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  1. Got into a new relationship a few weeks ago and my current gf started out very sexually interested. We've had sex several times and it's very good for both of us. She's always groping me and turning me on even in public etc. A problem I've come into the last few days is that I've been rejected for three days straight when it comes to sex, although she's kept up with the teasing. I try and do it back, but she's somewhat resistant (I don't think she likes getting turned on in setting where it won't lead to sex, and now come to think of it I feel the same way). I've been very cool about it the last couple of times (no means no), but tonight after hours of what basically amounts to foreplay at a night club, I got soundly rejected again while she was up on my bed in my room. I couldn't help but to turn my attention to things other than her (checking email, putting pj's on, turning on lights and tv until it was time for her to go--just a few minutes because it was late--fatigue was not the reason for rejecting me I'm almost positive and the good night kiss was very not passionate as I was upset and just didn't want to kiss in that way) because I didn't want to take it out on her as I've had bad results in the past when it comes to confronting frequency of sex. It just puts too much pressure on the situation and I have no doubt there is a much better way to handle this. Even the way I handled it tonight, it feels like there was pressure put on the situation and for her to put out. I don't think this is where I want to be. I did the very best I could not to be mad, but maybe it still came through (she said she could tell and although I'm sure she would expect me to feel that way. I'm unsure whether it was something I did to tip her off, I denied it as best I could) and surpressing emotions like this just doesn't feel comfortable in general. Something just tells me there's a better way to handle this and I have a bad feeling that this is a sign that I'm handling something in the relationship incorrect. Question #1 What is the best way to handle getting rejected by your partner? I don't want to give the impression that I'm going to be 100% cool with getting rejected everytime. Every once in a while is cool, but I don't want it to set a bad precident. Questin #2 Is the constant teasing I do to her and having her push away (it's never in a serious way that she does it) having some kind of negative effect when it comes time to go for the real deal? I think I've just answered my own question with this as it most probably is. Question #3 Should I continue to let her tease me at will? It's a very big turn on when it leads to sex, but it's very frustrating when it leads to a night alone. Would a cut and dry explanation of my feelings on it be a good idea? I just have a feeling that this method will put pressure on her and that will lead to the problem getting worse.
  2. I think most of us could use some emotional support through the pandemic. To be clear this is SUPPORT , criticism and blaming is not needed. I know some us out here are high risk or normal risk. If you need a warm fuzzy today, I love you ❤️ Virtual hug.
  3. Taking a page from the Healing after breakup and divorce forum, where we can post to our exes to keep us from contacting them. That is where I first posted this. I should have posted it here. I just read a list 20 Tips to do when you are grieving, and one is to write a letter to the deceased. Well, that is when it finally struck me that I am avoiding the grief of a loss. I need to face that loss directly. I need to talk to my long deceased ex. Maybe this thread can help you too. I encourage you to post here as a place to speak freely about our deceased friends, lovers, and family members. This is a safe place to say things that maybe we don't want to say to others so as not to hurt them, or to appear mean, or to reveal information that we have been keeping private. Here, we can yell at the deceased if we need to, or we can admit that we didn't treat them well, or we can yearn for them yet again. There will be no one to shush us with an Its okay or Its time to move on. This is a safe place to say what we want to say, without reproach. __________ The 20 Tips are pasted below, for an added reference. ___________ Talk about your loss with friends, family or a professional. Grief is a process, not an event. Grief is work, requiring time and energy. The memories, meanings and fulfilled needs provided by the lost loved one take time to work through. Let yourself enter the emotions of grief. Grievers tend naturally to avoid the painful emotions. Losing someone close to you means you deserve to allow yourself to feel all your emotions - sadness, anger, intense longing, guilt and others. Consider writing your loved one a letter. Say what you would tell them as if it were your last chance. Even if you never share the letter with anyone, writing it may help you work through your grief. Resume your life but leave