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  1. Where to start... I'm a registered nurse at a hospital, he is a doctor at the same hospital. There was always something that attracted me to him as soon as I saw him at work. We always engaged in small talk here and there at work, then decided to go skiing one day with a mutual friend as he does not have a lot of friends here. This mutual friend was unable to make it and said doctor said he would still like to hang out regardless. When the time came, he picked me up and had reservations at one of our cities nicest restaurants - this was end of February. Since then, we have been spending time together most weekends, usually spending Friday-Sunday together - sleepover the whole weekend included as its the only time we have together. We go for walks, order takeout as we are still in lockdown, and drive to the mountains. We have slept together many times, but overall he is not very affectionate otherwise. No hand holding, not a lot of kisses, and cuddles usually when we are sleeping. We've even got toothbrushes at each others places. Sometimes it feels like we are just friends hanging out, this past weekend, we spent 3 nights together with no sex - I was convinced we are just friends. But, as it was time for me to go Sunday evening, I went to leave and he said "hold on" and gave me a peck - which he does every time I leave. That's where the confusion sets in... I don't usually kiss my friends goodbye. Then I wonder, are we just friends with benefits? but we do not have sex regularly. I may add - he is 38 and I am 26. Occasionally he says things "oh on our second date" or "if this doesn't work out" which leads me to believe we may be dating. And he also is not as keen on texting these days. We occasionally go a day or two without talking - but he is a very busy doctor.. working till late every night, and some weekends so we don't have a great schedule for hanging out. I'm aware the answer is to communicate and ask him if he sees this going anywhere, just wanted to get some advice.
  2. Hello Everyone, Been married a little over 7 years. I started noticing changes in my wife when she started a new job back in June of last year, working late, dressing different, guarding her phone. To make a long story short, my wife now spends more time with her new boss than she does with me. There have been at least 2 different incidents where I caught them doing what I consider to be flirting (she disagrees) and she even gave him a very expensive watch for Christmas. (she's never given me a watch) They text after work and at all hours of the night, I've even caught her texting him when she was supposed to be having a romantic dinner, alone with me. Every time I try to sit her down and have a calm conversation with her about all this, we just end up arguing and I end up on the couch, she thinks I'm overreacting and she even claims that maybe I'm being a little insecure about the fact that she now earns more than me. She says there is nothing going on between them, that she's only trying to make a good impression and I'm being paranoid, she says she loves me and wouldn't be with me if she wanted someone else and I really want to believe her. This weekend they are supposed to go away for a convention and she'll be gone for 2 weeks. I've already told her that I feel uncomfortable about the trip and now she says I'm controlling and she seems determined to go whether I like it or not. I don't know who this person is, but it's not the woman I married, she's turned into some sort of cold-hearted Ice Queen, our sex life is down the drain and she gets irritated easily and picks fights with me about stupid stuff. Despite all of this I still love my wife very much, but I'm beginning to think I can't compete with her new boss, he's 10 years younger than me, single and filthy rich. I'm at a loss for what to do, part of me wants to walk away and another part wants to fight for my marriage, but I don't even know where to start, I've never been in this situation before, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  3. I know astrological signs have very little do when dating but I feel that in my situation it is hard to not acknowledge it. I'm a Pisces and he's a Virgo. Most site tell us we are Long-lasting love. And it sure feels like it when we are together! However he always seems to disappear. It like that old saying, out of sight out of mind. Which is hard to accept seeing how great we are and look together. Everyone can tell how attentive he is when we are together and i've been told by his friends how great I am for him. So its frustrating to go a week or two without hearing from him. I know we both have very intense jobs, and we both aim to reach a lifestyle that we have always dreamed off. Which makes me appreciate all his hard work even more. We also live about 45 to 55 mins away from each other, which I don't mind having to ride the subway nor does he mind driving me. So I don't understand why he tends to pull back, could it be because I'm a 10 years younger then him? I don't know what to think at this point. I don't want to come off like annoying or clingy but there is this energy and chemistry between us (he even told me this) that is unavoidable that makes it hard to move on. So my question is do I give up after 6 months and suffer alittle and hope find someone who doesn't ignore my texts?
