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About Me

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  1. I am a 24 year-old man who has never had a GF and has only had two sexual experiences. I think I am not attractive to women and that no woman will actually like me. I have always been socially awkward and never been attractive. I was always told that "Women won't like you now but once they get older they will settle for somebody like you!" Every story I hear about a woman with a partner like me is about the tension between wanting somebody more traditionally masculine or exciting and their desire for stability. I have never heard about a woman just dating somebody like me because of her organic attraction. That means I will be more attracted to her than vice versa, and that is terrifying. Is that the best I can hope for, that some woman just decides to learn to like me? All erotic stories aimed at women involve dangerous, exciting, masculine men. SO not only do I fall short in terms of my looks, but also my personality. I have tried changing my appearance via weightlifting for over a year but I have seen barely any difference. As for my personality, I can't be somebody I am not. Yet according to shows like "Outlander" and books like "Fifty Shades" )both of which are very popular with women), any woman paired with somebody like me are going to fantasize about my opposite. I don't want to be with somebody who is that bored of me. Virtually every woman I have liked has turned out to be interested in these men. Recently I was walking with two women friends. We passed by a rugby ground where a woman's game was going on. One friend quipped that if it were a men's game, she may stay and watch. When I asked, both said it was because rugby men are attractive. I have been depressed ever since. Rugby is obviously attractive 1) The players are behemoths who are more beasts than men. 2) The game is the direct application of toxic masculinity, with steroidal men acting like violent apes giving one another constant concussions. If rugby were created today, no insurer would cover the injuries. By the way, this is in Ireland, which has the incredibly dangerous game Gaelic football. Again, not only do I look nothing like these men (I am short 5'9, bespectacled, not muscular or toned, and wears jumpers/turtlenecks and blazers), my personality is nothing like theirs. Incidentally, I have been casually going out with a woman. I am not sure if she likes me romantically but I do and think the feelings may be mutual. Ever since I heard what that other woman said yesterday, all of my insecurities returned. Should I just give on this woman I am going out with?
  2. ...then does that mean he's fantasizing about other (and hotter/sexier) women or porn he's seen or any other kind of fantasy??? Does that mean he doesn't want to see you when you're having sex because he's trying to fantasize about something else so he can get off? Something much more interesting than you? I ask this because yes I'm insecure and feel like I've gained some lbs recently. I'm not ugly at all (people tell me I am attractive all of the time) but I know my body isn't as great as it was. And I see girls all the time that look so much better, even if their face isn't as pretty. It kind of seems to me like my guy looks away when we're having sex, even if we're in the dark, which usually we are. But if we do it in broad daylight (which we've done) he still looks away. He puts his face in my shoulder or neck and closes his eyes and does his thing. At night he does the same thing. Last night I was on top and he did look at me a few times but for the most part, he turned his head away from me and closed his eyes. What does this mean??? Am I overreacting because I'm insecure? I mean, he does try to get sex from me all of the time, but.. still.
  3. My boyfriend and I technically started dating in March 2020 but broke up in May 2020 for one month. The first few months we dated, I always felt like something was off. Like one foot was out the door the whole time for him. When we broke up, I found out via social media that he hung out with his ex the weekend after he broke it off with me. I always felt like he still had feelings for her. They were engaged and had broken up in 2016 so it had been awhile. She cheated on him several times while they were dating snd it was an overall very unhealthy relationship which I do believe my boyfriend probably played a role in. We ended up reconnecting in June 2020 and I gave it another shot but told him how I know he hung out with his ex the weekend we broke up and wanted to talk about it. He denied it and told me I was crazy. I was always paranoid he still had feelings for his ex. Finally a month ago he admitted they hung out. She drove from Miami to stay with him for 3 days (he lived in Tampa) and they slept together and went out a couple times etc. Even though we were broken up, it still hurt to hear it from him. And to think of all the times I asked about it and he just told me how crazy I was when I was literally 100% correct about everything. It makes me wonder about all the other times I brought up concerns and he just shut down and said “I am crazy or psycho”. He is more emotionally invested than before, bur it wasn’t until I almost broke it off 6 months ago and got a promotion in a new state that he “realized he was in love with me and that I was his soul mate”. I still struggle to this day thinking I am just his second option since his ex is now dating someone new. I can’t seem to believe him when he tells me I am his soul mate and how much he loves me. He has never been super complimentary towards me and is really only affectionate when he is drunk. I don’t know. Am I crazy for still thinking he still has feelings for his ex? It is driving me crazy and I don’t want to end the relationship because of my own insecurities
  4. I don't feel protected by the armor that I wear. In a battle of patience, nothing can shield me as well as a second of composure-- something that, while under the trance of a heartbeat, is impossible. Or, at least, unattainable. Prepared for combat, I skip stones on a sea of illusions while I ponder my next move. Camouflage fading, heart racing, insecurities breaking, I begin to run, shedding the armor that once supported me.
