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About Me

  1. Just an update... I'm finally starting to feel that relief I so desperately wanted to feel, that I left a marriage that was hurting me and that I did the right thing for myself and my future. I don't feel it all the time, but it comes to me in waves and I know I don't feel as despaired as I did a few weeks ago. I'm back at work, I don't feel guilty about leaving, there are good things. I'm trying not to feel mad at myself or guilty about staying so long and putting up with things... it's a hard thing to cope with. I let someone mistreat me for so long... I've started talking to my therapi
  2. I've been trying to block out the range of emotions I have been feeling over the past couple days, but I finally realize that just typing this out may be therapeutic in a way. I apologize for the length, there is a lot of information here. Anyways, on to the information: My wife and I are highschool sweethearts. We've been together since 2002 and we've never been with anyone else. My wife had a rough childhood. Her parents separated when she was 4-5 years old and she lived with her mother who had a lot of emotional issues, and was very much mentally abusive to her. She coped with the abus
  3. I’ve been with my bf for 8 yrs. About 3-4 yrs into the relationship he said he couldn’t be with someone who was sexually assaulted. He made how he feels clear and was upfront about his experience with molestation as a child by males and females. I was raped but never told him or anyone just kept it a secret, it happened in the later part of my teenage yrs. Recently I’ve been dealing with depression (change in jobs and moving) I saw the guy who raped me on Facebook and it triggered old feelings about the situation. My boyfriend was helping me through the depressed episode by coming to stay with
  4. This happened to me years ago but feeling inspired to share due to the other posts asking the same question. Went on a first date with a guy. Realized soon into the date I was not into him. He was extremely persistent about us continuing the night and going to his place and I said no repeatedly. He finally insisted on at least driving me to my car which was parked a few blocks away. I said ok. When we got to my car, he got handsy with me and I remember he locked the car doors. It was a lot of struggle and me saying no but somehow with him in the driver seat and me in the passenger seat, he
  5. I was out having drinks with some friends when this guy and I started chatting. My friends were ready to call it a night and asked if I'd be okay. I said I was fine and stayed. This guy and I ended up grabbing something to eat and hitting another spot to drink. Now this is where I don't even remember taking another drink, I don't remember much at all. I don't remember going back to his place and I don't remember getting undressed. I have a flashback of him on top of me and kind of trying to push him away because I was a virgin and it hurt. Then I just remember looking away. When I woke up nake
  6. Hey everyone. I'm having an issue right now with my best friend. We're both in our mid 20's and have been best friends since we were 14. She recently met this 31 yr old guy at her job, he doesn't work there but he's friends with another employee and comes in daily to hang around his friend and my best friend. They've known eachother for a little over a month. From what I've heard from her and the texts I've read between them, he is VERY verbally abusive towards her and basically any woman he's ever been involved with. He will call her and other girls wh*res, b*tches, a ret*rd, etc.... very deg
  7. I've been writing about my life, and it's made me revisit the past. Injustices. Emotionally abusive relationships. Rape even. Parental neglect. Narcissistic parent. And suddenly, I've become so internally anger. Yes I know to visit a therapist- I will. Yes I also know anger can be a positive thing, it means one step towards healing. And yes I know anger is probably repressed hurt. What I dont know how to do is cope with it. I live with someone and can't comfortably punch my pillow in private. I'm already writing about it. It's just all consuming. I wasn't ready for this. Have you ever ha
  8. Well not really a change in career per se I would still work in legal, but change from civil defense to criminal defense full time. For the past few months, I have been helping a solo criminal attorney set up his practice on a part time basis after work and on some Saturday's. I have been helping him market his business (advertiseing), set up his office and interviewing potential clients. He won't represent clients he knows are guilty, only the ones he senses are innocent. Although realizes some could still be guilty. This includes those charged with drug dealing, robberies, assa