time and space for grieving. Life marches on for the living. But try to resist the temptation to “throw yourself” into work or other diversions. This leaves too little time for the grief work you need to do for yourself. Take care of yourself. You have been wounded. Something very valuable and dear has been taken away from you. Give yourself time and space to begin healing. Get enough rest. Eat nourishing food. Give yourself a break. Resist the temptation to use alcohol or drugs to numb your pain. These can interfere with the grieving process by delaying it or covering it up. If you have any religious inclination, consider contacting your place of worship. All religions recognize that grievers need special help. Consider taking advantage of these services even if you have not been attending regularly. You will not be turned away. Consider seeking out other grievers. Someone who has also been through grief can empathize with you, and vice versa. Organizations like Compassionate Friends or THEOS recognize the value of sharing in a group setting. Don’t feel obligated to join groups if they are not for you. The grief process is highly individual. Some people prefer solitude or reflection rather than group work. Do what feels right for you. Don’t neglect your own health. Grieving puts a heavy burden of stress on your body. It can disturb sleep patterns, lead to depression, weaken your immune system, and worsen medical problems that had been stable, such as high blood pressure. Take prescribed medications and get regular check-ups. If you suffer from disabling insomnia or anxiety, see your doctor. Sometimes short-term medication can be very helpful. Get help for severe or persistent depression. Someone once said: “grief is not a disease but it can become one.” Grief can lead to serious depression. Consider getting professional help if you feel overwhelmed, hopeless, or helpless. Other signs of depression can include sleep impairment (too little or too much), appetite or weight change, low energy, difficulty concentrating, and feeling listless or agitated. By all means, seek professional help if you have suicidal thoughts. Grief work can become complicated. Mixed emotions (positive and negative feelings), unresolved emotional turmoil and losing someone after an argument can complicate the grieving process. Sharing these feelings with a professional therapist can help. Grief therapy need not be a long-term commitment. Even if you don't see yourself as the kind of person who seeks therapy, this may be beneficial. Anger is common in normal grieving and certainly justified when a loved one dies due to the malevolence of others. Try venting your anger in a letter. Consider channeling your anger into constructive action. Volunteer to work for causes that seek justice and prevention. Spending your energy helping someone else can help you in the process. Allow time to grieve. One to two years is not a long time to allow yourself to work through grief. We need to remind ourselves that the healing process cannot be rushed; it will proceed at its own rate. Be patient. The grieving process often includes setbacks. Don’t expect to set an “I’ll be over it” deadline and succeed. Often, grieving resumes after a time, sometimes even months or years. Reminders can trigger a flood of emotions. Don’t be surprised if this happens, and don't consider it a sign of weakness. Instead, your psyche is telling you more grief work needs to be done. At some point those who have lost a partner or love companion will face the decision of whether to be open to a new relationship. Consider imagining the situation reversed. That is, if you died and your lover or spouse survived, what would you want them to do? It may help you to see your situation from this angle. If you feel stuck in your grief, try a new approach. We are creatures of habit who learn very quickly how to avoid painful situations. However, this may hinder working through the entirety of your grief. To “jump start” the process, consider reviewing memorabilia, photos, home movies, or videos. Talk about your loved one at holidays when his or her absence is most obvious. Don’t avoid it so as not to spoil the festivities. This is the perfect time to check in with other family members about how they're doing with grief work, and share mutual support. Create your own memorial service. Celebrate their lifetime accomplishments, values, and principles. Consider carrying the torch of a cause they believed in as a memorial. Start a scholarship, plant a garden, or make a donation in their name. The grieving process has run its course when you feel weary of rehashing events and memories and finally accept the fact the your loved one can remain with you only in spirit. For some, the process never really ends; it just gets easier over time. You will know you are ready to move forward when you feel you can reinvest the energy once invested in your loved one in a new place. This takes time. Good grief means being good to yourself during the process.
