise. it is hurting her and me and I reall y need to know about this guy from work she talks to. Is she doing anything with her==im or what

PLease PLease help

[crookster_man]

Hmm sound like you've gotten yourself into quite a pickle. If she is telling you not to get a vasectomy, then DON'T. Clearly she isn't sure that she wants to be with you. So don't throw away your ability to have children on a whim. Next, Do NOT do through with the adoption yet. You do not want to be legally bound to this child if your relationship with her doesn't work out. You can still be close to the child, but do not be her legal guardian on a whim.

 

You both need to sit down and see what the problems are and possible solution. It sounds like you both need to goto counseling. This is a very sticky situation. Most whirl wind relationships end how they started – abruptly. Don't forget that.

 

You need to look out for yourself first. No one else will, so please do this. I'm very sorry about the situation you are in. It sounds very challenging. I hope it all works out in the end. I cannot tell you what her intentions are with the guy from work. Who knows? She does, but will she tell you? I don't know. She is giving you BIG red flags, big warning signs that something is wrong. Don't ignore them, don't expect it to get better unless you both, that's BOTH, actively work towards it.

 

Good luck, we will be here for you.

[optimistic person]

Your wife just wanted someone to talk to at that point in time but i believe that she talked to the wrong person (that person should be you or a professional) bothe of you make a committment to each other. The question is do you want the vasetomy and why is the question you need to ask your self we all can give you our opinonis online but you still have to make the decision your self ok. Love this woman and she should love you. talk to her yes she is crying but do you want to have this operation because of her or because of you. The guy at work you need to ask about that. Inorder for her to tell him something that is so private to both your realtionship the man have to be a good close friend. You don't just go tell coworkers about that your husband is getting a vasetomy and the fact that no more children you can get biologically is your decision but both of you are in the realtionship together.

[sweet]

I have been married for 15 years and have had several crushes and told my husband about the most serious one. I have never felt he really absorbed that it meant I was unhappy with him. I love my husband, I just can't seem to get through to that raw man-want-woman place in him. I think I have been testing him, to see if he would get jealous, or feel sad. I would be so sad if he told me he wanted someone else. So don't try to be high-minded. Don't keep your feellings to yourself. Cry in front of her. Tell her she is making you miserable. Let her know you feel hurt. Then she'll know your feelings for her are real. Too much "understanding" feels like indifference. Ask her what's wrong, what you can do together to make the relationship better. Tell her you don't want to ever feel what you are feeling again, so she should tell you what she needs, and you tell her what you need.

[seng]

Hi,

Based on experience, I would say her "talking" and relationship with this guy is much more than that. Her "I'm not sure I love you anymore" is a standard statement from people having affairs.

 

You mentioned a 4 month old. I'm guessing that after she had the baby she wasn't feeling very sexy and also going through a lot of emotional trauma (normal stuff), and this guy gave her some attention and it spiraled from there.

 

I would suggest confronting her with the relationship. Then she doesn't see the guy any more (regardless of how close they are - or she says they are) and then you get into counseling.

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt but beating around the bush only prolongs the pain and confusion. If you want to save your marriage, you have to take some drastic actions and tough love steps. Find out what she wants, figure out what you want and what both of you are willing to do and give. A couple of good books: "Relationship Rescue" by Philip McGraw and "Love is a Verb" by Bill O'Hanlen and Pat Hudson. You can make some changes but bottom line, it takes two to make a marriage.

 

Good Luck!!!!