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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. So Valentines day is coming up quickly, and my girlfriend and I have been doing the long distance thing for almost a year now. I was thinking of righting her a love letter, but writing it in Spanish since that is her first language, and I know Spanish is very important to her. She has expressed her wanted me to learn it. I planned on mailing it along with a rose or carnation, but I wanted to ask is it to soon for a love letter? It has been almost a year since we started doing this. My second question is can anyone help me translate it into proper Mexican Spanish? This would be amazing if anyone could help out! Just shoot me a PM or post in this thread. Thank you very much!
  2. If there was an online couple planning to meet in the future, like months away, but didn't work out and broke up before they could meet, do you guys think that means they won't work in real life too? Because I had an online girlfriend who lives about 6 hours away from me but I didn't call her enough so she got real lonely and dumped me. And I regret everything and such, but I was just thinking that if we were a real couple then this would've never happened, because I personally don't like talking on the phone but I love hanging out so I would hang out with my girlfriend like any chance I had. If we were a real life couple, I'd have no problem with the phone because I wouldn't have to talk so long because we see each other a lot.
  3. I'm devastated and want to hate her. She and I dated long distance on'n'off for 18 years. She went away to go to college to get her Masters degree that got her the career she has now. She worked hard to get where she is at. A career that is limited to the big city...a life which I don't like. I live in a smaller place about 4 hours from her. She's doing so well that she bought her own home. She wanted space for kids down the road. I wasn't happy about her home buying, because I thought it meant she would never come to me. When we reached 32 (we're both 35 now) she started talking about security and stability in life. She saves for the future and all that stuff, but I don't think it's all that important right now. Money isn't everything and she should understand that & stop being so serious about it. She likes the community I live in (resort town) and tried to find a job here - no luck. I work in a trade and could have moved to where she was (lots of jobs), but I was afraid of leaving my life incase it didn't work. She doesn't always enjoy her career, so I think she should've moved here and taken a secretary job. She always seemed to meet other guys while we were living apart, and I didn't want to move to where she was when that was happening. We would ultimately get back together. I wanted her to move here, because she likes it and I love it. I had lots of work opportunity where she lives...but she had no opportunities in her career here. I don't own a home and I haven't even saved for one & housing is very expensive in my town. My girlfriend talked to me about saving and getting a job for a long time. I chose not to work for about 3 years. I wanted to have fun and hang out. That used to bug her. She'd ask me to get a job so we could save for a future. She would try and get me to save a couple hundred bucks a month. I pay cheap rent and should have been able to save something I guess. When I chose not to work, she was trying to plan a cheap vacation to Asia...I wanted to go - but didn't go with her. She went alone. I didn't want her to go alone. Now, she met someone else again and accidentally got pregnant - so it's over for good now. I know she feels terrible...and she acknowledges her mistakes, but she also said that I didn't give her the security she needed in a long term relationship. I wasn't growing up. She got tired of my lifestyle. She didn't want to have to be the responsible one all the time. Is she somewhat right? Did I make any mistakes in this relationship? I'm just trying to figure out how this came to be...we loved each other so much. Why was she such a goddam mod edit?
  4. Hey all, I have a long distance relationship with a boy my own age. I live about 300 miles from him, he's from London. He has a friend called Luke who I met first online and we chatted a lot of the time on MSN as friends although Luke fancied me a lot. I met Luke twice before meeting my boyfriend. Anyway on my third visit I met his friend (who is now my current boyfriend) who I hit it off with really well and we ended up going out. My partner knows his friend fancied me from the start. Since I've been going out with my other half he seems keen to keep me away from Luke and all his mates. I don't get why? Does he feel insecure? He keeps worrying about losing me although I have assured him countless times it wont happen. Anyway it's my 18th birthday next Friday so I'm going to visit my boyfriend and I was hoping to maybe hang out with Luke and the others since I never got that opportunity to last time. When I brought it up, he seemed to go quiet and cold on me. I had a bit of a falling out with Luke last weekend and I started calling him a jerk to Dan* and now that I've said I want to see him, he doesn't understand why when I was complaining about him a couple of days ago. I can understand him wanting to keep me to hiself on my birthday which is why I agreed to spend it alone with him, all I asked was, was if I could maybe meet up with Luke and he said "you was complaining about him a couple of days ago and now you want to hang out with him, I don't understand you". I have known Luke longer that Dan and although thats not the point, I would like to see him. He is just a mate. I don't know how to confront him about it without causing an argument. I just want to sometimes see Luke and his mates when I come for a visit. Am I being unreasonable here? If not, how can I resolve it without it becoming an argument? Lost here. Thanks for reading, -Miya-
  5. Just a quick question for you all.. I linger here a lot when I should be working I come in this section as well and I am wondering: When you meet someone Online and it's awhile before you actually physically meet. If you consider yourself a couple, when do you establish the anniversary? When you actually met? or when you first met online? (even if it started as a friendship) Just curious
  6. I have a timely situation which I desperately need some feedback and advice. Any comments and suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Please keep in mind, however, that this has a deadline because the dance is March 17th and I need to have some answers before that week. My online/long-distance girlfriend of three months informed me in February that her best friend's cousin (let's call him Chad) had asked her to be his date at this dance being held March 17th. Her best friend (let's call her Angel) only associates with people who she actually knows in person. My girlfriend does not want to introduce any unnecessary complications into our relationship if her best friend were to disapprove of her being involved with someone who is online. thereforeeee, Angel and Chad have no clue that my girlfriend isn't single, and are clueless regarding the strain they are putting on our relationship. In February, my girlfriend showed me the online conversation she had where Chad asked her to the dance in March and his words were "you're going to be my date" In her reply she tried to get out of it by suggesting that he ask someone else such as this girl she knew he liked, but then her best friend Angel (who happened to be over at her cousin's house) came on his screename speaking on behalf of him and basically pressured my girlfriend by saying "why are you telling him no when he at least had the balls to ask you... he asked a girl out once before