  4. I have gone through this before. Im on my 4th breakup with my ex. But the worst feeling in the world is having feelings for someone who no longer wants to be with you, hang out with you, see you or call you. It happened suddenly, I was not expecting it. I feel lots of pain, and though I wont do anything stupid the impotence is so much that I just wish I was dead in order not to feel this. Help me cope please. I miss him and want to move to his city and do anything posible to make it work again, but I know he has blocked me out and that there is absoultely nothing I can do to change it. I think of him every day, all the time. Pleople are getting sick of me, and there is nothing I can do to change his mind and make him love me. Help me please
  5. ! : English is not my primary language. Some texts that i write here are copied from another person that express exactly how i feel but in a better way that i could write myself. I am a bi guy and I get these feelings of jealousy with regard to lesbians. So much that nowadays I don't even watch movies or tv shows with lesbian characters. I don't have the feelings when it comes to gay men. For example in the show "Arcane", i really enjoy it, is great, i like the character of Vi and the one of Caitlyn and they are cute together but, I wouldn't call them intense feelings, I just feel a bit uncomfortable and jealous. Is this a form of homophobia ? How can i work on it ? Other informations : - I think i'm okay with my actual gender - It is not particulary from that show but in all show, note that i have no female who is in a lesbian relationship actually - I have a lesbian friend and i never have this kind of feelings towards her
  6. I was wondering if there are any opinions on Enotalone forum online. I googled them and I'm surprised. I understand everywhere people tend to give some % of negative reviews - after all, people who are dissatisfied (justly or unjustly) have more motivation to write about it. But I'm surprised there are almost no positive reviews for so many people feeling hurt. I understand people here are not professionally qualified to help and they dedicate their own personal time for free to help out somebody. It's a kind thing to do, as risky as it is to give strangers advice. However, having read the opinions, I have now doubts if this community has the healthy dynamics that people asking for advice need. The problems seem to be: - Moderation - close to 100% of reviewers are deeply unsatisfied with moderation, saying banning is too restrictive and there is no discussion possible after being banned. Some users comment on unhealthy power balance. - Insensivity - various terms including accusations of systematic cyberbulling in private and public talk. Some quotes I found on review pages: "A lot of individuals on that forum lack patience, compassion, and open-mindedness-- all qualities important for a healthy, lasting relationship. If everyone listened to their advice, no one would be in a relationship." "So the purpose of this app is to vent and my express your feelings. Well on here it's not happening as majority of the people are very judgmental!" "(...) thin skinned people who give bad advice and are most likley bitter on life. " " First few times I used this site, it was good. People were nice and actually gave good advice. Then everyone started giving bad advice and on top of that they gang up on you like you're the bad guy when you were the OP and just want advice. They were mean and rude and turn up against you and says it very bluntly that's its your fault. Yes maybe it is, but help guide someone to make the right decisions not freaking just blame it on them and there also very one sided." "(...) and they do this by berating posters who they perceive as either not being as strong as the supposedly healed berater or as being someone who represents the person who hurt the berater in the past" "made me feel harassed" "the people on there just tore me apart verbally" "(...) were incredibly rude and intentionally used it for nothing more than a platform on which to cyber bully. " "eNotAlone. You have made me feel more alone than ever" "You are NOT getting advice from any of the professionals" "However, the people usually just bring out the negative and leave it at that." "the people that post the most are very insensitive and suggest just about everyone who is the OP to seek therapy. Everyone should have a therapist yes. But the way they go about it is just disrespectful. " "Very few solutions are ever presented and relentless attacks to the OP are a given." Like I said, I understand that some people are bitter after not hearing what they intended to hear, etc. but the opinions are just so consistent. I used this forums many times over years. Sometimes as an advice seeker, sometimes I got advice that helped me to make decisions, some advice made me feel bad for a few days, but I always was grateful for people's time and thought it's about my bad chemistry with some people, or you know, my psychological mechanisms, not about the general forum dynamics. I've been a few times the advice giver as well. How do you feel as advice givers on this forum, if this is apparently the impression of so many forum users? :( I'm not sure if I could do it anymore after reading that. I feel incredible guilt about idea of overusing my psychology degree to help people in ways that do not help them. While I know people here want to something good by helping others, there may be some group dynamics on this forum as well, a specific forum culture encouraging judgement/talking down to people as a means to "shake them", and other things a professional psychologist or a therapist is trained not to do with their client. Or some trends of advice in general. We are social beings after all and every group is influenced by mechanisms studied by social psychology, and not all of these mechanisms are positive. How do you feel about it all? Do you feel with all your heart it's ethical for you to participate in a forum that while wants to help, apparently also hurts so many people? :( Do you think it could be that the "harshness" that is in fact not therapeutic (as so many users claimed in these reviews) but coming from advice giver's personal needs, is somehow encouraged in this community? That the feeling of pride of being an active member for a long time, of wanting to be "the star" of community somehow makes people less focused on the individual needs of the vulnerable person? In my opinion, every good helper is a person open to feedback they get back. A person who reflects on it and tries to change something to do better next time. If you are convinced ENA community does way more good than harm, do you have some reflections what could be changed for the future to make people more emotionally safe? Would it be possible to have a section of the forum dedicated to feedback and open discussion what could be enhanced here, for these hurt users to have a space for speaking freely? Thank you for reading and reflection.
