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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. I used to know this guy that would look outside the window ever few minutes around the time that I would pull up and would be waiting at the door to put his arms around me and hug and kiss me. - Where did he go? This guy would also grab my hand while we were walking anywhere or would put his arm around me and keep me close when we were in public. - Where did he go? Oh the butterflies I used to get when he would randomly grab me, pull me close and kiss me so passionately. - Where did he go? He would send me texts or emails all day long, telling me how much he wanted it to be 5:30PM where I'd be there next to him. - Where did he go? This guy would curl up behind me and hold me while I slept. I would joke about how his body heat would make me so hot at night. - Where did he go? Wow, he would look at me with so much love and desire in his eyes that I blushed ever time. - Where did he go? He made me feel so comfortable and safe from the moment I met him, I had never felt like that before. - Where did he go? This guy hated to see me stressed out because of work so he would joke and play around with me, making me feel so much better. - Where did he go? Now, I have this guy who just sits on the couch when I come home, most of the time he does not even say hello. - Who is this guy? I have to grab his hand to be close in public, but my hand is often avoided or he lets go quickly. - Who is this guy? His kisses are tight lipped and very quick, only offered in the mornings with a quick hug. I've not felt butterflies in a long time. - Who is this guy? Sometimes he will email me, but it will be quick and focused on how his day is going. No flirting, all business. - Who is this guy? He sleeps on the right side of the bed, but now puts pillows between us. - Who is this guy? He really does not look at me except when we are talking, and even then, the TV is usually the focus. - Who is this guy? I feel alone a lot of the times, even with him sitting there next to me. The silence becomes uncomfortable sometimes. - Who is this guy? If I am stressed or in a bad mood, he will go hide in another room to not deal with it. - Who is this guy? Tears fill my eyes remembering how happy that guy I used to know made me feel. Tears start falling when I think that this guy who looks like who I used to know, but acts completely different might be what I will be stuck with from now on. I miss that guy I used to know and I want him back more than anyone could ever know. Where did you go and will I ever get you back?
  2. (to the tune of "The Rose") - by mfan 10/8/2012 Some say love, it is a website, that costs 5 bucks a week, Some say love, it is a profile, written completely in text-speak It's the guy who really likes you, who turns out to be a freak It's the girl who loves her family, who thinks that she's unique It's the photo in the mirror, taken with a cheap cell phone, And the girl who hardly knows you, who asks you for a loan It's the guy afraid to meet you, though you've been emailing for ten years; And the girl that you can't look at until you've had ten beers When the site has been too lonely, and the profiles have been too long And you think that winks are only for the lucky and the strong Just remember, in your sent mail, there is text you can reuse for the next girl you send a message to, when your account renews.
  3. Recently photography has become a hobby of mine and am just a beginner wanting to start out. My first event is on March 24th, I emailed the bride and told her i am a beginner starting out so she knows. Its a vow renewal ! Me and a second student photographer are gong to be there. Because this is my first time, and going to be renting out an camera I really want to get something thats non-complicated. DSLR and SLR are camera's that I actually have to sit down and learn, are there any other digital camera I can use besides those ? That can take professional pictures ? That takes good quality pictures. There is also a point and shoot camera. Any advice would do because I have to get the camera by this week. If there are links out there can you please paste them on here for first time shooters ? Thanks
  4. Hello, first of all welcome. I am new here and I hope I found a right place to share my problems... I have been married for 15 years now and in relationship with my wife for 20 years. I am 37, she is 35, we have two kids, a boy 13 and a girl 9. Last year, I discovered, that she was intensively emailing with her friend from her previous work. This came as a shock as they were talking about hot sex between them (in their dreams etc.) I suspected something as my wife was hiding her screen, clicking to close when I entered the room etc. I felt devastated. Spent some night talking about it and she insisted that this was only jokes and usually they don't do it and they will never do it again. I even sent a note to the guy asking where I stand as marriage and my relationship is the foundation of everything for me. He apologised and we moved on. now the problem - I can't get over it... And my wife, knowing that I have such strong feelings about it, continues emailing him, she now has a separate email etc. and nicks each minute she is free to get onto the PC. Last Saturday he visited her when I was away which she says was purely coincidence as he wanted to see me as well (I also from time to time e-mail with him now). I also met him in person. He is 51 and has wife with whom he is for 30 years now. And tells me that he loves her to bits. I can see the characteristic font on PC screen when my wife sits there (the one they use in their notes), told her that hurts me, but she said she is perfectly OK with herself and loves me. Still continues doing that behind my back. I keep telling myself it is jealousy, it is sick and I should not pay attention to it, but I can't. I feel like cracking my wife's password to see what they are talking about so secretly but I think this would be below any standards. I don't know what to do now. I cannot pretend all is OK and smile in her eyes all the time. She says I am paranoic, so now I keep telling I have problems at work to make her think all is OK... We have quite OK intimate life etc. maybe it is just me? I feel I am really sick... any comments? BB PS. Sorry for chaotic note. I somehow cannot put it all properly together.