and she rejected him - don't you do that to him too" So my girlfriend felt obligated and forced to agree to go to the dance with Chad. I expressed to my girlfriend that I was upset over this because it just doesn't seem right or proper for a boyfriend to allow his girlfriend to go on a date with another guy. We got into a very serious disagreement which had to be settled over the phone but it concluded with her telling me she just wouldn't go, when the time came she would come up with some excuse, and we left it at that. Now it's March and the dance is just weeks away (the 17th to be exact), and it seems that previous resolution to the situation we had has all but been forgotten because once again the topic of her going to the dance came up the other night for a different reason. She just casually told me she'd probably see this other friend of Angel's at the dance. (who hit on her indirectly by a comment to a picture of Angel, my girlfriend, and another girl posted on Angel's MySpace, saying how Angel's BFF was sexy and he's" gonna bang that..some day"... Of course, that got resolved with both Angel and my girlfriend upset about it and Angel spoke to her friend about how he was out of line with that) but once again I am confronted with the fact that my girlfriend is still mentioning the dance. I had thought she wasn't going to go, but she then explained to me that she is still going to go to this dance with Chad. She claims we never really decided if it was okay for her to go or not. I recall that I had made it pretty clear I didn't want her to go, but she somehow doesn't remember this. My girlfriend and Chad have a bit of a history together. Two years ago, when I was just friends with my girlfriend she told me how she thought she had feelings for Chad and she was going to see if she liked him. One afternoon while chatting to her, she told me how on Saturday while at Angel's she shared to me and implied she had did things with Chad, phrased in her words, "to make a long story short, touch touch, flirt flirt, touch touch"... whether this implies that they made out or what is unclear to me and she barely recalls it. I had to even prove to her she had even done such a thing with Chad by finding the online conversation with her telling me about it and showing her. Also, recently as of the last few months, my girlfriend told me at one time when Chad was showing interest in some other girl, Angel made a remark that she would rather he dated her than that girl. This makes me wonder if this is not some scheme of Angel's to set my girlfriend up with Chad and attempt to get them together. Anyway, I trust my girlfriend but I do not trust this guy because of that past. I have been playing through some worse case scenarios. Even though my girlfriend sees this as a harmless outing with a friend, the fact that Chad labeled it as a date worries me. What if he goes into this expecting her to behave like a date as opposed to a friend? What if he tries to kiss her, and worse, succeeds? How can I live with myself knowing my girlfriend was kissed by another guy when I could have had a say in the matter to prevent it? What if he wants to slow dance with her? It is a dance, after all. The thought of another guy placing his hands on my girlfriend's body upsets me. I mean, I don't get to have any physical contact with my girlfriend because of the nature of our relationship, so how is this fair some other guy should get that privilege? My girlfriend is committed to me and loves me very much and would never hurt me or cheat on me. I trust her. In fact, she didn't even have to tell me of any of this and could have just gone without my knowledge, and I probably would have been none the wiser. She doesn't like seeing me upset and hurt and she reassures me that nothing is going to happen. They're just friends. Would he have asked her to this dance if he had known she wasn't single? I wonder. She also doesn't want to let down Chad and reject him and hurt his feelings since he can't find a date other than her, nor does she want to disappoint her best friend, Angel. Angel and Chad have no idea I am in the picture. My girlfriend has told me she might not even be able to get a ride to this and she might not even be able to go. She also has suggested maybe she could come up with some excuse for not being able to go. Also there is the option where she can just go and I will have to be okay with it and trust nothing will go wrong. Maybe, despite Chad's words I need to stop looking at this as a date, perhaps? Or maybe I could give her my consent as long as some ground rules were established that she would make Chad aware of. I just don't like that my girlfriend might have had a date while she was with me. That just seems so tacky and something you just don't do in a committed relationship. We are exclusive, this is not an open relationship. She has tried her best to comfort me. I was so disgusted and annoyed, wondering too if perhaps I was being controlling or petty and selfish and only thinking of myself, that I suggested perhaps we shouldn't speak to one another until this whole thing blows over, while I am in a upset mood such as this, but that of course can't happen because that would hurt her as much as it would hurt me. If we can help it, we don't even go a day without some form of contact with each other, be it online chatting or phone conversation, usually a mixture of both. In fact, she called me that same night as usual even though I had been upset to her online. She tells me she always wants to talk to me no matter what my mood is - at least we're still talking. Also, before I got together with her, my girlfriend was a close friend of mine for two years and she shared everything to me that she did, good or bad. When she was with her last boyfriend she admitted to me she had learned he was cheating and she herself was doing some cheating as well - "we both mess around too much with others". But my situation is much different and my girlfriend is very committed and loving to me. She knows I don't want to be with anyone else but her and it is a mutual sentiment. She knows the words I speak come from the heart and are not just convenient well chosen lines to tell her what I think she wants to hear. We have even discussed our plans of a future together and she isn't scared by any of that. I am aware she wasn't the most faithful in her last online relationship whom I actually was the cause of what ended it. She now regrets a lot of her past behaviour and distances herself from her old self. Being with me just within the first week of our first month together had already changed her and bettered her as a person. I know they say, once a cheater, always a cheater but that doesn't apply at all to her relationship with me now. She knows that she is not being mistreated at all by me and I have the best intentions for both of us even though I may overreact and worry and become over-sensitive at times, she is very happy and we are both very loving and affectionate and supportive of each other. Although she is still quite new to relationships (I am one of the first boyfriends she has ever been serious with), she definitely knows now what love is supposed to be like and we both agree we made the best decision in choosing each other. I want our relationship to last. Situations such as this dance make things difficult for both of us. She wants to please everyone in this situation, but she also doesn't want to hurt me and she doesn't like at all what this is doing to me and how it is beginning to make me behave towards her. Am I worried over nothing and should I just let her go to the dance, or should I exert some of my control I should have a right to as her significant other and tell her to not go? She really doesn't care either way personally whether she goes to this dance or not. She just feels obligated to.