  7. Okay, so this guy said that i "played" him...I understand now what that means. (I have cheated on him or have other guys than him) However, this is not the case. This guy and I aren't even a couple but we do have feelings for eachother that we both have expressed. I am just wondering why he would say something like that? I have a lot of older guy FIRENDS but they are just FRIENDS. How can say that I am "playing" him? What should I do? We have been talking for about six months and we both are pretty comfortable around eachother. We act like a couple all the time and we have even talked about it. Sorry guys I am just really confused..how can he go off and tell his friends I am a "player" and what should I do? Help!
  8. ok. at the moment. i am overwhelmed with so many different feelings that i want to just run. run until my legs give out. if any of you have read my past postings, you would know that i am meeting my biological mother in whom i have not heard from since i was 5. (adopted) so its been really hard preparing myself for this situation. im afraid that when i see/talk to her that memories will come flooding back to me. i don't know how to react or how not to react. im actually thinking of "leaving" on that day. which is a very negative thought because i have been trying to face my problems, and not run away from them. so... already. ive got pressure. i can't talk about it with my parents because they don't know she is coming. and i don't know what they will do. so yes, its hard. but we all know life isn't easy. last night was the hardest night. i haven't cried like that in a long time. a very long time. i also have testing going on right now. every morning for 3 hours for the next 4 days. so there is pressure. i have to pass in order to graduate. no problem, but yes... im stressing over that too. and lastly... today's issue. i almost burst into tears in my biology class when i found out. i held everything back, all i wanted to do was run out of there and just curl up in a ball because it just keeps getting worse. i found out that one of my good friends is in the hospital because she slit her wrists last night. i don't know how bad it is. she doesn't even know i know. and im afraid. im so afraid. i don't know what to do anymore. she hasn't done anything like this that i know of since last year. as far as i knew, we were both doing better, for the first time in awhile. i know that yesterday she was upset over her ex. i tried to be there for her but she said she didn't want to talk about it because she would freak out again. i know this sounds selfish towards her feelings but this is not what i need right now. This makes me feel like i am not being a good enough friend, it makes me feel lower than low. its all so overwhelming. she has done this before, but not near hospitilization. and she knows that i will freak out. i am freaking out. so im meeting my mother, i have a billion tests to take and my friend wants to die. i don't know how to deal with all of this. she has been so good to me lately. listening to my problems. and i have tried to be there for her, and we do talk about her stuff, its just that i usually have to drag it out of her and i don't want to feel like im pulling teeth. this sux. im getting a headache thinking of all of this again.
  9. Hi, My girl and I are breaking up. The main reason she gives for this is that "you'll be better off without me" and that she is "Sacrificing me so I can be happy". This makes no sense to me and is making me feel really upset. She has some emotional problems which I want to and have helped her with. My question is, can anyone help me to understand what she really means by this because i am so confused.....? many thanks.
  10. Do you fell pushing your ex to talk about his feelings pushes him further away? I could go on for days about what going on but its long. Have an ex who is 22 i am 25 we are having a baby. Boss wants him to date his daugheter tried getting them two together while we were dating. When we broke up ex told me about this. Mind swings back and for to we should be friend we should try and work things out, to back off, to i don;t think we could ever be friends. He says he care about me respects taht fact that I'm carring his baby. I hea things about him and ask him and he says he is not dating her or sleeping with her and then ask me why would he have to lie to me. He spend pleanty of time over there and at the bar with the 18 yr old daughter I don't really think reality has set in that I am pregnant and I think want him to talk about it or his feelings is pushing him away? Is that possible? Maybe a little time of not talking and if he would actually see that I am showing it would set in?