  5. I’m not complete without you both Yet that could never be I love you both so much But do either of you really want me? I tie myself in knots, Hating the way I’m forced to feel I often I dream it’s not happening Wake up and pray it’s not real In many ways you’re so different In some ways you’re the same All I want is to be loved Not to play this sickening game I thought life would be simple When you gave me that gold band Then he walked back in my life Setting questions to everything we had planned Now the plans that we had carved Seems so insecure Do I want you one or both? I can’t decide anymore If on my own I’m not complete And with you both I can’t be Maybe I should walk away Learn to set myself free Nothing that I’ve ever said, Was a lie to you I didn’t know this was coming That I’d feel the way I do They say you can only love one man How I wish that to be true I love you both so completely My heart is sworn to you To have my cake and eat it, That’s a thing I’d never do I’m not that type of person I wouldn’t do that to either of you So here and now the question lies To go or should I stay Will a weight be lifted? Or will I regret it everyday? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx It's a work in progress, i particularly don't like the highlighted line, let me know what you think, Sugar xxx
  6. this actully a song i wrote my self ------------------------------------------------------------ v1: I have insecurity's...i'm not gunna lie. My hart is fragile so please just try to be kind. I cant open up my hart entirely just yet. Cuz i wanna see...what else god has in store for me. Loves is like poetry.....it just cant be rushed. I gotta read between the lines. So i dont get lost. People say one thing..and then they turn & do another. I gotta protect whats mine...so tell me if i'm wasteing my time. >>>>>>>choures i cant give you all of me just yet.... I wanna see if you can back up what u said and what u feel. I just gotta see if this is for real. And then maybe you'll be the key...to pandoras box v2: I have certain issues...i'm not gunna hide. I bin threw hell & back...and i'm not gunna go threw it this time. I cant open up my hart compleatly just yet. Cuz i wanna see what u got for me...and if your 4 real. Love is like a flower....it takes time and grows. And this i already kno....i just cant be thrown in a race. When i cant find my way.. People hide ther eyes and telling lies ... Tell me if this is a waste of your time....
  7. So, thanks for any insight you guys can offer - this site is a huge help! I've been dating my girlfriend for 15 months, and it's been great. However, there has been a constant problem that keeps coming up. She basically makes plans without me, often. It's weird because we are both very independent people, but she will make plans and forget to tell me, and then a few hours beforehand, will say "hey do you want to go to X? i'm meeting [insert friend here] or going to [insert event here]." We rarely make plans *together,* instead she does her thing and either I come or I don't. While I appreciate the fact that she isn't clingy or needy, I at least tell her ahead of time if I'm doing something so she can choose what she's doing. I give her plenty of time ahead of time so she knows. I have to admit her actions make me feel insecure. When I bring this up, she just says she doesn't want to make me feel like I "have" to do anything. I appreciate that, but it's like I'm suffering the opposite - I don't feel like it matters if I'm with her or not. thereforeeee, I end up often times just not going. to whatever it is she's doing, because I feel stupid if I show up. It's dumb, but it's getting to a point where I need some way of resolving this. It's like there's not enough give and take in our relationship. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.
  8. ok so my boyfriend and i both have myspace accounts and even though i totally trust him, i can't stand all these slutty girls adding him and trying to talk to him. yes, i know i'm being jealous and insecure but it just sounds like unnecessary drama to me. i have many friends that have had relationship problems because of this stupid drama site. can anyone relate to this??