  7. For those that don't know my story, my ex girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago due to her "needing space, wanting to find herself blah, blah, blah). For 2 years, we had a long distance relationship (which was great - we were very much in love), and she moved to my city (from her college town 1000 miles away) after graduation. She had a tough time finding a "real" job and making new friends, since she was working nights at a restaurant while I was working days. She went into a mild depression and became very lonely. One night she was having doubts about our relationship and confessed that she was thinking about moving back to her college town (where all her friends still reside). I was obviously crushed, and made all the mistakes that everybody here made - begging, pleading, guilt-tripping and the like. After discovering this site, I realized that I needed to back off, and went NC for the last two weeks she was in town. When she finally left, I conceded to say goodbye. We both cried (a lot) and she said that she needs to be on her own right now, but she has never respected nor loved (note that past tense!) anybody as much as me. She said that she had no interest in anybody else, and in subsequent emails she said that it was so hard to go out with her friends and have guys talk to her when she has no interest in any of them. Since she was very honest with me during the entire breakup process, I believed her. I suppose that I still held out hope that in a few months, she would call me and said that she made a mistake and left because she was lost without her friends and being in a foreign city. I work for an airline and have free travel benefits (for both of us) so it would be conceivable to resume a LDR. Well, I may have been played for a fool. I'm friends with the brother of one of her best friends (that's how we met) who casually mentioned that "sounds like XXXXX has been partying like a rock star. So much for getting her life together." Which, of course, perked my interest to say the least. I could tell that my friend wished he did not say anything, but I pressed for more details. I asked if she had been "hooking up" and he asked if I really wanted to know (which pretty much says everything right there). I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I couldn't help it. Well, she has been hooking up and partying like a rock star. I feel so devastated right now. I have not been able to bring myself to hit on anyone else yet, and here she is becoming the village bicycle - this is NOT the same girl that I fell in love with. Eventually she will call or email again, and I want to tell her "thanks for lying - really appreciate it!" but I know I cannot do this. I'll take the high road and ignore her contactm, but inside I'm dying. I was doing so well up to this point - working out, eating better, attempting to quit smoking, FEELING better, but now I have been set back considerably. I guess this should serve as closure, but I feel terrible. If anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences, I'd appreciate some advice. Thanks
  8. I posted earlier about my pregnant ex. And although I want to blame the split on her, I'm really thinking about my role in the whole mess. We dated long distance on'n'off for 18 years. Main reason for long distance was that she moved to another city to go to university. Over the course of these 18 years, she would tend to meet other guys where she was at (in her classes, at her jobs, etc.). This happened several times and she ended up dating a few guys seriously. She told me that she was sorry, but just was too tired of the long distance thing and didn't feel like we were on the same page. Whenever her relationships ended, we would always seem to rekindle until the next interest developed. As I said earlier, it would have been very easy for me to find work where she was and she could'nt find work where I live. My friends tell me that despite her dating other guys, if I really loved her, I should've taken a risk and moved to her city to work and be nearer to her. That way we could've gotten more of a sense of whether or not our relationship really worked in the same town. I just didn't want to go there if she was seeing someone else. But it seemed that the longer we spent apart, even when we were "on" and dating each other....she would ultimately get tired of it and say she met someone again. Some of the guys wanted to marry her but she never made it to the alter with any of these guys because she said she still had strong feelings for me. Also as I indicated earlier...she did have all sorts of concerns about my free spirit lifestyle. I guess what I'm wanting to know is if I should've moved to her town, even if she was dating someone else, and waited for her....been there when it ended? Would any of you done that? Now it's too late because she's pregnant....and she doesn't even think it will work out between her and the father...but even if it didn't I have no interest in ever being with her again because I can't stand the idea of her child or the father. I just wonder if I should've made an effort to go to her? I'm having such a hard time letting this go and I feel so betrayed by her.
  9. Ok-so it's been brought up again...this time it is serious. The guy I am in an LDR with, wants to meet. Which is ok, I'm good with that. My question is this. He's in Nevada, I'm in Ontario, Canada. I always felt that the first time you meet face-to-face the guy should go to the girl first. Am I old fashioned in my way of thinking? He has offered to pay for my airfare to New Mexico. I have a friend who lives there, he knows that, and I'm thinking he figures if it doesn't work out somehow, at least I'll have a friend there. I've asked him to visit here, and while he's never said NO..he's never said YES either. Should this be a concern?
