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About Me

Found 6 results

  1. I don't want to have kids. I've never been comfortable around children and I don't care to have the responsibility. But it's definitely hard to find a partner that doesn't want kids. If you don't want kids, has it been difficult for you finding someone who doesn't as well? And how has your life been without children? Do you feel it was the right decision?
  2. When my boyfriend and I first met I picked up his phone and there was a text from a woman that said " I love our little guy" I didn't think much of it at the time, but I remembered her name. I had asked him before if he had any kids and he always said no. There are no pictures of kids on his social media or anywhere up in his apartment. One night though, I did jokingly ask him again if he had kids and he said 'yeah' but we were both a little drunk and it was super late so I honestly thought he was joking. Last weekend my boyfriend was sitting on my lap and he opened facebook on his phone I noticed this same girl's name as a recent search. I'm not typically a jealous person, but because she had come up once before I decided to be nosey and search for her on facebook. She has very few public pictures, but one in particular stood out to me - a picture of a baby boy. I noticed that he loved the picture which didn't bother me at first because if this woman is/was his friend he's probably met her children at some point. I couldn't stop thinking about this picture though so I went back and this time I scrolled through the likes and noticed that his mom loved the picture as well. This threw me for a loop. If this is just some woman he's friends with why is his mom friends with her? Looking at the picture more intently this baby actually does look quite a bit like him and it makes sense as to why she would send him that text. I have always bee very adamant about not wanting to date a man with kids, but I do love my boyfriend. I honestly don't know how to react or how to bring it up. Any advice on how to handle this is much appreciated.
  3. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. When we first met I was very open with the fact that I did not want kids. We were very young and our relationship was new so it didn’t pose an issue. As things got more serious, he expressed to me that he did want kids. I was so in love and felt he would make a great father, so I did open my mind and start to consider, but it was always something that seemed so far away. And even then I was constantly going back and forth. We had always said if we did have kids, we’d start trying around the age of 26. I recently turned 26 and realized that I definitely do not want kids. When I first told him he was very understanding and we mutually agreed it would be best for us to split. But he is now saying that he no longer wants kids and wants to stay with me. I would love that more than anything as we have a great relationship and I love him very much. However, he has wanted kids for a very long time and will honeslty be the best father I hate to hold him back from that. And I feel like one day he will regret his decision and resent me for it. I am not sure if I should let him go so he can try to have a family or stay with him like he says he wants to.
  4. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  5. I have been living in a different country to my home country for the past 3 years with my boyfriend. Was only meant to be for short amount of time with his job, ended up going permanent and we stayed. I have always been homesick and wanted to move back and he doesn’t. We have a toddler and I am currently 6 months pregnant. Our relationship is not good, can’t agree on anything, he is not very supportive. I had postnatal depression with my first, and scared I will get it again with this baby. I want to move back and have baby in home country where I have more support as have none here, but he feels I am taking our kids away from him and making him miss out on the birth. I need some advice!
  6. Hi, this is my first attempt to seek advice so I hope for the best. I am a 55 year old father of a 21 year old autistic daughter and I raised her on my own since she was five till she was sixteen when I remarried to my second wife. Her biological mother was from the Philippines (and became a U.S. citizen) decided not to be much in her life since she moved to far away to make seeing her a regular thing. My daughter's autism is both intellectual and emotional disabilities so she still has temper tantrums when things don't go her way. After getting divorced, I did try to meet American women but it was quite difficult as a single man, overweight/on the shorter side, with a wonderful but difficult-at-times autistic daughter. Try as I did, no American women wanted to accept us a package. I accepted that and understood it as I wasn't a Hallmark Channel romance male lead with a special needs kid. Eventually, after many years, I decided to try the Philippines again as now online it was much easier to meet them and many women from there are much more accepting of men with children. But, of course, I was guarded but eventually met one who had a degree in Psychology and had been around those who were autistic in her work at a college. After a year of video chats online, I went there and, after two weeks, proposed and she accepted. That was five years ago. At the time, she did ask if I was open to having children and, at the time, I did the wrong thing. I said yes. But it was because I did, in fact, want to have another child at that time. But what I didn't say was that I was afraid that it could be another autistic child and I didn't want to go through the struggles of that again. But I said yes