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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Well ,it looks like my hand may be pushed faster then I think . I heard a rumour ,yes ,you have to love the rumour mill that our new building is going to be condemned . I had to talk to my boss today and yesterday she told me we plan to re-start in 2 weeks and today she tells me we don’t know what we’re doing yet . So obviously the rumour mill is true . Thank Jesus I applied for unemployment ! A friend added me to all the Facebook child care sites and buy and sells. Unfortunately, my boss is on all the childcare sites . She’s going to know my plan eventually .
  2. I hope in this journal people learn to understand people with autism. " In a box, not a bottle" is a private joke between me and my son. It is how we describe his experience with Asperger's . link removed
  3. Dear Catherine Angelina Marie, You were a miracle to have been conceived at all and I am so blessed to have been your mother. I know it maybe be silly to some that you have been named and that I would make a journal for you. I may have only known about your existence for about a week but you were still every bit my child and I love you. I have no idea if you were a son or a daughter but I have named you a girl. I am happy you have the company of your other siblings in heaven. You can be sure mommy thinks of you and loves you.
  4. I decided to start this as a place to park my hodgepodge of thoughts and what's going on in my life. Had a great Easter yesterday- I had to drive a few hours to the airport to pick my son up from his trip to France and Spain. He had a great time and it seems like he grew up over night! It was so great to have both boys home and with me. Since I had them for Easter, I asked them what kind of meal they wanted and I went and bought the groceries for a nice Easter dinner. Then I get a text from my ex, saying his mom and dad are inviting me and the boys to Easter brunch at their house. Well I didn't really want to go because my ex and his gf would be there. But the boys wanted to go and they wanted me to come. So I told them I would drop them off, pop in to say hi to friends and ex's family, then pick them up later. It took a lot of courage. But Despite that, I actually had fun! My ex and his gf sat on the other side of the room, although at one point his gf complemented a necklace I was wearing. It was fun to catch up with people I essentially have not seen in 4 years since the breakup. Oh the things I do for my sons... Well afterwards I made that nice dinner and we had it by candle light- just before I had to take them to their dad's for the week.
  5. I’ve not been very good at journaling this year! I’ve been dating someone for almost a year - we met last December. I do wonder if we’ll make it into the new year due to a few issues. He’s a single dad, first one I’ve ever dated, and I’ve spent a bit of time with his son but he has behavioural issues at home so not sure how I would handle this if I become step-mum. There’s also the topic of if I want my own child - I’m still not made up and honestly I don’t think he wants another one. He (my boyfriend) is currently living with his dad saving money and helping out (dad is registered disabled but mobile for short periods). The dad is also going deaf and I don’t click with his sense of humour so I find any time visiting really testing trying to hold a normal conversation with him. I also have been living with my parents while I look for a full time job and now appreciate how much space they give me and boyf when he visits! I have one close friend in this town who I have known since school - and she’s been driving me nuts lately. I think we’ve grown apart and don’t relate on the same level anymore. I even hate texting her to organise anything - all I get are “ok” as responses and that on it’s own does my head in! And on the subject of work - I had two part time jobs in this town but one has now finished due to being a fixed term contract on a small team. The idea was to use that as a CV filler to move onto something else but I’ve been lazy of late applying to jobs. On the plus side I have noticed more ‘interesting’ roles being advertised which gets my hopes up. In the meantime I have a part time job in retail. Half of my department is off sick so there’s a lot of overtime going but it’s been frustrating with a rubbish new manager who isn’t on top of anything. I’m supposed to get a weeks notice of shifts with 24 hrs notice being the exception but lately every week my shifts have only been confirmed the day before or I get a message begging me to work the next day. This doesn’t seem like a very positive opening post, want it all off my chest before the year end haha!
