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About Me

  1. I wish I was pretty. At school all my friends are drop dead gorgeous. Everyone has changed their look coming back prettier than ever, while I have looked the same for basically all my life. Sometimes my friends say that I'm pretty when I self-doubt myself. But I don't think it's true. Every morning I look into the mirror and see all the things wrong with my face. My face is too long, my nose has a huge bump on it, my eyes are to far apart, I have too much acne. I hate everything about it. My cousin is extremely pretty and I always wish I looked like her. My sister is so pretty and always gets compliments. I'm a person who always preaches self love and confidence when I actually have none. I'm always wearing a sweater even on the hottest summer days because I dislike the way my arms look. I want to pretty like the others. I wish I had enough confidence to post on instagram. I wish I didn't always delete every photo I took of myself.
  2. I was giving my partner oral sex, he was moaning as if he was into it, and then he pauses and starts talking about a female we both know, he noticed wasn’t at an occasion we were just at. he first said i don’t think it’s the right time to say this, then proceeded to say it anyway. I stopped oral and got quiet. took a while to process everything. is my partner just not into me? why is my partner stopping oral pleasure to mention this? am i in the wrong for being uncomfortable? should i just let it go?
  3. Well, I'm not sure how to go about this. Literallly everyone has experienced what I'm about to write about so I hope at least someone can offer some helpful advice. I've come to the conclusion that if you can't stop thinking about someone (in a good way) then surely you must have feelings for them. If they are easy to talk to and are warm towards you then you build the confidence to share how you feel. There is someone who I think I have fallen for (I just cannot stop thinking about them) and although it felt artificial, I told them I fancied them by email. It was a very brief message (hi, it's me. It's past 1 o'clock. I think I fancy you, what do you think? Share this information and die). I don't like to be overtly sentimental so I tried to exercise the darker side of my sense of humour (I don't know why). I am now playing 'the waiting game' so to speak and waiting for some sort of response. I just wish there was an easy way to 'initiate' a relationship instead of going through the motions of exposing how you feel, waiting for a response, combating the feelings of awkwardness and low self esteem, thinking of what others will think... I just get so excited at the thought of being with them. I'm sure people can relate to that? You meet someone and you just feel so happy. I might be utterly alone in saying this but I have a tendency to create my own reality where I imagine what it would be like to be with someone and I just dwell on it so much that I think everything is possible. That is what gave me the confidence to share how I felt in such a low-key fashion. It's a bit hard to explain. How does everyone here ease (or rush) or flow into a relationship? How do you help the friendship morph into what you desire - something more. I am female and considering that maybe some guys would find it too brash for the girl to make the first move. The more I think about that though the more I find it to be bull * * * *. I feel something and want make it into a reality and not something that 'could have been'. That shouldn't be gender-orientated. Sorry, I have blabbed. Sometimes I feel so different from people and thereforeeee unable to initiate things like relationships without the rush of imaginative excitement, the fear, the self-doubt and thinking I'm an idiot who should have kept quiet. Whoa! Too many words. I'd really like some responses though, cheers.
  4. It’s been 5 months since me and my ex ended a 4.5 year relationship. At this stage I am doing better than I was a few months ago! My motivation is back and I’m working out most days which has definitely improved my self esteem. I have pretty much given up all hope of her returning to me. She hasn’t reached out or made any other attempts to reconcile. I am pretty sure she is still with the guy she left me for! So here I am back on dating apps seeing what’s out there again. It has been hard to not doubt myself at times. My question this morning is how do I let go of all the baggage in order to prosper in a new relationship?
  5. I’m 21 and we dated for almost five years. We were together through some huge moments in our lives. She ended it because she wanted to pursue her career and we both needed personal growth. I had similar feelings but this was both our first relationship and I was unwilling to see it end at the time. It’s been a couple weeks since it ended and we have been pretty much NC. I have always been the deeper thinker so it seems I am taking it harder. I’ve developed a self destructive belief that I’m not good enough for future relationships. I know I have a lot of good things coming my way but I always envisioned her there in some sort of capacity. Any advice for getting through self doubt and believing you are good enough? Could really use it right about now, thank you.