  5. Okay, I can't believe I'm posting this on here, but at this point, I really don't know what else to do. I'll try to keep it as short as possible, but I have to give the relevant background information, since I'm trying to figure out what's going on with my gf. Basically: She's 26, I'm 27. We've been more or less together and exclusive for 3.5 years now, and things have always been up and down. I've come to expect a certain amount of bipolar-like symptoms from her, but lately it has gotten quite a bit worse. She has always been a rather critical person the whole time I've known her, and that extends to her relationship with me. Even when we were first getting together, I would notice how little things that seemed small and trite could really get her upset if she was in the wrong mood. It was less common back then, but has been getting more and more of a regular thing the last year or two. It seems like if she doesn't get her way in even a small area, she will explode, and a huge fight will break out. I realize I am to blame for some of these incidents, but many are just ridiculous, and friends I have talked to about it have confirmed that it is not normal behavior for a girl. At several points during our relationship, she has more or less threatened to "break up" with me, and usually only over some stupid fight we've had. At the beginning I would be alarmed by this and do whatever I could to calm her down and make things right, but after a while, her act got old, and while I'd still try to resolve the problem, I no longer took her threats seriously. However, she continues to be overly critical of me, and very rarely offers me any encouragement or even constructive criticism. I understand that some arguing is normal in any relationship, but I can't stand the way she fights. When she is really mad, she will yell, name call, and say all sorts of terrible things that I know she doesn't mean, but they are still hurtful to me. I have often tried to bring this up to her, and while she seems to realize she may have an anger problem, she never really makes any attempt to change it. But my reason for posting is the way things have been the past couple of weeks. Our relationship had been going okay, and we had a decent Valentine's Day and all. But the next weekend we were talking online, and she basically told me she had no use for me anymore, called me a loser for no reason, said I didn't treat her well enough, and went on and on about how an older, married coworker she talks to at work is such a great guy, and how she wants to find someone like him. I've told her many times that any guy can seem great and perfect on the surface, but after you get to know him, there will definitely be some things you don't like. That's true in any relationship, and it was even that way when we first got to know each other. She thought I was perfect until she got to know me better, but even then, she decided I was worth sticking with, and we've made it work since then. During this conversation, her main complaint was that I haven't been affectionate enough, and have taken her for granted. This is ironic, because early in the relationship, she would often tell me that she loved how affectionate I was, and even said I was too much so at times. However, I admitted that maybe I hadn't been as sweet and mushy as I should have been, and that I have taken her for granted, but that I realized how much I loved her, and promised to make things better. Since that conversation, I sent her sweet text messages, emails, talked more sweetly on the phone, and she agreed to spend last weekend with me. I went out of my way to be affectionate, and she even commented that she noticed a real difference in me. She left for work Monday on very good terms, and we agreed to spend this coming weekend together as well. I continued the nice texts and emails, but things hit another major snag yesterday. After some completely random critical text messages from her during the day, I got one last night telling me to come online and read my email. She had written how she was talking to her dad, who she is very close to, about her younger brother's gf. She doesn't like his gf, not for any good reason, but because she seems ditzy and can't have a good conversation with her family when they're all together. Her dad then made some comment about how he can't recall having any real conversations with me, which she blew off at the time. She went on to say in her email though that what he said was true, I have no people skills, etc, and that she refuses to be with someone like that. We talked online, and she was just about the rudest she's ever been, telling me I'm worthless, no good, etc, and went to bed leaving me completely hurt and confused. It blew me away that she could be that way when things had been just fine the day before, and I hadn't done anything wrong to change them. I wrote her a long email telling her how hurt I was, trying to figure out why she'd be that way, and telling her I still very much loved her, and wanted to continue to build on the recent good we'd had over the past weekend. She basically blew it off today though, and just said she was "over it" and I should move on. It would seem like I should just write her off and find someone nicer, but I am truly worried about her. I've joked with her many times about her being bipolar, but she always blows me off like I'm kidding. At first I was, but as time goes on, her behavior just doesn't seem normal. She can be fine one minute, and a total b*tch the next, over basically nothing. She has been beyond generous with me, buys me many nice things, and often does things that show me she really loves and cares about me. But I can't get past how mean and hurtful she can be when things aren't right. We have a great relationship when we're not fighting, but then one bad fight can set us back for weeks. Other things that concern me about her: She lives at home, and is overly close with her parents. This may not seem bad, but her parents have almost no other friends outside their family, and basically guilt trip the kids if they ever leave for too long, want to spend a weekend without them, etc. The mom is fairly controlling, and the dad is very nice, but doesn't seem to have his own identity. I've always had a good relationship with them, but for whatever reason, they haven't "approved" of me as a bf for her, mostly because the liked the guy she dated for 6 years before me so much. Their opinion influences her to the point that she doesn't even want to be open about our relationship to them, and it makes it feel like a jr. high relationship. Also of concern is her lack of friends her own age. She's lived in the same area since she was born, and even though she had friends through high school and college, she has basically gotten rid of them all the past few years. Every time a girl she is close to does something that she considers to be unforgivable(which it usually isn't), she drops them, and says she is better off without them as a friend. This demonstrates her naturally critical nature, and also puts strain on our relationship. If I have plans with some of my guy friends, she tends to get hurt and offended because she has no real social life outside of her family and me, and I am often guilt tripped to do something with her. I give her the vast majority of my free social time, but without her having friends to turn to, it's not always enough. I don't think she needs to have 20 close girlfriends, but a couple would seem normal and help us as well. Basically, I am just worried about her at this point. She can snap at any time if any little thing goes wrong, she is completely irrational in our arguments, she pushes her friends(and now me) away, and she never seems to be able to stay happy. It amazes me how things can go from great to horrible between us so fast, and I know it's not healthy. I want her to be happy, but I know there's no good reason we can't be happy together. I feel like if I leave her after all this, she will end up regretting how she treated me, and be even more alone and unhappy in the end, and I don't want that. I also want to make things work with her because I do love her, but putting up with these mood swings, unfair criticisms, and her controlling nature really takes its toll on me. I know girls tend to be moody and unpredictable, but not to this extent. I've known a lot of girls, and none have been this extreme. I just want to hear other people's opinions about if this is normal at all, and whether or not she has some sort of medical condition that makes her act this way. If so, I want to get her help, but she is convinced she doesn't need any, and that any problems she or we have are a direct result of me. If she refuses to ever accept any responsibility, how can I ever really get through to her? If you've read this far, thanks so much for your patience, and I really appreciate any advice or thoughts.
