Meth Tore Us Apart. Meth Vs Me. I lost

[cyankino]

This is my story and its a long one. I want you to look at your situation and think about it and tell me what you think of mine.

 

She was a different person when she did that stuff. She would not hear to reason and would always want to be right. It was only after she came down off those drugs that she would see her faults and apologize for her actions. And that was the person that I loved and cared for all these ears. I hated to see her on these drugs and I knew she didn't want to do them. But these things have a way of creeping back with users, and I understood that. I always took her back, because the person that was not on drugs was the person telling me she was sorry and never the person on drugs. I took her back so many times and she took me back so many times. But what kept me going back???? The hope that if we ever moved out I could be there for her, 100% of the time and maybe that is all that we really needed. I also didn't want to tell her not to have fun on her own cause that also would be wrong. But I would trust her to do the right thing and about 80% of the time it worked. She would stay sober for months at a time. But since I could never go to her house all the time she would get bored and go out. Hide it from me and come back drugged up. I thought it was partly my fault for her drug usage, I wasn't there for her like a true couple was. I understood that a female needs a lot of attention and I was not there to provide it for her. That is why I gave her so much space. But in the end I wasn't there to keep her mind of those things. So last month she was on it again and that is when I dropped the bomb on her and told her that I was breaking up with her. Although I really didn't want to give up like that I, at the time was ready to give her up. (I wonder today if I really was ready to give her up) But those words proved to solve something and she stopped for a whole month or so. I saw her improving and I would visit her more often and she would too. In my eyes we were both trying hard to keep it alive. She saw that the drugs were tearing us apart and wanted to truly quit. At some point she finally realized that I really cared for her and wanted the best for her and what she was doing was wrong and wanted to quit. I thought, and believed her. And that is what I thought until last week. She disappeared for two days and when I went to her house in a desperate attempt to find out how she was doing… I found her at her house and asked her to get into my car… and that is where she flat out tells me… I met someone else, and I'm breaking up with you.

 

I was shocked and broke down. I thought everything was going good, not great but good and improving everyday. I thought that we were working together to make it work. I knew that it was the drugs speaking again. And I talked to her for a while and discovered that this other guy did not mind her doing drugs. How sad. But according to her that was not the only reason….

 

The other guy.

 

Hearing this out of nowhere tore me apart, I simply could not believe or understand why she would do this to me. To me it seemed out of the blue and uncalled for. She told me that she does not want to pass a good thing up and this guy is smarter, and better than me. But what got to me was that she also told me that this guy did not mind her using drugs and that he did them too. I asked her again why… and she said that they talked for 48 hours straight. I talked to her and brought up many points… but I knew I was talking to the drug user at this point and nothing would get accross but her needs. My needs were meaningless to her. All she seemed to care about was herself and that this other person was not someone that she wanted to pass up. That she knew that this was a good thing for her and that she was risking me to find out.

 

And now…

 

I had to talk to people around me and bring back some old friends to see their point of view on this. I wanted to see what they had to say and hear what thoughts they had. Accepting the fact that I have to forget her and move on with my own life is hard. I hate knowing that she made her decision while on drugs, and that she might regret it later on. But I have been hurt to much by her and even though it pains me to leave her when she is not sober…. I have to do it.

 

please tell me what you think. if you want to chat with YIM or AIM please do.

[cyankino]

sometimes all we need is to yell out a big long scream and things somehow seem better. this post was my "scream" I woke up this morning feeling better, in fact feeling better than I expected to feel. it still hurts but the memories don't pursue me. its like the voice in my head that kept reminding me about her got shut up. Thank you, to the people that read my post and I wish you the best of luck on your adventures in life.

[neva_black_n_white]

hey,

although that was your ''scream'' i would have liked to help you when you felt like that.

although sometimes i feel its good that no ones responded, because then you have vented how you feel, they understand, acknowledge yet allow you to come to terms and make your own opinion on life.

she seems like great person, and true there must be two people, the drugs and her.

i hope you are alright and wow that was a post

good luck in life and the future to come....

kel