  6. I am a shy person. I’m interested in someone, but I’m not sure if he likes me back or not. Sometimes I think he might, but he can come off as being a bit aloof; he’s hard to read. Anyway, I find myself being very nervous whenever I talk to him and I’m always saying “stupid” things. Or at least I feel like I’m saying stupid things... I’m constantly overanalyzing and/or regretting things I say. I’m always thinking things like, “Oh that sounded like I was gossiping about someone. I don’t want him to think I talk about people behind their backs!” Or, “Wow that comment sounded so selfish. He’s going to think I’m a total snob.” It just feels like everything I say is the wrong thing. I’m sure that I’m thinking about what I’m saying way more than he is. Trust me, I’m very aware! But I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m saying the wrong things. I guess my question is how can I calm down and stop being such a spazz all the time? The constant self-doubt and questioning is draining.
  7. I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has been sexting the girl that he's supervising at work over quite a long period. A text popped up from her while I was at his that was disgusting, so I opened it and found A LOT more. All about how he made her hard (but he did put "haha joking" after that one), what he likes in the bedroom and what she'd do to him and him commenting on how she'd look naked and asking exactly what she likes. I told him that it was over straight away as I would never put up with cheating, but he is now arguing that It was "all a joke" and it's not cheating at all; it was only a bit of a laugh. He's constantly putting letters and flowers through my door and continuously calling and begging me to take him back. I had no doubt in my mind that I didn't want to stay with him but I feel that his constant messages letting me know that I'm over-reacting are making me doubt myself. I just wanted to ask how everyone else would react to this? Is this a deal-breaker for you?
  8. Dear Reader, a little about your mind , a little about your thoughts is all you need to put yourself in a hole of never ending doubt. how it makes you feel less , how it makes you feel incomplete and how your mind rips the very chord out of you. self doubt ,suicide and dropping down to your own floor , never wanting to get up again. These are my demons , these thoughts holding me back theses dark days in a mind which is a dark sky that never seems to lighten up. How there would be a wish of just clearing it all, if it was only possible to turn a switch off in a mind strangling your very YOU and telling you how you will fail... This YOU is a mind of self doubt and restriction on possible freedom of becoming more but it makes you rip every happy , every luck and replace it with shroud and self conflict. How i would wish to find another to see thru this non stop darkness...
  9. Alrighty well quite a while ago I came on here and wrote a few poem-type things that were really happy and everything was going great. For some reason I've been having quite a few issues lately, not with anyone else really just within myself... I decided to write down how I feel so this is what I came up with. It was longer then I thought, but you never really know how these things will turn out... I appreciate any and all feedback, whether it be constructive criticism or just a reflection. Without further ado, here it is: Everyone else believes it. Everyone thinks they see. Everyone else believes it. Everyone else but not me. I stand on the stage of the world, And as the cutain rises I gasp. I reach for a spotlight to claim, But they all slip away from my grasp. I sit in the dark and I ponder, why somebody else stole the show. My mind starts to race and I curse at myself Why them and not me? I don't know. Perhaps it was flaws in my singing, a few little notes out of key. Perhaps I was just bad at dancing, and they were all laughing at me. I sit and I think and I question, too occupied to notice or realise That as I sit in darkness and question myself, Chances are passing before my eyes. Then I notice too late and the questioning stays A viscous cycle which seems without end. I sit and I wait and I think and I curse Not budging not willing to bend. I search inside for answers Ingnoring every kind-hearted hand. Inside I question if the moment in light is even worth starting to stand Because the moments I feel confident And rise to reach out for the light The times that I fail settle into my head and the failures just fill me with fright. My mind ignores the victories, the losses fill my heart I don't even stand as often stopping myself before I start. Every drip of self doubt is another piece of hay upon the pile on my back which broke along the way. Everyone calls out to me "Don't give up keep trying" 'What use is it?' I answer before breaking down and crying. They tell me all these stories all these things that I could do. They tell me tales of happy endings and how to make them come true. They try and try to show me but I still just cannot see. I sit alone in darkness and I cannot believe in me.