  10. So I had gotten a stupid message over myspace last weekend from her. Not saying much but "I miss talkin to you, hope you're well bla bla". I didn't respond. She then called lastnight around 7:30, I didn't answer. I woke up to the LOUD ringing of the phone at 4:45 am. It was one of those instincts to just grab it and answer cuz you're slightly confused. I say hello, and she says "Oh you're sleeping I'll call you tomorrow". Yes, it's 5 am, most people are sleeping. I asked her what she wanted, she got mad, called me an ***hole and hung up LOL. Calls back 5 minutes later, to tell me she has my W2's from a job I worked while I lived with her. Which was cool, because I need that W2 and didn't want to contact her for it. I told her if she could send it this week that would be nice (Because Im applying for apts back out on the west coast and need to file first). And told her if she couldn't send them soon she would have to send them out to my mothers house on the west coast. She asked why, and I told her because I"m moving back out there. She replies with "Oh because XXXX is your new girl". Talking about some girl on my myspace. I laughed, as this chick is just a friend. Then the conversation goes something like this... Her: My mom is threatening to put me in treatment Me: Good, maybe it will do you some good Her: Yeah, maybe! (complete sarcasm) Her: I just don't give a **** anymore Me: It's your life XXXXX, it's just too bad you don't care enough about it, I don't understand you Her: Yeah, I've been hitting on that glass pipe..if you know what I mean Me: I really don't understand you Her: Yeah, you never understood me And that's where I told her I was going back to bed. She told me she'd call when she finds the W2's. Funny that I KNEW she was getting back into that crap the last couple months we were together, but because we were long distance I had no proof. And she would NEVER admit to it. Because she knows how against that crap I am. I've lost friends, that have died, and lost friends just because they're so far gone from that stuff, she knows how I feel about it. Just found it funny she openly admitted it to me lastnight, without me even asking her anything, at all...definitely not about drugs she's numbing herself with. Just goes to show you how that stuff makes you care absolutely nothing about yourself, or the people you love/love you. Just sad, considering I've seen her truly happy. The first 6 months of our relationship, when she was away from her hometown, and all the dysfunction, SOBER...she was happy. She knows it, I know it, her whole family noticed it. And now, the person I talked to lastnight, I can honestly say...I don't know her.
  11. Anyone been in a relationship that is good but still talked about breaking up? My S.O and i are in a reasonably good relationship but in an LDR situation. We do love each other but realization has set in that something has to change. (ie. we have to be in the same location to have a REAL relationship again) either she come here or i go there. We understnd our responsibilities and will not move unless we have a job where we are moving to.(not depending on the other all the way) We have talked about making plans to be together, but at the same time we have talked about ending the relationship. Is talking about ending the relationship a BAD thing? i am thinking it maybe is. I am just wondering if both parties WANT to be together, should the cinversation about breaking up even be considered? What do you think?
  12. Started doing long distance with my boyfriend when I had to move away, and ended up cheating on him and forgetting what we had because I'm messed up. So he broke up with me when he realised he deserved better. Think about him all the time Hope you like it! I remember when I saw you Your face came into view Now looking back, I think it was The day my dreams came true I remember when I had you The world became so new And all the wrongs I'd done so far You just seemed to undo I remember when I loved you My life fell into place The first man who would look at me And see more than my face I remember when I left you I lost my mind one day I took with me your heart and soul And threw them both away I remember when I hurt you Your love, it never changed But I don't know what to do with love So I tried to cause you pain I remember when I lost you You went so far away And though now we are so apart I see you everyday
  13. ..... Depressed. Today I went to the gym to get a membership. I told the trainer that I had put on about 69lbs. in the past year. She asked me why, if I was under a lot of stress; i told her I was sexually assulted (breathe)......... ....And after that, I realized I wasn't...I wasn't breathing. I didn't realize that's what happens when I mention my assult to someone else. The only people I've mentioned my assult to (in person) have been my therapists, parents, and boyfriend. With everyone else it's been over the phone or via internet, so I guess I never realized it before. Anywho. She offered her condolences and I focused on breathing again. I told myself to pretend that those words never left my mouth, and I was able to pretend that I hadn't mentioned the assult. And I eventually started breathing again. Anyways, I'm tired and I'm scared. I don't want to have another breakdown. It's hard for me to think again. My memory is suffering again. I'm starting to feel uneasy and light-headed when around a lot of people. I'm scared. I have to go to work tomorrow, but I don't want to go. I really need the day off. But how will I explain it to my boss. I just got off of vacation. But I need the time for me. I really need it. I'm afraid of overloading. I feel it. I feel it in my body. And I feel sick. I feel sick when I eat and when I don't eat. I feel like breaking down into tears. I can't make it. And how do I explain it to my boss? He doesn't know about my assult or my depression, or that I stopped taking medicine a couple of months ago. I mean, when do I take care of me? Should I take off tomorrow, or suffer through another day and barely keep it together??? This long-distance relationship is killing me. Killing me inside. I want him here with me. I don't want to go to Alabama. I don't want to say there. I'll be depressed alone, in an apartment, with ugly surroundings, no job, alone. Alone, with me. What am I suppose to do with that? I feel trapped. Trapped living with my parents. Trapped living away from my boyfriend. Trapped if I move back to Alabama. I need help. Serious help. I miss my old therapist so badly. I don't like my new therapist, I don't really trust her, she communicates with my parents and I don't know what she's telling them. I can't afford my own therapy. I can't afford anything really, which really sucks. I'm waiting for May to roll around so that I can walk and have an official degree and maybe earn enough money to live on my own. I went to that place, that place I hate. My school, university, whatever. I went to that place where I experienced so many traumatic things, and I hated it as usual. But my boyfriend was there with me and I really needed him. As time went on while I was there I was spacey, unfocused, feeling light-headed..... I don't know, and all I can think about is how I don't want to go back there and be fat. Gosh, I'm so tired!!! I feel like everything is over my head, like it's too much. I can't take this. And my family is having their own issues, not like they can support or help me too much. I don't know, maybe I should just take a break and go back to Alabama, but I don't want to be stuck. I don't want to get stuck there. And if I don't have a job here (in California) then I'll probably be stuck there, because there will be no way to get back. It's not fair for someone to be so tortured. I'm hoping that swimming will help to relieve my stress. Life is much better than it was after I was raped but it's still really painful and unhappy. Maybe I should rest. I mean, my mental health is more important than a missed day of work right? That's what I tell myself, but I can't make myself believe it. Any advice?
