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  1. I'm 37 and I have a male friend who's 38. I've known him for about eight years. He's a nice guy, very chill and calm and never has anything bad to say about anyone. He hasn't officially been diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, but his brother was. Also he's had people like his lecturers at university suggest he might be on the spectrum and I've noticed it a lot as well. He's a good friend and part of my friendship group but I must admit I never felt super close to him. I usually preferred seeing him in a group situation rather than one-on-one. There have been some things in the past (only a few) where his communication or ability to read the situation wasn't very good. But it didn't happen often or on a big scale so it didn't bother me as much. For example, one time I was having friends over for a Christmas Eve dinner. After dinner a few of us decided to go to the bottle shop to get a few alcoholic drinks. Some people went to the shop but some gave other people money or said they'd pay them back or to get them alcohol. He never said anything. When we got back from the shop, he said to me: "So did you get me alcohol?" Like, he just assumed I'd get it for him but he never asked or offered me any payment or anything. Also recently I was having a board games night at my place. We're acquaintances with this older woman, though it's mainly him who hangs out with her. I said to him that I actually don't like her that much because I don't feel that I click or get along with her well. But when I was having my board games night, he asked if this woman could come. I know this part was my fault, but I gave in and said "OK" but I didn't really want her there. This was two months before my board games event though and I hadn't talked to that woman about it at all. On the night of the board games, an hour after it started, he tells me: "X woman is coming, I invited her and gave her the details and the address". I understand I'd previously said it was OK but he never told me he gave her all the details or that she was coming. And I previously mentioned I don't like her that much too and he just disregarded that. Recently I was organising a trip to a rural city to go see the Elvis Presley art gallery exhibition which was here only a limited time and came from his Graceland ranch. We are in Australia by the way, not US. My friend loves art galleries so I asked if him and his girlfriend want to go there with my boyfriend and I. He said his girlfriend might be going interstate to see her sister, but that he REALLY, really wanted to go, even just the three of us. A few weeks in advance I began looking up accommodation, but noticed there was barely anything available and almost everything was sold out. I knew this was due to it being the last weekend of the Elvis exhibition and also that they had some other big, popular events in that rural city. I mentioned that we really needed to book accommodation and sent three links to places available. I asked him a couple of times to let me know what he thinks of the accommodation, but he didn't really reply in our group Facebook chat and say anything. I did actually explain that there is barely any accommodation left. I also mentioned twice that we should book Elvis Presley and asked should I book for us? The entry into the exhibition was timed sessions so we needed to book the same time together. I said the Elvis exhibition was going to sell out because it was the last weekend it was on. My friend didn't reply. In the end my boyfriend and I booked our own accommodation and my friend said him and his girlfriend would stay with a friend of theirs living in the area. I decided I couldn't wait any longer to book Elvis because it was only a week beforehand. All the exhibition sessions turned out to be sold out except only two on a weekday (Friday). I really wanted to go so I got myself a ticket quickly and I had to take a day off work. But my boyfriend and my friend and his girlfriend missed out on the tickets. I posted in the group chat to my friend that I'm not happy his communication had been so bad and he wasn't replying to any of my messages. I pointed out I mentioned a few times we really needed to book things. He wasn't really that apologetic and said: "Yeah we were too quiet sorry". Then I was organising to go to an alpaca farm and my boyfriend and friend's girlfriend wanted to go. I asked my friend: "What do you think about the alpaca farm? The woman there needs us to confirm as there is only a certain time available." And my friend said: "I'm indifferent towards it, though alpacas are cute". I was annoyed because I needed a yes or no answer to know if to book. I then tagged him in the group chat and said: "I really need a yes or no answer, I'll wait for you to reply before booking". He still didn't reply for a day or more and he saw the message. I then tagged him again and said: "I'm waiting for you to answer". Then he answered "Yes I'll go". Then he asked my boyfriend and I to meet for lunch in that rural city. We agreed on a place and I said it closes at 2 p.m., and we'll meet there at 1 p.m. He agreed. The next day he messaged and said "I'll be there at 2 p.m." I told him I mentioned the place closes at 2 p.m. and he was like "Oh I messed up". He only arrived after 2:15. The next day we had a booking for 6:30 p.m. to see a light projection festival together. We said we'll see the festival, then have dinner together the four of us. At 6:10 p.m. he messaged us saying him and his girlfriend are heading into a restaurant for dinner. At 6:30 p.m., my boyfriend and I were walking into the light festival and I messaged my friend asking if they're coming in. My