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  1. A few years ago I met a girl overseas and we almost became a thing but miscommunication lead to it never happening. I went on to another, cutting her out of my life out of respect for the girl I was dating at the time. After that relationship ended I reached out to find out that me leaving her life had really hurt her. She was still there for me to help guide me through a rough patch, but there seemed to be an energy that she was still upset so I felt bad and decided to let her be and leave her alone. Through out the years she always messaged to see how I was doing every couple of months or so and we would send a few messages back in forth on how life was going. But there seemed to still be some kind of tension so one of us would always end the convo after a few days. At the end of last year she reached out again and suddenly it was like the old us. We sent messages that took me over an hour to read and send everything, taking longer for her because english is not her native language. The convos have been deep and filled with compliments and pick me ups from both sides as well as a bunch of hard teasing. Shes told me that stuff I sent was the best thing anyone said to her, multiple times saying something nice I said was going to make her cry and she kept a picture of it. We've also both apologized about the past and explained to each other why and how it went down. She knows I think the world of her and has expressed how grateful she is I am in her life. She might be moving to my location soon (life just brought us both there, its both of ours dream location). Now in my late 20's, there is no girl I've ever come across that even comes close to my feelings for her. Based off gut I feel like she has become interested again, but for the last 5 months or so communication has slowed down to one long message every week to three weeks. I tend to reply same day or within a few days but she takes her time. She apologizes for taking so long, explains shes bad at texting, and I know she busy with post grad university and a job at the moment. So my question is, does taking that long to reply mean she's not interested? The convos are deep and long winded but I know for myself that as busy as I am I get excited to hear from her and couldn't imagine taking so long to reply so I find time. When she does reply it definitely feels like she wants to talk and is enjoying having me around to talk to. But I've never come across a girl that was interested and wanted to only talk one every week or sow. I ask because I can't read the situation at all, and I would rather just go no contact if there isn't a chance. I cant focus on anyone else if she's allowing me to hold her attention even this often. On one hand I feel like the path to her is to just be patient and be around, gaining trust that I lost when I hurt her badly years ago. On the other hand I feel like she obviously isn't interested due to the delay's in the replies and I should leave her be. I convince myself she is just nice and caring and only replying because she feels forced, even though she has been the reason we kept contact over the years and started this stretch of actually regularly being back in each other's lives. Should I just leave her be? Or just stay patient?
  2. My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) are now long distance due to going home for summer. We are used to not texting each other pretty much all day because we know we will see each other the next day in class, but now that we’re long distance, that isn’t working for me. I expressed to him that he needs to text me more or something because I get a text from him at 5pm and then we ft for a couple hours at night. I want to hear from him more in the day, so I told him that I would like him to text me in the morning. I do text first, A LOT, and if I don’t, I get the text at 5pm. Am I overrating? I don’t think I am because we are now long distance and I can’t just say “see you tomorrow,” it’s now, “see you in a couple weeks.” Whenever I have brought this up to him, he just brushes me off kind of or says that I’m saying he’s a bad boyfriend and not trying (which I’m not! I just want him to text me more! is that too much to ask ???) and says “so you want to text all day and then facetime for 5 hours at night?” and I’m like no, I never said that. But then, he says he’ll try harder. I feel like I shouldn’t be asking him to text me, I feel like it should be a given. If he wanted to text me, he would, so? He also says he’s really giving 100%, and I believe him, but his 100% cannot be the same as it was in school, things are different now. He also kind of has this high school relationship mindset where a relationship should come with no problems and if there are problems then he gets upset or doesn’t really want to hear it. I’ve told him that i’m not close to breaking up yet, not even close, but if this continues the whole damn summer, then it’ll be too hard.... So, Help! Please! PS I don’t think he’s hiding anything from me or anything, I just wanna communicate with him more during the day. also i have some lowkey trust/abandonment issues because as a child i was abandoned then adopted so im going see someone about that lol but that is a factor i think
  3. I have been dating my boyfriend since half way through my senior year of high school. We just made it to our one year this January and are doing long distance in college. I go to school in the midwest and he goes to school on the west coast and we live in the same town in the midwest. Things went so well last semester and we did not even visit each other once. We were both fairly distracted as we acclimated to college life and it worked great. We would facetime daily and keep each other updated, it was healthy and enjoyable. We went home for winter break and I only saw him every other week. (Note: He is a pilot and has been working towards different licenses for our entire relationship. He was going back and forth between the west coast and the midwest to fly.) So, I was sad because I only got to see him for 3 weeks total and was not fulfilled with the amount of time I saw him for until the last time we hung out before he went back to school. We both left for school satisfied with our relationship. Within a month, I miss him more than ever and I thought that was my biggest issue. Here is the real issue: He just told me that he is getting a job on the west coast at an airport for the semester. Fine. He then tells me it is a 50/50 chance that he might have to work out there for the summer and if he does so, he is moving out there for good for at least the next 4 years. Over the summer though, he would come back for a few weeks here and there when I could see him, but ultimately he will be living out there. I see him the last weekend in February because he is visiting and he finds out if he is moving out there in March so this visit might be our last time together as a couple. Should I try and do long distance through the summer? I don't think we would get married but I do love him and I am just not ready to let go. I wonder if it's worth the few weeks of fun in the summer despite the exceedingly long amounts of time where he is in the west coast where I will miss him. I am also not interested in anyone else and probably would not seek another guy out if we break up.