  14. Hello, Just wanted to vent on my 5yr relationship with now ex-gf. 3 of those years has been a long distance relationship 2 of the years we lived together but I had to move back to Ca. for my daughters from a previous marriage, she also has two daughters from a previous marriage.(she lives in Las Vegas I live in California) We managed to maintian the relationship as best as possible for the sake of our son that we have together which he'll soon be 4yrs old in april..so those of you that can do the math yes we got pregnant shortly after we met. Anyhow, the past 2yrs have been the long distance relationship and really had no choice because we were settled in our careers, school,family and children but kept it together as much as possible for our son. Well she dropped a bomb on me that she wanted to be alone, there is no one else she just has alot going on with her new position at work, school and the kids. she lives with her parents 34yrs old and I feel she is comfortable and secure right now in her life and felt it was to big of a risk for her to move which I can totally understand but why lead me on for the past 2yrs that she was going to move (phone conversations and a ton of emails to backup this claim). This ripped my world apart as I was left with empty hopes, dreams and no future to raise my son together with her. Her 2 daughters from her previous marriage do not have a father and she basically took that away from my son because it is close to impossible to have a healthy relationship with him when I live 6hours away. What goes through a woman's mind in this case, is she that stubborn and hard headed to think that it's ok to dump both fathers and be happy knowing that she'll be the only parent? We had our issues and she constantly blames me for the failure in our relationships. The last message I got from her was on monday and it said "I got tired of hoping and waiting for your love and I got tired of feeling, Right now I want to be alone" This is very unusual for me because just a little over a month ago (2 weeks prior to breaking up with me) she said she was ready to move, she couldnt live without me and is miserable without me.... So this has totally messed me up emotionally and psychologically...This past saturday when we talked she said she had to much going for her there where she lives, her job and the possible doors it will open for her and school, plus her kids are established. I feel she didnt even give me the opportunity or option to move back to Las Vegas, she basically cut me out of her life....to be alone. Anyhow, I guess my question or advice I need is how to let go!!! I'm hurt, bitter and getting angry and it's consumed my life because she basically raped my life of any hope and future of having a normal family with my son. I have numerous thoughts of wanting her to regret her decision and I know that I have to let that go but I'm hurt, hurt badly by what she's done. Some may think it's not selfish on her part but to me it is. Not only has she deprived me of a future with her and our family but our 4 daughters and our son also. Relationships have problems, love has it's stages from honeymoon stages then you work to maintian that relationship and twice she's chosen the easy way out with her ex-husband and now me and the ones that pay are the kids. She'll eventually love again but who does that benefit??? The kids will wonder where their dad is or why their mother didnt try harder to make it work with their dad. I know I'm rambling on and on here but I just have to get this off my chest. I've done all the things superdave said not to do in hopes to show her how much I love her and how much I want it to work for us and the kids and it just falls on deaf ears. I just want one last hoorah!!! to say to her or make her feel... "This is your loss" because how dare she make decisions so easily and have total disregard for all of us involved. If it were just me and her and no kids I can accept it and it would be alot easier but there are 5 little helpless lives involved and she should have given it a better shot than she did...but then again in her eyes she did just that.....So how do I let go, when I hold so much bitterness, resentment and anger towards he for doing what she did......I can't heal when I feel the way that I do.... Any help or advice or slap in the face would be greatly appreciated. Mario
  15. A while back I posted that a couple people on OkCupid had pretty much stopped talking to me after a while and it was frustrating. As it turned out, one of the women was just getting away for a while, and we started talking again. I've since found out that we have a lot of things in common (which I could tell from talking to her originally but even more so now). We're talking just about every day now through MSN and IRC (one of the interests she shares with me) and I'm really starting to like her. The only problem? She's in Ohio, I'm in Ontario. Now, this sort of thing was never planned on my end; Lord knows that I wanted to avoid long distance relationships like the plague after my previous one. But such is the issue with the internet (and for the record, she initially messaged me). I don't want to close off my mind from anything, and we're in such an early stage right now that I don't imagine this will come up for a while. That said, I'm a bit nervous. I put so much into my last relationship only to have the distance (among other things) simply be too much for her. I certainly don't think this new person is anything like my ex and I don't want to compare them, but I do know the huge issues faced if we do get into a relationship and want to get together... border crossings, problems with customs, you name it. Am I just overthinking this? I just find that this sort of thinking is preventing me from opening up to her. If she was in my city, I would have asked her out a while ago.
  16. I just want to know if im alone in this or are there any other people out there who feels the same way?! I think in a commited long term relationship that the women/wife is sort of replacing the mother or taking on her position in the mans life. If you havent noticed that in ALL GOOD women, they do the cleaning, the cooking, give him the love, care, and affection that he acquires, they do the worrying and concerning about there man.. Just like the mother use to do when he was growing up. Me, myself feel that women suppose to take on these responsibilities. Im not saying that a womans place is always constantly in a home but the domestic housework should be a priority. I feel that men should be somewhat lazy around the house but at the same time help out. some things should be 50/50. I mean if a couple days out of the week he wants to do something special by doing the work for you while you relax then thats fine too, i wont argue with that. But a happy man is a faithful man. I havent completely had the chance to do all these things with my b/f yet because of LDR but i will and he's already loving the idea of it. If you feel that you have something to say on this subject say it, anything, men and women.....voice your opinions and lets have a worldwide discussion on it.....