  9. Basically, I'm in an amazing relationship where we tell each other we love each other everyday and we're always talking about the future and how happy we are to be together. So, what's the problem? Sometimes, I get scared that my girlfriend will get a better offer and leave me. It's crazy I know! She's not doing anything to make me feel like this, but I can't help but get scared. I'm going to university next week (45 miles away) and really don't want to go away not feeling 100% confident in our relationship. The more it goes on, the more she will get annoyed. How can I boost my own self confidence so that I'm not pushing her away? Any advice would be great! Thank you!
  10. My boyfriend doesn't always "finish" when we have sex. We've gone for hours sometimes, minutes others, but more often than not he just says he's having fun whether he finishes or not. I ALWAYS finish, sometimes more than once! I feel fortunate, but insecure about this, as though I'm doing something wrong or am not attractive enough... He's otherwise healthy, young and very easily aroused. So...what's the deal?!?
  11. Many sights and many sounds Many hope that I'll be found A collage of words that swirl in me I just wish they'd let me free The fear the insecurities The tears and the enmities I've been abused physically, mentally and sexually Oh I how I wish I could be free From the thoughts and emotions that control my mind That keep me from sharing and letting the world know me Jaiva
  12. To quickly get you up to speed on my situation, my boyfriend is a recent divorcee - he was with his ex wife for 10 years and married for two. He and I started dating a year ago during his separation. And we went through many ups and downs since he had confusion with his wants and needs with his then wife and myself. So now things are great - we are in a good place, though I do have certain insecurities - like he told me that he spoke to his ex the other day and told her he missed her. Is that normal? I mean, I had to ask several questions in order for him to disclose information, but he did tell me - so does this mean it's not a big deal? My insecurity is that i'm nervous he'll never be over her - that he'll leave me for her despite the fact they are divorced. And what's more - I'm concerned he'll never want to marry me. Yes, I'm not there yet, but things are going so well that in a year or so, I'd hope he were at that place to start those conversations... Please help - those of you who are divorced - help me better understand this situation. Do you miss your ex's without having feelings of reconciliation? Do you openly tell them you miss them? Do you call them on the holidays or on days you just feel like talking? This hasn't happened yet - but I do fear he'll call her on Thanksgiving or Christmas... it's my belief that they shouldn't contact one another - but he tells me I just don't understand... Please help! I don't want my insecurities to hurt this lovely relationship.
  13. I'm new to this site, so here it goes.... I'm engaged to the love of my life, he's always treated as the #1 priority in his life...We've only ever fought about 1 topic...Porn. I know it's a common one in relationships. I always would get angry and yell and cry and never really stopped to think about where all the anger and sadness was coming from. We have a great sex life, he can never keep his hands off me so I know I'm attractive enough for him...And then I realized why it bothers me so much. The relationship I had before him was horrible I was with him for 3 years and always treated like I wasn't good enough or pretty enough...Now I'm so insecure about myself I automatically beat up myself thinking if my fiance is looking at porn something is wrong with me or he's not happy with me, when I know that's not the case at all. We're planning our wedding, and I want to be the confident person I used to be and not let the porn bother me, it's not like he uses it frequently. Has anyone overcome those feelings about themselves? I really want to change the light I look at myself in to better myself and our relationship. He's forgiven me for all the arguments I've caused, but I feel horrible. I need words of wisdom
  14. Hi I really need some advice. I have been seeing a guy for a few months now, and I really like him. But I don't know if it can carry on. I am so insecure that I am afraid I will ruin it. But I don't know how to control my emotions so that I stop being so insecure. He says he likes me and wants to be with me, but I always question it, as I just don't trust it. I never get past this point in relationships. I get so scared that they are going to leave me that I just can't stop thinking beyond that point, and I become really neurotic. For instance, if they haven't called when they said they would or they are tired, I think it is because they don't like me anymore. And I ask them. And they try to support me but in the end it gets too much and the relationship ends. I really don't want to do this again. I want it to work. I feel like maybe I am incapable of ever getting past this point. I know it has to do with my low self esteem, but how can I move on? I hate feeling this way and it makes me want to end it. At least when I am on my own I don't have to worry about all this. Advice much appreciated!