  6. Trevor Something's "The Real You." Just heard this song for the first time a couple of days ago... and can SO relate! And goes back to a recent thread I created also on "being real vs. pretending." ---------- Baby, baby you're so cool But, maybe, maybe that's not you But, who cares? Do you care what they say? And you swear, you swear you're no cliche Cause you just do what you want and you act so nonchalant I wish you would share with me everything that you're feeling And you just hide it all inside Show me, show me, show me the real you I don't know why you just won't try Show me, show me, show me the real you Baby, baby you're a fool But, maybe, but, maybe I'm like you But, who cares? Do you care what they think? And you swear, you swear you're just like me Cause you just do what you want and you act so nonchalant I wish you would share with me everything that you're feeling And you just hide it all inside Show me, show me, show me the real you I don't know why you just won't try Show me, show me, show me the real you
  7. Gonna give a few examples You're my baby You're my sweetheart You're my love If someone says something along those lines to you are they making it personal... meaning just between you and that person.
  8. Whenever my teenage sons play Grand Theft Auto, I get depressed and make them turn off the sound. I had been separated from my husband for about 3 weeks, and the children and I had been in our new rental home for less than a week. I had the weight of the lives and futures of our four small children on my shoulders. The phone rang; it was my mom. She told me that a little while before, a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers in NYC, and the building was burning. No one understood how a huge plane like that, full of passengers, had gotten into the wrong airspace. While we were on the phone, she said, "Oh no, another plane has just crashed into the other tower!" While we were crying, and trying to sort out these horrors, she said the news was reporting that a plane had just hit the Pentagon, which is about 10 miles from my home. She said there was a fourth plane missing. The authorities were afraid it was headed for the White House or Congress. After we learned the whole story, each subsequent detail unfolding as we spoke, I said, "You are kidding, right?" She said, "I wish I were. I am so sorry, honey." Incomprehensible. So much carnage, so much hatred, so much loss. The rest of the day, there was no sound anywhere in the entire region. No airplanes, no helicopters, no traffic, no music. The only sound, relentless all day and the next two or three days, was of sirens. Everywhere, sirens. Never a break from the sirens. I cannot tolerate more than 2 minutes of Grand Theft Auto, or my heart is dragged defenselessly to that clear September day.
  9. I made this poem up for my ex....well I made it up awhile go...and I did mean everything I said......I lost him cuz I was a bit** to him...well tell me if you like: If you decide to leave me and say goodbye I want you to know that you were my one and only love. I loved you more then anything and I will always love you. So I just want you to know if tomorrow starts without you I will know you took a different path a different path that dont invovle me in your life. I know I may cry, i know i may be sad but all i ever wanted was your happiness and if to see you happy means forgetting bout me then Ill let it be, I know I put so much stress on your shoulders, I know I made you mad. I know I lied and went behind your back but trust me things didnt go as planned. I planned everything so differently...I planned it to be just u and me. I planned our future together just to see it go down and leave me on bended knees. I planned to lay in your arms and watch the sun set rise, and I planned to lay in the grass with you being by my side. Everything would be ok if I would have just kept my word but I had to act the way I did just to see you leave. Words couldnt explain what you meant to me, even if It could you wouldnt believe me, you wouldnt believe me becuz love shouldnt be this way. It shouldnt be about lies and it shouldnt be about backstabbing it shouldnt be about cryin all the time. But baby i did love you, you were my earth without you I couldnt live. You were my stars without you there wouldnt be a twinkle in my eyes, your my breath without you I wouldnt be able to breath. Your the guy who kept me warm without you id freeze. Your in everything I do without you Id be a nobody. You are the one who pushed me to do that extra mile without you I wouldnt be where I am right now. You were the one who taught me not to give up without you I would have given up along time ago. Your the reason im making up this poem right now without you I wouldnt be writing right now. your my inspritation without you I wouldnt be inspired. Your my angel without you I dont know what Id do. You were the one I looked up too without you I dont have anyone to look up too. Without you is like living without me but worse. Your my protection without you in like living a life be scared all the time. You were the one I always looked up to as a brother without you I prolly wouldnt be here right now Id be somewhere else doing some bad s*it. You were the one who taught me right from wrong if it wasnt for you I prolly would be in a mental hospital while doin drugs all together. You were the last guy ill let hold me the way you did. So if you leave me now I wont have an earth to live on, I wont have a twinkle in my eye, I wont be able to breath, Ill freeze, I will prolly be a nobody cuz you were my everything, I wont beable to do that extra mile, I will give up, I wont be able to make up poems, I wont be so inspired, I wont have an angel by myside, I wont look up to anyone, Ill be living a life of hell, I wont feel protected, Ill be scared all the time, I wont have a bro to look up too like I did you. I cant see starting a life without you now but anything to make you happy baby Ill be by you that extra mile. If you decide to leave me altogether Ill understand. But please dont forget me and all the memories. Even if we could start over there would be alot of starting over to do. But Id do anything to just prove to you what you meant to me. So Ill give you sometime to get your life together and sometime to get my act together too, but please just remember what ever you do just know im sorry _________________________________________________________________
