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Ok this might be a tad long but ill try to keep it as condensed as possible. This ismy first post on this site and im really desperate for any advice.


heres the background:


Im 25, he's 28.

He lives upstairs from me in a townhouse type cooperative.

Ive been friends with him for 3 years all the while he has liked me and i refused to date him for fear of what could happen if i fall for a guy that lives right upstairs from me.

i finally gave in in the beginning of the summer.

Things were fabulous and euphoric for the first 2.5 months

Then he backed away.

We slept with each other after 3 weeks. I had not had a relationship for over two years and decided that because i knew him it was ok to sleep with him so soon. I usualy wait about 2 months.


Anyway i knew things were going downhill. He started to back away and become unavailable. I started to be the only one making plans and him going along unexitedly. Finally i asked him what was going on and he gave me the whole "its not you its me i don t see ths progressing so i think we have break up speech".


He was previously in a 6 year relationship from when he was 19 years old and engaged to be married at 25 when his ex cheated on him and he broke the engagement. He hasnt dated anyone else long term... just a string of 1-2 month relatinoships. He said his head is messed up and he can never let him like anyone. He will start liking a person but then he will compare everything to his ex (which appraently they had a perfect relationship until she cheated) and stop liking the person.


Anyway, we decided to maintain our friendship. I cried a lot when we broke up but we talked a lot and i felt much better after a full day.


this was a week and half ago. Two days later i felt much better and i thought i was over him. He started to call me every day (before he would call like every other). He has asked me to hang out with him every other day about since we broke. Me the dummie agreed cause i though ti was over him and i told him so.


Anyway, then i went out with a guy friend of mine on friday night and ended up bumping into him. He tells me he was really jealous and that i looked amazing and tells me it is such his loss. I told him it was.


Do you think i have a chance on working on this with him. I know he has all these head problems, but otherwise we really do get along great, with teh same interests , beliefs etc.


I realize i am no longer over him and want him back. Should i confront him and tell him that i cannot be his friend right now or should i just wait it out and see if he keeps pursuing me.


I just dont know what he is thinking and its driving me nuts!!!


Please help thanks!

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Being pretty useless with women and not really having a long string of them in my past I can see where this guy is coming from.


He's been in one long term relationship and it went wrong. It happens all the time but when you don't attract many women it hurts like hell to find you've been lied to by one that you feel is so perfect for you.


He is frightened that you will hurt him like his ex. I must say if I was in his shoes I would also be terrified about meeting you and loosing you to someone else. Men seek women and it doesn't tend to make a difference if she is with someone or married etc, they will still try to hit on you. He's obviously frightened that this will happen to you and you may cheat on him.


There is no amount of convincing that will change this. He will never believe it if you tell him that "Your not going anywhere" - He's right - you could in 3 days time when Mr Charmer comes along and charms the hell out of you.


The only thing you can really do is to remain friendly with him and allow him to make up his own mind. When he says things like "You look stunning" etc tell him "Thanks". What ever you do don't throw yourself at him. Let him see what he's missing out on. If he continually remarks about your looks say something like "Well I've got to find Mr Right somehow" and then end it at that. Eventually it will sink in that your not just after a short thing but after a long term relationship and this may reassure him.


I make no promises but men always want the stunners that they can't have. If you go out with him do not sleep with him. Keep him waiting until he could almost explode.


Want to know how to really turn a man on? - False eyelashes with that stuff you women use on them to make them look real nice, red lipstick (makes a woman look younger a more fertile - will turn any man on) and generally use plenty of make up. When he see's what he's missing and what your offering to anyone that it interested he will have to rethink on his feelings for you.


IF all else fails, PM me and send me your pic!



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I think that you got attached to him and a women being attached to a man who lives up stairs is man the opposite of love it is just to hung out that's what upstairs friends are for. I must say that you should not have gotten intermitt with him. Now because of that you are now in .............. That's life but it must go on. Don't go out with him say friends as much as possible, talk to him, but don't have sex with him men don't function the same way that females do.

If some thing is wrong in the relationship you stay up and worry about what went wrong and what to tell him in the morning and they sleep the whole night and wake uo the next morning like if nothing has happened.

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