  4. Hey y'all. I need some advice on how to deal with my current "relationship" with my boss. I've known him since December of last year, where I started working at my current job, which is probably the best job I've had so far. He's not the head manager, but he's right below that position, along with four other people. He's been with the company since it first started, and everyone who works there likes him because he has such a friendly, funny, and laidback personality, but is still professional at the same time. I've always liked him more so than the other managers, but only until recently had we started to joke around more and become friendlier with each other. There's a 17 year age gap between us (he’s 38, I’m 21), and I've known for a while that he has a girlfriend whom he's been going out with for about three years (I asked him about her casually on Valentine's Day this year, and he said that this year they would be celebrating their third anniversary). Anyways, just a few weeks ago, we had been texting each other, and then one night, while he was giving me a ride home, we went out for drinks at this really nice restaurant (which I didn't know at the time), all of which he suggested. We had a great time, although I felt kinda “off” about it since I wasn't entirely sure if this was work-appropriate, and the server was giving us strange looks as well (probably trying to figure out if we were bf/gf or father/daughter, etc., haha). While on the way home, I was already a bit tipsy, and leaned on his shoulder as he drove. He then rubbed my shoulders with his free hand, and then later on, when we were at my front door, we hugged each other really tight for a long time. After that night, we were texting each other throughout the work day, and then eventually, we started sending suggestive text messages. I soon responded with an *extremely* racy text. That caused him to say that he wanted to see me that night, which he did, driving all the way from his house to mine. We then proceeded to have sex in his car that night, which was an intensely pleasurable experience for both of us, probably heightened by the fact that he's my superior at work, is taken, and is a bit older than me. Ever since then, we've been meeting up either after work to have sex with each other, or even during work, when we have to run upstairs to a separate room to get more merchandise, we sneak into areas where there's no cameras and make out or touch each other, all short of actual sex. I'm not sure how to deal with this, as this is the first time I've engaged in this sort of "forbidden" relationship (I thought this only existed in t.v., books, movies, etc.). None of my close friends have ever been in this situation, and since I'm the most experienced out of them all (I've had one other boyfriend, who I'm not with anymore, and was sexually active with), I can't really ask any of them for help with this. We're both striving to keep this a secret between us two from anyone else at work, as we could both get instantly fired. I think that some of my co-workers suspect that there's something going on between us two, but they can't prove anything and just joke about us. The issues that bother me a lot are (1) he *currently* has a girlfriend, which makes me question how he could be having this type of relationship with me at the same time that he's dating her, and (2) I'm afraid of developing feelings for him, as we both know that we don't want to go out with each other or even if a stable, long-term relationship could form from this. He's very reluctant to talk about his girlfriend when I ask him, so I've stopped asking him about her. How should I proceed from here on out? I *do* enjoy the sex quite a bit, and I've been anxious for some sexual release for a while, but I know deep down that my current dalliance with my boss won't last forever, nor is it healthy (for both me, and for him and his gf's relationship). At the moment I’m single, but I would like to have a stable, long-term relationship eventually...
  5. Hi, everyone: My boyfriend (of almost six years) and I hit a rough spot a few days ago. Here's the background first: My boyfriend is 12 years older than me. He started working with this young woman, who I have actually met many years before they started working together. We were in a young professionals organization together. She's about three years younger than myself. I was like a mentor to her. We stayed in touch via LinkedIn and have been acquaintances ever since. I always thought she was the go-getter type, very ambitious, in a way where she makes networking a priority and forges connections with people to advance her career. She was more up front and out there, willing to form those relationships than the other folks in the group. My boyfriend didn't know that we know each other--until I brought it up as he was discussing some staff changes. Like I said, in her true spirit, she rose from the ranks of being an events assistant to covering data and research for the economists. I admit I felt a bit threatened and even jealous when my boyfriend told me they are working together. They have similar interests in that they're both fitness buffs who spend hours at the gym and are hung up on nutrition. They both are people persons and are quite charming. She's also an attractive blonde. To be honest, I wasn't all that comfortable with them working together. I was honest to my boyfriend about this from the start--putting it past him lightly--you know you guys have a lot in common, you sure you're not into her? He said no. He said some people you see as friends and nothing more. They're simply not your type. I admit again that I am and have been insecure about myself. I had just returned to the city with a new job after working abroad. I put on a few pounds, but was and am determined to get back into shape. It's been a struggle. Sometimes in my mind, I think I slipped and am no longer good enough for him. However, things with him have been the best they've