  6. Two weeks ago my bf and I broke up. It left me feeling really confused as there was no reason for it and it just happened. He started acting strange and when I questioned him about it he kept saying he didn't know and it led to a break up. Anyways, lately I've been good. Except when I'm sitting at home alone in my apartment. I get really depressed. The fact that I really didn't have any closure is really getting to me. So after not talking to him for a week and a half I added him back on to MSN and we started talking. I decided to be upfront and honest and told him I was still mad. He said he was still confused. We started talking about what happened and then he said he had to go to bed cuz he had to be up really early. I said "alright, but if we are going to even be friends we really need to finish this conversation because I need it" and he said "yes, I definitely want to finish talking about this with you, we'll talk tomorrow" So sure enough he comes on MSN two days later (tonight) profusely apologizing b/c his internet/phone line is messed up and he tried talking to me yesterday but couldn't. Then he warned me that he might get kicked off tonight cuz the phone line is still messed up. So sure enough we don't get to talk. I really need to get this stuff out so either i cna have closure or maybe we might even decide to get back together. The whole situation is that i thought he wanted to break up and he thought i wanted to break up but i odn't think either of us really wanted that. I think about him a lot and i really miss him. I just don't know what to do. I really need to talk to him about it and I'm not sure what to say. Should i send him an email expressing my thoughts or what? my friends said i should send him an email and outright tell him i want to get back together. is this a good idea?
  7. Hi all, thanks for taking the time to read this! I just got home from class and stuff, and jumped on the computer to check my email, and without realizing it, ended up in my fiancee's inbox. Before I realized my mistake, I noticed he had some pics sent to him from a phone number I didn't know...they were of a random girl showing the camera her boobs. So I *67 and call the number, it goes into voicemail, but it was definitely HIS voice. I didn't leave a message, but went back to the inbox and there was a confirmation email for a website called affairfinder or something like that. We've been dating over a year, and an incident somewhat like this has cropped up in the past. We just got engaged earlier this month, and I really don't know what to think. It doesn't help that he's bi-polar, and unmedicated. Or that he's a truck driver and is gone all week for work. I've noticed that things have been a little off between us lately, and I wasn't too sure why. I don't know how to confront him about this either, except that it should be face to face, but I don't know how to bring it up. He's also a fairly decent liar...except when he's drunk, supposedly. Another odd thing--every time we get in a major fight (which granted, isn't that often) he always tries to break things off. We always promised each other that if either of us wanted to cheat, we'd just tell the other and break it off. We've both been cheated on before...or at least, I have. This just kinda makes me question everything...and I'm so freaked out, I don't know what to do... Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  8. I started a thread last week named "Bizarre Behaviour" about my ex jumping on my blog. I got some good advice and opinions on the matter. To put briefly, I have a blog that I've been posting on that connects to my friends and family. And on this blog I have a IP tracker that lets me see whose been visiting me from around the world. I personally don't care about the ex jumping on my blog (though I called it bizarre because she goes on everyday 3-5 times, even 10 times! Incidentally she dumped me). I mentioned to everyone that they could jump on my new blog site (I created another one to streamline the content) to have a look. I emailed as many people as I could; but didn't email her since that would be breaking NC. So for those people that I didn't get emails from I posted information about that other site on my current blog. That happened about six days ago. Today the ex emails me: Hi I went on your blog and i had to tell you i love "The Short Story" Good Job it probably dosen't mean anything now but i just had to say it. Also I'd like to continue reading your blog and i read you're moving to another site would i be able to get your new id? It's okay if you decide otherwise. Thanks What should I do? I feel weird, I can't even describe what I'm feeling. Its been three months since I last spoke to her and I was getting along fine. Thoughts of her were at a minimal and I was thinking of a good life for me. The email doesn't say anything out of the ordinary but why is my head spinning? Help...