  10. I think there's a few of us here that do music; either write songs or play an instrument. I though I'd create this thread for us to share our ideas and encourage each other as most creatives are faced with self doubt quite often We can also exchange tips on various areas such as promotion, web links, putting a cd together, live gigs and the most dreaded of all: music software!! Please share
  11. wow...i havent been on here in months. Can't say that things have gotten much better or worse. Some of you might remember me and my situation. Well, my ex and I broke up after 2.5 years...it was ugly...i crushed on a guy at work...we eventually hooked up. Wow that was a long drawn out story...nothing happened there. It was fun...I was just soo freaked out. I've never had that big a crush on someone and actually hooked up with them. I think I've completely scared him off. I still see him round, but now it's real casual and I'm pretty sure he's dating this chick. I found out recently that my ex that I was with for 2.5 years is engaged to a girl who is 19 he is 24. They have been together for like 5 months. I don't get it...he really must be crazy. I seriously think the guy needs therapy. He has never NOT had a girlfriend. I'm still single. Some days I'm cool with it, some days I wish I had someone to cuddle up next to. The fact that my ex is getting married doesnt bug me much at all. The fact that he is jumping into something so soon with someone so young only proves my point. The guy aint the brightest crayon in the box, but who knows maybe THIS TIME it will be different. Just like his ex of 5 years before me thought when we hooked up. She and I are good friends now. It's really crazy. So...I guess I'm not looking for advice really. I'm doing OK. I'm really focusing on school. Somedays I feel like the world is out to get me other days I feel like the world is one big adventure. I can't complain...i think about all those poor people down south and I realize how good I've got it. I guess I'd take some words of encouragement if anyone's got any. I'd like to fall in love again...I'd like to open myself up to that energy...I need to let go of a lot of self doubt and self hatred. Somedays I think I'm crap. I dunno...I'm just livin'
  12. I guess this will be my online journal of sorts. Finally got some sleep last night and actually slept well. Woke up feeling pretty good this morning, but the more I think about it the more my mood starts to sink. At least I have had some rest and feel stronger about myself today. Yesterday was massive self-doubt and why? So ok the self doubt is still there to a point, and why, while still there isn't quite as strong as it was. I can analyse this to death but I have to take her for her word as to why she broke it off. The reasons many of you have given me do make some sense. I am not going to contact her. I don't know when I will. I think I will get an email from her in the next couple of weeks to see how I am doing. I do miss her very much. I miss talking on the phone, I miss her laugh, I miss everything about her. In my heart of hearts I would like to think that given time we can start this over and using some of the advice given here, see if she responds differently. Intellectually though, all I see is a woman who has made up her mind and is gone. Does the fact that she "cares about me deeply" and is "everything I am looking" help even though there is "something missing" give me a chance? I could use all the help I can get folks. Your feedback yesterday was very much appreciated. I never thought I'd come to a site like this to pour out my soul to anonymous people. I'm not sure I would have done as well if I hadn't. My friends while supportive are in different parts of the country or have families and their own problems so it's hard to dump on them. I'm somebody though that needs people around me when I'm hurting. Loneliness right now is difficult. I had my daughter with me last night and I didn't want to take her back to her mom's at the usual time. Just having her around to occupy my mind until I was tired enough to go to bed really helped. Anyway, I think I'll be here for awhile until I can get a grip on my emotions. I've been through a lot the last 5 years with my health, divorce, job loss, and now this and it really wears on a person. I'm not as strong as I used to be and each time I go through something like this it seems to just get more difficult. I know I shouldn't have put all of my eggs into her basket so to speak, but the way we met, the way we hit it off, the way it went until I said the "L" word all pointed in one direction to me, and it's difficult to accept that it's over. Part of me, once my head is clear and I can approach this with some distance would like to use some of the techniques proposed by Beec in the PM he sent me to try and see if I can restart this. I know you are looking at this from afar probably thinking what a waste of time, and it probably is, but I would kind of like one last shot. Maybe I need to accept that what we had and what she wanted was just a nice relaxed, uncomplicated relationship. It wouldn't be the first time somebody has wanted me just for the physical part of the relationship. To the gal who thought that maybe I wasn't that attractive, YOU ARE WRONG about that! OK, so I got this mornings short story out of my system. Any and all thoughts and feed back really are welcome and appreciated.