  15. I really dont know how to say this..almost like all the thoughts i have in my head... i have a problem "organizing" the way i feell in a specific moment. I was talking to my boyfriend last night(i knoe i COULD tell him anything but i chose not too) and i started having horrible thoughts about him finding someone "better" (im insecure)..and i dont want him to think i cant talk to him about things like politics for example...but i dont have any reason to b-leive hell leave me except for the fact that hes alot older and hes goin to colledge..but i dont want that thought to come between us or hurt our relationship anywhoo.. he noticed a drop in my voice...and he asked me what was wrong and i wanted to tell him but i didnt really knoe what to say,i wanted to ask him even though were in different stages of our lives...youll be here for me...BUT hes told me that he'll always be here for me and hell wait for me..i jus want to get it off my chest that i want to have "deep" conversations with him i jus feel stupid sometimes when hes talkin about somethin and i dont respond even though i could... i jus feel dumb i want him to knoe that i dont want to cause a communication gap or whatever i want to tell him everything and talk about everything but sometimes i cant..i guess thats why like i get frustraded with myself...n i think he'll start to have conversations with another woman and like them..even tho he tells me he loves me and im the only woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with ( weve been together for a year).i knoe i have to feel comfortable n secure in my own skin and stop thinkn negative about myself..i duno maybe yall have the same problem HELP...
  16. It never leaves, it keeps visiting. I have felt extremely bipolar these last couple of days. Everything said to me is a personal insult or threat (paranoia), I'm doubting the cleanliness of personal objects, They May Give You HIV! my brain says (paranoia - I am, underneath all this, a well-informed and well-educated individual), I sit and glaze, or I sit with a tornado of thoughts between my ears. I'm thrown by frequent deja vu. I'm thrown by very many things, I feel again as though I am unravelling. I feel there is little point in describing my symptoms yet again to friends, or on Enotalone, I'm sure anyone who matters knows I have phases of feeling desperate, CONSTANTLY afraid, constantly as though I desire nothing more than to kill myself. I have emerged from other such phases, why should this be different? I usually recover from feeling a stomach-sickness at the world? From waves and waves of anger, resentment, restlessness. I can look in a mirror and cry, and this will help no one. I'm incoherant, arrogant, jealous, insecure, intelligent, mentally ill, paranoid, ugly and misplaced. As inappropriate as this sounds, I hope some day I AM forced into a hospital, from there I can only head upwards. I deserve it, I am vermin. Human vermin. So Ends The Lesson.
  17. Im currently in a delimma..I feel kinda stupid b.c i posted so many threads about my relationship everywhere...people think we shoulnt be together but they coulnt be more wrong.. My bf and i have been in a great relationship for a year now..im to the point were i feel like he deserves some "older" and someone who can give him more than i can. A meaningful conversation..etc. Hes says hes very happy with me and he loves me so much but i fear that he'll lose interest in me. Hes going to colledge in the spring and thats eating at me to. Im still in H.S. Hes says i dont have anything to worry about..so why do i. I dont want people to say that my "emotions" cant handle this relationship. i really dont think thats the problem. I read that alot of older women have the same issues.I just need some support and comforting. I love him dearly and i dont want to lose him because of my insecurities..we have been through so much together and hes helped me with alot of my issues, but i feel like i need to settle this within myself and not turn to him for this problem imparticular. It really hurts to think about him being with someone else and when im with him i dont feel like im good enough. I compare myself to other girls alot,too. He treats me like a princess and gives me everything i want..why must i feel like this? I knoe i have to believe in us and trust that this will work but i thats why im reaching out for help b.c its harder than i thought..some one, i need good advice..