  17. This forum is incredible. Especially right now. My boyfriend of three years and I broke up because we were both studying abroad. It was, I'll admit, completely his decision. I wanted to stay together for the semester anyway, and he said he needed to see what else was out there and enjoy studying abroad and not deal with a long-distance relationship, but this wasn't breaking up because if we still wanted it when we came back, we could get back together and our relationship would be stronger than ever. He cited his cousin who broke up with his girlfriend and moved to California and realized that he missed her and loved her, flew home and asked her to marry him. I understand that. And I remind myself everyday that studying abroad is the perfect way to have our independence without having to deal with the horrors of a break-up. We talk maybe twice a week and we plan to see eachother in April over our spring breaks. The flights were too expensive for me to fly where he is even though he wanted me to visit before then. But, I'm finding that two months into my semester abroad, I still think about him all the time, I still cry, I still can't sleep at night and can't get up in the morning, I still wish he'd e-mail me or call me when he doesn't have to,... He has recently stopped responding to my e-mails and not e-mailing me, so I am taking this as a harsh sign that things have taken a turn toward his independence. As a result, I'm not e-mailing him or seeking him out anymore. I think it's the only thing that I can do in this situation. I'm staying busy and making the most of this abroad experience. I have great female friends here, but I still feel extremely lonely and I miss him so much. And I feel like he's broken my heart repeatedly. First, when he said we shouldn't stay together for abroad, secondly when he arrived abroad when I had been here for some weeks and when we talked he told me that he missed me and wanted to kiss me (breaking the rules that we'd established), and then completely backtracking and refusing to speak nice of me or support me when I'm having trouble here with school and family and the problems of life. I wish I could just stop thinking about him and could move on. And it's not that I need to fill a void of a relationship or something by constantly being in one, but I wish there were boys here...There are few and they're sleazey, but this should be my semester to explore just as it is his.
  18. I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months in a long distance relationship. We have had an outstanding sexual relationship in that time. We are so comfortable with each other sexually that it has never been an issue and we are both equally satisfied. However recently I found out that she cheated on me. That story is in the Infidelity forum so if you'd like details, please see this thread. I won't go into much while in this forum unless it relates to this discussion. At any rate, we are working towards reconciliation. We haven't seen each other for a week now (when I found out) and she is coming into town to stay with me this coming Sunday night (the night after our 6 mo anniversary). She has told me that she cannot wait to make love to me to show me that she made a mistake and to prove to me that she loves me and only me. I told her that I dont know if I would be comfortable with it the first time we see each other. I want to have sex with her also, not only because sex with her is the best I've ever had, but because of the emotional connection I still feel with her. I truly feel like we're making love, not just having sex. I just don't know if the stigma of her cheating on me will be too much for me to "perform". Am I...no, wait...are we rushing this? PS I hope this is the correct forum
  19. Ok here is the deal. I have been with this girl for almost a year, but she seems to be trying to destroy our relationship for some reason. We live together.... Now, we met online I visited her a few times and decided to move up here. We got an apartment together, and were actually making a long distance relationship turn into a real one.. Anyway since day one she has been acting very secretive. She still talks to her ex, who subsequently hasnt gotten over her. I tell her it bothers me yet she still talks to him behind my back.. She also constantly flirts with other guys, and when I bring it to her attention that it bothers me she turns the tables on me and makes me feel guilty for having feelings. She has really never had any relationships that last longer then a year and takes pride in that fact. She is very secretive, says its because she wants her independance and privacy... Yet lying about where you have been and who you are talking to does not fall under privacy.. I guess I have serious trust issues with this person.. No matter how well I treat her she still goes out of her way it seems to disregard my feelings. Now my question is this, why is this girl out to ruin every relationship she is in?? She cheated on the ex that still talks to her... The last boyfriend got fed up to. It's almost like no matter how good she has it she tries to dismantle any relationship she is in... I am not used to dealing with someone who when communicating my feelings to them they give me the cold shoulder and go out of their way to hurt me. I know you can say well just leave her.. Well it's not that easy.. Im in a foreign place, know virtually no one, and would not be able to get a place with just my income at the present time. So in essense she has me by the balls and knows this.. I think it may be partially the reason she acts the way she does.. After all she can do and say as she pleases.. Where am I going to go if I get fed up?? The street? Any and all advice welcome, I want this to work, but how can it when she appears to distance herself whenever someone gets too close.
  20. Hello, I am new to this site. Anyways, here is my story: Last year I met this amazing guy. We instantly clicked and just got along great. He even took me to Disneyland for 5 days with some other friends. We dated for about 4 or 5 months and then he moved. I asked him if we could try an LDR since he was only moving 6 hours away but he said that he couldn't handle it. It broke my heart. I initiated no contact, I told him to leave me alone, that I would be friends with him when I was ready and the time was right. Well, in October I got in touch with him. We again hit it off great and became really good friends. We would talk on the phone for a couple hours every few nights a week. Well, in January he came back up here for a day and he called me wanting to get together. We hung out all night with some mutual friends, it was if things were the same. I mean, nothing was weird or uncomfortable, it was great. 2 weeks ago I went down to visit him for 4 days. We had a lot of fun and got along great. The first night I was there (and the rest of the weekend) he was acting like he did when we were a couple. He was kissing my hand, kissing me, putting his arm around me. But we kept telling eachother that we weren't interested in eachother and we didn't have feelings for eachother. Well I come back and I realize that I do have feelings for him still and I don't know what to do. My mom tells me that he will come around and come to me, but that I have to give him his space and let him come to me. So that's what I do. Then a few nights later I am hanging out with his best friend and his best friend tells me that he thinks my ex still likes me. He says that if I move down there that we would probably get back together. So here's my dilema...I am getting ready to go to school and I have a couple of choices. I can go to the school that I really want to go to which is 4 hours away from him or I can go to the school that I don't really want to go to which is where he lives. I don't know what to do. I really want to be with him and if I have a chance to get back with him if I move down there I want to take it. I also know, though, that I should go where I want to go. I guess if we are really meant to be we could get back together and make the distance work, 4 hours isn't that bad. The other dilema that I am faced with is if I should tell him my feelings or not. A lot of people are telling me that I should tell him how I feel, but I don't want him to feel pressured and I don't want to overwhelm him. What do you guys think I should do? Sorry if this is scattered, my mind is all over the place right now! Thanks so much!
