Jump to content

I broke up w/ him - just like that - cuz of her...


deviousj420

Recommended Posts

WEve been dating 6 months - I knew they were friend when we got together n that she was an ex-fiancee n were together 5 years but that was 3 years ago still thier close friends. I was completely cool with it. Ive even met the girl b4

 

Last nyte he didnt call me, I called him at 630 - he was out to dinner n drinkx with her - I got upset n was like ttyl - he texted me askin what I was gonna be doin later... I told him I was gonna do what Im doin now all nyte so then he texted n asked if I wanted to do lunch the next day n I said 'nah' then he called, n I shouldnt have answered - but I told him I didnt wanna be with him anymore cuz I didnt like the feelings I had - I didnt like how he was shady n couldnt call me first to tell me he was out with her, I dont like how he says that she hangs all over him n plucks the eyebrows outa his head - I dont like that when he came to talk to me about it, he had her with him still. I dont like how he always talks about her - Even he says he feels like he talks about her to much - I didnt like the feelings I had yestereday so that was my first reaction - to run away from the situation - because I would never ask him to choose, because I kno what his answer would be... :sad:

 

after he left last nyte I texted him n told him I dont want him to go - so he said go to his house - I went there n slept but he didnt even acknowledge me... this mornin while he was in the bathroom I just walked out the door.

 

This is tearin me upside n I feel sick. I asked him this mornin, I said cant we just not break up, sorry for the way I overreacted n hes like I asked u a bunch of times... you said u were serious... Im not playin games... I dont wanna play games either... I was hurt n reacted ina bad way - this I now realize... & I realize I dont want him gone.

 

Advice... words of wisdom... tell me something!

Link to comment

Oh dear... this is terrible. But are you sure they are more than friends? 'Cos they can just be purely good friends hanging out. I know my current boyfriend's ex fiancee and she's now my good friend - we party together often just me and her so.

 

Perhaps before you ended it all you should have sat down and talked to him about how you feel about him and his ex fiancee hanging out so often. You went to his house and he didn't acknowledge you?? Why is this so? He's mad at you for being mad at him hanging out with his ex fiancee? Or what? Tell him how you feel, let him know..

 

It really shouldn't end 'cos of his ex fiancee, afterall, that's the past...

 

xoxo

Link to comment

of course you dont WANT him gone, because you love him and the reason it hurts so much when he is with his ex all the time is because you love him.

 

However, is that love enough? do you feel like you cant trust him? do you feel in competition for his affection, with her?

 

Do you think that you two have a future?

 

Can you get past this and move on or are you going to just get back together to re-hash the same rubbish arguments over and over?

 

I think you need to think about what you get from the relationship, whether its worth hanging on to. Sometimes we finish with people and we dont WANT to, we just know that in the long run its the best for us.

 

no magic light is going to come on in your head telling you what to do, and no feeling is ever 100% there, there is always confusion and mess, so you need to be alone and think about what you want.

 

Did he seem bothered when you finished him? or releived? did he seem angry that you were hurting or did he try to console you? is this relationship worth it?

Link to comment

Around two years ago I made the same sort of choice. My boyfriend and I lived together...and time and time again, I felt like I was battling his prior relationships. This isn't going to be a popular opinian perhaps...but if someone really loves you...they put you first, they care about how you feel...they make changes for you. It's okay to be friends with exes...platonic, distant friends. I am building a friendship with my ex husband...for my kids. The only reason we even talk is for our kids, but there is an invisable line there...I would never go out for drinks with him just to shoot the breeze. That's over. I love my fiance' and I would never do that to him. I think that is a good measure of what tells a person how you should act in a relationship....if turned around....would you want the other person you were with treating you the way you are treating them? (Old, but true addage) I think you were right to step away. I was told I was crazy, there was nothing going on...but I have talked to him since...and he (the ex bf) agrees that he was really treating me disrespectfully. (no kidding !) It took a very long time to re-build my self esteem after that relationship...but the stark difference is how I am treated in my new relationship. He listens, he cares, if something bothers me, he doesn't sit there and call me names, and he doesn't question my sanity...we talk it out....he tries to understand, and if need be, he makes changes. In my old relationshipm, I was told over and over, "If you don't like it, LEAVE THEN !" I did. And I am happier and better for it. It was hard at first...it was horrid! Breaking up is never easy....even if you know that the relationship you are leaving is not good for you. It hurts. But you need to follow your gut....it is usually right.

Link to comment

I started dating someone only 3 months out of a very long relationship which ended amicably. We decided to stay friends, and we had almost no issues. Eventually, I moved in with the new GF, and the old GF called me a couple of times at night (past 10pm). I never even answered the phone, and it only happened a few times. When my GF asked me who called, I told her. Didn't lie. Over the course of the 5 months that we were together, I saw my ex a total of 3 times. Twice to get mail, and once for a 45 minute dinner. That's it.

 

Still, that was too much for the new GF. She broke it off for this reason and never looked back. Some people can/will handle situations and some won't. There's no right or wrong here. You are allowed to set your own boundries and then hope that that works for the other person.

Link to comment

devious,

I don't think you over-reacted. If it were me, there is no way I would be ok with my boyfriend "hanging out" with another women like that - especially one that he has obviously been with. Doesn't he have any guy friends? I may not be the most supportive of past relationships becoming friends - I think its a bunch of crap. You break up - you move on. You should never feel like you are the other woman - he should make you feel like the only woman in the world that matters.

 

Just on a personal note - I have experienced the "we are just friends" thing and it turned out they hooked up - more than once. Sorry no dice for me.

Link to comment

I agree with hungover...an ex fiance' who is still calling...is obviously NOT over the relationship...and hasn't moved on. A sign of moving on is no contact..because there is nothing left to say. She obviously had a lot to still say. If they needed that much time together, I am glad that you gave it to them. Now you can move on and be happy.

Link to comment

I agree with fnlyfrei.... If someone cares about you and loves you, they're going to put YOU first, no matter what....it doesn't matter if there's an ex girlfriend or fiance in the picture. Now, if they have kids, I could understand why they'd be occasionally meeting and keeping in contact with each other. That's very understandable---But they obviously broke up for a reason. It seems odd to me that he's still hanging around with her. I'd be very uncomfortable with this.

 

Like hungover, I've also experienced the "we're just friends" and guess what? He hooked up with her also. My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend kept texting him and calling him and saying inappropriate things in the beginning of our relationship, because she was jealous and selfish, and didn't want him to move on. He told her to stop calling because it was disrespectful to me and our relationship, and he knew it bothered me----she hasn't called since. If my bf would have continued letting her call and didn't care about my feelings, I would have wanted out of the relationship fast.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...