  10. When they’re not asking for riskay pictures like you’re playgirl 101 They will promise you the world when all they really want is fun If they’re not sweet talking then they want to get to know you in their fast cars They will say “Hey baby lets go for a drive” But we all know a drive is a code name and other lies In this day and age it’s more comfortable to swap bodily fluids Then get to know each other over coffee and maybe later become exclusive How in the world does that make sense? Call me old fashioned but I just can’t seem to comprehend In this world it’s fine to forget about the relationship and sleep together because it’s easy to do But we got a lot of people wondering around town really confused I’m not sorry for not wanting that to be me I won’t commit just my body to somebody So stop trying to put it on me because that’s not the girl I want to be
  11. Hey guys, Haven't wrote a poem in such a long time, but I felt inspired today so I wrote one. It's about having a good guy by your side, but never forgetting about the one that got away and how you got caught up in his game (Didn't mean for that to rhyme lol). Hope you guys enjoy ......................................................................................... I have a good guy by my side Sweet and kind with his beautiful blue eyes I never have to question his intentions, I never have to ask why He wants me to have his baby’s, he wants to make me his wife He will never hurt me, he will never break my heart So why am I still thinking about the one that ripped it apart?... His deep brown eyes came walking straight into my life I knew he was the bad guy kind The type with the black leather jacket and a cigarette hanging between his lips I never wanted anything more than when I wanted him He took me to highs I never thought possible it was as if I could fly I watched the sparks explode like fireworks through the night sky We had only just begun but the ending was nigh Then he was gone and I never knew why A few months later he came back around This time with a girl on his arm that he was showing off round town It was as if he had forgotten I existed I never knew such pain But I guess that's how he played the game I was going crazy losing my mind like no one would ever understand The nights when she wasn't with him he was my man But he had my heart and he was torturing it in the palm of his hand I realized I could be a permanent solution to a temporary issue I told him I can't do this anymore so please choose I was hoping he would wake up and tell me "Baby, it has always been you" But that beautiful boy couldn't quite decide And now I know why...
  12. My heart breaks over and over. It is the bored child, straw blowing Sound of an empty glass With too little juice to jacuzzi bubble. Each apparent blessing bursts Under it's own frustrated weight. Leaving only the harsh, repeated crackles Of heartbreak over and over.
  13. Wo has anybody heard of this or seen it? I'd never heard of it until I noticed something very nice which had happened to some trees in the nearest village to where I live. I will post some links to images of some of it soon. Here is a link I googled and apparently, it is considered a type of easily removable graffiti. Where I live the school children became involved and the children made lanterns and ornaments which have been hung from trees in the main street of the village. I believe Yarn-Bombing originated in The Netherlands around 2004. link removed
  14. Here's a story that I've gotta let out, A boy and a girl is what this story's about. It started in the summer of 2006 Her first real boyfriend decided to hit it and dip She felt used and abused and wanted him back So she changed who she was to pick up the slack Upon recognising the New person she became She realized she could do better in the relationship game. And so came the boy whom she began to love They'd sneak off at night and watch the sky up above It turned into a ritual, that summer of 06 They'd walk into the night and end it off with a kiss. Summer came to an end but they kept their bond They then became intimate and grew more fond of each other And then a few months came and gone, The girl was quite mean Which made it less fun He did everything for her but she blew him off She thought she was better since he was too soft. About a year later, Christmas of 2007, She realized she needed to change and made a New year's resolution. "I'm gonna start treating him better" is what she told herself His resolution was to stop letting her damage his health And so they switched roles, she was nice and he was mean She figured she deserved it considering she used to play on that team So she put up with her majesty time and time again He would blow her off and instead choose other girls to befriend. That summer of 07, he had people at his mom's place Upon these people was this girl with a pretty face He kept his eyes and attention on her the whole time Forgetting his girlfriend was there watching him check this dime. And that's when their relationship went down the hill They would break up and make up, the usual drill. This happened for another year until