friend said no because they only just ordered their food. I said, well, we are going in since the booking is 6:30. And he was just like "okie dokie then". They were 45 + minutes late and messaged to meet us there, but we had already finished seeing the whole thing. We were really annoyed that they just didn't respect any of our plans together and we went to dinner alone. We mentioned where we were and at 9:00 p.m. they walked in there to see us. My friend said he actually realised he messed up, his communication was bad and he was sorry and offered to buy us a drink. I thought that was a big breakthrough because before that he didn't seem to think he was being rude at all and all was fine. Two days ago he invited me to go to another huge light projection festival in our city, but my boyfriend and I had already seen it. I asked him what time are they going to the festival and that we could just meet for dinner first. He said "we'll go to the festival about 6:00 p.m." Then he said to me we'll go to this particular Italian restaurant for dinner. I asked what time and he also said "about 6 p.m." I said: "I can be there at 6 p.m. but please let me know what time". And he was like "yep". Then a day went by and I didn't hear anything so I was thinking he's not going to book anything and we won't get in because it was a Friday night in the city. So I asked if he booked and offered I can do it. He then said 6:00 p.m. wasn't available so he booked 5 p.m. because it was available. The thing is I actually only finish work at 5 p.m. but he didn't contact me at all before he made the booking. I said unfortunately I can't go with them because I finish work at 5 p.m. And he was literally just like: "OK". Him, his girlfriend and our other friend are going but I was basically excluded. And he didn't apologise or seem to feel bad about it at all. Also he didn't look up or book the big light projection festival he invited us to. I said to them in group chat it was extremely busy when we went there with my boyfriend. My friend's girlfriend checked and said it's all sold out, as it's also the last weekend of it. My friend was the one who invited us to the light festival! I was really annoyed and angry so at 4 p.m. yesterday I sent him a few messages explaining my feelings. I don't think I was rude but I said his communication and organisation is really bad and tried to explain what I need to change. He saw the first message on Facebook but then didn't "see" any of the others I sent. And I saw he was on Facebook all night uploading lots of photos to his page. Now it's 9 a.m. the next day and he hasn't "seen" my messages. I think maybe he just left me on read? How would you feel about all this? Do you think I should try again to be clear to him his behaviour isn't acceptable? Or should I just stop trying to make any plans with him and distance myself? He didn't use to be as bad with organising plans, especially not one-on-one. In groups he seems to have no ability to organise or communicate and also he's been acting like this since he's been with his girlfriend for eight months.
  2. I have a friend who I've known for a long time, maybe 6 years, we go to the same school. I've had a crush on her for 4 years and this year we really started to get close. She is a girl and so am I (we are both lgbtq+). I talked to her everyday for almost 6 months. She'd always give me cute compliments and seek out my attention so I was sure she had a crush on me back. Note: She is Jewish and I have nothing against Jews but was curious if she supported Israel. I am middle eastern and will always back up Palestine so someone supporting Israel is a big no-no for me. When I asked her if she supports Israel she didn't answer my question directly and then didn't respond to me. This led me to believe she supported Israel, as she did not deny it. During the next day at school she ignored me completely, which is very out of the usual for us. I texted her on her bull*** but she instead said that she's angry I would drop her if she supported Israel and called me closed minded. When I responded back she said I hurt her and that she needs space. We did not talk to each other for a month and would actively avoid one another. I, being very impatient and missing her texts asked if we could talk. I do not think I was in the wrong but I've had a crush on her for so long and did not want out friendship to end. I texted her a lengthy apology taking accountability of all the things I said to hurt her, (or what she says I did to hurt her) I admitted to all my "mistakes" and asked if we could not be awkward with each other anymore and hopefully become like how we used to be. She texted back thanking me for what I said but then went on to say that she has family in Israel and that If I wanted to drop her I should. She also did not address the part where she said she would continue being friends with someone even if they were racist and said that it's not fair the way i'm treating her and its unfortunate the way this has played out. I didn't want to drop her. I wanted to rebuild our friendship and I still maybe did have a crush on her. After all, she did say she didn't support a lot of things within Israel itself and didn't support either countries. As long as she doesnt support Israel it was fine with me. I texted her back and she didn't respond. It's been 3 days. I also think she BLOCKED ME? All my texts do not say delivered. I am aware I am down bad for her but she IS SO PRETTY AND KIND. I don't know how to fix this. My school ends next Friday and since I'm still blocked (for some reason) I will not be able to text her. Anyone know how to help and fix this? I know I messed up and did something wrong but is it all my fault?
