He emailed me...need advice....

[bungalowone]

In my last post, I told of my breakup with my boyfriend of over a year...it's been 11 days since he did it and about 4 or so days since I have had any contact with him. I have been avoiding being online because i dont want to have just idle chit chat with him and frankly i dont want to read his away messages, profile, etc....we have talked a couple of times online, but not on the phone...

 

so now that i have avoided that, he has sent me an email...it doesn't really say much, except that i must have changed screennames because he hasnt seen me on in awhile and that he wanted to see what was going on and what i am up to. he said that because he hasnt seen me online, he figures i dont want him to call...or not sure if im ready to talk to him yet or ever for that matter...he says he guesses that if i ever want to talk i can email or get online or call him....

 

i dont know what to do...Im still really upset about all of this and the suddeness of the breakup, but every part of me still feels like i should talk to him, but everyone says no contact...but im not making the attempt...im just so confused.....any advice?

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

I'm sorry to hear of your recent break up with your boyfriend. I understand that you are contemplating whether or not you should contact him.

What feels right to you? You say everyone in your life is telling you "no contact" but what do you feel you should do? You mentioned that you felt you should contact him. Are you feeling this because you WANT to contact him or because you feel obligated to because he has been trying to contact you?

You have to figure out what you want and what you can handle. It has only been 11 days since he broke up with you. That is not enough time by any stretch of the imagination to heal. If talking to him will help you in the healing process, then by all means, communicate. But if you think it will only prolong the process, which is usually the case, then don't contact him.

If he continues to contact you, you can either politely ask him to please let you be so you can heal, or you can block him from email and instant messenger. Remember that this decision lies in your hands, not his, not your friends and family, not anyone at enotalone. It lies with you. You have to decide what path is best for you. Give it some thought, see which choice will best help you to heal, and go with that. Personally, I would not contact him simply because I feel that it would give me false hope. However, as I said, you have to decide what is best for YOU.

Best wishes!

[ARIANNA]

I was in a the same situation as you recently. I figured out that he was addicted to the highs and lows of breaking up after a year of it. Give yourself some time to heal first. The answers will become clear to you then. If you are not sure then it is better to wait. And if he is the one, he will understand. Hang in there!