  9. Ok so I'm a guy and my friend gave my her email password, she wanted me to get something for her (somethin like that). Anyways, that was a couple of days ago, and today I was bored so I logged into her account and started looking through (I admit I was so curious to know what happens in her life, this being a girl who i've previously had feelings for). I used to be one of her best friends before I asked her out, now I'm just a good friend. What I found out today was amazing! She's thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend (hasn't told me anything about that), her sister did something really bad in school and another topic which I asked about a long time ago and she never told me. She used to tell me everything and I really miss it. SO like wow, i found out so much today. On a sidenote for anyone whos thinking this...no I don't plan/nor will I do anything bad with the info I got today. I know I'm wasn't a good friend today when I went through her email, but damn she gave me her password (she prob didnt think that I would do somethin like this) but I did it. I don't know what to feel at the moment, so I'm just sitting here typing and thinking damn....
  10. I knew this classmate 3 weeks ago. We are in the same classes this semester .When I first met him, he seems like a talkative and a friendly guy. We talked a little bit. He asked for my phone number and I gave it to him. Since then, he called me two to three times everyday. We were not close at all. It was so annoying. He called me and asked about the assignments, the labs, my grades and GPA (I got 2.5 only.I don't want to share it with others). He asked me to study with him all the time. Usually, I study and do the assignment by myself. I do better if I do it on my own. I tried to be friendly , so I did the assignment with him once, but decided not to do it again because he kept talking and talking while I was trying to focus. He was like on the auto mode which was so distracting ! Last week was the reading week. We didn't have school.He called me everyday. Sometimes he even called me at 9 am. Which was way too early! He asked me to study with him AGAIN, I told him I couldn't, I had to work on my assignments. We had a mid term exam right after the reading week(Monday). He called me on Saturday and Sunday morning and asked me to review with him. I said I couldn't. I had to work on my labs. Then he asked me " when is you lab due?" " Before the exam.", I said. "Then you can still study with me after you hand in your lab." "I will be busy on Monday. I can't study with you." After I hung up, I sent him an email and asked him to email me instead of calling me all the time.I told him my phone didn't have any minutes left. So , on Monday. He called me again.I asked my girl friend to answer the phone for me. My girlfriend told him I was busy and couldn't answer the phone. He kept yelling at her and said" No, I need to talk to her NOW.Give her the phone!" He called again in 5 minutes. This time, my guy friend answered the phone My friend tried to be mean to him all the phone. Before my friend hung up, this guy said"I will call her back." "NO! DON'T!" my friend yelled at him and hung up on him. He called again in couples hours. I didn't pick up. I sent him another email and told him please don't call me anymore. I don't have minutes left. He called again at night and said my friend was so mean to him. I was so pissed off. I told him to stop calling me. He was pissed off and hung up on me. Today when I went to class, I ignored him. I feel so bad. It seems like I am the bad guy now! This is the first time I ignore my classmate. I have never done this to other people before! I try to be nice to everyone all the time. I don't think it is my fault, but I feel guilty. Does anyone has the same experience?
  11. I met this guy online, and have emailed him on and off for a year. last a few weeks had been intense, we exchanged emails a few times a day. We finally met last sunday (3 days ago), we chatted for 3 hours, he told he "i'll call you" at the end of the date. Monday night, I got a short email from him, just saying it was nice to meet me, and told me what he did that day, nothing significant. I replied next morning. It has been one day, He hasn't wrote to me anything .... I don't know if I like to date him, but I definally enjoyed our pen-pal friendship and like to keep it if possible. In the past, he always replied my email promptly, is his passive action a way of telling me that he is not interested anymore? is the dating rules changed once we meet in person? Any advice will help.
  12. Hey....just a quickie: i havent had contact with my ex for 3 weeks now.....now i really would like to see if she is ok. would it be ok to email her...i was thinking someething along the lines of: i thought u would like this: (link to takeshi's castle on youtube) hope your ok x x p.s has holly (our dog we got together) been spayed yet? (i know...but i do worry that she hasnt had it done as it could effect her health) ------------------------------------------------------------ gotta admit that i do really miss her and everyday i see her on msn and dont contact but i think an email would be less of a push
  13. hi folks. i've got some worries about my ex-bf and his new gf and was hoping f/ some advice/insight... THE BREAK-UP: my ex-bf, todd, and i were together 20 months when i broke up with him because i felt that he was distant and not all there for me... the distance had been going on for some 5 months about. he agreed that we should probably break up although he still loved me and doubted he could ever stop (Same with me) yet he thought we had issues ~ namely i wanted to get married and he wanted to have "FUN" (we're both 22) and I'm a christian (meaning we stopped having sex 1/2 way into our relationship b/c of my moral conscience and i don't think he ever got over that)... so we broke up and i did the stupid ex-gf moves of asking f/ a second chance, etc. during the first month. he told me that "for now" he was happier w/o me. OUCH. THE NEW GIRL: fast forward to 1 month after we broke up. i found out on myspace and through a mutual friend/his ex-gf before me, amanda, that he was seeing another girl - a classmate from uni. OUCH AGAIN. she according to amanda and his co-workers was plain in the looks category, a skank, and manipulated his time 100%. i tried to be happy for him because if she made him happy than although i wouldn't be GLEEFUL i'd at least be happy knowing he was... however then some weird stuff started happening on myspace. for instance i got emails on there from his account saying things like "you're a f**king b*tch". he denied them when amanda (in person) and i (via email) confronted him. acc. to amanda he got rather mad but NEVER apologized. and always made sure to make it crystal clear in his e-mail to me that it was not an apology. I started strict NC b/c of the crazed new gf and the changes i saw in him that scared/worried me. i kept tabs on him (lightly) through amanda. Fast forward to this week... almost 4 months since the b/u and 2 months since todd started dating officially his new gf... Amanda has been receiving harassing e-mails on myspace from the ex's account with his new gf's initials (aka - from her). She's calling amanda a {Mod Edit} and accusing her of trying to get todd back (whcih is the last thing on amanda's mind), etc. Amanda confronted todd about this the other night (monday) and he got heated denying it was his gf who did it and saying he'd delete his myspace. well it's been 2 days now and he hasn't... Amanda is devastated that he's letting this girl get between their long-standing friendship. I'm devastated that she's changing him not for the best {or so it would appear}. Can anyone explain this? it just doesn't make any sense to us girls... we both dated him (me: 20 months, amanda: 2 months) and have never seen him like this before. please tell me this is is going to end soon... i'm worried about him. we both are.