  18. I'm almost at a loss for words here... Which is completely abnormal for me. Long story short - I've been with my boyfriend for a few months. Everything was great - maybe just the honeymoon phase. Everything seems different now. He writes it off as my insecurities and hyper sensitivity. I have been too. But at this point, I'm not sure I can continue to do that. Usually, if I decide I don't want to be in a relationship, I tell the person. We had a wonderful weekend, a festival at work with my kids Friday and out with friends Saturday evening. But there are little things like me trying to hug him, him saying he's cold - no hugs. A bit bigger thing: My son realizing he had stopped by and wanted to say hi to him. He was crying so I called my bf to tell him my son wanted to see him too. A couple weeks ago this happened and he turned around immediately - this time he said he'd be back in a bit but then said he fell asleep for the evening. He's been less conversational, I think withdrawn and not very enthusiastic when talking to me. There's more things like him not telling me his bday (it's tomorrow,) not following through with original plans Saturday, not coming over last night (he usually stays often.) How the hell do I know if I'm being insecure or if I'm just hoping that it's just insecurity? I really think that he's done and just worried that I won't handle it well. I've tried to talk to him and he says everything is the same and good. I pointed out that he's very different now. I was single for a long time before him - never allowing anyone to meet my kids. I believe(d) in him.. And I don't want to believe that it is falling apart.... I've talked to my friends about every little thing and the looks on their faces are "aawww - ."
  19. I've read throught a lot of the other posts about this topic, and I want to get a better understanding. The generall audience I'm going for are women who are average height or taller (women who would be taller than a short man) I'm a 22 year old guy, about 5'5 1/2" (not quite 5'6") Now of course there are women who aren't particular about men's height, but from what I read they were generally the same height as short men. I also read quite a few people saying that short men tend to have low self esteem and that their "insecurities" made them less desireable. This point I would like to clear up. The reason they are insecure is because of the FACT that shorter men are less desired by women. So if you are a girl reading this, and you know that you are considered attractive in men's eyes, (if you are tall or not) I'd like to know what you would think of being constantly reminded that there was a physical trait of yours that you couldn't EVER change, that was basically the driving flaw that kept men from finding you attractive. It might give you a better understanding of how many shorter guys feel. Hell, if I were too fat for women I could lose weight; if I was just too scrawney I would work-out more. I know not all women need taller men, but whenever girls make me feel like "less of a man" for being short, I can't help feeling like crawling under a rock. I think thats the only reason I hesitate when it comes to attracting women, I'm always afraid that it might be one of those kinds of women.
  20. Okay - I'm trying to figure out how to word this. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. I'm completely head over heels. Just last week and kind of now, I felt that everything was going perfectly. Lately (over the weekend mostly,) he seems a little different. A little less "sweet." Lot less "smiles." Lot less "excited to visit..." He makes comments that are supposedly jokes. Ex: "Oh yeah - forgot you know it all..." "I'm gonna have to get you meds so you stop worrying so much." I asked him about the lipstick color I had on Sat because we were going to his friends and I forgot my normal color at home. He says "oh yeah we should go buy some more." I said "seriously? Okay let's stop by CVS." Then he says he was just kidding. Or calls me on the phone to remind me that "I really need to take the kids to the park and not to forget that there are clothes in the dryer." I'm guessing that I'm being overly sensitive here. My past two relationships, I could never do anything good enough. I was single for a long time before I got into this relationship. I feel good about myself - know I can handle everything on my own and do it well. His little comments / jokes are making me question myself almost. It's making me feel like he thinks I'm incapable of handling what's on my plate. He says he's just extremely tired - reason for less smiles and less seeming happy. But those two combined with his comments? Blah! I'm trying to have joking come backs to his comments rather than sit with a shocked look on my face. When I show shock or sadness to his comments, he says I need to take a joke. I told him this morning that it would help if he had more nice things to say rather than 70% of his words telling me things I need to do.. Anyone have any suggestions? Any at all? I can take constructive criticism but some things he comments about, need a full understanding before even criticizing about. I'm not really giving an explanation because I don't want to seem like I can't take constructive criticism and he says he's just joking... Am I missing something here?
  21. Ok so for the last id say week or so ive been really insecure about my relationship...We have been dating for 2 years and things have been up and down. We just came off of a breakup of 2 months over the summer but things were basically back to normal after that. We are both just really busy we go to school, sports, and work. For some reason tho i keep getting thoughts shes not that into me like she doesnt really call as much and leave me txts or messages anymore. I keep bringing this up to her and its been like an everynite thing and now if i do shes like OMG weve been over this get over it...She hasnt wanted to kiss intimately in the last few days either saying she just isnt in the mood and has only wanted to cuddle and just kiss. She still tells me she loves me and acts like it but it just seems those little things are gone and I miss the attention and I dont really kno wat to say or do about it.
