Unhappy newlywed=lasting marriage???

[DGirl]

Hi,

 

Has anyone out there ever been very unhappy as a newlywed, feeling the the marriage may have been a mistake, but stuck it out and is now married to that same person and happy? I have been married for almost 10 months and I am very unhappy, but something is keeping me from calling it quits and I dont know what it is. I'm just wondering if all this bad stuff will finally go away one day and i'll be happy again or am i just wasteing my time?????

[avman]

Hi DGirl,

 

I guess without knowing why you are unhappy its a little difficult for me to give you advice. Is it something about your husband? It is just being married period? Has something happened to change your mind on the marriage?

 

It must be difficult for you feeling that you are just stuck being miserable. Could you be more specific with your feelings?

[BabyGurl1607306927]

Hey.... well actually im having the same problem(almost) with my boyfriend ive been going out with him a long time and im not exactly the happiest person but i know for a fact that i dont end it becuz i dont want to hurt him..... but what i wanted tto ask you was.... Do you love you husband? Do you love him like a friend or do you REALLY love him?? okay if you dont know then your best chances are to figure it out but if you do love him then ask yourself...will you be okay without him....will you move on or will it be a mistake? you have to ask yourself in order to findout because i dont believe we can answer that question becuz we dont know exactly whut your feeling! So think about the afterfacts and if you are willing to give up all you have with this guy! If you are then ... break it off becuz if your not happy then whuts the sense but dont end something that means you ll regret it the rest of your life ...do you understand! Would you risk your happiness for this guy! just ask yourself or if your brave talk to him about the situation... well i think thats about all i am able to tell you sorry if this doesnt help but i do know whut it feels like to be trapped talk to you later i hope it works out Bye

[DGirl]

well when we first got married it was all new, i moved away from home for the first time in my life. I thought i would get used to it. But now ALL the responsibilities are on me, I feel like my husband does nothing but go to work, watch TV, drink beer and go to sleep. I work 12 hrs a day, clean, do laundry, cook, etc. I have a very demanding job, i'm on my feet all day & i work nights. So he complained that i didn't show him enough affection. Then one night i was online and i found that he had posted a singles ad for himself on one of those match web sites. So after that, i dont wanna show him affection i dont even know if i want to be with him anymore. That was like the topping on the cake ya know! I dont trust him at all with anything anymore. So i'm wondering why i'm still here? should i stick it out or is it a waste of time?

[avman]

Ahhh. Well I understand now. I think its time for a long talk with your husband. Marriage is a partnership. Both of you need to share responsibilities and chores around the house. I can see why that would make you unhappy.

 

Him posting an ad on the singles site is another matter, and in my opinion much more serious. He's got some issues that are going to take awhile to get turned around.

 

Its time to decide for yourself whether you still love this man and want the marriage to work, or not. If you don't love him then I'd say bail out. If you do love him, then its time for some serious counseling and a lot of hard work on both of your parts to try and make things work.

 

Doing nothing at all isn't an option in this case. I think things will get worse if the situation isn't dealt with now.

[piper]

Piper 25, I have been having a similar problem and agree with the Moderator's advice. I've been married for just over a year now and I feel like I'm not appreciated. My wife and I both work about the same amount each day and have very similar jobs. When we get home she often seems a little detatched. (The sex has become much less frequent, she doesn't seem motivated to do anything anymore, and everything appears to be a hassle for her.) Aside from this, I believe that we have a good relationship, but things are still lacking. I know in past she has become annoyed with boyfriends and maybe being married me for over a year has made her bored. Before I get carried away, I believe the most important thing in a successful marriage is communication. If both parties aren't willing to share and accept (through counseling, if it comes to that) then the relationship should be re-evaluated. If anyone has any advice for me, I'd be love to hear it.

[avman]

Hello Piper and welcome to eNotalone,

 

One of the most difficult period in a marriage is the first year. This is the time you are both still figuring everything out, trying to make a household work, learning how to live with each other, and so on. Its also a period where a lot of couples get divorced (there are other peak periods, but this is one of them).

 

You are right on when you talk about the more important thing in a successful marriage is communication. Otherwise you are guessing at what is going on with your partner. As you will find out, many times those guesses are dead wrong.

 

There could be a lot of things going on with her, but you need to start out by talking. You have noticed the changes in her. You might want to start with that - "Honey I've noticed that you seem pretty down lately and I was wondering if I could do anything to help. I'm concerned about you." Start with wanting to help in the situation and that will let her have a safe zone to express her feelings. If you start with "You aren't doing anything around here and we never have sex anymore" then that just puts her on the defensive and nothing will get accomplished. As the two of you talk you can bring out those concerns of yours during the course of the conversation (not in those words, but you get the idea).

 

I hope this helps you get things started. Please let us know how else we can help you. I would also encourage you to start a new topic as not all members go back through the old ones. You are more likely to get responses to your topic by posting a new one that describes your situation and what kind of help you would like.

 

avman

[jen366]

D girl,

I know what you are going through. The first year of my marriage was horrible. Since about the exact year point things have been mellow. I have talked to alot of my friends and except for one person they all agree. THE FIRST YEAR IS THE HARDEST. We, as people, are figuring ourselevs out in the meantime figuring out our spouse. Unless, it's severe stuff, like abuse, infidelity, gambling, alcoholism, etc.... hang in there. I would like to almost promise you thta it will get better. You guys need to learn about each other. Hang in there and unles the list I gave before is happening, be strong and take one day at a time. I think that overall we seem to have a fairly tale first year of marriage but in my consensus, it is the complete opposite. You can do it.