Did I love him?

[Hidden Spirit]

Hi, I'm a very confused 18 year old girl. I need some advice. (Long story coming up)

 

I am a member at this forum. (I am a mod there now) Anyway this new member joined up, but he turned out to be a spammer who did nothing but insult the members there. I posted, several times, asking people to ignore this person. In response I got a PM from a another member, telling me that he thought we should laugh at his comments, rather than ignore them. This led into a convo, which at the end of we gave each other our MSN addresses.

 

At first we didn't get on too well. I thought his sense of humour was...unusual, and he thought he was in love with a girl he worked with. So we had a lot of misunderstandings. (Not arguments). Plus he was a little pushy. (I'm very secretive.)

 

I ended up blocking him, but as we both go to this forum frequently, he soon noticed that I wasn't on MSN, even when I was online. He PM'ed me again, asking me if he had upset me. I felt gulity, so I unblocked him.

 

We carried on chatting, and slowly we became better friends. Then he started acting strangly. There was a gang war in his area at the time, plus he was under pressure with College work, plus he had found out that this girl had a boyfriend, although he didn't seem really bothered. I had started to become a little unsure of how I felt about him, and I was worried sick. Our friendship hit a rought patch, but we pulled through.

 

We became better friends. We traded mobile phone numbers, and spoke on the phone a few times.

 

Then a mutual friend of ours fell in love online. When he told me, I felt like I had been stabbed through the heart. I suddenly realized that I loved this guy (not the mutual friend, by the way).

 

I have had crushes before, but I'd never felt that way about a guy. Our friendship went to the point where we tried to spend every moment awake with each other. We'd email each other if we were at college, talk on MSN or on the phone when we were at home, phone when he was at work. We were mistaken as boyfriend/girlfriend several times, although we considered ourselves more as best friends.

 

We hated being apart for even a short time. Eventually I met him. (I know that was a dangerous thing to do) By this time I was sure I loved him. However, he was ill. He was suffering from a constant headache, which the doctor couldn't solve, so he was referred to a hospital.

 

He was very depressed a lot of the time, the only time he seemed to be happy was when we were talking. And he thought he was going to die. The Neurologist also couldn't work out what the problem was, so he was referred to have some brain scans.

 

At this time we had a huge row, which ended up in us not talking to each other. Things were starting to get slightly better, we had begun to talk, infrequently on MSN. Our chats were very cold, however we weren't aruging.

 

Then another friend told me he "liked" me. I was completely taken aback. I had no idea that this other guy liked me. While I have had crushes, I'm very inexprienced with guys. I was so shocked, I mentioned it to "him" in another MSN convo. He didn't say anything else, and the next day he anncounced he was going out with a girl where he works. (Not the one he was liked, one he knew liked him.) However, he also made it clear that he wasn't really interested in her. (Just for the sake of having a girlfriend.)

 

In this time, he seemed to have totally changed, I thought about it for a long time, and concluded that although I loved him, I didn't really know him. I wanted to move on with my life, and I knew my feelings for him would keep holding me back while we still spoke. (I know this sounds selfish) So I told him that I no longer wanted to talk to him, and we had one last arugment.

 

We haven't spoken since then, and I'm confused about my feelings. I honestly don't think I'm in love with him anymore. He also seems to be a lot fonder of his girlfriend, and I feel no jealously at all. (I'm the first to admit I have a jealous streak.) If I loved him the way I thought I did though, shouldn't I still feel like that?

 

I still care about him, but that feeling I had seems to be completely gone. I've been angry with him (we said some very hurtful stuff in our rows) but he had a row with his girlfriend. He posted a poem about it, and I felt really sorry for him, even though he had a go at my best friend for no reason.

 

I just want him to have a happy life. What I'm wondering is, did I ever love him the way I thought I did, or was it love as a friend?

[charmed]

Hi Hidden Spirit !

 

I have not been in an internet relationship, but I sometimes wonder how an Internet Relationship could be as successful and rewarding as a face to face relationship. There are the obvious things missing - but I have always valued many of the things that would be missing in an online relationship. Did you love him - well for what you knew of him, maybe, but it is probably more likely that you were very very attracted to him.

 

It's one of those things really - only you know - I'm sure you will conclude one or the other eventually. Whats important is that you learn from and cherish the experience for what it was.

 

Hope this helps you some,

[Stevenm2k3]

Your should have followed your instinct in the first place when you blocked him. This guy, all he does is talk about that girl. You really don't need a guy like that. He's to pre-occupied with this other girl to worry about you. Your best off forgeting him. If a guy is interested in you, he will be focused on you, and you only. He will ask you questions about you, and find things you two have in common. He won't bring up other girls.. when he does, it means that he hasn't let go of this other girl. If you 2 got together and he still felt this way. If she came around, he would leap for her over you. Trust me. Ive been in his situation. You just lookin for a world of hurt with him. There are so many guys out there that will be able to treat you better. He can't, atleast not now. As far as if you loved him.. its hard to say. The internet is alot like road rage. You can drive your car and give someone the finger at someone that cuts you off... but you would never do that to them face to face. Just as you can love someone over the phone, but its different face to face. Your 18, to young to be in love, but old enough to know what love is. Hell, im 18 too... i thought i was in love many times. But i realized that I could have these feelings from one person to the next... and thats not love. Thats infatuation. Dont worry about it. Thats the best advice I have to give you. Move on. Hope I helped you a lil. You can email me n e time. I'll be happy to talk to you. TTYL I hope. See ya.

 

Steve

[Lightingbird]

Maybe your desires are more than your feelings have percieved you to think.

 

Then again...

 

You might still or have loved this man.

 

Either way, the best route to look at all of this is with realism. Could anything have really grown from this? Could you two have had a real healthy relationship outside of your online relationship?

 

At first glance it would seem that you were just mainly in a state of lust and the possiblility of love crossed your mind. This is quite a frequent event. Either way, take your time, think this out.

 

Things will work out for you.

Good luck to you.