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Showing results for tags 'conflict'.
I know this is a bit of of a weird and unusual situation but bear with me please. Just right before the COVID pandemic started, I went to a friend's Birthday party and I met this engaged polyamorous couple. I'll call them Rick and Jodie. They added me on Facebook and I started chatting to them mainly on Facebook Messenger. They weren't really friends but more like acquaintances. I only hung out with them once at their place watching horror movies and went to a couple of their parties. I think I also saw them at some events or other people's parties. They also invited me to their engagement party but due to many strict COVID lockdowns in my city, they had to reschedule the engagement party three times. This may also be kind of relevant to what I'll say later. Jodie really struggles with some mental health and physical health issues. She was sexually abused as a child by her Uncle and has Disassociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities), depression, anxiety. Rick is on the autism spectrum. A bit over two years after meeting Rick and Jodie, I met Colin* who is now my partner of a few months. I did know him in the past a long time ago but briefly and then lost touch. So one time I was scrolling Facebook even before Colin and I were dating and I saw through Facebook photos on Colin's profile that he actually used to be married to Jodie. I saw their wedding photos and so on. I talked to Jodie about it and she said that Colin is such a good guy, she only has good things to say about him and now he's like a brother and good friend to her. They separated five years ago and Colin said he sees her as a good friend and family too. They were together for quite a number of years and I know through Colin that they had a lot of issues due to Jodie's bad mental health and she also cheated on him. I didn't care though because it's nothing to do with me. I wasn't jealous they're friends coz I could see it was well over and I'm friends with one of my ex's as well. Anyway this brings to the current issue. Jodie and Rick just recently had their engagement party. Jodie actually invited Colin to come and said we should go together as a couple. She asked Colin on his way there to pick up two of her friends/guests and also to drive them home at the end. Which he did and it added like at least an extra 45 minutes onto his trip home. Which was already at least a one hour drive. I wasn't actually able to come to the engagement party because I was really unwell. I'll also add that Colin and Jodie weren't officially divorced because Jodie had promised to pay for the divorce and do the paperwork, but she never did. Recently she did finally put it all through, with push from Colin and Rick's parents. Anyway so the other day I get this message on Facebook from Rick: "Just need to bring something up. Hope you're doing okay, we missed you at the engagement party. We would still love for you to attend our wedding if available. However, if you want to bring a plus one, we just want to ask you not to bring Colin. Because of his history with Jodie, I feel it may make people uncomfortable, as it did make a few people uncomfortable with him being at the engagement party. So you are welcome to bring someone else, but yeah, it might be for the best Colin doesn't come to the wedding. Sorry to make things awkward, we just think it's for the best as we want our special day to be drama-free as possible. Colin was telling people at the engagement party that he is Jodie's soon-to-be ex husband which made people feel uncomfortable. And it really upsetted one person who wanted to confront Colin after he said that. So that's why it's best for Colin not to be at the wedding. We are happy with you coming but we don't want him there. Hope you are doing okay and Jodie and I are sending love and support your way." I asked what should I tell Colin? And Rick just said: "Well you can tell him whatever but we don't want him there". I want to add also that Colin also has high functioning autism but he's the sweetest and nicest guy. In fact he's too nice and soft. Colin's perception of the engagement party was that it went really well and he said he had a great time and everything was good. He also gave Rick and Jodie a nice card with a really nice message. I agree maybe he shouldn't have said he was Jodie's ex husband but a very large number of people already knew. Jodie's parents and a lot of Jodie's friends and family who were at their wedding knew anyway. Of course this is their wedding and it's their choice so all I said was: "OK I will tell Colin this" and I told him. I'm going to be honest though, I'm feeling really angry. Jodie is meant to be Colin's good friend and like family still but she didn't even message him herself. Also they put me in a really uncomfortable position, making me tell Colin and putting me in the middle. This is also after Colin had been wonderful to Jodie throughout their marriage and even afterwards. And he picked up some of their party guests and drove them home. I'm feeling like I should just not go to their wedding? But Colin also told me that Rick's parents are traditional and they're paying for the wedding, so Colin thought maybe it was the parents that also felt uncomfortable about Jodie's ex husband being there. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention to question or challenge their decision. I'm just wondering if I should do what I have control over.. And that is not to go to their wedding.