  14. I had to break no contact today b/c my ex sent me areally nasty email about where his stupid check was. I replied that all his mail has been returned to sender and to stop emailing me about his check, since I don't have it. Did I do the right thing? I really did not want to talk to him.
  15. this woman messaged me on this one dating site i am on. she got in touch with me first. we had exchanged a few messages via the website and now it's moved onto emails. we seem to have had good conversations and in her last email, she included her phone number and said we should meet at some point. from what i have seen from her pics, she seems ok - attractive wise. personality wise, it seems like we'd get along although i don't know how much we'd have in common. i am kind of taking a chance on her and seeing what happens with no real expectations. well i guess there are *some* expectations as she did get in touch with me on a dating site, not a friendship site. in her pictures, she only has shots of her from the waist up, and in my experience, that usually means she's hiding something that she doesn't want people to notice. but whatever. anyway, i was thinking about saying that if we meet up and there's no spark or attraction for either of us, then there would be no hard feelings from me and i hope none from her. i am hoping that this would take some pressure off meeting up. i have had experiences where i have met someone from online and they look very different from their photos - worse, not better. so is that a bad thing to say? please let me know. thanks!
  16. Hey guys, i don't know if you remember me, it's been awhile. Brief summary: Boyfriend broke up with me after three years because he simply "didnt feel the same way about me anymore", told me to stop calling him on Christmas day...since Christmas, I have remained in strict NC-aside from looking at his facebook page and i unblocked him on AIM about the end of january, but didng IM him. I'm seeing someone else as well. So last night, i sent an email that i wrote about two weeks ago. I let it sit in my drafts folder to think about it. I decided last night to send it. I also sent all of his things in a box with no note or anything this week. I kind of looked at it as "creating my own closure" because he cut me off so quickly, we never even said goobye. So im going to post the email that i sent him, it's rather long, if you don't want to read the whole thing you don't have to. Dear ...., I've begun so many emails and letters to you, and normally, what happens when i try to write someone a letter is that I can just write and write and write. And then, even if I don't mean to, I hit the send button..because I feel so proud of how well I've expressed myself that..the other person HAS to see it. It's just too good for them to not see it. But everytime I try to write you a letter, nothing ever seems right to say. One reason is that in a lot of ways I feel like there's nothing more to say. But at the same time I feel like there is so much more to say. Another reason why writing you a letter has proven unsuccessful thus far is that what i have to say always just turns into hurt and anger, which helps neither of us. And in a lot of ways, I have been waiting for you to make the first move...after all, you were the one who made so clear how unwanted my efforts to communicate are. So what do I want to say? What could i possibly have to say to you? Why am i even writing you now? do I want closure? I don't know, the more i think about it, the more i think that there's no such thing as closure...For a long time, I thought closure would be to make you feel how i felt. I wanted you to feel how i felt on christmas day. I wanted you to feel how it feels to spend three years with someone, and have the last thing that they say to you is "stop calling". Or how i felt the entire last six months that we spent together, and how badly you treated me, which in retrospect, was extremely bad. Or how it made me feel after the first few weeks, realizing that you never were going to call...when you never called or wrote or expressed any kind of apology or sadness. And that's probably what hurt me the most. But i have realized that none of those things would help me to move past the fact that i lost my best friend, which is ultimately, the final thing that I have to get over. And it's still a battle, just not having you in my life. To me, it's so strange how everything turned out okay, and how i didn't die. i really thought i couldn't live a day without (his name). It's so weird how you wake up the next day breathing. And realize that life does go on. and it's funny, when i met someone else..i wanted to call you..not to rub it in your face, but to share it with you. to be like this is so exciting! maybe out of habit, or maybe out of the fact that regardless of everything your friendship meant everything to me. i mean, same thing with ben folds, or for anything else good or bad that happens..i miss having your support, i miss having your input, and i miss hearing your voice. i miss being able to call you and tell you what's going on in my life. i miss my best friend. I really, truly do. You hurt me so badly (his name). I don't think i've ever felt more betrayed or let down in my entire life by the way that everything happened. And my guess is that this letter is going to mean practically nothing to you. That you wish I would just let it go, or something of that sort. And I understand that this did not affect you as much as it did me, because you had begun letting go of me long before we broke up. I also understand that the person that i was holding onto for so long is not the person who you are today. But someday, when you come accross something that reminds you of me, or a song that makes you think of me, or you just want to call me--and your heart gets very sad, just know that i am thinking of you and praying for you. please know that my love for you extends beyond solely boyfriend and girlfriend, and that i will never stop caring for you. i'm not saying that you need that, but i'm just expressing to you that nothing you could do would completely burn the bridge that we spent three years building. I'm glad now, that I have waited this long to write you a letter, because at this point, i can write this letter knowing that even in my subconscious I am not trying to accomplish anything by writing this. I'm not trying to prove anything to you, and I owe you nothing. This letter is as real and as sincere as it gets and i mean every single word of it. I am not trying to make you feel a certain way or bring up old feelings. It is just time. i hope that you find what you are looking for, no matter what that may be. i want the best for you. And as hokey pokey as it all sounds, just know that in spite of everything, i will remember you with a smile, and that your memory will always hold a special place in my heart. Love changes, but it still never fails. No regrets, Carrie okay, so a couple hours later he replied with this: you're wrong. your letter means a lot to me. we'll talk, i promise. in a few days, im working through some stuff. (his name) ps its great to hear from you I'm confused by his response. I didn't think that my email was asking him to contact me. But i'm also going crazy. He's back in my head now, which is awful. I wanted it to be overwith. What do i do when he calls? (He will, hes not that big of a jerk)...do i not answer? do i email him back? in a sick way i want to talk to him, but probably for the wrong reasons. And it would break my heart if he just wanted to be "friends" or have "small talk"...ugh..what do i do?