  13. I've started to look at apartments. Several years, and two kids later. With tax refunds on the horizon and the most stable and well-paying job I've ever had, I know this is the best shot I'll have for at least another year of moving out successfully. He slapped me again a week or two ago. Being a fan of classic black and white movies, I have to admit that when he's nice I manage to convince myself that the slapping wasn't such a big deal. But I've been doing this long enough to know that it is more than that. Not to mention that its not the worst its gotten. I don't know. I just need encouragement. I need to push past this feeling of self-doubt and guilt about leaving him. I need to feel like I'm doing the right thing, not to just know it. Does that make sense? I'm not an idiot, and I know if I were to stay (and I can't) that I'd end up dying a little more. That I will not be able to have a night out with him without fighting. That I'll have to walk on eggshells when we talk. That I'll end up in more debt, and my credit will get worse. I know these things, but he knows me. He knows how and when to make it evident that he is helpful to me. That life is also easier much of the time with him. Yes, he is my abuser, but he's also been the only person I have to vent to for years. When I run into trouble, my natural instinct is to call him. If something funny happens, I reach for the phone... to call him. Whether the boys are well or sick, he's there for them entirely. I've been looking at apartments, which seem to require that I make 3x the rent monthly (which btw rent in Florida is crazy. I don't make three times 1,300 to pay for the 2 BR I Bath apartment I need). I've been thinking about childcare. I've been preparing my accounts, and doing all of this secretly while smiling during conversation when I'm home. I feel like an , and its not fair because if it weren't for HIS abuse I wouldn't even feel like I need to uproot my life. But I have to do it now. I NEED to do it now. Just venting. Thanks.
  14. Hi, I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience like I split up with my ex over a year ago now and I feel like I have moved on but I am just finding it a big struggle to feel like I did with her with any new girl? Ideally, I would like to find a good relationship but tinder etc, not really provided this so far, maybe I am too picky. I'm definitely not the greatest looking guy but not the worst but I just seem to have no self-confidence with girls and to be honest I am very shy and have a lot of insecurities, I over think a lot and always think of the deeper subject, not really a great trait. I am definitely an introvert which is not good at all. My upbringing wasn't great but I'm hopeful my life won't turn out like that and determined to change it. Girls sometimes approach me in clubs that kind of thing but they definitely sense my feeling's out uncertainty or self-doubt, a lack of confidence, obviously it's not what girl's want at all and I understand that. Gym' helps me feel better obviously and running but even for the last two months my motivations shot, I'm tired of being so behind. On top of this, I have recently lost my job about 3 weeks ago, and I am 24 now and have no real career in place or career plan, to tell you the truth I don't know which field to pursue as I really don't understand what I actually want to do. This is causing some major worries really, as at 24 a lot of my friends have careers and good paying jobs and nearly every one of them is now in a long-term relationship. It kind of feels like I have been left behind so to speak and that I am kind of 'behind' by 24 if you know what I mean. I have about 5-8k GBP saved up as maybe thinking of going traveling or doing something like that, I feel like I have an identity crisis.
  15. Ok. I sort of diagnosed myself with narcissism after reading some of the 'malignant self love' exerts on this site. I just want to know really the experiences of any other sufferers on this site because I don't know much about it........I mean..Is there any kind of cure?? I get the feeling that its not really possible to change yourself so much that you are no longer narcissistic...but i just dont know. If anyone had any ideas I would try them because i'm really sick of being like this and I feel that narcissism has taken a lot of the good things out of my life. On the other hand i get an overwhelming feeling that i can't change myself that much. Some of my symptoms, as i percieve them anyway, are a desire to be cynical and creul in conversation,massive illusions of intellectual superiority, social withdrawl, hateful to parents, a desire to cut ties with people(even good friends) and self doubt. I dont know what to expect really but any help would be appreciated. thanks.