  21. I recently stumbled upon my exboyfriend's myspace and feel tempted to add him to my friends list. We broke up 5 years ago and have gone 5 years without contact. I emailed him last July 06 and he replied back in a small response in which he shrugs off long distance friendships through e-mail. I replied back his email in July 06 and he has not written me back since! The thing is that back in July 06 he did not have MySpace so having found his MySpace tonight caught me by surprise. I saw all his MySpace pictures and noticed that he is single and only has 2 friends on his list! I am so tempted to add him but feel this feeling of rejection boiling inside me if he decides to deny my friendship over MySpace. What should I do? should I add him? or just forget about it and not worry about seeking his frienship over Myspace?
  22. Well Hello. After reading this forum, I thought I would go ahead and finally ask for advice/expereince/stories... My situation... I met a man back in December via a chat room we both frequent. This chat room stems from a board we both post on and everyone knows everyone else there...it's a pretty tight community. I kinda *thought* he liked me, as he started sending me private messages in chat; they were always nice and pleasant and the conversation flowed. Finally in February I called him. Our first conversation was 5 hours long! (Thank goodness for unlimited long distance!!) We've talked on the phone and/or computer every day since and we have both admitted feelings. Valentines Day we literally spent 19 hours 'together' first online then the phone! He's pretty wonderful. He's one of those nice guys that up until now I've read about. He's seen my picture, I've seen his...we've yet to meet though. The problems lies in our locations. He's just moved west and I live out east. Problem #2 - he's in the States, I am in Canada. So at first we had about 1500 miles between us, now it's doubled. He keeps telling me to let him settle in his new place, and he'll take care of things...and I want to. I have so many fears, this is so new to me...and to him. I know I've been rather vague, I haven't given much information as I'm not sure what to say. So I ask you all, kind strangers...do I let things progress? We've not used the "L" word, but instead for some reason we say "I adore you" I know; it's weird. And yes, today I am feeling unsure. He reached his new home today, and I so want to call him, but keep stopping myself - not out of fear, but I want him to unpack and relax..he's been so stressed with this move, (family has played a huge role in this stress)...ugh there's so much more, but please...anyone ever find themselves in a smiliar situaion? For the record, yes I've told my real life friends...they're trying to be supportive, but they don't "get it."
  23. Well, I preface this by saying that it's going to be long and quite self-involved. Mostly I'm looking for an objective response to what happened between me an my ex, one way or the other... I don't necessarily want to know who was right and who was wrong but rather gut reactions to what I'm saying. This will be the first time I've ever laid it all on the table for anyone to see, so it's a bit of therapy in that regard as well. Here goes. I'm sure anyone who gets through this mass will deserve a gold star. I meet my girl at a party at my house in early December of 2005. We hit it off right away as in within a half hour to an hour I'm kissing her and within two hours we're back together in my room. Things get hot and heavy, but we're both drunk and she quite wisely declines to actually have sex. We hang out, kiss and such, for the rest of the night and fall asleep in each other's arms. I drive her home in the morning and within a couple of days we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. She leaves in like a week to be with her family in Hong Kong for Christmas and we basically have a three week hiatus from one another to deal with that, her calling me maybe twice during that time. We get back together at the end of that and things pick up like they'd never left off. This continues for roughly seven and a half months, to June. This marks the first serious relationship I've ever hard. In between June and when she gets back from HK, we have a great time. I help her write a paper to study abroad (it's accepted), we hang out quite a bit (though time off from week to week for studying, she's a good student and I need space fromt time to time) but basically become partners in crime for all events and fun times for the whole of those months. Sex is great (as far as I know) and we have an amazing time together, from watching movies to going on double dates with the end of her basically living with me for a period of four months, including a trip we take together to New York City for a week of seeing the sights and enjoying our limited time together (no sex this whole trip, by the by). The 'limited' part is where the trouble starts... As far as I know everything I've said so far is accurate. To judge from my friends, it's mostly accurate because of what they've told me, first, about her reactions to me and, second, about their impressions of us together. Basically that we were two peas in a pod, that she'd never been so happy with a guy before, etc etc. Cut to June and I'm saying goodbye to her as she's leaving for Hong Kong, again, this time to study abroad for a year. I know it's going to be hard but I'm confident we can work it out. My reasons are that 1) she had a LDR before that lasted for a year (she ended it because he didn't communicate enough), 2) she told me again and again that was her other half, I taught her what real love is, etc etc 3) I knew sex wasn't that important to me and phone calls would be enough. She's in Hong Kong for a month and we talk often, twice a week basically, staying close. No problems. I discuss visiting her in Christmas and how I could do it but would need to take out a small loan in order to afford things (it'd be easy to pay off, I just can't get large lump sums due to bills and such). She turns me down saying she philosophically disagrees with loans. I'm a little hurt by this but resolve to get two jobs to work it out. Just before her birthday, she tells me that she plans to be apart from me for three years and not just the one. She doesn't want me around when she comes back because she wants to focus on school (and wants me to do the same in grad school), then plans to go to Germany for a year (because she's 'only lived in two countries'). I'm starting to feel a little nervous at this point and ask for time to think. She says okay, we'll talk in a week. I decide I'm okay, I love her enough to wait and tell her as much. She says she we have switched sides and she no longer wants the relationship. I'm hurt by this but we decide to be friends. Naturally, there are problems. I'm still really hurting over her dumping me, but she promises we'll get back together when it's time (3 years). I'm skeptical, wondering who can wait three years citing the fact that she's had over thrity boyfriends before me and that I don't just want to sit around getting play in the meantime. Whe we talk during this time I express how badly I'm hurting and that I want her back - she doesn't commit one way or the other, but admits frustration at talking in circles. We continue to talk but one day she starts ignoring my emails (wherein I profess my love and confidence that things will work out in the long run) and pushing back our normal talk