  11. I tried to find the first post, but I forgot what I titled it A little while ago, I posted I was troubled because my best friends mom has breast cancer, and either he didn't know, or wasn't talking. Just now, on MSN he told me. I really want to say something without sounding corny, and I don't want to even mention how serious it is, it's really aukward!! What should I say, how should I take this. I really want to be there for him, I feel SICK to my stomach!!! Now I'm stressing about this, I think I'm going to throw up. News like this is just like getting kicked between the legs. It seems like so many people I know have these run-ins with cancer!!?!! What would be a good thing to say to cheer him up, or show my feelings without being...corny or sounding forced. I'm not great at communicating the sympathy emotion with other guys (actually i'm just terrible! ), maybe some of the girls can gimme a hand? .....ug i'm sooo sick of all this crap going on everywhere I turn! nothing positive has happened to me for a good 3 months
  12. It is a part of life to change.....it is just one of the BIG inevitable parts of life that if you try to ignore or deny, you are gonna fail. "Roll with the punches" and "change with change" this issue of change is a struggle with me right now and I am seeking truth and reality to my feelings. I do believe that what is inside of me right now is my heart and soul trying to cope with change. More specifically, personal change. I am not the same as I was 1,2,3 or even 4 years ago! I have grown up radically....grown out of old behaviors, habits, and matured drastically. Life has givien me that gift. I have discovered so much about myself that it has casued me to build a great love for who I am as a person and now I just want the discovery to keep on going!! I am finally comfortable with who I am and I feel independent but, I am not ready to settle in with myself yet or anyone. I feel as if the world is my playground and I havent even ridden the swings yet or gotten to the monkey bars! Once I can get off of this merry-go-round I think I will see how much more fun the other rides can be too. WHen I say rides, I mean experiences. I have been wth my guy for 3 years now, that is a great achievement. IS it wrong to think its possible that I have gotten all I can from him and it is time to move on? I like the philosophy that "you encounter the significant people in your life for some reason, and that they are there for some reason etc...." LIke when someone close dies or just goes away, that is when you truly see the impact the person had on you and you see gift they left while they were a significant part of your life. When the time comes to break up with my guy, things will get put into perspective and life will go on. The hard part is breaking up after so long and after such an enourmous amount of love and effort that built the relationship....how does one go about this?? Why let it go? THis is part of my struggle. I am honest with my guy about my feelings....he in turn listens, but then seemingly tries too hard to make me happy and fill the void that my desires have created in the relationship. I have love for him, and i will always appreciate him, but I don't want to hurt him. ON the contrary, I feel like I am hurting him more by being with him and denying my heart. Any advice please.
  13. well partially anyway. once again finding myself getting depresse over the situation. been about 6 months and its not getting any better for me. i do have plenty of good things goin for me right now, but it still isnt enough. its always the same, have a good day lots of fun, then time to sleep (its the time before i go to bed every night that hits me). anyway i always try to write some lyrics when i get like this...here is my latest song im working on. its not complete but im sure they way my state of mind and my feelings have been, it will be finished very soon. Abyss -------- As i lay here my mind is falling no end in sight for me i try to end this by letting it go (note: next 2 lines begin to progress to a heavy state, crowd should capture the rage, and hurt in the lyrics) but your still there lingering in the back of my mind (Pre-Chorus) I try to forget you Its all in the past but i cant make these feelings go away (Note: carry the notes of the words for a few seconds) (Chorus) WHY! (Note: Screaming) (Note: Melodic) I tried to give you everything you accepted it for so long but in the end there was something you found BETTER THAN ME!(Note: back to screaming)
  14. Do guys want to be pursued by girls? It seems like when I pursue they lose interest. If they like to be pursued, then how? Do guys like it when girls call them? How many times is too often? Do guys like to talk on the phone or would they rather do stuff in person? Do they want a girl to ask them out? to say first that they have feelings?
  15. OK just one of those silly situations where I think it was the right thing at the time,but now have mixed feelings. well I really miss the girl that I like ALOT,which has been a really tough situation especially not talking to her as much nowadays because she's having a tough time with college so i'm backing off here. I know gotta stay strong and positive about the situation, yet I still want to express feelings to her in some form here. the other day I had a horrible day,one of those days where I wanted to say whatever was on my mind and didn't care haha. well when I got online,she was on and I put my away message on saying"what a horrible day.....but I know days like that happen and instead of complaining and being all down which doesn't get you anywhere. you gotta be strong and have a positive attitude with everything,if it's missing a certain special someone a lot ;-) or other situations that happen in life." well just say if she did read that,and got the hint. now i'm hoping she didn't get upset/sad like. do you think what I said was positive enough,showing that i'm trying to be strong and positive with me period and the situation with her? I don't want her think i'm all down and sad over here.