  17. Hi Peoples Well there I am plodding along thinking Im doing great, dealing with my break up... If you dont see me around for a bit, its because my dog is very ill, she has gone down hill terribly and Im an absolute mess, I have to have her put down So as you can imagine Im so upset I cant describe it...... To those who are still struggling with the loss of their loved ones, you are in my thoughts and if you need me email me email removed Right now for me, life just sucks I cant write anymore, I cant believe this is happening.
  18. Its been two years since we broke up. Haven't talked in 5 months since I sent her an email and she didn't respond. I did write my ex about the girl I was dating at the time but my ex has asked about her before. I think the only thing I am holding onto is that she was so upset to hear about all the fun we were having travelling that she couldn't bear to write me back. I know this can't be the case. I am not living in reality. I am single now. Should I just get it over with and tell her that I still love her or something a bit more subtle? I just need to hear from her that I am a complete afterthought. Or has she already told me this with her actions? What the heck do I do? Also I think the whole idea of NC has built up false hope for me in a way that she might miss me.
  19. I dated this guy back in high school for 17 months. It was a bad relationship- he was verbally abusive, and took my virginity from me (We tried and it hurt so I said stop and he said it would be fine and kept going. That isn't me saying yes!) I finally realized it would be the best thing for me to get rid of him, so I broke up with him. That was the beginning of my senior year, in October of 2004. I had a hard time getting over him. I don't really remember if we talked very often or not, I'm pretty sure we didn't because my parents didn't allow it. Looking back, I should have listened to them earlier. In late March of 2005, we went on a date. The next Monday, at school, he explained it was not going to be the hold-hands-walk-to-class-together type relationship we used to have. I told him that wasn't good enough, and crushed my own heart again. I'm now in school in Mississippi- home is North Carolina. He hunted me down, found my screenname for AIM and contacted me. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him. Several times, his sister, mom and him have all contacted me, trying to get me to get back together with him. I'm terrified of this guy. I don't even want to think of the things he'd do to me. Over summer break, I was worried that I'd be home alone and he'd come over to the house. Everyone thought I was crazy, that I was overexaggerating. Guess who showed up while I was alone? Luckily, I was in the front part of the house, by the grace of God, and realized it was him and hid. I went and crawled under the table and cried like a baby. His sister found my on facebook and sent me this message, please excuse any typos, this is a direct copy: hay .. i thought id send u a quick email... if ur currently not seeing anyone and are still interested in daniel, let me know... he was at my house sun and i was going through pictures... i found some of u and some of u and him and when he seen them he took them from me.... daniel is still in love with u.... he hasnt seemed to be happy since yall broke up... i know hes dating hilary now, but its not as serious as she makes it seem.... he aint really into her.... daniel still wants you.... im sick of seeing daniel not happy and seeing him misrable... i know damn well if u came around hed say * * * * her and shed be history...... i just was wondering if u were seeing someone or if ur single and are interested in daniel still... my mom and i have talked and shes said that shed love for yall to get together..... u were his first and only love.... please email me back here or at ******@link removed thanks.. michelle And I firmly, but politely replied back: I don't want anything to do with him. I want him out of my life, and I have told him that. Please just leave me alone. I just don't feel like this is enough. I'm dreading going home for anything because I know he's going to be there. I just wish I could get him out of my life. It's not normal for a mother to be so concerned with her grown son's romantic life, or for the whole family to be determined for the relationship to rebuild itself. His mother told me it was okay to have sex. My parents are wait until marriage type people. His mom lost her virginity when she was 17 and his dad was 11! She said it was okay for us to have sex, and bought us condoms. She also used to buy me cigarettes at 15 years old and allow her 16 year old son to drink with her and play drinking games with her. I hate that family, I hate everything about every single one of them, and I want them out of my life. I don't know how though. "I want you out of my life" didn't seem to work because the sister emailed me. I feel unsafe, and threatened and nobody knows that I have justification, in my mind at least, because nobody really knows what he did to me. When you can you file a restraining order? Where's the line between okay and not okay? What do I have to do to get my point accross? And another thing that bothers me, that really isn't my business, but I can't help but feel bad about is that Hilary has a child. She's 19 and had a child in December and talks about marrying Daniel. I wish I could contact her and tell her what Michelle sent me, but we aren't friends, never really have been. I know her and she knows me, but we've never been close in any way. I just can't help but wish she knew what she thought was so wonderful isn't really all that wonderful and I don't want her to wind up hurting more, but I can't really do anything about that without it looking like I don't want the two of them together. Which I don't, but not for me, for her. I'm in a fabulous relationship and have been for over a year and a half. The only thing I want is for Daniel to drop off the face of the planet, or at least whatever part I'm on. I can't sleep because of all this, and I guess I just really wanted to get it off my chest. If anyone made it this far, thanks for reading it all!