as, of course, I didn't want to lose her. But after she came to the U.S., we basically stopped being intimate as I discovered that she really doesn't have much interest in sex. but she still wanted to have a baby. But I was still reticent about having one as I was 51 then and she was 38. I had begun to realize that having a baby meant that I would be raising that child well into my 60s and 70s and there was no guarantee that the child wouldn't be autistic (we don't know where my daughter's autism came from -- whether from my background or that of her mother's as both don't have anyone autistic). And there was the financial consideration as well. Raising a child is expensive and my wife, who had had a good job in the Philippines, had now decided that she didn't want to work in America and just wanted to be a stay-at-home housewife and try online selling of some health-related products (but hasn't been successful). So it's up to me to provide for us which I can do and accept of course. I didn't marry her for a second income, I married her because I loved her. And I still do. And I believe she loves me as she had put up with a lot over five years. So put to rest any thoughts that she came her just for a visa. She left her family and a good job in the Philippines to come here and live here. Yes, the quality of life has gone up for her and yes, when I die someday, she'll be a lot more well off than in the Philippines, but she wouldn't have gone through the struggles we've gone through. But she feels that she has no purpose in her life since she doesn't have a baby of her own. Her two sisters have their own children and she's the oldest so she feels as though I've deprived her of what she truly desires -- a son or daughter of her own. While that is true in a sense - I did say yes prior to getting married about having children and I have to own up to misleading her then. The fact that I ask myself is why didn't she get married and have a child much earlier in life. We didn't get married till she was thirty-eight. So she had a lot of years before that to have a baby when it would've been safer for her than in her forties now. She could've married a younger/same aged man (although harder to do for older Filipinas) but it seems she feels that I lied to her and that she will never truly be happy unless she has a child of her own as she wants someone to care for her when she's old as, she presumes, I'll pass on before her since I'm 13 years older and then she'll be all alone. In the Philippines, it's normal for older parents to be taken care of by their oldest children but she doesn't fully get it that in America that doesn't always happen. I don't expect my autistic daughter to take care of me as it will always be the other way around. I've brought up the idea of adopting a child but to her that is no different than her having accepted my daughter as her stepdaughter. It's not her child by blood. For me, I'm entirely open to it as at least you adopt a child knowing something about his or her needs and it does give that child parents he or she may not otherwise ever have. And we could adopt an older child and so bypass the baby/toddler years. I don't want to be mistaken as the grandparent if I was to go out with a baby/toddler. So I don't know what to really do. She doesn't want to do marriage counseling as she feels two people should be able to work out problems without talking it out with someone else. I'm more of someone who needs to get advice from others. So she doesn't like it if I talk about things with my male best friend of many years. I've even thought we should go to a gynecologist to see if it's even possible for her to have a baby anymore. But then I still think she'll be upset with me if she can't. I feel bad for her as do want for her to be a mother but I cannot see myself going through being a father all over again. I love kids but the baby and toddler years are very stressful and it would also be hard with a possibly rebellious teenager while I'm in my early 70s. But, if she really wants to have a baby, why does she not want intimacy and for us to have sex? I don't know whether she doesn't feel close to me anymore and so doesn't want the intimacy or that she has a very low sex drive compared to me. I've accepted that so I don't try for intimacy anymore. She complains that her breasts tickle easily, that's she on a very long period (two weeks), and recently, she has a keloid (like a scar) that hurts that is right on her chest. Unfortunately, the keloid won't go away and so it makes intimacy that much more unlikely. I've brought up the Five Love Languages and it's true we see love differently. She sees it as Acts of Service, when I do things for her/home. And also Receiving Gifts. Whereas those are the two lowest for me. I value Words of Affirmation and Physical Intimacy as my first two. So it's no wonder that we aren't feeling love for each other like other couples. I do try to do things for her and the home to make her life easier and that she has things she wants (she's not a material person so it's not expensive things - just that I remember some small things and surprise her with them). So it seems we just have a marriage of convenience. Yes, we sometimes have good times together and she dutifully does the things in the house but I don't feel anymore that she loves me. Too much of her feels lost in the sense of never being able to be a mother of her own child. If this was so important to her, why did she marry me and not someone else who was more likely to want children? Hoping someone out there has some good words of advice. Not sure what advice there can be but I just want to hear from anyone who has good thoughts. Thank you.
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