  16. Ok. I met a guy online last year (we'll call him J) we were going to meet, but I wasn't ready. so I threw the friends card on the table and he backed off because I asked. We chat online like we are really good friends. Tonight he hit a sore spot. He said he " Wants me". Now I know that we've never met. And I asked him what he meant by that and he replied with " I want to see you" Could what he's saying be genuine or are there false feelings and false expectations from one another. If I hadn't met someone else whom I am going to meet next weekend. (Because J and I were meant to be just friends). I wouldn't give it a second thought and I would meet J. But now I have gotten myself into this situation, where I feel like I have to choose between one or the other. How do I get out of the mess I'm in?. I'm So Confused! They both seem like great guys but I just don't know what to do? I'm Stupid I Know. Any help, any advice please
  17. K thx 4 coming i need yalls help I know this girl for 2 years now. I really like here.We been good aquaintance friends and i enjoy being with her and i think she enjoys being with me.The other day she tells be she thinks im the funniest guy she knows.This is good but she is kinda shy and i dont do the whole flirting thing and i dont think she does either. Every girl ive ever asked out has always said no.Always something... Not to mention there is this guy trying to get with her.He is constantly around her and hes pissin me off.Because hes probly decreasing my chances.But i am the funny one. I wanna ask her out but i dont know if i should. 1 of my friends asked about 3 months ago if she liked me and she said no.Thats all i know.I dont know if her feelings changed or what.I know her pretty well. and we hav gone out to the movies with friends before AS FRIENDS. so what should i do? ask her out? Need help thx Update: Im gonna ask her out but now i dont know how or when.I know that i am going to.but im going with her to the movies this sunday with a few friends and the day after im gonna ask her out.But i was gonna ask her out to the movies!i dont know what i should say now.I dont want to ask her to go to the movies when we just went "as friends"!
  18. I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of opportunists in my life lately. Not all of them, but some. I constantly feel like I am being used/or at least trying to be used by people in my life. For example, I was friendish with a bunch of people whom my ex boyfriend was good friends with. Of course after the ex and I broke up, I basically ended up gradually stopping talking to these people. Now that they find out that I have an internship at a place they think is "cool" they are talking to me and asking me to get them an internship. In addition, other people in my class have been asking to get them an internship where I am currently interning. Two of these people are friends whom I don't mind helping out because I don't feel they are trying to simply get something out of me. I'm doing it because I want to help them. Others are just people who pounce on the opportunity. Its frustrating and hurts me because I see people who don't normally bother to give me the time of day, suddenly speaking with me simply so that they can gain something from me. I mean I also want to intern there again next semester, and now these people are all asking me to get them internships/applying for one there and possibly taking away an internship that I want, and I am the one who has been interning there before they even knew about it, I'm the one who looked into it and went to 10-20 job interviews last semester while they were goofing off. I tihnk they should look into their own things and stop trying to bite off of mine, which I've worked to get. I should've just kept my mouth shut about the whole thing but I told one friend of mine about the internship and suddenly the whole world knows. Ok that is just one example, I feel like every guy I meet lately that holds a remote interest in me only has it because they just want to use me.. I'm getting to feel like I will never meet a true person that i can trust enough to want to marry and have them truly love me. I don't know, I just feel like some people are constantly trying to simply use me maybe because I seem like a pushover to them, but I really don't think I am one.. its frustrating and angers me a lot of times. I used to be a very idealistic/optimistic person but overtime my expereinces with people are making me feel very bitter, untrusting, and angry.. my family says I am way too negative. What's the best way to deal with people like this and try and turn it into a positive experience?