they finally had enough They agreed to move forward and keep the past buried in the dust. Now here's the interesting turn that happened between the two, New year's eve 2008, they we're stuck to each other like glue They were wasted, woke up naked, all of which was a blur. The deed had been done, although none could recall what occurred. Then came Valentine's day and all was relatively good He lit candles, they watched movies and cuddled as close as they could Soon after his friends took over and changed their whole streak Upset, she informed him of her missed period and began to weap The girl took a pregnancy test and she held her breath... "If I'm pregnant I better be prepared for death." So there she was, peeing on a stick in front of her sisters As soon as she was done they grabbed it and started to whisper. For some odd reason she felt a strong warm sensation. Bubbles started to fill her chest and she waited to hear a confirmation. Her sisters started to cry and gave her a warm embrace They said "congratulations, sis." And smacked her a kiss on the face. Her heart began to melt and she felt her whole world flip 180 She told her sisters not to tell anyone that she was having a baby Immediately she told the boy and he began to freak out He told her to get an abortion or he would leave without a doubt "You're ruining my life, I hate you." He continually said Her heart was torn in two, she wished she would just end up dead. The man whom she loved threatened to leave if she didn't abort And all she aimed for was to get his love, attention and support. The two families conflicted- one was pro, the other not She hated being in the middle, she felt so distraught. Weeks went by and she locked herself in her room She would sing to her tummy and talk to it too She grew so fond of this little tiny thing in her belly She relaxed in her bed, cuddled up watching the tele. She read all these books about how to care for a child Her mind was up, even if it made the boy go wild But soon the girl began feeling lonely and scared To try to ease her pain, she met the boy whom baby she shared He convinced her to make an appointment to get it done She cried and cried the entire time, she wanted to keep her daughter or son The counselor informed her she didn't have to make this decision just yet She felt as though the girl was pressured and doing it would lead to regret So the girl walked out with a big enormous smile The boy asked how it went and she said she needed a little Furious, he stopped the car and kicked her out on her feet During this time it was winter and snow covered the street She felt abandoned, abused, and completely alone She went home, cried and picked up the phone She held her body tight and said "baby, mommy loves you so much, Oh how I wish you'll know, how I long to feel your touch." Just then she felt a flutter on the left side of her belly "Baby, is that you swimming around in there like jelly?" The girl began to cry, a little more subtly now She knew her baby could hear her so tried not to be loud. "I'm sorry little one, but mommy has to let you go... You'll like it where you go, it'll be the best of the best home." The girl kept her hand on the flutter and eventually feel asleep The next day she went in, her only love she will no longer keep. All she remembered was feeling drowsy, depressed and ashamed Everything was a blur, tears fell down her face untamed The boy took her home, put her to bed and went out to drink He left her by herself to celebrate while in bed she weaped Enough was enough and she decided to leave the boy for good He turned her whole world upside down like no other person could She lost all hope and joy, she felt suicidal She wanted to end it all, not just for a little while Seeing her child was the only thing she could ever think of She looked to the sky and wondered if she was staring from up above "Baby, mommy made the worst decision she's ever made, If I could be with you My entire life would be saved. Mommy doesn't know what to do and daddy keeps asking for her back, Baby give me the strength to start over, find a new path." And so months went by and the days were getting easier to bare Until one day the boy showed up- he just happened to be right there He told her he was sorry and he would never do that again He told her he loved her and that he would help her poor heart mend The poor, poor girl needed love so she embraced his offering She thought things would be different, he would help to stop her suffering Things would go great and out of nowhere he would fall Back into his old ways like she didn't exist at all They both went to a party and the boy was completely drunk The girl ended up taking care of him and woke up feeling punked You see, the girl put the boy to sleep on the sofa She even tucked him in and asked him to move over But he denied her so she went to sleep on the love seat instead When she woke up, boy, how badly she wished she was dead She seen the boy and a girl cuddling up beside each other They were both naked, asleep and under the covers The girl next to the boy was the same dime the boy crushed on Years earlier when they were all at his mom's having fun The two woke up and the girl had the nerve to ask her if She had seen her pants The boy tried to cuddle beside her, pretending like he had a chance The funny thing is the two girls were actually friends But after that incident their relationship would never mend. The boy repeatedly told the girl nothing happened and they were both drunk He said he thought the dime was his ex- what else would he have thunk He said she crawled up beside him and she looked like his chick So he put his arms around her and went to sleep. She felt so sick. The girl wanted nothing to do with the boy after that day But like the idiot she is, She took him back to