Please...any advice....Should I give up hope?

[alexandra360]

Well I talked to him last night for half an hour. My situation is definitely...let's say...different. I've had break-ups before and have always known they were for the best. This guy though was the only one I felt was "the one".

For the first 4 months I told him I needed to take things slowly...was out of a 3 year relationship just 2 months prior to meeting and I told him I needed my single time....girl fun with friends on trips, etc. Well I did a lot of that stupid girl fun stuff even when he wanted to see me but always saw him every weekend and talked every night...We then went on some trips together and had the best time on every date. He was truly the nicest guy in the world to me.....

 

Then the last month my feelings grew so much stronger and felt I wanted to be with him forever...We even went to look for rings. Then a couple weeks ago he acted more distant..I asked what was wrong and he said his feelings aren't as strong as they were...He said he had suppressed them so long that he was having trouble getting it back. It seemed just as I was so sure of him, he was unsure of me.

 

So over the phone 10 days ago we decided to break it off or take a break. Last night was the first time we spoke and he said the nicest things....that he thinks the world of me, cares about me a ton, thinks about us all the time and wishes our timing was better...that we met at a better time in our lives. He said he is pouring himself into his work...working 15 hours a day and said he can't even look at another girl (as I don't even want to look at a guy). He said it is too hurtful to concentrate on us being apart so he tries not to think about it. Said he knows he will never find someone with such a good heart as I have.

I didn't ask, but he said he is very hopeful for us for the future...But he could not take me back today or tomorrow -- he said otherwise we would be in the same boat one month from now. Said our only chance is if we start from fresh some day and start completely over. But for that to happen he needs to "work through some things and get over some things" such as my never introducing him to my parents, b/c he did want to meet them and some other things he says he needs to work through. Then the ending, saying don't be surprised if he calls in a week or so saying he was crazy...had some sort of insane moment and wants me back.

That was a bit wacky to hear...The roller coaster of this whole thing is just a bit much.

 

I guess we ended it like if he wants me back he knows where to find me...he said I will probably be happy with someone else when he comes back but I know in reality, I will never find anyone else to be so happy with.

 

Sorry this was so long but if anyone has any feedback? I agree that most of the time it is never a good idea to get back with an ex but I have this strong feeling if I got back together with him some day it could work. I know he is very confused but does anyone ever think he can get that feeling back and come back to me?

Thanks....

[mb_guy]

I am getting the impression that he is just probably confused and scared about his feelings for you.. He probably wants time to realize his true feelings for you. If he really loves you then he will come back. Just give him his space. The more you pressure him, the more you will push him further away from you. Hope this helps.

[Turboz]

Give it time. He has said he has some things to sort out and get over and you should take his word for it.

 

He's also said that you mean a lot to him - do not doubt it. He must have his reasons for what he is doing. Maybe he is shy or confused about something. Maybe he has problems getting an erection! and doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he is scared of commitment.

 

Give him the time and space he needs. Show that you are there for him when he needs you or needs support. Do not be pushy. Do not try and force anything.

 

Give him the space he desires and the time he needs. He should appreciate it and give it another go when he feels right for it.

 

-Turboz

[misscitygrl]

I think he does care for you but maybe he wants to analize ur sudden turnaround.... maybe it was too much for him... unexpected... to go from u not wanting to be with him to ur really into him in a short pd of time.

 

I think he needs time... time to miss u .... time to think and figure stuff out...

 

so if i where u ... (am sorta in the same situation .... and i'm here trying to see if some of my own advice sinks in ..cause i know it's hard ) give him and urself time.

 

Try to take this opportunity to really pin point what is it about him u love so much ... write it down..it helps.... write the good and the bad

 

so in the future when u guys are discussing ur relationship and thinking about geting back together u can have ur "case" ready on why u want to be with him ...why he is good for u and more importantly (for him) why u r good for him. u'll be able to tell him not only that u love him and want to be with him but u will be able to pin point the whys and give examples.... it will show u really thought about it.... shows u care

 

For now give him time... (he gave u time when u needed it... can u do the same?)

 

Remember: (i went looking for this quote specifically 4 u.... i remember the gist but forget the exact words)

 

Absense is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

 

Feel better

[alexandra360]

Wow...thank you all so much for your good advice. You really have made me feel better. I haven't been able to eat for 9 days and actually managed to eat one big meal today! Citygirl..thanks for that quote...I love it..I am sorry you are going through a similar situation....Feel free to talk about it to me if you want....I know--it is so much easier to give advice than to take it and do it. Hopefully in our cases absense will make the heart grow fonder. He does need a good amount of time and I respect that totally and will give him months if he needs it. I hope everything works out for the best for all of us.

[BLACKICE123]

I'M IN THE SAME SITUATION. BUT I HAVE SO MANY WHAT IF QUESTIONS. I GUESS ALL WE CAN DO IS HANG IN THERE......SEE WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.