ever been since I moved back. We've become closer. We survived long distance and were ready to see each other more often in the same city! We both felt our connection getting stronger. I noticed the remarkable difference in him. He seemed to signal that we were in it for the long haul. Fast forward to now... He recently went to my hometown in Florida to run a race/marathon with friends. I was aware of this and we even FaceTimed every day of his trip. But he didn't tell me SHE would be there too. I found out on social media, after I came across some of her Instagram posts. There were pics of him celebrating their victory after the race. She was there hanging out with his friends, while I never got to be around them (since my return). I don't know why, but my heart just sank after seeing this. For one, he said it was him and two other guy friends. He completely left out the fact that she was there. Yeah, I know that maybe he knew I wouldn't be at all happy if I knew, but the fact that he kept it from me hurts and also raises some suspicion (forgive a girl for having thoughts that are out there) that there's some attraction between the too, an attraction he denied. I texted him... telling him, "I know she went on that trip with you." He called later that day, probably to talk and explain, but I was not ready emotionally. It may seem like an innocent thing between colleagues and friends, but my mind just went wild. Two like-minded, attractive people doing something fun together with his friends. I just can't let this slide for some reason. I am so insecure on so many levels--about our relationship, about his attraction to me, about how I look, about 'competition' from other women, etc. I was angry and sad and many other emotions. As much as I was trying to practice restrain and trying to keep myself from writing mean things to him, I basically went off accusing him of being attracted to her, etc. I was imagining them working out together outside the office, thinking he probably spends more time with her than me (on top of the 9 to 5). I was imagining them texting each other outside the office. Crazily, I said--she wins, I can't be her. Just go for it. I also felt that maybe this is the reason why he's been so nice to me lately. Maybe this is the reason why he's been so fixated on boosting his personal fitness program. Was it because of her? Did they really have something going on? He hasn't responded to my texts. I haven't heard from him since that attempted call. He hasn't blocked me yet though. I do strongly feel that he's upset at me, that I would even question his emotions and loyalty toward me. Maybe I really don't have anything to worry about? Things were going so well with us and I have to come out of the blue with this. But then maybe he does understand my point of view too--the jealousy, the insecurity, etc. Still in limbo, waiting for him to connect or start talking again. His silence and the time it's taking is maddening! Any thoughts and opinions on not being so anxious while waiting for us to decide what's next?
  6. Hello! First time posting on the pets section of this forum. I did some light reading first, and I think my topic is pretty popular: When it's time to say goodbye. For some history, I've had my dog for about 7 years now. He was approximately 5 when I got him. He was on the "kill" list for the city animal shelter and his time was almost out. Long story short - I saved his life. Fast forward to 2020. I have seen him get a lot older. He stopped playing with toys a while ago. I allow him on the couch, and one of his favorite things to do was to sit on the edge over the armrest. It became tough to jump on the couch, so he stopped trying entirely. In early April, (2 weeks after I lost my job due to covid) he became extremely ill and was diagnosed with diabetes. I know this isn't a death sentence, but it's expensive.. especially for someone whose not working. The diabetes hit him hard, and due in part to a lackluster vet (I have since switched doctors) we had a lot of trouble getting his blood glucose under control. About a month into the diagnosis, he went blind. I've done everything I could to assist. I've removed 2 dining room chairs and the coffee table. His food & water always remains in the same spot, but I put a mat underneath to help him recognize when he is there. He has not adjusted well to being blind. It's heartbreaking watching him slam his head into the (metal) leg of the table and other various things. I've tried to start a new word with him: "careful" ..and honestly sometimes it really works. I will say careful and he will stop or swerve away. Because of his diabetes, he is drinking a lot of water and therefore needing to pee lots. Because he is blind, he cannot go down the porch steps unattended, so I am bringing him outside and having to watch him countless times throughout the day. Night time is no different. I don't sleep anymore. I wake up once, sometimes twice during the night to let him outside to pee. There are nights when I do get to stay in bed the whole time, but then I will notice he is lying in a small pool of urine. Recently, he has been plagued with infection after infection. 3 months ago I noticed blood in his urine and we've been on a roundabout of about 4 more infections after that, plus one ear infection. These are not cheap to treat. Like, I know what the answer is, but it's just so hard for me to bring a dog who doesn't outwardly look ill to get euthanized. I of course have no idea what is going on internally with him. I feel like at worst, he is really struggling. And at best, he just existing. Just wondering if anyone out there has had to euthanize a pet who looks perfectly fine at first glance? I am dragging my feet on doing this, though I already know what the answer is. It's almost a blessing that I lost my job, because I have been able to be home and care for him... but at the same time, the only way I'll be able to move forward and start working again is when he is gone.
