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Getting urge to contact ex after 1 month of NC


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I have just recently started to get the urge to contact my ex. I have done everything I can to not remind me of her but just recently I started to think about her and its driving me crazy. I just don't know what to do. I want to contact her and ask her for another chance but I'm just afraid it would drive her away and think I'm psycho.

 

I was the one who messed up after we broke up, we probably could have at least been friends but I messed that up. I don't know. I just want to send her an e-mail asking for another chance. My heart is beating a hundred miles an hour. Am so confused right now.

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Just do it, if you want to. To be honest it won't help but what the hell, if you do drive her away, consider the sort of closure you get. No point in trying to get through a locked door, but it can't hurt to jiggle the handle a few times. Unless you're a complete mess and jerk, then there's no reason for her to treat you like slime. That she does is her problem, not yours, and something you'll learn to embrace.

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i know how you feel, that urge comes and goes and can be really strong. I was on about 7 weeks of no contact and had to really fight not to contact her. Of course it is best if you don't contact her but IF you do.. do not aask for another chance!! Yah ok you want another chance and thats cool, but simply do not ask or even mention it. If you contact her act like everything is going great in your life and do not put any pressure on her at all. If you're goal is to win her back you need to do so slowly. If you show any emotion or act out at all when contacting her, I gurantee it will push her away. Instead act upbeat and interested in her life but yet semi aloof. It will peak her interest in you much more then getting emotional, I can assure you that.

 

 

So basically try not to contact, but if you do... do not mention anything about the past relationship or even infer something about it.

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well, it depends why you're nervous.. if you think you could really handle a friendship (meaning hearing she's w/ someone else, etc.) then go for it, but if that would be horrible, devestating news, then wait. but i don't think the thought of you contacting her making you nervous is quite enough to know you're not ready.. that seems normal to me... how long have you been broken up/

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Been broken up over a month 1/2 now. I do want to be her friend and boyfriend but I probably couldn't handle seeing her with some one else, I think it would hurt too much.

 

I do want to another chance at our relationship but if I do ask her for another chance, I just think it will just drive her way and I don't want that. I really want to ask her for us to start over again, get to know each other again because I am actually getting professional help for some personal issues that I'm going through and probably wasn't healthy for the relationship.

 

Maybe I should give it more time? Wait another week or two and see if my nerves calm down or maybe by that time I'll have second thoughts. I don't know anymore. Getting professional help is helping but I keep telling the doc that I still get these feelings. She's giving me pretty much some of the same advice I have read on the forums. I just wish I could turn back time and make things right in the first place.

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well I was in NC with my EX for 3mths, she emailed me asking how I was etc and that made me feel angry!

 

But I'm glad she did mail me in the end because I found out she is going travelling for a year in OZ!

 

This has upset me BIG time, but I sent her an email saying after a year has passed and she has come back from her travels I would like to hook up as friends to hear all of her storys!

 

Contact your EX follow your heart only you know if you think it be alright if you emailed her but also perpare yourself for the worst to, EX's can give you sweet and bitter news which can be hard to take!

 

I'm back to where I was 4 and a half mths ago since finding out my EX is going travelling

 

maybe deep inside of me I had hopes and desire to get back with her or even meet up for a coffee but these dreams have been broken into thousands of pieces now knowing she wont be in the country for at least a year and so much can change in that time!

 

just follow your heart and think about it carefully!

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Well, I decided I am going to go ahead and send her an e-mail. I am going to just write to see how she's doing and see if shes wants to talk sometime or have lunch or something but I'm going to try not to mention anything about getting back together and see what happens. I am going to compose the e-mail today. I will let you guys know what happens.

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Absolutely - wait a week at least. It's one of the most important thing I've learnt in the wake of my breakup was to always give yourself a chunk of time before doing anything. Your perspectives are so mixed up at this vulnerable stage, they change every week and what you think is an innocent desire for a friendly meet one week turns out to really be hoping in disguise the next...so I applaud your decision to wait.

 

In the meantime, why not re-read some of the posts about NC? I really think you should consider carefully whether being in touch is actually going to bring her back in any case...

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Good for you, holding off on contacting her. Its like quitting smoking, if you can fight the initial urge for even a little bit, you'll feel better, and you will be proud of yourself. If you can, read this about NC..

 

 

 

Its a great post...

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smwhtshy - thanks for the link, that was a really good post.

 

I just want to say this...I DO want to contact my ex eventually but I just want get my thoughts and life back together again before contacting her. I want to prepare for rejection if she doesn't want me back in her life. I think I will take another week or two to see how I feel about her then if I still have these feelings then I probably will contact her but for now I'll just leave her be.

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I think we have to be really honest with ourselves about why we want to contact our ex's. Early on (I'm 2 months out) for the first few months, part of us still wants them back and will create any sort of excuse to contact them. My experience in previous relationships and breakups has been that any contact generally gets me the exact opposite of the result I was hoping for (a positive conversation and finding if they're doing ok or missing me and so forth). I've shared this here before on another thread, but what I do is I write out a dialogue instead of calling or e-mailing. I know exactly how my ex will respond (badly) to being contacted, so I can feel some of that pain in practice, and it helps me keep strong and makes me want to maintain NC because that's the best way for me to continue moving forward rather than backsliding into a place of pain and frustration. I'm a huge fan of NC and of simply moving forward. If we are that important to our ex's, they would most certainly have told us or more importantly their actions would have told us they're feelings. Stay the course mate!

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