  22. I dunno why my phone calls with this girl have been getting shorter and shorter. I used to talk to her for hours without a problem but we barely talked for 5 mins today. I asked her if she not as interested in talking to me anymore and we ended up getting in to figt about it cause she said that hurt. But what am I supposed to do, I am trying to keep the conversation going but for some reaosn it's not working. THIS IS REALLY BOTHERING ME! I've even tried calling her less often and still we have like nothing to talk about. Is this is a bad thing? I feel like we're drifting apart a bit. I am just being insecure??
  23. I love my husband so much i just don't know what to do. Im pregnant right now and feeling so insecure. Our relationship has been so rocky in the past he's really hurt me and i can still feel it today. He smokes pot and drinks often. I've asked him to stop so many times but he either makes excuses or does it behind my back. I don't know why i try to accept this behavior because it's not okay and it hurts. My career is on the line and he knows it yet he continues w/these bad habits. He often leaves on his day off w/out even leaving a note or calling to tell me where he is. In the back of my mind i just know he probably went to go buy more weed. I went w/him once and there were high schoolers at this place w/ a 22 year old. I felt so sick. There was very promiscuious girl there and i can't help but wonder what goes on when im not around. Am I just being insecure or should i be worried? He's accused me of cheating so many times before and I never have. All i do is work and come home. I've supported him for 9 months when he was unemployed and he's b*tched at me for not being there for him and not caring! oh i need some advice i feel so sad.
  24. Ok so me and my girl have been together for almost 2 years. We have had a lot of rocky moments in which she had bad jealousy and insecurity problems. I on the other hand made the giant mistake of cheating. She has forgiven me thought excpet for occasionally if shes really mad its still in her battle arsenal haha. We split up over the summer but got back together after 2 months. We have been back for around a month and a half now and things were going ok...just like they used to minus the bad haha. In the last week though I have felt really insecure about the relationship because its like we never see each other or talk anymore. With school, work, and sports its very had to find time. When there is time she is sometimes to tired to do anything. So I ahve been insecure about it and was pestering her with it for like a week and she gets very angry when i keep bringing it up and she told her mom i am annoying. She still holds my hand when we walk to class, hugs me and all that. She still says she wants to marry me one day as well. However I really dont know if shed be there for me or be able to sympathize with me if i really needed her. Like alomst as if she doesnt consider my feelings or take it upon herself to put anything into the realtionshiup. What should I do...i cant talk about it with her anymore because she gets annoyed. Should I step back a little and stop trying to do so much or do u think im overanalyzing things? She is very tired and stressed with how much she has to do at school and cheerleading that when talking about it it put her in tears. Anyways any thoughts on this at all would be appreciated.
  25. Things have been going great with the new bf. We've been together only a couple of months, but we're really connecting. (It's not just me who thinks this, he's made a few comments too.) Well, a few days ago I had a small "Insecurity Breakdown". I told him I was sorry about it and it wouldn't happen again. You know, old habits and all. (He broke it off with his ex fiance because of her serious insecurities.) He said it was fine, he understood. The next day he called me after work and said he'd see me Wed night for our walk. (We go for a walk every Wed. night when he gets out of work.) Well, he didn't call last night. I called his house and his mother said he wasn't home from work, she was a little worried because she thought he was out with me. So... I didn't hear from him. I called today from work and got the machine. (I didn't leave a message.) He called back 10 minutes later. He explained that he'd had a "bad day all around" yesterday and was in a really bad mood after work so he went out and got really drunk. He didn't sound like he wanted to talk about what put him in a bad mood so I didn't press the issue. I asked if he wanted to go for a walk tonight and he said yes. Did I screw up by letting out a little insecurity? Could this just be bad timing, his bad mood just days after my little breakdown? Do I just act like nothing happened? Am I nuts for thinking that since he called me back, it can't be all that bad? I know I'm just rambling now, but I just needed to get this stuff out. I'm coming up on the year anniversary of the day I left my cheating husband. I thought I'd handle this better, but it seems all these insecurities are creeping back up.
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