  7. Found this forum whilst trawling the web for advice. I'm hoping someone here can help me understand what's happening to me. Married for 2 yrs, to the funniest, most loving man I ever met. We have wide social life, lots of friend male and female. I have never been jealous in my entire life and always prided myself in being laid back and understanding in my relationships. My husband is a car mechanic and out of the blue his boss got him a workmate, that turned out to be a petite, dark haired, beautiful Italian woman, some 18 years younger than me. When I first found out, my head literally went numb. I stood for what seemed like an eternity in this place of total silence, everything moving slowly around me and I was sure I was about to faint. After the initial shock, I was very angry. Angry at my husbands boss, then angry at my husband for actually liking her, then angry at myself for not being as beautiful and capable as this woman. Then the chaos hit my perfect marriage. The jealousy that has risen inside of me, has turned me into a hateful person. I hate this woman. I don't even know her, I hate my husband every time he mentions her and I can't stand him touching or loving me when he is home because he has spent his entire day in her company. I actually trawled friends of friends facebook accounts until I found her just to check out her photographs. She is devastatingly beautiful with a personality to match, worst of all she finds my husband funny and she apparently hangs off his every word. My husband admitted he doesn't want to come home anymore, I badger him for information on what every last aspect of their day together. He says he loves me and she is a work colleague and that's it, but I just can't stand it. I basically want ME back. I know the problem lies within myself, but these feelings are so strong I can't control them. I have change so much over the last 6 months I don't think anyone hardly recognises me. I've lost interest in myself, my friends, my job. My every moment is eaten by the knowledge my husband spends 8 hours a day with this woman. Everyone around me says, she is lovely I don't understand why you just can't like her. Which makes me worse. I want her to be a crap mechanic and lose her job. Reality of it she is bloody marvellous at what she does. Can someone please help me understand what is going on here and help me get back on track before my marriage is beyond redemption.
  8. I posted a few weeks ago about a 23 year old male who was pursuing me, begging for sexy photos, even masterbating on FaceTime in front of me. I haven’t been dating for a while so just wanted to know if this was normal. So last night I went out to bar and met a nice lawyer. He had a table with bottle service and was fun but professional. At the end of the evening and today he has bombarded me with requests for sexy photos. SO OK, the 23 year old restaurant employee is young and virile, but the 2nd guy is at least 10 to 15 years older and is a professional. I do not get what is behind asking women for sexy photos??? Is this the new norm? Really? People have been able to take photos on phones for ages and I don’t recall being inundated with sexy photo requests. Can someone please explain? Seem the order is : Meet girl, get number, get sexy photo.....not sure what happens after that. Is it a test of sorts?