everyone's dismay Like a routine, this vicious circle kept on repeating Years went by and still they both denied ever leaving Things were going okay, for awhile things seemed top notch The boy would work early, go home, shower, cook and fall asleep on the dot Every night, 630pm, is what he told her each morning, first thing She believed him and felt proud that he was so hard-working Until one day her friend called, and she heard the ugly truth again "Baby, I have to tell you, you're man's been hitting on my friend. When we mention you, he changes the subject and asks about her She'll tell him to stop- he's being unfair to his girl." So the girl and this friend whom the boy attempted to pursue Met up for some drinks to confirm what was true Confrontation arose and the girl decided to up and move away Better her life and to finally decide its not worth it to stay Back to school she went and did far better than she ever imagined She came back the next summer and managed to stir up past sins She got back together with the boy and they made love once again They did it without protection even when the girl recalled the time back then He said he didn't care and if they had a baby he would be there He wouldn't do that again, it just wouldn't be fair She protested and protested and then the deed was done Two months later she felt the side effects and wish she could run She took the test and kept it a secret from everyone she loved Except for the man and her God up above She knew she wouldn't be accepted if she came back pregnant She was doing so well and it would ruin the whole arrangement. The boy made it clear that he would be there but he would rather she did the deed "It would be better in the end, So You could finish school and succeed." So she booked another appointment and off to the clinic she went This time her emotions were drained- She couldn't even vent She went on late night walks to spend some time with her little bun She slept at the park and told the baby of nature and the kids at the park having fun She explained in detail the things get baby could not see She wished he could in time, but again she wouldn't plea She cried in pain and she could feel her heart tearing up inside She wished she ended her life So she wouldn't have life drain her pride Even more than that she wished she could take her baby's place She wished it was her who would stare death in the face She went through the procedure and her boyfriend supplied the drugs Alcohol and cocaine, She did it until she was completely numb After all, She was a murderer. She let her baby's die It was her choice to make, it was hers, not the guy's. She felt horrible and insane and wished she had an endless supply of drugs She thought of using her body for the benefit of thugs A few days later she left town to go back to school She became more depressed and felt like such a fool The boy was once again out of her life and she was alone She looked up the best method to commit suicide and picked up the phone She called numerous centers to try to get help But none understood her pain and her tears flew off the shelf She called the boy and he didn't know what to do He didn't even want to talk or listen to why she was so blue Finally she sought after advice from her teacher After he told her he was worried that he couldn't reach her Her teacher referred her to a place that he thought could ease her pain Which it did for awhile, but her main guidance was God. He made her sane. She started to feel better and worked hard at school Then she was ready to come home- after all she had been doing so good A few months went by and she was content with not seeing her ex But that soon changed after he fed her "I love you" texts She began seeing him and they would go for lunches and dinners They both agreed to be friends and see how things unwithered This was a horrible decision because he kept insisting on having her back "I wanna be your man, I wanna get it back on track." They would fool around and feelings came sprinting around the corner at full charge She fell back in love, and they made plans to work on living life large "We'll get a house and all support you while your in school All I want is to be with you and prove I'm no longer a tool" He sent her pictures of the place he was aiming to buy And told her they'd spend the day together, but instead hung with the guys She was upset, curious and confused altogether He called her and said he booked a romantic trip to make her feel better But she couldn't go, she needed him to prove he was being serious, So she asked him to talk to her parents and he grew absolutely nervous. At first he agreed as long as she initiated contact He didn't wanna sneak around even if her parents hated him for all the facts So although she was hesitant, she told her parents the truth Her mom said "fine, but he needs to talk to your father too." And so she told him what happened and he refused to do it. He said he was confused, hated them too, and caused a fit He said he'd always love her and she'd always have his heart But he was not happy and they needed to be apart She fell for him, even after she knew she shouldn't She told her parents and now she totally blew it She felt like an idiot and started feeling suicidal Everything she did, she was still sent to the dump, collecting in a large pile Unwanted and rejected she considered her whole life All she wanted was for him to one day make her his wife She felt like she threw her life away to make him happy But it was never enough and this made her feel real crappy He comes and goes when he pleases not knowing how much it hurts her She sits on the couch while her sight is nothing but a blur As tears run down her face, she sits there writing a poem about a boy She feels nothing but used and thrown it like a used, useless toy...