  9. Very long... sorry, just need to put it into words. So, I'm back. 5 months on from creating a post about my girlfriend finding another guy within a week of breaking up, people warning me if she did that she was probably a cheat anyway; some people saying it was none of my business and I shouldn't care. Well, we got back together after a week and continued on. That brings me to the point of this post. After months of "trying" to make it work, me being manipulated into thinking i had insecurity issues, her telling me to seek therapy as i questioned things such as when she stopped haveing s
  10. Hi, so, my girlfriend was raped last year. She's been to counselling and therapy, and they've done some sessions with her, and they said the next step is for her to actually have sex with a man again in order to get over the mental block she still has in place lingering from the rape. We need to build up to that of course, because at this point, she can't even touch herself anymore, or let me touch her. And I can't fully help her, because I'm a girl, and she needs to have sex with a man, because it was a man who raped her. She's terrified to do it though, and since she feels safe with me, I to
  11. I'm a sophmore in college, and pretty shy. I joined a sorority and adopted a party girl attitude because drinking gave me confidence. never drank before college, so i have found myself in some terribly dangerous situations. I really need some advice though... for the past two years i have been blowing off the seven cases of "rape" where I was so drunk I was either immobile, puking, and most definitely blacked out. Each story is very similar... end up blacked out, wake up in the guys bed or am told we had sex. All these guys are people I wouldn't have sex with sober, and its terrifying to
  12. I honestly don't understand how people can ever argue this was consensual or that it's a he said/she said situation. I honestly don't understand how someone gets sentenced 3 months in jail for rape.
  13. I went to the club with my friends last night. We were pre gaming so I was already a bit tipsy by the time I got there. Saw this guy from campus who I always thought was cute and he asked if I wanted a drink. I said yes. Please don t judge but I took a quarter of xanax while drunk. Bad idea so I blacked out. My friends didn t stop me from going home with him but I guess I did. I literally don t remember anything. I remember I was in his bed (no idea how I got there) and he was trying to wake me up but I started throwing up on him. By that point I remember saying "I m sorry. Should I leave ? I
  14. Hey Guys!!! I was just watching this episode of dateline and.....well, it was about this rape that occurred. I just want to say THANK YOU GUYS SO VERY MUCH!!! I've just thought of the things I've been through and there has always been someone from this community to love and support me. And it means the world. Rape is always complicated, never clear or easy, and always hard to discuss. Whenever I've needed to vent, or cry, or scream, or comtimplated a new way of thinking, enotalone has been here for me. I mean, this is the best resource ever! Thank you guys! You've a
  15. I went to therapy tonight. It was okay. I really needed it. I feel better. I'm going to work on getting out of my parents house by summer. I love my parents, but they make a lot of flipant remarks. My mother is judgemental and my father, well, he doesn't get the notion of "I need some space". Anywho, I have to look out for myself. I want to get better too, and I need to get out of this house to do so. I just feel......I don't know. Part of me feels glad that I'll have something to work towards. And part of me feels so sad. Sad that I can't rely on my parents when I need them
  16. I have been with my husband for 9 years now. I am so torn. Throughout the years I have found him researching 'is it gay to suck your own johnson'. I have found a profile he had (dating one) that he had checked looking for MEN & women . He likes pegging. also I have found him looking at rape porn. These are all red flags to me, I may be over reacting, I'm not sure but I feel that he is attracted to men(my gut feeling says he has cheated on me with a guy(s)). It sickens me. He will never admit to any of it it he did. Part of me wants to up and leave because I feel like this marriage is not
  17. Hello All, I apologize if this is a bit of a read but I feel that this is a complicated situation. My husband and I have been together for about six years, and have been married for about a year and a half. He is 28 years old, disabled Air Force Veteran. I am a 27 year old straight female. My husband was sexually abused and repeatedly raped by one of his uncles from the age of 6 all the way up until 9 years old until his mother (his uncle's sister) finally found out and moved them several states away from the uncle and my husband "locked away" those memories. Years went by and my husband en