  9. I’ve been dating this guy for about 8/9 months. We’re 9 years apart and I don’t notice the age difference. We get along like a house on fire, always laughing together. He tells me regularly ‘I laugh so much with you’, I know his friends, his family know about me but we haven’t been able to meet due to Covid. He used to call his parents every Sunday but since we’ve been dating, it’s become less and less. To me this is also a sign of being in a relationship with someone. We normally see each other a few times a week, sometimes less or more depending on our schedule. He invites me to all the 'big' things in his life, for example, we were going to go to his medical ball together (he would've been seen with me in front of other girls if there is anything nefarious). When we drive or hangout in different areas together, he likes to look up the prices of houses. He's also said in front of me how cute kids are and that he can't wait to do that one day. Signs to me he's testing my reaction and seeing if I want that as well. A few months into dating, he asked to make sure that we’re not seeing other people. He isn’t into casual sex and I think exclusivity is important to him. A few months ago I was anxious about what we were - he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought this is something that he would’ve wanted to do. He’s traditional, wanting something serious such as marriage/family. We had a few talks about the direction of our relationship, he said there were a few things he was a bit concerned about, a few things we maybe didn’t have in common (he’s very risk-averse and overthinks everything). His concerns were things like ‘I like anime and you don’t’ ‘I like fiction books and you don’t’ He’s studying so after that conversation he said he would decide at the end of his exams, his exams have finished now. He went away recently with some of his University friends, he was unsure of whether to go (seemed like he wanted to be with me, haha) and wanted to see me before he left. I’ve felt good about everything between us post-exams as I had a feeling he was going to slowly contact me less and less and try and see me less - due to his uncertainty. One night on the phone, I told him that I wasn’t quite sure whether continuing to have sex with him was a wise idea as we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. He was confused that I said it was casual. I said ‘well, we aren’t in a relationship’ and he said ‘you are my girlfriend’ I’m certain he went onto say ’I thought we’ve known this since we started dating’ so I then asked him ‘well if I was to meet a new friend of yours that I haven’t met, would you introduce me as your girlfriend? And he said yes. Unfortunately, he has to repeat his exams so I may not be able to see him for a while, I do need to clarify that he actually meant this. I just wonder why he had this hesitancy a few times when we had the discussion a few months back though? There was even a point where I suggested we should end things because he wasn't so sure and he agreed. Maybe this is natural though and a reflection of his risk-averse attitude about things. There were just some uncertainties on his part. He said he could've been overthinking it. As a result, it sort of made me more anxious and I suggested we should end it. We were the other day asking to see me and said it’ll be good to have a proper chat about things as we’ve both been putting things off, as so he said. I got to his house, he said yes I have been his girlfriend all along and he doesn't know why I would think otherwise. He said that he feels it’s not going to work because of our age gap and he claims we're very different people. I personally do not see this as I feel like we share the same values, we're compatible in a lot of areas etc. He told me that he finds me beautiful, loves my sense of humour and that we get along and have fun together. I did mention that we handle conflict differently but our only arguments have been over text/call and since that's such a poor form of communication - it's hard to tell. He said he could continue seeing me but he has these concerns. I asked him if there was anyone else in the picture and he sort of laughed and said he barely has time for me, let alone another person. I felt it was a genuine, honest response. He started to cry (this is the most emotion I've seen from him), saying he won't be able to cook me any more dinners and our memories shared together. He then went back and forth and said he doesn't know if he's making the right decision, that he will never find someone like me, I am out of his league etc. He said maybe he's just one big idiot after all and he's made a stupid decision. I was calm in my response and he said "why don't you get angry? this is making it more difficult" in a somewhat cute way. He just kept saying that lately everything has been solidified in his brain that it's probably the most responsible decision. He asked me if I thought he was being unreasonable. Now I feel like since we've been arguing quite a bit the past few weeks and he's been stressed, possibly his decision is skewed. I hadn't seen him in 2 or 3 weeks due to exams and I asked whether maybe we just got cold feet because of us not seeing each other. I remember months ago he said he sometimes questions us in absence. We spent over 4 hours talking and it was like he didn't want me to leave nor did I. He then asked if we should go to dinner together. He finally walked me to my car and he couldn't stop crying. Something in me decided to message him the other morning after I left: Me - Morning 😊 I don’t know if messaging you is the best idea, but I hope you haven’t woken up too sad. If you ever want to catch up on neutral grounds, a coffee or lunch, don’t hesitate - I still consider you a friend. Even under these circumstances, it was nice to see you last night and I am saddened I won’t be able to have more of them with you. That’s all ❤️ Him - Morning! I was in two minds as to whether to message