  19. hey all This thread is basically to talk about a trend that I've noticed, and maybe discuss it a bit. There have been several times where I have asked a girl out or somehow let her know my feelings for her, only to have her say that she only thinks of me as a friend. Ok, I can deal with that. But in each instance so far, or practically, the girl has become noticably friendlier, more talkative, and more flirty with me, after she knows that I like her. If I didn't know better, each time I would have guessed that the girl DID like me, but I know it can't be true, because they told me that they didn't. And given that they knew I liked them, they would have said something to me if they developed feelings...I would assume lol. Anyhow, I was wondering if anyone here has seen that kind a trend...where once a girl finds out that you like her, she pays alot more attention to you and puts alot of effort to keep talking to you, even though she doesn't like you back. In a way, I've always felt its like teasing. If a girl told me that she liked me and I didn't return the feelings, I wouldn't flirt with her more, in fact, I'd probably make an effort to talk with her a little less. Not because I'm mean, but because I didn't want to lead her on...I wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea. But all the girls I've noticed, thats exactly what they seem to do. It's also interesting to note that in a few of these instances, about 2 or 3 of the girls, they've had boyfriends while knowing that I liked them, but still flirted pretty blatantly. And no, its not my imagination heh. Is it just my experiences? Have any other guys had this happen? Can any girls maybe offer an explanation? Maybe girls are just naturally teasing witches
  20. Two and a half months of no contact with an ex and I'm still having trouble accepting what happened. I've accepted that it's best that we broke up...but I can't accept the fact that he cannot stand me at all. I honestly don't know why, I've been honest, sincere, and appreciative of him as a person. After making one mistake of saying brutally honest things while in an emotional state, he didn't want anything to do with me. I've apologized and said that no matter what happens I wish him the best and that I'll be there to help him in the future. He knows I think it's best we don't contact now, but he still never replied which means he didn't acknowledge me at all. I've been handling the situation okay since there's really nothing I can do but go on with life, but lately I've just been feeling so down at the fact that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me at all. It makes me feel so low and I know that these feelings will fade, but the thought will always stay there. I wanted to ask those who have been in a simlar situation how did it help you as a person? What have you learned from that experienc and how did you cope right after it happened? I know I'll be okay, but I just need some encouragement right now. Thank you
  21. Hi all! A few years ago, the woman I was deeply in love with decided to go on with her life without me as her lover: She loved me still, but was not in love with me anymore. To hear that from her mouth was a bitter "pill" I had to swallow, but I had no choice other than to move away and go on with my life the best I could and knew how. Deprived of her love and her company, I felt frustrated and very sad. Dwelling on my loss and disappointment, I went through a long period of no contact with her. Years have passed and although I got myself a new girlfriend, I had all the symptoms of someone who was not really over with the Ex. While being "in exile", there were some feeble attempts of contacting each other, but the silence that followed was always long. One day, after much struggling and thinking, I decided to call her. We had a nice talk and, since then, our contact has been a bit more regular. The subject of our talks usually varies according to the moment, but our conversations have been shedding light on misunderstandings we both had in the past. In one of our talkings, I was surprised to hear her saying that she feels like we never broke up. Although she is married to the "one she left me for" and has a nice life, she told me I still touch her emotions in a way she didn't know would be possible. I love this woman. I always did. To hear her saying that she never stopped loving me makes me smile and rekindles my feelings for her. However, the fact that she is married and I have a girlfriend (the only one I had after my ex) puts me/us in a very uncomfortable situation (The whole thing has a bitter-sweet taste). I have tried to find a solution where no one would be hurt in the end, but I am hurting already. It makes me feel sad the fact that I am not "allowed" to freely express and live out my feelings for her like I did before. She wants to include me in her life and share things that go on in both our lives. I would like that too, but I have no clue how to reconcile the true nature of my feelings for her with our present situation. She says she is torn between common sense and her emotions... So am I. I don't believe that a "traditional" way of looking at this issue will provide a suitable solution to this case, but I know that there are many people out there just like us. Any insight (without prejudices) would be greatly appreciated.
  22. Hey I decided to post this up for all those people who have a strong relationship to a compulsive liar. Whether it be Mother to daughter, or your boyfriend. Hope this Post helps. Doesn't it fusterate you when you are unsure of what to believe anymore? Even worst when they lie in front of your face and you and everyone around you know That they are full of bs. Don't you just wish there was a way to make them stop. Well People it can be stopped, with a lot of love and care and patience. Compulsive Liars 99% of the time have no self esteem and are extremely emotionally delicated. As a result to feel better about themselves they will make up lies to cover up what they don't have. Since they have no self esteem, and have no confidence most willhave given up on themselves. As a result to seeing themselves as a complete failure, most will become emotionally dependent on others once shown affection. They crave attention and sympathy because they need someone to love them in exchange for not loving themselves. Or make up stories to boost their ego to make up for the ego they don't have. How Can I help a person in this situation? It's more complicated then it seems, Its a step by step process Your main