  15. I feel as if I'm in the eye of the storm, the winds circling at seemingly terminal velocity. Objects coming out of no where seem to coming directly at me, only to be held back by an unseen force. Yet, emotionally these things are leaving me traumatized.I feel I have no control of anything, I can only stand back and watch as things and people collide. I cry out warnings but I can't be seen or heard above the winds. What happened to cause this, why have things hurtled completely out of control, when did I lose control. All I wanted was to protect my own, to protect myself, to speak the truth, to defend myself, and all heck broke loose. No one believes me, I don't know if I believe myself anymore. Things are to cloudy, I can't think straight, did it happen or is it a figment of my imagination. My children say it did, I vaguely remember the situation. I if I stick with what I believe to be true, then the effects on myself and my children will be catastrophic. I am damned if I do damned if I don't. No matter what I am reaping the whirlwind.
  16. When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value. Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, They found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital. One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem. And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging accross the Internet. Cranky Old Man What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see? What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me? A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise, Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes? Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply. When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!' Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do. And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe? Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will, With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill? Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see? Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me. I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still, As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will. I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet. A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap. Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep. At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own. Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home. A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast, Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last. At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone, But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn. At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee, Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me. Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead. I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread. For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own. And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known. I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel. It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool. The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart. There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart. But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells, And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain. And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again. I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast. And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last. So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see. Not a cranky old man . Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!! Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!
  17. Lyrics by Maynard James Keenan the song is by A Perfect Circle It really describes the last month of my life and indefinitely the future, Lost again Broken and weary Unable to find my way Tail in hand Dizzy and clearly unable to Just let this go I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun I choose to live I fell again Like a baby unable to stand on my own Tail in hand Dizzy and clearly unable to just let this go High and surrendering to gravity and the unknown Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun Help me survive the bottom Calm these hands before they Snare another pill and Drive another nail down another Needy hole please release me I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun I choose to live, I choose to live
  18. SUPERNOVA (Verse 1) Fifteen minutes of fame Would you trade it all away? Such a small price to pay I told him, "Baby, you're a star A supernova, you're too far Gone" Every single moment I am thinking up new ways to save you From yourself And all the while I am feeding off the scraps you gave me To be well (Chorus) You said it is like going to the movies It all makes sense in the end But it's like this, I don't know myself anymore Anymore, and this is for All the times your silence lingered Words relayed that silent winter You told me, "Just wait for summer" I am not nobody's number All the words that went unspoken You can't break me, I am broken Such a fine, glossy exterior For somebody so inferior (Verse 2) But it's so hard to walk away I mean, I try every day And I just stay I told him, "We all pay a price For everything in life that's nice We sacrifice" Every single moment I am thinking up new ways to love you Not myself And all the while I am feeding off the scraps you gave me To be well (Chorus) (Bridge) All the words that went unspoken All the hearts remained unbroken Good luck in the life you've chosen I can't bring to life the frozen
  19. wheres the glass im breaking, honey im just tryna dance different drums. play counterpoint. keep steady beat above the noise. or at least the best we can. i dig how your pieces cut my lips a bit as i try to take 'em in. how much more fun it was til he figured out how much of her got stained on hands and skin in the swollensweethickeyesclosedark whispers of danger beneath the wet but i cant seem to show you, babe that i aint got no weapons. touch hot hearts good hell with the other stuff hard pressed, fresh starched sheets stacked and muffling perfectly good sound. found the wrong side of the rebel fire that i had to love to touch go. out to your deserts. your own way to find it. you know i love the way you look i think i mispronounce your heart. not sure what you heard but all i said was "baby, how you shine."