  3. I know this is a bit of of a weird and unusual situation but bear with me please. Just right before the COVID pandemic started, I went to a friend's Birthday party and I met this engaged polyamorous couple. I'll call them Rick and Jodie. They added me on Facebook and I started chatting to them mainly on Facebook Messenger. They weren't really friends but more like acquaintances. I only hung out with them once at their place watching horror movies and went to a couple of their parties. I think I also saw them at some events or other people's parties. They also invited me to their engagement party but due to many strict COVID lockdowns in my city, they had to reschedule the engagement party three times. This may also be kind of relevant to what I'll say later. Jodie really struggles with some mental health and physical health issues. She was sexually abused as a child by her Uncle and has Disassociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities), depression, anxiety. Rick is on the autism spectrum. A bit over two years after meeting Rick and Jodie, I met Colin* who is now my partner of a few months. I did know him in the past a long time ago but briefly and then lost touch. So one time I was scrolling Facebook even before Colin and I were dating and I saw through Facebook photos on Colin's profile that he actually used to be married to Jodie. I saw their wedding photos and so on. I talked to Jodie about it and she said that Colin is such a good guy, she only has good things to say about him and now he's like a brother and good friend to her. They separated five years ago and Colin said he sees her as a good friend and family too. They were together for quite a number of years and I know through Colin that they had a lot of issues due to Jodie's bad mental health and she also cheated on him. I didn't care though because it's nothing to do with me. I wasn't jealous they're friends coz I could see it was well over and I'm friends with one of my ex's as well. Anyway this brings to the current issue. Jodie and Rick just recently had their engagement party. Jodie actually invited Colin to come and said we should go together as a couple. She asked Colin on his way there to pick up two of her friends/guests and also to drive them home at the end. Which he did and it added like at least an extra 45 minutes onto his trip home. Which was already at least a one hour drive. I wasn't actually able to come to the engagement party because I was really unwell. I'll also add that Colin and Jodie weren't officially divorced because Jodie had promised to pay for the divorce and do the paperwork, but she never did. Recently she did finally put it all through, with push from Colin and Rick's parents. Anyway so the other day I get this message on Facebook from Rick: "Just need to bring something up. Hope you're doing okay, we missed you at the engagement party. We would still love for you to attend our wedding if available. However, if you want to bring a plus one, we just want to ask you not to bring Colin. Because of his history with Jodie, I feel it may make people uncomfortable, as it did make a few people uncomfortable with him being at the engagement party. So you are welcome to bring someone else, but yeah, it might be for the best Colin doesn't come to the wedding. Sorry to make things awkward, we just think it's for the best as we want our special day to be drama-free as possible. Colin was telling people at the engagement party that he is Jodie's soon-to-be ex husband which made people feel uncomfortable. And it really upsetted one person who wanted to confront Colin after he said that. So that's why it's best for Colin not to be at the wedding. We are happy with you coming but we don't want him there. Hope you are doing okay and Jodie and I are sending love and support your way." I asked what should I tell Colin? And Rick just said: "Well you can tell him whatever but we don't want him there". I want to add also that Colin also has high functioning autism but he's the sweetest and nicest guy. In fact he's too nice and soft. Colin's perception of the engagement party was that it went really well and he said he had a great time and everything was good. He also gave Rick and Jodie a nice card with a really nice message. I agree maybe he shouldn't have said he was Jodie's ex husband but a very large number of people already knew. Jodie's parents and a lot of Jodie's friends and family who were at their wedding knew anyway. Of course this is their wedding and it's their choice so all I said was: "OK I will tell Colin this" and I told him. I'm going to be honest though, I'm feeling really angry. Jodie is meant to be Colin's good friend and like family still but she didn't even message him herself. Also they put me in a really uncomfortable position, making me tell Colin and putting me in the middle. This is also after Colin had been wonderful to Jodie throughout their marriage and even afterwards. And he picked up some of their party guests and drove them home. I'm feeling like I should just not go to their wedding? But Colin also told me that Rick's parents are traditional and they're paying for the wedding, so Colin thought maybe it was the parents that also felt uncomfortable about Jodie's ex husband being there. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention to question or challenge their decision. I'm just wondering if I should do what I have control over.. And that is not to go to their wedding.