times. I end up calling her late on her time scale and saying I don't want to be least important thing in her life, basically saying that if she keeps leaving people behind it's going to end up hurting her in the end. She doesn't take it very well. We make up a little bit but agree for some NC, her promising me that she'll call me on my birthday. When that time nears I tell her that I work on my birthday and to call me in the evening. She ends up calling me about five minutes before I leave for work and we don't talk. She had plans later in the day so we won't be able to talk then and I agree to put things off until later. She promises to call me on a Sunday but ends up calling me on a Saturday. The Saturday she calls I've been consuming a keg left over from my birthday party and am more or less snookered. We have a conversation of some sort, where in I am pretty sure I was hurtful, but have no real memory of. It ends with her telling me that she's seeing someone else (that only memory I have of this conversation) and then silence. I appologize the next day for what I said (despite having mostly no memory of it, except for negative feelings), but confess that I expected her to call the following day. She's still upset and says we'll discuss it later. Some times later, after a few IMs, she ends up sending me an email wherein she states that we shouldn't talk to each other any more and that our relationship had deteriorated quite badly. I'm very upset that she didn't call me and end up ringing her several times to demand an explanation. she says that it's over and that we could never date again in the future. She wishes me a good quarter and we hang up. I call her once more, immediately after, to say that I would have loved her forever and we leave it at that. I contact her occationally through IM off and on over the course of a few months and she respond at first, even contacting me from time to time, before (in december) ignoring a 'Merry Christmas' message and then more or less shutting me out completely. The other stuff I mention above happened in September, by the by. I stay resolute in contacting her in what I percieve to be a friendly manner. I'd post an example but I have deleted all those messages as of the end of December... One day my friend tells me that when he attempted to ask her how she and I stood she blew up at him and shut down their conversation. This signifies to me that it's over. In response to that, I take her off my facebook, myspace, delete all her pictures and more or less throw out all the stuff she's left me. Before I burn her number and the ability to contact her I give her one last call (on christmas day of all days, though in Hong Kong , which was insensitive on my part) and basically wish her a good life. She says, 'What do you expect me to say?" I respond, 'Nothing.' She bids me merry christmas, happy new year and basically hangs up though I was more or less hanging up at the same moment. Despite all this, I try and contact her once every two weeks in an attempt to maintain a friendship until sometime in late January. She does not respond. Finally, at the end of January, she responds but to the effect that she has her father send me an email more or less telling me to back off or find myself in trouble (they are both in another country at this time and I have not spoken to her in a number of months, in fact, I sort of assumed she'd been deleting my message unread). He's not an english speaker by birth so I'm not certain of his intent but I took it to be threatening. I respond by saying that he shouldn't have to fight her battles but I will respect his wishes and stay out of her life for good. I have done so for the past 30+ days. What went wrong here? What are the opinions of the peanut gallery? My feeling is that it was over long before I realized it or she had the courage to say it. On the other hand, we were so good together when we were ACTUALLY together and it seems insane that something so trivial as distance should result in me losing someone who was my dear friend as well as my lover. I look for any and all responses. Thank you for your time and I appreciate anyone who read through this all - I tried to be as thorough and unbiased as possible.
  24. My boyfriend and I met in high in Grade 11. We liked eachother but at the time, we decided that we should not date because it didn't seem right at the time. We were bestfriends for a long time though. In our senior year, we finally decided it was the time so we started to date. Our relationship ever since the beginning was hard. We would fight over the little things. (99% of the time, it would be me to create these fights and pick at the small things). My boyfriend has endured a lot during the time we lived in the same city. I use to be very cruel to him..... I'd get mad, then he would run over to my house at midnight and stand out in the cold for hours until I would let him in. And when I get mad, I would slap and scratch him.... I was a very jealous person.. I would be mad at every girl he talked to and then I would make him hate that girl. This happened very often. Every week we would a big fight. Every other day, we'd be mad at eachother. I was very immature at the time............. We've been together for 14 months now. In September '06, we left to study in the University of Waterloo (Ontario) and I left to study in Simon Fraser University (B.C.) (Opposite ends of Canada!!!!!) Our LDR at the start was great. We've been long distance for 6 months now. We felt connected and it felt so great to achieve something. We fought less often but once in a while, my old habits would kick in and I would pick a fight over a small thing. After a while, we started to see little flaws in eachother that we both found hard to accept. During this past few weeks, we have been arguing lots. Just like the old times. I would find it hard to control my temper and anger. I would ridiculously get mad over the little things. It's been a long, long time since I've been jealous over someone else. I think that's one of the things I've been doing well so far. But, I still pick fights. I don't know what's wrong with me. And it's not even picking fights, I interrogate him until he gets mad and even causing him to break down and cry sometimes. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be a loving person. I never use to be like this. WIth all my exs in the past, with how I treat others, I am never cruel nor do I hold grudges. I was never such a jealous person before I met him. He treats me very well. Sooo well that I feel so guilty sometimes with the way I treat him and hurt him. We see eachother every 2-3 months when he comes to visit. We always have a great time when he visits and we both enjoy eachother's company very much. Please, I want to save myself, and save this relationship. I love him so much and I'm not ready to call it quits. But I've turned into such a monster. I've decided to see a professional counsellor at least once a week from now on to help deal with my anger issues and relationship problems. Please, if anyone has any sort of advice, please offer it. And I'm desperate of any happily-ending stories of LDRs.... If your LDR was successful, please tell me about it. I want to hear of good stories about them.. Because I really think I need more hope. Some times it feels like this relationship is going no where and I keep questioning if its worth it or not. Please offer anything. Thanks.
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