  20. I want to get people's opinions here on whether I am sounding passive aggressive here. Essentiatially the whole set-up is that I am working in a group of 4 people to create a play in German for a German language class at the University I attend. There are two guys and two females in the group [i am one of the guys]. Essententially, what had happened was that the other guy had wrote a short half page script and sent it to everyone through the e-mail, as a result I promised the guy I would add to it and send it to everyone. Well, I did, I added to it and then realized that it would be chaotic to have everyone try to work on it through e-mail and since it was apparent we could not always meet in person I set-up a wiki on my own website for the whole entire group to have open access to all scripts via the internet and placed what he wrote inside of the wiki. I e-mailed everyone and told them that I had did this for them and they all said it was really neat. However, absolutly none of them, including the guy who is claiming that he is quote " in the absense of most of out group-members providing me with ideas for the script, I have been creating ideas on my own time" ... notice he posits the preposition "me" in this instance as opposed to saying something like "no one has really been generating any ideas to the group," which I actually would not say is entirely true in this instance taking that I have seen him think that he can turn down suggestions for lines to put into the script. Even suggestions that I have made to be put in the script. Plus, we have been working a little in class, although that has not really gone anywhere due to having only a limited amount of time to work together and from absolutly no one really collaborating online on the wiki I created. In any case, he says something to the effect that I use " illocutionary force," like I am forcing him to do something he does not want to do. To be honest, I think he might actually have a point here and that I might be at some fault communicationwise. I did ask him before leaving class one time something to the effect that "I am just curious if you would be able to add all that we have to the online thing I put up, it would be great if you did that so we can all be able to see what is being written." Well, he got sort of a pissed look on his face and said something like "I might when I have time" and has not put jack up in the wiki even though purportedly in his latest e-mail he claims that he has added so much to the script that he thinks it is almost done. Now, I agree I can not make him do this. Apparently he thinks I am trying to force him and that is a problem. In any case, we are suppose to meet sunday and apparently problems are occurring, because I thought it would be better to meet at the library, but made a compromise taking that I know this guy acts the way that he does and needs lots of space to walk around, the private library rooms with computers are really really small. In all honesty I was trying to be assertive and fair by agreeing that instead we meet at the amphitheater like one of the girls in the group suggested and take along a computer and type it all out, so that way it would eliminate having to have one person write everything all out and every note that has been taken afterwards. So, he misunderstands why it is that I am requesting this and tries to tell everyone a computer is not needed. I reply back and say that we all need to work as a group and make compromises, so he gets pissed and writes me an e-mail saying this is not highschool and that he was offended. Apparently this was a continued misunderstanding and instead of arguing back with him I just apologize. Please note that I am not trying to accuse or put down anyone with this. I am simply trying to find out if I am doing something wrong and if I need to correct myself. Please read the following and give me your honest input. I honestly want to self-improve and learn not to make little social mistakes like this. Please read and state your advice, thanks. If you scroll down it goes from the most recent to least recent e-mail content. The person -ME is of course "me" and the person "ROGER" is a pseudonym. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  21. Let me pose this one to you all and please be honest. this is something I want to hear first hand. If you SO lies to you about something, ie. a phone call you did not see, or email or contact with an ex, would you feel comfortable lying about the exact same thing if you kept it a secret as well?
