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About Me

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  1. My ex and I broke up about a month ago. They gave me a reason that they cared about me and the relationship, but not as much as I did. To give a bit more context is that they were already going through a rough period in their life before they called off the relationship. I asked them what are some boundaries that they would like from me during the break up and they said to not contact them and they would be the one to contact me, I could however call them if I was in an emergency situation. For the rest of that month, I didn't really feel bad about the break up. After 30 days of no contact, I started to feel anxious like the whole break up just finally hit me. It really hurt after seeing them post pictures on their social media stories of them smiling. I was envious of that since I miss being able to see that all the time. So realizing that I unfollowed them from all my social medias (pictures from my phone). The pain was still there and with this being my first relationship ever I didn't know how to grieve during this time (like I'm already working out) and I'm still in that process. So in a moment of weakness, I sent out DM on instagram saying something positive like, "Hey I just wanted to say I hope you're doing good". They saw it and didn't respond. I didn't realize at first since I'm so emotional that I had appeared desperate and was most likely annoying them. A few days had passed, I was still in a bad spot that I had 3 similar nightmares, yet different endings. I had a panic attack, so I reached out to them again, "Hey is it possible for me to talk to my friend today? I do need help." This time they did respond back letting me know that they were sorry, but they were still in a bad spot mentally and could not be of any help. I sent back pretty much that I understood and would not have reached out if it wasn't important, but did not want to make their headspace any worse and wanted to see if we could try to talk soon or plan on talking at a more reasonable time. Later on, I saw that the message was read and CONTINUE to make the same mistake by letting them know that I was going back to leaving them alone but said if they could reach out when they can to please do so because it was important. Then yesterday, I have realize how much desperate I was coming off even if my intentions were coming from a good spot. I was still desperate, need more time to heal, and threw away any of my dignity in front of them. I don't know why this made sense to me, but that same day (yesterday) I sent out one last text and it just said, "Hey sorry for the last few days. Things have just been emotional on top of this breakup and I lashed out. Hope you're doing better." I deleted their number because in the last few days, I have been understanding more and more from their view points on how this relationship came to an end. While they needed time and space because of their personally life. I had become very anxious about their well-being, and was over-stepping in the relationship like trying to fix everything, even though they didn't ask for help or not giving them the appropriate space they needed (during and after the relationship). I've been meeting with my therapist and I have a lot of healing and maturing to do. So I'm extending my part of the no-contact from 30 days to at least a year if not indefinite. I know I'm gonna be able to get to the point where I can see my life without them again and be happy. I'm not at that stage yet, but I want to be at the point where I could be happy whether or not if they come back (friends or anything). I just want to know so I can learn for future relationship or even this one if they decided to forgive me for my overbearingness, do you guys think that while I'm focusing on myself that they could forgive me or even reach out again?
  2. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. If you go through my post history you will see all the events that transpired and led up to this moment. I’ve tried to restrain myself from coming back after my last post as I realized I kept going in circles and was starting to get a bit annoying and pathetic. Maybe it’s the covid loneliness talking, but after so long I felt I wanted to reach out again for advice. Sorry if this post drags on, I posted a tdlr at the end. To summarize, my ex and I broke up 2 and a half years ago. I was her first relationship. We were friends for a while before anything happened between us but I knew she had a long standing crush on me. once we did get involved, we had a bit of a rough start because I initially wasn’t interested in her and had my mind on other woman while being involved with her (before we became official). But eventually, my feelings for her grew and I became committed to her once she became my girlfriend and tried to make amends for making her feel insecure initially. From that point onwards I had the happiest relationship of my life, with someone who was also my best friend. After around a year or so of dating we had to do distance. And long story short she fell for another guy who was a coworker at her summer job and she ended up leaving me for him. It was unbelievable at the time because it felt like there was no warning. Just that one week we were fine and the next I sensed she was different. It took me so long to get better. This person who I came to believe was my soulmate was gone. Someone who was my best friend before we even dated had hurt me without remorse. Since then I’ve tried healing. I’ve casually dated some more people, focused on my career and physical well-being and while it helps and my life is on track in many ways, I still feel myself missing her and lonely. I sat on these feelings for a while until I heard that she had broken up with the guy she had left me for. Apparently it had been a toxic relationship and he hadn’t been such a good person but I don’t know details. I decided to wait and give her some time to process her breakup and didn’t reach out until 4-5 months afterwards. When I finally did, we caught up for the first time in years. And it was nice but I could tell she was guarded and didn’t want to give me much. A lot was said between us but the most important takeaway was that she admitted that she believes she never really loved me and that she had confused our friendship for being more than what it was and didn’t like the person she was back then. The person who had put up with so much and didn’t respect herself just to win me over. She said that while the guy she left me for wasn’t a good guy and things didn’t end well, that she thinks she experienced real love with him, and never felt like a second choice while with him. For the record I didn’t ask for this information. She just offered it up. And it hurt. It hurt that I had never fully moved on from who I thought was my soulmate, and in her eyes I was just a mistake from a more naive younger version of herself and wasn’t even real love in her eyes. While I was hurt, I told her I accepted how she felt but asked if she was still willing to have a new beginning as friends, because that’s what we were before anything and I sincerely mean it when I say I would have learned to be happy with just that. She admitted that while it was nice to talk to me again and she doesn’t regret our time together, that she didn’t want that, as she feels that it would remind her too much of who she was back then and the mistakes she made. Accepting her answer, I told her to let me know if she ever changed her mind as she was an important person in my life and I’ll always be happy to connect with her again. And that was the last I heard from her. In a way, while not in the way that I had hoped, I had gotten closure. Her words should have been the final indicator that she had moved on and would never look back and I needed to accept that. Which brings us to today. I’m not happy, but I should be. Things have improved in my life in a lot of areas but it feels meaningless without her. And that’s not right. Especially after over two years. I feel creepy and pathetic with how obsessed I feel. I don’t even bring up my feelings to anyone else anymore because it’s been so long. Maybe because it’s also covid and meeting new people is just not in the cards right now, but even though my ex was clear that she was past me, a part of me wants to cling onto hope? In two years I haven’t met anyone who makes me feel even close to how she made me feel. It’s not a healthy mentality to have I know, but I can’t help but compare other girls and so far no one has come close to just how amazing my ex was. And maybe that’s why I keep coming back to thoughts of her. finally to the ask of this post. What should I do? I’ve tried to focus and build on myself but even after that my mind still comes back to her. I know it’s not normal after so long to still not be okay but I want to work on changing that. Any advice is appreciated. tdlr: still not fully over my ex that I broke up with over 2 years ago. I’m worried that I never will be. When we last connected, she told me she doesn’t see us being in each others lives in any capacity in the future and that she never really loved me. I feel pathetic that I’m still thinking so much about her but I’m looking for genuine advice on how to move on.
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