you with the same sentiment 😅 I feel very much the same. Like you say it’s always nice seeing you, and it’s hard for me to think we won’t be sharing more moments together. I really hope you’re feeling ok today ❤️ Enjoy the rest of your weekend 😊 Me - Aw, well if you’re keen to catch up in a week to come or a few months, let me know. I’m trying to not make this any harder for us but it is difficult. I didn’t react with anger because that’s genuinely not how I feel about us. I miss you, enjoy your morning eggs ❤️ Him - Will do ❤️ miss you too, at least you can have your eggs with olive oil today 😅 Me - These thoughts are best discussed in person but I’m not sure if that can happen and they’re weighing heavy on me. I do think we could work through the issues as I feel there are more positives than negatives. I am aware that the past few weeks have been pretty nasty for the both of us but I’ve been particularly harsh on you. If I don’t hear back from you, I will, of course, assume you do not feel the same way and will accept your decision. Him - I thought I did explain that although the last month or so has been really difficult, it hasn’t been the main reason why I reached the decision I did. Of course, I’m always really happy to talk to you about anything though, so if you still want to talk things through naturally I’m happy to do that 😊 He went onto say that he hates that he's upset me and that it's all really difficult for him but he *thinks* it's all for the best. I asked that if we decide to have a chat, when is he free as he is starting a new job (again, could be a reason for the breakup) next week. He told me and then I've left the conversation at that. I got in contact again and then I said I would like to see him again, he said let’s catch up next week. I’ve left the conversation there and will see if he follows up next week. I know I should have probably never contacted him again but I just had this gut feeling to do so. I guess I only know him and I've been the one in the relationship with him. What are your thoughts? **TL;DR** 8 months into dating, he finally broke the news to me that we should end what we have based on our age gap and some differences. I have a feeling it could also be because he’s starting his new job as a doctor (admittedly stressful)
  10. So bit of a background: Back in April my ex broke up with me using the excuse that Covid was bad in our area and that he promised his ex-wife that he wouldn’t see anyone or else he wouldn’t be able to see his kids. This was out of left field for me, I thought we were doing well and he seemed happy with me. We had been dating 7 months and were serious (his words), he knew I wanted children and said he would be on board with that because he loved me and wanted to make me happy (he’s in his late 40’s and looking back on it I don’t think he really wanted anymore kids). Anyway after he broke up with me I never contacted him again, about a month and a half after the breakup he started randomly liking pictures I would post on social media, then in the beginning of July he texted me with an apology and saying how amazing and beautiful I am, I never responded. A few months later he texted asking how I and my family were doing, I replied saying we were good and hoped his family was ok too. A week after that he texted me out of the blue saying he was sorry again and asking to see me for dinner the next evening, I responded telling him to call me (since I would feel weird seeing him after all those months without so much as a phone call), he never called and that was that. A few weeks after that he started “liking” every single picture I would post on social media. Then a few weeks ago he texted me again asking how I’m doing, I responded the next day saying I was good, he texted me back later that day and we ended up going back and forth a bit, he carried the whole conversation asking me about work and my family. He said he was good but that it has been an awful year (which I think no one can argue with), said a few things about his kids then he ended the conversation because he had his kids and had to put them to bed, and he said he missed talking to me, I didn’t respond to that and haven’t heard from him since. Now, I am almost certain he’s been seeing someone since probably around Mid-June, I believe she is around his age and already has a child so I’m pretty sure she’s past the point of having more children (I am 10 years younger than him). So my question is why is he still contacting me and liking my stuff on social media (he’s not the type who likes everything in his newsfeed)?
  11. I’ve been dating this guy for about 8/9 months. We’re 9 years apart and I don’t notice the age difference. We get along like a house on fire, always laughing together. He tells me regularly ‘I laugh so much with you’, I know his friends, his family know about me but we haven’t been able to meet due to Covid. He used to call his parents every Sunday but since we’ve been dating, it’s become less and less. To me this is also a sign of being in a relationship with someone. We normally see each other a few times a week, sometimes less or more depending on our schedule. He invites me to all the 'big' things in his life, for example, we were going to go to his medical ball together (he would've been seen with me in front of other girls if there is anything nefarious). When we drive or hangout in different areas together, he likes to look up the prices of houses. He's also said in front of me how cute kids are and that he can't wait to do that one day. Signs to me he's testing my reaction and seeing if I want that as well. A few months into dating, he asked to make sure that we’re not seeing other people. He isn’t into casual sex and I think exclusivity is important to him. A few months ago I was anxious about what we were - he hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought this is something that he would’ve wanted to do. He’s traditional, wanting something serious such as marriage/family. We