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Showing results for tags 'self esteem'.
The other day I posted regarding a "situationship" and her pulling back. Well we spoke again and had agreed that we had to tone it down as we both were getting in to deep. I was happy to keep her as a friend for now but then on Friday I acted in a really insecure and unattractive way regarding an instagram story she had posted. I automatically assumed it was a date she was on and that's why she had started pulling back, it wasn't (it was her gay friend). I acted really out of turn, I was drunk and I think I've realised that alcohol and me dont mix well. I had no right to question it considering we weren't an "official" item. I took full accountability and apologised to her but she told me I clearly have deep insecurities and she has gone from thinking we are very similar people to completely different. She said my behaviour came across as controlling. She has been through a lot in her past and she has ZERO tolerance for "little boys" in her life. She told me she's lost respect for me and she was disappointed because she really cared about me and thought I was a great guy. She said do you think I'd ever allow any other friends/casual dates to treat me like that? And I do respect her stance, why should she. It's really opened my eyes up to the fact that I probably am pretty insecure / low self esteem even though I put on a front and act fine. I am not by any means an ugly guy, I hit the gym and have a good job, my own house etc but when I get attached to someone I expect them to feel the same way I do and I think the insecurities start to surface. I've also realised that I tend to speak before I think, I give unwanted, un-invited opinions which are meant with no malice or bad intentions but can cause offence or come across controlling. What's strange is, I never felt insecure ONCE during the time I was casually dating her, we both agreed from the start we weren't in it for something serious at this time, I still had other girls trying to message me too and I didn't feel guilty (I was enjoying the single life) but when she initially started pulling away due to a comment I made the week before (was intended as a joke but she took offence, although we spoke about it and resolved). I definitely realise that I had fallen for her, I'll admit it. I NEVER expected it. 2 months of talking every day, meeting up and sleeping together. It hit me like a truck. I think the sexual connection we had really sucked me in. I've had a few sexual partners in the past and never experienced anything like this. But also her drive and ambition really stroke a chord within me. I think the other problem is; I'm not that long out a 4 year relationship. Perhaps I've not processed it properly, I've not focussed on myself enough. She told me she really appreciated me taking accountability for it and that she's glad we had the chat but she "doesn't want to go back to how things were, meeting, talking everyday and sleeping with each other" Things went too fast and she "got a fright". She has too much to focus on with work and has no time for it. She did tell me she was "obviously still very angry with me" and that she was "sounding like a ***" but I told her she had every right to be. She said we can be civil and keep in touch now and then, which obviously wont happen. I know deep down I've properly messed this up and I really want to work on my internal issues and maybe reach out to her a few months from now if she's still available? I think the fact that she was still angry didn't help and I probably should have just apologised and left it there rather than trying to "fix" what we had. I told her that she'll always have my respect and if she ever wants to talk, she can. I honestly don't even know what this post is for to be honest, I just feel pretty crappy. I'm struggling to mentally come to terms with the fact that I clearly caught feelings and in no way did I expect to. I actually feel worse now than I did after my 4 year relationship..... that's pretty weird. Really looking for tips / advice on how to be happy alone and putting myself first. I get too overly invested in people and always end up hurt.