  16. hey people, i am in my teen years, but i am mature and have had sexual intercourse and things related to this. it is all good and well but i am disabled and in a wheelchair. i have a problem called Athrogryposis this means (muscel disformatey) my boyfriend enjoys sex with me but i am starting to feel really down about it all, because he would like to explore new things and i would too, but things tend to go wrong a lot and thereforeeee kills the moment completley. and this is getting me depressed and loss of all self confidence, like when we have sex missionary everything is good and goes well but, on valentines day i went to his and his parents went out and he was kissing me on the couch and asked me up to his room so, yer we went to his room but obviously i cant just run up the stairs, i have to go hands and knees, and he was like removing my clothes ect... but it took a few mins to get up the stairs which made me feel worse, then when we got in his room i sat on his bed with him and it kicked off from there, he wanted me to strip but i can't do tht well so we agreed to make it fun and do each other so he took off my remainin layers, and i atempted to make me takin his off 'fun' if you could call it that, i can't really use my arms and shoulders so everything i done went wrong. he didn't mind but i did, i felt useless and horrible. he then wanted to change position while havin sex and that was a mess too, he ses he dont mind but i cnt take how usless and crap i feel, please help me feel better i'm crying out for help here, i feel sick when i look in the mirror i hate the way i am, how can he love me??? i can't do nothing proper/sexi/good x x
  17. Hey everyone ok a bit of background first i am a rugby league player, i am very passionant about it, as in i dont think anything is better then it. any way i havent been able to play for the last 2 years because i had my knee reconstruction. and because of this i missed my chance to trial for some representative teams. my dream, and i havent told anyone this , is to make it professional. people are always putting me down saying im not good enough. anyway so im finally back to playing, i found a new team and was hoping for a new start (i trained on tuesday), new shot at reps. my mate who does play reps plays with a guy who watched me train, anyway it got back to me that he said i wont have a chance of even making that team (which is local). and that kinda hurt, i dont know why, and for the first time in my life i began to doubt myself. now im thinking of giving up. if that many people tell me im not good enough , it must be true. so im obviously finding a new club but i have lost all confidence in myself. normally id get inspiration from this quote "it is better to try and fail, then not to know at all". and i believed that once. i guess what im asking is, should i give up, i know its not the end of the world, but it hurts to have something you want soo badly ripped away from you. what do you all think i should do anyway.
  18. I am a very insecure person. My self-image collapses daily. There need be only a small external stimuli, say a negative comment, and I will spend the rest of the week inside my head filled with shame/guilt. Or I would, but inside one day there are many shame triggers so my mind will stop obsessing about one failure only when a new humiliation appears. The pain and anxiety is effectively multiplied if a similar negative comment has been made in the past - anything can trigger my old hurts. I have started to seriously consider suicide as an option, because my daily life has become so unbearable. I go to counseling, but it's redeeming effects only last for a small time before a new incident throws me back to rolling on shame and self-doubt. To make matters worse I hate myself for being so insecure, which in turn doesn't do any good to my self-esteem. Is there a way to stop self-doubt and build self-esteem in a way that lasts?
  19. What is it that causes a person to doubt themselves. why is it I doubt myself from succeeding in just about everything, I try hard to discipline myself to work hard, do school, stay physically and mentally strong, and move forward in life but i keep making the same mistakes and I keep falling behind in everything, if it's work or school which i have'nt finished or debt and especially relationships, i feel to insecure to get involved because i keep screwing up. So how do i overcome my own self doubt, and what causes it, any relation would be nice, I don't wanna feel like i'm the only one going through this cause i know i'm not.
  20. I am about as frustrated as it gets right now. Why? Because of a girl. A girl who i like so bad much it hurts, and yet a cant have her. It not that i cant, but its that i think i cant. I dont know if she really likes me beyond friendship, or if the line is drawn at "a good friend." She is sending me signals that she wants me to take the initiative and ask her out, but i have no confidence in my signal reading ability. Also, I absolutly love having her as an ally in this ***ed up world and dont want to loose her by asking her out. On top of it all, she is friking beautiful, and everytime i see her i think more so. She kills me with her eyes, but i just tough it out so she doens't think i am interested. I cannot stop thinking about her for more than 5 minutes strait unless i am doing somthing extreamly physical. The frustration comes from me wanting her as a friend, and a girlfiend. I sense her frustration as well when i talk to her because i will not take the initiative and tell her what i think of her. I think she know but the longer i go without telling her the more she probobly doubts herself. I want her so bad, and there is yet another thing stoping me, above all, her brother is my best friend. He has said previusly that he wouldnt mind, without me even asking if he minded, but in my eyes there is no way i can keep this friendship strong if i am seeing his sister. I have utmost respect for her borther though, so i think this situation is pretty much ***ed as it gets. For christs sakes, i dont even want another girlfriend, because i dont think i can care this much about anyone else. i cant forget her. what should i do...