  20. 2o years is a long time some were good some were bad i just want you to know i'm happy for the time we had i thank you for loving me no matter what i thank you for being there for me through good times and bad losing you is one of the harest things i have come to understand i will cherrish out time our kids we have i just wish you happyness and success just know i will always care it has taken me awhile five months to be excact i feel now i can move on to what life has next find out who iam and what's in store watch life unfold if i meet someone new i hope he is what im looking for i finally feel ready for single life and enjoy my children with all my might
  21. It has been years. I have returned to share a piece: Mind Apocalypse rain drops splatter loud storm thundering there goes my crown hit the ground crumbling life fades too fast check point throw coins free paid fines for the golden pass step back big sorrow steps bring back wasted time spent wish you would've went so fix the past f*ck it next time go no blind toughen up never deaf listen enough pilot mode on auto switch to grand theft audio red flash meant go until there's nothing really left yeah and here I am still standing with my sad face wife hates no place no bliss no grace all punk no poise no nothing no toys child cry broken empty harsh full tank words spoken drilled echo pain full noise heart pain burst feign silent dream shot flash brains car crash scream passed bad past revolution failed evolution big name waste clean waste bad taste that solution never came go wait empty plate spoiled humor fed stupor generational raid with a hint of blue sued turned red countless dead blank heads spoiled mind bow tie all blind no sight click it first class ticket short flight dead end free fall police calls violent fight no bed long nights riots bleed angry earth fed crowd moist wrong spilled splat blood web tears flow bombs off friends die moms cry fathers ask why pride ends kids fly white gates, locks, clouds shed loud wings storm in dark sounds pockets full posey stained fluent with a rose red cause what goes around comes around then we all fall down enough said
  22. Something we can all relate to at some stage in our lives, hope you enjoy it, my latest. No Shame in Crying To those who plead for another go, And the many who crave for a chance to grow, Tears of despair and hope filling their eyes, How admirable they may be for trying, There sure is no shame in crying. To the man on the street corner pleading for a simple dollar, Yearning for the donation of a passing by scholar, Aimlessly they appear to wander without a single care, Whilst the man's hopes of redemption are slowly dying, He sees no shame in crying. To the girl who simply seeks to eradicate adversity, a star in the making, Slowly her hopes and dreams are awakening, The whole world her stage, she's relinquished her lifelong facade, As her friends occupy their materialistic minds with each pair of shoes they are buying, She sees no shame in crying. To the men and women who witness the changing of lives, Of mothers, fathers, children, husbands and wives, Each day a symbol of persistent pride and triumphant tenacity, Their courage and service to humankind never denying, They see no shame in crying. To the teenage romantic who's doing it tough, Tired of being belittled and told they aren't good enough, The genuine battlers whose hearts are made of pure gold, Forget the doubters and keep on trying, Because there really is no shame in crying.