  4. Since more than 1 week, my friend is really mad at me and don’t want to talk to me for now. I did a lot of wrong thing, I was too attached to her….I said things about other people that I shouldn’t tell, my behavior towards her but also towards my other friends chocked her. I am not a good person… she did a lot of things for me…and I didn’t know how to say her thank you. I love her a lot and she feels like I love her TOO much. It’s really recent, I wrote a lot of letter drafts that I will give her in a future but I don’t know when. It’s now too recent to give her and come to talk to her. I feel so miserable and guilty, because it’s my fault. I hate my uncontrollable feelings and words ruining everything like it often did. I feel bad because I hurt her and the others and I maybe lost one of my dearest friend. we spent good moments together….Why should I do? I feel so bad…see her distant and angry makes me sad…and mad at me. should I wait to ask her to maybe chat but out of school, just the two of us? How much time it will takes for her to calm down…She doesn’t hate me actually, she is just mad and angry…. I feel like she is hesitant talking to me sometimes, she stares at me or walk by me when she thinks I don’t see her and then leave after hesitated a moment. Maybe she is sad and lost too? Maybe she feels like she was too rude…I don’t know… i know she loves me, or used to..she talked to me like a sister…I ruined everything…I try to becoming a better person now…but it’s hard. any advices ?
  5. Hi everyone, hope you're all having a great day. Well, I have never quite investigated or properly put my thoughts into words about this so I'm going to try my best, sorry if it's too long or confusing. I'm basically constantly in conflict of what I want, most of the time I'm completely fine by myself and can't be bothered, then the next day I want to make friends, cycle repeats. Then again I mostly limit my interactions online as I moved a while ago and I really don't want to get to know the places around with covid and all, besides I think that's beyond the point since this also happened while I had irl friends anyway. Okay so, with both online and irl friendships (not interested in romantic relationships at all) I always start with this huge energy boost where we constantly talk with each other, message each other, talk about lots of stuff like hobbies, favorite movies, music, all that stuff and it's great! Honestly I do love getting to know people, it's heartwarming. Here's the thing tho, it's like this is a separate version of myself, I often find myself wishing to be back to the "regular" which is minding my own business by myself. Let me try to explain as best as I can. My personality has changed a lot through the years, mostly after learning actual value of friendships, ditching toxic people and overall figuring things out and growing up. Last 7 or 8 years have been a self improvement path that I'm quite proud of, but this is basically what hasn't changed. I fluctuate a lot between wanting to make friends (and actually trying) and minding my own business with zero things bothering me. I think I can't find a balance between both, sooner or later talking and keeping up with friends becomes a huge chore that quite honestly annoys me and often have to retreat into my "selfish self" for a while without any explanation. Legit writing even a short text or giving any explanation, or coming up with one feels like an impossible task even tho I can be working my butt off at the same time, it feels like a huge energy drain to keep up with friends sometimes and it makes me feel stressed and sometimes it combines with stress from work or being tired and my willingness to work out that friendship becomes impossible to deal with. I don't really know why I'm like this, I'm just curious, really. I'd like to find a proper balance and keep friendships for longer, I want I avoid forgetting to reply or even ghosting people accidentally or purposefully. Don't get me wrong I do actually like talking and getting to know people a lot, even tho I'm an introvert I managed to improve this a lot, and still, at some point I just no longer have the energy to keep up. Combined to this, I may also be VERY picky with what kind of people I want to be friends with, I usually avoid A LOT of people with what I consider lame or toxic behaviours, I think I judge lot but never have to say it because I simply don't chase anything with these people, it's simple. I usually avoid people that are overly toxic and loud, people that only wait their paycheck desperately so they can get drunk every week, people who just call you when they need you, and overall just people that don't seem interested in a stronger sense of friendship like I do. It's fine, we all can choose right? I mean maybe my personality might be unlikable to other people too, but what I find most attractive in people is their personality so it's a huge deal for me, and I know being picky and so indecisive about wanting to make friends aren't exactly good personality traits. I do get complimented a lot, my nowadays me is nothing like before! But I have yet another issue on top of the stated above. I also feel like often friendships go nowhere, they eventually turn into boring chit chat everytime or meaningless conversations, not sure if there's someone at fault here o just think it happens naturally but don't know why. Lastly, maybe my expectations or idea or friendship are flawed or unrealistic? Maybe I don't know. If I'm being honest, I don't think I've had a real friend yet, and I just turned 25. I've lost friends or ended friendships mostly when the other person betrays me or something, if there's something I'm good at when dealing with people is dropping my interest, ghosting or ending the friendship very efficiently and with zero remorse or second thoughts really, when people use me or betray me I just no longer feel anything towards them and lose all interest, also I'm too tired after work to involve into any drama haha! I know MBTI might be silly to a lot and to be honest it kinda is to me now, but if it helps as any insight, I'm INTJ. Sorry if this was a bit long and confusing, like I said before I wasn't very sure how to write down se thoughts into words properly. I'm just wondering if this is at least somewhat common or known, I'm very good at many things but at this type of stuff I'm clueless!