  21. I've been thinking about this girl a lot lately that I've known since we're were kids. I've had feelings for her throughout my life but I've unable to express how i feel. Mainly because I was really shy. We went out about 4 years ago and we had a good time. Unfortunately, I didn't pursue the relationship further because of my self doubt. I contacted her couple years later to see if we reconnect. It didn't go as i would liked. Now I really want to see her again and hopefully start relationship and I want to fully commit this time. Any advice on how to proceed? Thank you.
  22. Hi everyone, I’m new to this site and could really use some advice. Hopefully you’re all doing well. My self-esteem is, just like with all teens (I’m 17), oscillating a lot: at one point I feel like I’m at the top of the world and at another point I feel so worthless that I wish to disappear. I’m working on this, by confronting certain behaviors of mine and learning to recognize certain patterns (though it’s not less difficult to deal with this). The problem which I’m having has to do with dating and love in general. Disclaimer: It could be that I’m just overthinking everything. I find it very difficult to actually fall in love with a person and even like them in a non friendly way. It has a bit to do with high standards regarding conversation, but that’s really not all. When someone expresses interest in me, they’re subconsciously less worth to me. I think it has to do with my low confidence: I hate myself, so anyone that likes me is just as bad as I am for ever liking such a worthless person. (So it’s not me playing hard to get!) Another reason may be the fact that I can’t project my ideals onto them, when I get to know them. (I’m aware that projecting is not good thing!) In short: The problem is that I can’t ever enter a romantic relationship, because as soon as that person likes me, I’ll subconsciously deem them of less worth for even considering me. I really hate this, especially as I know this isn’t true and very unfair to the amazing people I know, but it’s very hard to shake off that crippling (self)doubt. Anyways, sorry for the long ramble and I hope someone can maybe give me some advice on how to cope with this extremely low self-worth.
  23. There’s a a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point but became more on the friend level. He is very insecure and has a lot of self-doubt. I wrote him a letter to convey he is a strong person, etc. Now I may have used conveyed my message a little too prominently. I didn’t meant it to be romantic nor have I ever tried making a move on him in any way. He got angry with the letter and told me I was pursuing him and that made him uncomfortable. Grant it, we are currently not speaking. I tried to explain my intend, but he will not listen. What should I do??? Here is the letter: One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd” (not necessarily in the context of lust). You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person. The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded. If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself. I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer. Caveat: the intent in composing this letter is not to be misconstrued as romantic intent, but instead as a mirror of sorts to hopefully reflect the light inside that has become overshadowed by darkness. “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” ~Henry david thoreau~
  24. well for the longest time, i saw myself as a 1-woman man, i see myself as the devoted family man type, but due to recent events, i'm beginning to question/doubt myself.... i'm trying to take into consideration of some of the advices ive gotten so far, and perhaps inform my g/f of my doubts. we are 2000 miles apart, been a long distance relationship from the get-go (6 yrs), though we get along well and seem to be quite compatible, and it's always been the understanding that once i'm through with school we'd get married and live together. however, we've never honestly been TOGETHER up to this point. i've virtually enjoyed a true single guy's lifestyle without the "hindrances" that sometimes a significant other would cause. i do "crazy" boy stuff like spending my paychecks on my car and motorcycle, i go racing (both), i'm no stranger to last minute up-and-go roadtrips with buddies, and other little things from eating dinner at midnight to spending all day sitting around doing nothing, to having a messy pigstall of a room. i've basically been free to come and go as i please. and all the while i have been faithful to my lady, which haven't been an issue until recently. more and more of our friends are getting married, and as recently as last week with my sister's wedding, she has been talking more about "our future". we have talked about in some details in the past, and i've always looked forward to "it" -whatever "it" is. but in a recent conversation we had about living together, she said to me (verbatim) "you know your lifestyle will change greatly." at the time it didn't have much effect on me as i understand exactly what she meant. but more and more that phrase is running through