  4. I wrote a little bit about this in another post but I am here for more advice. Here's the last post for context: https://www.enotalone.com/topic/444735-a-sudden-change-in-long-distance/ My boyfriend visited me in the midwest at the end of February and I felt a little different probably because I keep pushing him away. However, he made me so happy again and it was so much fun. It felt good to be together even if it was different. I just found out that he is 99% sure he is moving out west and I am still unsure whether we should date into the summer. He wants to stay together but understands that is selfish because not only does he get to move out to the west for his pilot training, but he also gets to keep me as a girlfriend who he can facetime while he's by himself out west. However, I am short changed. I stay up at night thinking about what to do (I feel ridiculous doing so, it started as a high school relationship that I knew was not going to last forever) and I am get very sad at night. Do I stay in this relationship and enjoy all the facetimes and see him the 4-6 weeks over the summer and be sad when he's away like I am right now or do I break up with him now, take a month of not talking to each other to heal, and then go forward as friends? Keep in mind, I would like to break up right before school starts next semester because I owe time to myself to meet other people and just be single. Though the idea of breaking up kills me. I really do not want to and neither does he. He also suggested taking a week to try and be friends. This means no saying I love you, no good morning/night texts, no more calling me amazing, it would solely be platonic but we still get to facetime. Just to feel it out and mold our relationship into a friendship, we are both very mature and have had few to no issues in our 1 year+ of dating both long distance and while we were together. I know he loves me so much and would do anything to make this work, but he understands my concerns. I really don't know what to do, please help me.
  5. Hi all! I'd really love some advice on a confusing situation so here's what happened: Ex and I dated for five great years, doing distance the last year and a half. We're both moving soon to new cities and were excited to make that jump together. Then last year, COVID hit, he lost his job, and started struggling with mental health. I've known before that when he gets stressed or overwhelmed he retreats from everything. I think when we were doing distance he'd take that lack of feeling and just assume it meant he doubted our relationship or that we were a bad fit. He ends things last summer (on the PHONE) saying he felt like he needed to be alone. We didn't talk for about a month, met up again, and had a big emotional reunion. I started going to visit him every 3-4 weeks and it was always great. However, I noticed some signs of trouble. When I was there he was extremely happy. But the second I left he'd go back and forth mentally with this push/pull of sometimes being really into it and sometimes pushing me away completely. I knew he was still struggling with mental health so did my best to be patient and talk through things with him. I knew he was struggling but I was still hopeful we were getting on the path to moving to the same place and that the distance/covid was the only reason we were in limbo. He FaceTimed me again about a month ago (after a great weekend and ~4 months after we reconnected) saying it was too hard and that we should stop talking. I'm not trying to minimize his feelings at all, but it really felt like a slap in the face to me after we had been rebuilding our relationship and looking at cities together. I feel like I've been discarded like it was nothing so he can live the single life with his guy friends and try to distract himself from his problems. He also has some commitment-phobic tendencies I've always known about, but I can't help but feeling t was his recent struggle with mental health that's caused all this to happen? I'm having a tough time moving on because I'm not sure if this is the kind of situation where he will eventually "wake up" and realize he was treating the person he claimed to love really unfairly and pushing me away. And I do know I deserve better at this point I don't even know what to think.
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