  22. For those that don't know my story, my ex girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago due to her "needing space, wanting to find herself blah, blah, blah). For 2 years, we had a long distance relationship (which was great - we were very much in love), and she moved to my city (from her college town 1000 miles away) after graduation. She had a tough time finding a "real" job and making new friends, since she was working nights at a restaurant while I was working days. She went into a mild depression and became very lonely. One night she was having doubts about our relationship and confessed that she was thinking about moving back to her college town (where all her friends still reside). I was obviously crushed, and made all the mistakes that everybody here made - begging, pleading, guilt-tripping and the like. After discovering this site, I realized that I needed to back off, and went NC for the last two weeks she was in town. When she finally left, I conceded to say goodbye. We both cried (a lot) and she said that she needs to be on her own right now, but she has never respected nor loved (note that past tense!) anybody as much as me. She said that she had no interest in anybody else, and in subsequent emails she said that it was so hard to go out with her friends and have guys talk to her when she has no interest in any of them. Since she was very honest with me during the entire breakup process, I believed her. I suppose that I still held out hope that in a few months, she would call me and said that she made a mistake and left because she was lost without her friends and being in a foreign city. I work for an airline and have free travel benefits (for both of us) so it would be conceivable to resume a LDR. Well, I may have been played for a fool. I'm friends with the brother of one of her best friends (that's how we met) who casually mentioned that "sounds like XXXXX has been partying like a rock star. So much for getting her life together." Which, of course, perked my interest to say the least. I could tell that my friend wished he did not say anything, but I pressed for more details. I asked if she had been "hooking up" and he asked if I really wanted to know (which pretty much says everything right there). I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I couldn't help it. Well, she has been hooking up and partying like a rock star. I feel so devastated right now. I have not been able to bring myself to hit on anyone else yet, and here she is becoming the village bicycle - this is NOT the same girl that I fell in love with. Eventually she will call or email again, and I want to tell her "thanks for lying - really appreciate it!" but I know I cannot do this. I'll take the high road and ignore her contactm, but inside I'm dying. I was doing so well up to this point - working out, eating better, attempting to quit smoking, FEELING better, but now I have been set back considerably. I guess this should serve as closure, but I feel terrible. If anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences, I'd appreciate some advice. Thanks
  23. So I am looking for some advice. Background: I am involved, quite seriously, with a man who is separated from his wife. They are divorcing, no worries there, she is living with another man, and he is living with me. I occasionally check his e-mail, why? I don't know. I guess I have trust issues. I have found that he doesn't always tell me the whole story when it comes to his ex and their daughter. So I check. The other day I had to use his Cell Phone, nothing major, but he felt it necessary to tell her (the ex) through e-mail, that I had the phone and to contact him on his other cell phone if necessary. I'm not sure why he felt he needed to do this, other than to protect her from me. I'm not that bad of a person, had she phoned I would have told her how to get a hold of him. But I asked him if he had told her that I had the phone and to call him on another if necessary. He said no. No, he didn't tell her, there is no reason to tell her that. Blah blah blah. The next day when I gave it back, there was an e-mail informing her that he had it back and she could contact him there if needed. So, Lies. I am being lied to. Is it a big one, no. Maybe not really. Maybe. Why lie to me about it. I can tell him I know, but then I will lose my e-mail access, and I would have to admit that I have been invading his privacy. (oops). When do you say, ummmmm no, I want the truth? And if I don't get the truth is it ok to just let it go? Doesn't that mean they just figured out that they can get away with it?? Sorry for the ramble. I am just confused, apparently we are in LOVE and want to marry. I just don't feel like I am getting 100% honesty, but is anyone???
  24. My mother sent me this email today; I clicked on the link and it appears to be legit. The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammograms in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. link removed Don't forget to come right back to ENA!
  25. Hi There Friends - Well, about a week ago, I posted on this new man that I met on Match, Amos. He's 45, single dad, and trying to get a wireless tech enterprise off the ground. To recap, we met in Dec, had our first official date on Dec 23rd. I didn't see him duirng the month of January due to holidays, and I moved to a new home and had family here for a while. In the meantime, we'd exchange texts, emails and he'd call now and again. We saw each other again in early Feb. We had a good time. I got a V day card from him...that was nice. We were supposed to go to a mardi gras party together. Amos cancelled saying he had to work on a huge bid. He apologized profusely and ended up coming over that weekend with a bottle of wine. We had a nice time, held hands...very sweet. But, it has been so hard to see him after that. I sent him a couple of texts later that week and rec'd no response. Then, I sent an email a week after the date saying "hey, thinking about you, call me." he did call, we chatted. I said let me know when you're free to go out and stay in touch. He said he was busy the coming weekend because of his son's academic tournament and bday party. Sooooo, one week goes by and I call him to say hello because i haven't doen any of the calling. He calls me back the next evening as I'm walking back from the bus stop to my house after work. He explained that he got that contract (millions of dollars), that things had been crazy for him for the last few days btw. his kid and that contract, he had to go out of town, blah blah...I was congratualted him on the contract. NOw, I'm back home, holding my coat and brief case and asked if i could call in a few minutes after settling in. He said why dont I call you later when you're home because I'd like to make dinner. I said ok...call me back. That was tuesday evening. He never called me back. You know...I'm trying to be understanding here, and keep things in perspective. I haven't known him long. I can't have the "talk" with him. I"m sure he didn't call back because he was busy with the kid, work, the bid, the contract...but days have gone by. So, my friends think it's too soon to push on the where are we going thing, but, I 'd like to tell him that i'd like to talk more and the whole silence btw. meetings drives me crazy. so, i've decided not to call him any more. He really has to initiate with me. My gut tells me he is interested but doesn't have a whole lot of time and is struggling to juggle his responsibilities. At the same time, I like and I don't want to write him off because he has some great qualities that I like in a partner....and, because it's rather early, I'm willing to give it a little bit more time (may-ish) I worry that he isn't interested in me and doesn't know how to get out of this. I'm confused because of the V Day card, he does call....Ugh. My plan is to let him initiate, continue going out w. others. I get lonely, you know. Thanks for listening. Thoughts are appreciated.
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