goal is to get them to Love and respect themselves. They desperatly need self esteem for this. Once they have self esteem and love themselves nothings missing, and then there will be no reason to make up stories or it will make it more easier to stop lying, Step one remind them once lied they don't have to lie to be good/ cool , but be sure not to bust their bubble. Keep reminding them that, if you are with friends when you catch him lie ( even a white lie) wait until later, pull him/ her aside and tell him "You know , you don't have to lie to impress me" If he gets mad per ex "Starting with that again? So now you think I'm lying" (when they lie on top of lies) just say "No, I just want to let you know that" and smile. and then if he doesn't believe you just be like "Okey so its you who doesn't trust me then" Thats basically turning it around in such a way he knows what he did was wrong and he'll be in the position that he knows u caught him lying but he can't say anything because he'll look like he's the one who doesn't know how to trust someone. When caught lying never nod your head and agree, that just feeds the lie, and he'll / she will do it more and more often. just pause and change the subject, then remind him later. They need a loving supportive environment that believes in them. compulsive liars need Motivations, they will most likely be fixed on the failure and disadvantages, remind them of the advantages! Compliment them on something they did, make them feel good about themselves or maybe praise. Try to make them realize they can be independent and make their own decisions. DO NOT LET HIM/ HER get dependent on you. maybe ask them to do some simple tasks for you. Get them to help you on an issue, keep trying even if they don't want to. After have succeeding in helping out / doing stuff for you maybe he will realize Hey I am not a total failure after all, and decide to start being more responsible , which leaves the door open to get them to stop lying. Remember they are not emotionally healthy enough to make the decision to help themselves, or realize they need help. Don't make them make decisions. Help them help themselves, even if they don't want help. 99% of the time they will be very thankfull when recovered. But be sure that they need help 100%, and if you are proven a compulsive liar, than you do need help. They don't know what they're doing. your hands and your wasting your time. Set some rules The rule's people set are all different and according to what bothers them. In order to help someone even though they don't know it, you should make sure they will not affect you negatively. You come before them, this is why we set rules/ expectations. Even if broken once or not , keep reminding them it's wrong. It will make them realize it's wrong, not right, and that they are not getting any bbenefits but consiquences for breaking them. It really depends how long the person is willing to take the breaking of rules of the person they where helping. Remember being a compulsive liar has nothing to do with whether they are a good person or not. A good person will never hurt you unneccesarly. But after so many rules broken you know they need higher help which is out of your hands. I don't recommend you try to help / contact them again until they are a little better and ready to play by your rules. Per ex rules 1. No stealing 2. Keep most promises Whatever floats your boat. Keep trying to boost up his ego, that for now is your key goal.
  23. We all have different scenarios in our dating lives right now. Some are starkly unique, some are very similar. But we all can stand up and be proud about many things. We can be proud of going of there and be willing to put our feelings on the line. If we are freshly out of a relationship and moving on, we can be proud of ourselves for taking a bold step with the rest of our lives. We can look forward to great days ahead, whether its with the person we are currently dating, or with the knowledge that we can do it. We can meet people and find value in them as well as share ourselves. We can remember to have fun! This is supposed to be a great time in our lives. Have the right attitude and enjoy the process! We can learn more about ourselves in taking time to learn about a new person in our lives. There uniqueness now becomes a part of us (I know - "resistance is futile"). We learn more about how to treat other people and our own boundaries and flexibility. Lets feel good about our experiences, wherever they take us. This is a time where we can just let our hair down (with apologies to the follically challenged) and just have fun....
  24. Last night, I was talking to my friend and we both have feelings for each other. She asked me some rather personal questions and like an idiot I told her some rather personal things. I almost told her my social security number but I had to stop for a minute to realize what I was doing and what was happening to me. I realized that my friend can easily manipulate me because I am very much interested in her. She told me some other things about herself and I believed her. Then she says to me, "You know, I was just playing around." and I feel like a fool because I REALLY believed her. I am a gulliable sap. I think she's starting to see that too. I really trust her but I am getting a little leery because she can easily get me to believe her on just about anything. That can't be too good. I'm not saying that she is a big fat liar or anything and I'd like to think she is telling the truth most of the time. But when she tells me she's not telling the truth, I feel suckered and weak. I don't want her to feel as if she has control over me, but slowly that IS what it's turning into. Any advice?
  25. This is my first post. I've know my friend for about 1 1/2 years now and when it first started we were just friends. But over time i started have more feelings for here. I kept the feelings inside for the longest time and one night it just slipped out and i told her how i felt about her. She told me that we can only be friends. It hurt my heart to know that she feels differently about me then how i feel about her. After a while we started sleeping in the same bed, not having sex or anything just sleeping with each other. We cuddle and get real close. I get confused though that she can do all of this but not have the same feelings as i do. I know that i shouldn't be doing this because it makes me fall in love with her even more, but i love doing it. I just don't know what to do.
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