  18. Hi. I am a 20 y/o woman living with my 21 y/o boyfriend. We have been together for two and a half years, and I love him very much. He is my best friend. He is loving, warm, thoughtful, romantic and I love being with him. Two years ago when we were walking home from his parents' drunk-out-of-our-minds we had sex on the way home. Except I said no. Repeatedly. I was too drunk and did not want to have sex but he continued until I stopped resisting. Similar things have happened a few times after that. He has not respected my sexual boundaries although this has improved a lot since we started talkin
  19. Hi. I'm 17 years old and I honestly am losing my will to live. I am happy outside the house but when I get home everything starts to hurt. It started in March when my ex broke up with me. I was pretty ruined. I was honestly depressed and would cry every day. I missed him so much. When school ended in June and I didn't have to see him anymore, I told myself I would move on, have fun, and life would be better. However, the hell on earth had just begun. My dad started taking my phone at night. He searched it and found my private text messages with a friend revealing I was raped. My parents didn't
  20. So my wife and i for years have role played rapist and victim.Pretty harmless stuff holding her down getting rough (not too rough). I think its pretty hot but its her thing ,shes super into it . One day talking about how verbally abusive we can be when were fighting she says the best thing i could do in the middle of an argument would be to grab her hold her down and f$@k the s?!t out of her . Ok thats how it all started but heres the embarassing part . Just a normal heavy petting session amd she starts giving me oral but my head was elsewhere and i wasnt really into it (not that typical for u
  21. So it finally happened all this time i thought she was blowing me off but i kept my cool. Oddly enough it was like we never skipped a beat laughing from the second we met up, like the past 6 months never happened. i let her say what she had to say, she also told me i was right all along about the guy i knew was good from day one🙃. She has him blocked on everything and he got fired cause he tryed to rape her basically at her party. After the meet i was thinking about txting her it was nice to see her but she did it, i am not chasing her nor am i going to let her stick me in the friendzone. She
  22. Okay, I am a sophomore in college. I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year. Shes still a seniore in HS. Anyway, Im a typical college student, I usually drink once a weekend. But I am smart enough to never get with another girl or even think about because I love her and have planned on marrying her. Anyway, she goes on a recruit trip to University of Michigan this past weekend, and gets completely plastered at a frat and wakes up with her pants off. Come to find out later, she had sex with another man. She doesnt remember anything, couldve been awake, couldve been passed out and
  23. I know that anti depressants have a side effect of causing vivid dreams. But my dreams are so weird that I am scared of the whole idea of going to bed and falling asleep. Don't know if its my disturbed state of mind or stress?. Mostly I dream about trying to save me and my family from drowning from a tsunami or flood. Re-occurrence of this dream makes me so uneasy at night that morning I am thankful to God that it was a dream. Lately, I dreamt that a coworker of mine tried to rape me. Its so horrifying. Now I just can't stand him. Although its just a dream and the coworker is actually very dec
  24. I was married to a man for 6 years, with him 11 and have a 6 year old daughter with him. He left me over a year ago for another woman. (Aka she saved my life). He was always mentally abusive toward me but the last year of are marriage he started becoming physically abusive. He would throw things, break items, he choked me several times, smacked me once and in January 2015 he raped me while are daughter was in the next room. My problem now is i am extremely thankful to finally be safe and away from the situation. I have been fighting for custody of are daughter ever since. Due to rages, I kno
  25. Urg just had contact with my ex. Phone rings and there's the name I just look at it and let it ring. I stair at the phone it's so unlike her to call. We always texted mostly unless there was an emergency. I pick it up she's in hysterics telling me she has a medical issue. She knows I'll be calming to talk to we have been thru this type of stuff before. It pisses me off am I wrong to feel this way? She broke it off with me. I told her exactly how i felt towards our relationship I didnt hold anything back. I didnt even get a full sentence in return after 4 years and an engagment. Why doesn't s
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