  6. This probably isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I just wanted to get everyone's opinion. I'm in a group of four very close friends that I've known for twenty years. We are all 36/37 and one is 43 years old. Ever since COVID started in March 2020 here in Australia, the four of us have been chatting in our group chat, occasionally video calling and regularly watching movies virtually. By virtually I mean we play a movie at the same time on our own devices and we chat about it all through the movie on Facebook Messenger by typing in the chat. One of the women in the group, S, who is 43 is obsessed with Japanese and Korean culture and TV shows. So I saw that there's this new TV mini series that just came out on Netflix called Squid Game and it's Korean. I suggested to the girls to watch it and some of my reasoning behind it also because I knew that S loves Korean shows and movies. I said that we can just try the show and see what we think. We agreed we would try it and if we didn't like it we didn't have to watch. We watched three episodes virtually but I'd never seen any Korean show or movie before and don't understand any Korean. With us constantly chatting in the Facebook Messenger chat, I couldn't see the subtitles and I was also getting confused with all the characters' Korean names because I really wasn't used to hearing Korean names. I did actually say all this to my friends. I got something wrong about the characters and told them and they all seemed to understand it and I was the only one that didn't. I also asked if we could watch two episodes of the show at the same time but they said that sometimes they might be able to watch two but usually it'd be one. The show has nine episodes so we're talking about virtually watching this show for like two months coz they basically wanted to watch once a week or so. I know it was wrong but I actually went ahead and watched the whole series by myself. But I was still going to watch it with my friends as well and I was going to chat about it. I loved the show so was even looking forward to watching it again. I actually honestly didn't think it was going to be that big of an issue and I wanted to be honest with my friends. I admitted to them I'd seen it and I explained my reasons why. Two of them said "that's fair enough" sort of thing. We started watching and watched one episode. Then S says she's really not enjoying it because of me and she's really disappointed because I've already seen it. She said she didn't want to keep watching it with us and just wanted to watch alone. I apologised profusely and said I completely understood she was angry but there was no reason not to keep watching together. I said I still wanted to keep watching and I was enjoying it. Anyway she said no and that she will just watch it alone. Then she basically stopped talking in the chat all together. She did say: "As you know, I'm really passionate about Korean shows so maybe I'm over reacting". She spoke to me quite coldly and then she just stopped participating in the chat. I apologised that I suggested a foreign movie with subtitles but that was only because we'd never actually watched a foreign movie or show virtually before. I could be wrong but in my personal opinion she did over react. I don't exactly understand why it wasn't possible to keep watching together still because I still wanted to keep watching and chatting about the show. She watches Korean shows and movies 24/7 and can even speak some Korean and Japanese. Whereas it was my first time watching anything Korean and I did explain that. I could have said upfront that I couldn't understand it with typing on Messenger at the same time and couldn't keep watching and then I imagine we would all stop watching it anyway. But I didn't actually want to do that and wanted to continue watching the show together but I wanted to actually understand it. I think she's acting a bit over the top. It's totally fine to say she's annoyed at me but to literally stop watching the show and stop talking in the chat in my opinion is over reacting. And especially as my friends know that yesterday I was in a car accident which wasn't my fault. A guy smashed into the back of my car really hard and the whole back bumper came off. He stopped and I took photos of his number plate. He gave his mobile number but afterwards refused to give any of his details for my insurance company (he didn't have insurance). So I couldn't do my insurance claim without his details so I had to go to the police and go through the trouble of them chasing him. I really don't understand what is the big deal about this show. Am I missing something or am I wrong?
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