  23. I bow my head to honour all our fallen soldiers both the US and her allies in all the conflicts past and present. Yet, this is my list of my buddies, people I trained with, or who trained me, people I served with or knew personally. Each one of these men were an integral part of my life and some the life of my family, some more than others, but all equally as important. They are ALL missed. ROLL CALL SFC Greg Frontius (good friend) 7 th SFG(A) 02 April 87 SSG Douglas Hunter (family) 82 nd (A) 01 July 87 Helo crash 12 Marsh 89 3rd/ 5th SFG (A) Cpt. Brown SSG Campbell * SGT Larry Endress SFC Evans SSG Griswold *SGT Terry Holloway… best friend medic *SSG Kevin Livengood…friend medic *SFC George Wayne…good friend medic *Col. Nick Rowe…mentor/father figure CW2 Stanley Harriman (family) 3rd SFG(A) 2 March 2002 OEF SSG Orlando Morales 7th SFG(A) 29 March 2003 OEF SFC William M. Bennett (good friend, medic) 5th SFG(A) 12 September 2003 OIF MSG Kevin N. Morehead (good friend medic) 5th SFG(A) 12 September 2003 OIF SSG Paul A. Sweeney 3rd SFG(A) 30 October 2003 OEF SGM Michael B. Stack (one of my instructors…great guy) 5th SFG(A) 11 April 2004 OIF SFC Pedro A. Munoz (good man, great role model) 7th SFG(A) 2 January 2005 OEF MSG Anthony R.C. Yost (great leader) 3rd SFG(A) 19 November 2005 OEF SSG Leroy E. Alexander 7th SFG(A) 3 June 2005 OEF MSG Thomas D. Maholic (a practical joker and a great friend) 7th SFG(A) 24 June 2006 OEF SSG Michael D. Thomas (good friend) 7th SFG(A) 27 April 2007 OEF SGT Timothy P. Padgett 7th SFG(A) 8 May 2007 OEF MSG Arthur L. Lilley (my favorite redhead, we all loved him, especially my children) 7th SFG(A) 15 June 2007 OEF SFC David Nunez (good man) 7th SFG(A) 29 May 2008 OEF MSG Mitchell W. Young 7th SFG(A) 13 July 2008 OEF SFC Jeffrey Rada Morales (a great medic) 7th SFG(A) 29 June 2008 OEF MSG Shawn E. Simmons 7th SFG(A) SGT James M. Treber 7th SFG(A) 29 June 2008 OEF CPT Richard G. Cliff 7th SFG(A) 29 September 2008 OEF SFC Jamie S. Nicholas 7th SFG(A) 29 September 2008 OEF SFC Gary J. Vasquez 7th SFG(A) 29 September 2008 OEF SFC Bradley S. Bohle( he was the best, his daughter is five now…cute as can be…she and Brad’s Mom helped me to lay memorial wreaths at the graves) 7th SFG(A) 16 September 2009 OEF SSG Joshua R. Townsend 7th SFG(A) 16 January 2009 OEF SFC Shawn P. McCloskey (good man) 7th SFG(A) 16 September 2009 OEF SSG Joshua M. Mills (medic) 7th SFG(A) 16 September 2009 OEF Yes there are more who died in 2010-to present and they should be honoured as well…. I just didn’t know anyone personally who was active duty.
  24. Do you like me now? You didn’t think I’d leave You didn’t think very much of me You thought you had me under your thumb Did you really think I was that dumb? Do you remember when? I said, “Baby, I’m scared” You said, “Baby, I don’t care,” You should’ve held me then Baby, you’re really great in bed But there’s just something wrong with your head You had nothing nice to say You wanted everything your way Did you really think I’d stay? ‘Cause I had to walk away Do you wish you’d been nice when you had the chance? Maybe shown me a little more romance? If only you woulda believed a little more I woulda been better than before I don’t know why You thought I’d survive Living on your angry words, jealousy and lies You could’ve pulled me up But you pulled me down You shouldn’t have yelled But you liked the sound Do you like me now? Broken, down on the ground?
  25. He sat under the tree in deep meditation, He was determined to find out the truth or else never open his eyes again, He wanted to end suffering for him and for all, He wanted to determine the causes that one couldn't forestall, He was born as a king and yet he left all his kingdom, He had a wife and a son and a world full of possession, He saw sickness, old age and death and started questioning, Why does the world suffer and what is its beginning, Then he saw a monk who seemed happy and content, And he started the journey towards that which is hidden and latent. He suffered long and hard in this great discovery, He begged to have his meal, but it was no misery, He learned the art of silence, from the teachers he came accross, But never became satisfied as it did not cure the loss, So he decided in the end to walk on this path all alone, Be a light into oneself and do not ever become a clone, He saw others fasting, and he did the same, He ate so much less that he became lean and mundane, He realized that its a waste and had the milk from a boy, He accepted the service of the lady who wished him best of luck for future joy, And then he sat on the sheet of straw under the tree in deep meditation And he saw truth all at once and the beginning of compassion I bow my head in reverence at your feet, O' lord of compassion, You are the first human being to shatter the conditioning of a thousand years, all the suffering, all the possession.
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