Confusion of the Senses

[the other]

I have known this guy for almost 3 years. We were in university together; during our years in school we travelled a lot with our friends...needless to say him and i weren't the closest of friends. during one of our trips it became obvious there was feeling towards one another. when we returned home we let our feelings be known and began dating. we didnt date very long b/c i suspected him of cheating (which he wasnt and it was a one night thing) this fight led to us breaking up! though it wasnt easy breaking up b/c we were working on our thesis together & with that we ALWAYS were with one another doing work. needless to say the feelings came back for both of us and he decided that we shouldnt be together b/c i had plans to go away to school (to another province). during the rest of the term he dated someone else, they broke up, & he wanted our friendship back. and in away it did come back, with the feelings.

the day before i was leaving for school he took me to dinner, a nice walk in a beautiful park where we talked, and to the movies! and when he took me home we made out in my drive-way. though during the summer we did not see each other very much and barely spoke, so this whole date was a complete surprise.

i returned from school sooner then i thought, 2 weeks later b/c of a lack of gov't assistance. i returned to my job & thought that perhaps things would change between us & that relationship ive been longing for would be mine again. of course that didnt happened, though what does happen is the touchy/feely games that he plays with me, like hugging, holding me, kissing me goodbye!!!

i have tried to understand so much and i dont know how to look at things anymore. i dont know why but i want him back more than ever!

what do i do to confront a man who is scared of commitment and confrontation!!

 

sincerely, longing for answers.

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

Great posting ... you are very clear and specific over the details. Good job! And guess what? I do have some advice for you.

 

In your situation I would turn things to your advantage. The fact is that you cannot change the guy you want to be with. The only thing you can do is express your feelings towards him and then ask him how he feels. However, I believe in your situation, you need a plan.

 

It looks like that the guy you want to be with is playing a few games with you and only wants you when it's convenient to him. Your plan needs to have the following items:

 

1) What do you look for in a relation

2) What would you allow in your relation

3) What wouldn't you allow in your relation

 

When talking to him, use this plan to express your needs and expectations to him. Ask him what he needs and expects in a relation with you, if he wants to engage into one with you. See if the needs are compatible and then decide if this is the man, you really want to work with and form a team with.

 

I hope this was of help for you and I wish you good luck on your actions.

 

~ SwingFox ~