my head the more and more "scared" now i'm becoming. and as i mentioned in the other post, she has had similar doubts about if we're staying together for the sake of it, because that's just what we've done and we haven't tried anything different. although she has since retracted her statement(s) but the fact that i know she has at one point questioned "us" doesn't calm my doubts either, however, i am in no way trying to "pin" this on her. she's always thought highly of me, she thinks that i'm the greatest, that i would be a great dad (despite some of our conflicting views/believes on various issues), and i don't know if it's just my guilty conscience, but it seems as though she's been praising me more and more this last couple weeks....how special i am, how much she loves me and how great i'll be and such. before i took those kind of comments as true compliments (as they are intended to be), but i'm beginning to feel pressure from them. i don't know/think that i can live up to her expectation, i fear i'm doomed to become a disappointment to her. i haven't done anything TOO regretable with this other girl (from the other thread) to consider myself as a cheater, dishonest perhaps. so i'm not only questioning the faithfulness aspect, i'm simply doubting myself as a whole, am i really a "family man"? i mean com'on, a girl that i barely know for 5 months can derail my thinking this easily, im a much weaker person than i could ever imagine. can i really sacrifice the lifestyle that i've become so accustomed to? not saying that married life is a prison, but let's admit it, it's a world of difference and sacrifice is inevitable. and most of all...how could i even begin to bring this up? esp. when she thinks that we've made up and everything is "dandy"? and i know for a fact that the slightest mention of what's going on in my mind will completely devastate her. i really am not sure if i should bring this up also because i'm not sure that i'm not going to be fine. i'm not sure either way, that's why i'm hesitant on even mentioning, hoping perhaps this is just a small bump that will work itself out (or i'll work myself out) and would become a non-issue and not worth bringing it in the open and cause head/heartache and pain from what could be a moot point. what do i do????
  25. I at my age (yes 33) have developed an insecurity problem. I have anxiety issues that have caused me major setbacks in my life. I have these issues and yet I give people hypocritical advice on how to deal with such problems. Ever since then, the thought of worrying about what others think and say about me has plagued me for 5 years. I do not know where it has come from. I even have created self doubt in my abilities as a whole. Since these thindgs have occurred, I am unable to maintain or develop long lasting relationships with others. I feel tormented by others who choose to wickedly harass me everytime they see me at my school with vicious comments that effect my way of thinking and I have tried to handle the problem but with poor results. Sometimes I would react by lashing out, through violent attacks, crazy outbursts or approaching them unexpectantly by slapping them or making them shut up instantly. However, this approach does seem exhausting and childish. I need an effective way to handle the situation. I have not done anthing to harm these people or said anything to cause them to treat me this way before (except harming them or threatening in self defense)but after awhile it makes me wonder what did I do to deserve this? Have I trained or taught these people how to treat me? It has gotten to the point of avoiding others while also treating people badly to get rid of them with erractic behavior and lack of trust. I thought that God should fight your battles for you. I thought that by showing that you are unmoved by their taunts or comments that they would eventually become bored and give up altogether in behaving this way. Or am I living in a fantasy world? Could it be that others hate you tremendously because you choose to be different and you won't change for anyone? Or is it because deep down they are truly insecure themselves and are going along with everyone else's attitude to avoid being left out of the fun? I have tried to go to church for answers on how to be more calmed and less panicky on this and other things, but it is very hard to be dedicated to the lord when the devil (negative people) tries your faith and brings you down. What is the best approach to this situation? WHAT is the difference between assertive and aggressive? How can I overcome this dilemma? Am I mentally unstable and truly sick for feeling and thinking this way? I need your help. I am very optimistic, but I do not need this kind of stress hanging on my head when there more important matters to be concerned about. Please help free me from my emotional prison. This is what has caused me not to move on from anything I needed to be removed from. I know as a grown woman I should be passed from this, but it is a lot more deeper and harder for me to deal with. Thank you to all opinons and all thoughts are welcomed.....
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