had a few talks about the direction of our relationship, he said there were a few things he was a bit concerned about, a few things we maybe didn’t have in common (he’s very risk-averse and overthinks everything). His concerns were things like ‘I like anime and you don’t’ ‘I like fiction books and you don’t’ He’s studying so after that conversation he said he would decide at the end of his exams, his exams have finished now. He went away recently with some of his University friends, he was unsure of whether to go (seemed like he wanted to be with me, haha) and wanted to see me before he left. I’ve felt good about everything between us post-exams as I had a feeling he was going to slowly contact me less and less and try and see me less - due to his uncertainty. One night on the phone, I told him that I wasn’t quite sure whether continuing to have sex with him was a wise idea as we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend. He was confused that I said it was casual. I said ‘well, we aren’t in a relationship’ and he said ‘you are my girlfriend’ I’m certain he went onto say ’I thought we’ve known this since we started dating’ so I then asked him ‘well if I was to meet a new friend of yours that I haven’t met, would you introduce me as your girlfriend? And he said yes. Unfortunately, he has to repeat his exams so I may not be able to see him for a while, I do need to clarify that he actually meant this. I just wonder why he had this hesitancy a few times when we had the discussion a few months back though? There was even a point where I suggested we should end things because he wasn't so sure and he agreed. Maybe this is natural though and a reflection of his risk-averse attitude about things. There were just some uncertainties on his part. He said he could've been overthinking it. As a result, it sort of made me more anxious and I suggested we should end it. We were the other day asking to see me and said it’ll be good to have a proper chat about things as we’ve both been putting things off, as so he said. I got to his house, he said yes I have been his girlfriend all along and he doesn't know why I would think otherwise. He said that he feels its the best decision for us to end things due to our age gap and our differences, he claims we're very different people. I personally do not see this as I feel like we share the same values, we're compatible in a lot of areas etc. He told me that he finds me beautiful, loves my sense of humour and that we get along and have fun together. I did mention that we handle conflict differently but our only arguments have been over text/call and since that's such a poor form of communication - it's hard to tell. He started to cry (this is the most emotion I've seen from him), saying he won't be able to cook me any more dinners and our memories shared together. He then went back and forth and said he doesn't know if he's making the right decision, that he will never find someone like me, I am out of his league etc. He said maybe he's just one big idiot after all and he's made a stupid decision. I was calm in my response and he said "why don't you get angry? this is making it more difficult" in a somewhat cute way. He just kept saying that lately everything has been solidified in his brain that it's the most responsible decision. Now I feel like since we've been arguing quite a bit the past few weeks and he's been stressed, possibly his decision is skewed. I hadn't seen him in 2 or 3 weeks due to exams and I asked whether maybe we just got cold feet because of us not seeing each other. I remember months ago he said he sometimes questions us in absence. We spent over 4 hours talking and it was like he didn't want me to leave nor did I. He then asked if we should go to dinner together. He finally walked me to my car and he couldn't stop crying. Something in me decided to message him this morning: Me - Morning 😊 I don’t know if messaging you is the best idea, but I hope you haven’t woken up too sad. If you ever want to catch up on neutral grounds, a coffee or lunch, don’t hesitate - I still consider you a friend. Even under these circumstances, it was nice to see you last night and I am saddened I won’t be able to have more of them with you. That’s all ❤️ Him - Morning! I was in two minds as to whether to message you with the same sentiment 😅 I feel very much the same. Like you say it’s always nice seeing you, and it’s hard for me to think we won’t be sharing more moments together. I really hope you’re feeling ok today ❤️ Enjoy the rest of your weekend 😊 Me - Aw, well if you’re keen to catch up in a week to come or a few months, let me know. I’m trying to not make this any harder for us but it is difficult. I didn’t react with anger because that’s genuinely not how I feel about us. I miss you, enjoy your morning eggs ❤️ Him - Will do ❤️ miss you too, at least you can have your eggs with olive oil today 😅 Do you think it feels like he still possibly wants to be together? **TL;DR** 8 months into dating, he finally broke the news to me that we should end what we have based on our age gap and some differences.
  12. Hi ... I’ve never done this and I recently came across this forum — I feel lately like I’ve lost myself in my relationship, in a way. Social media and my partners bad decisions have impacted me so negatively that my good views on myself have almost completely diminished. We’re trying to make it work, talking about couples therapy, taking a break from one another soon for up to a week - no contact.. it’s a start I guess We’ve only been together for just over a year. He’s 28(m) & I’m 20(f) so there’s a bit of an age gap. We decided to move in together after having known each other for only 3 months in total and dating for 2. We’ve come this far. But lately I feel I’m not enough, like I don’t meet his desires, or he wouldn’t seek other things out of “curiosity”. Why does my boyfriend get “curious” and want to see other people naked? So much so that he tried to get to their onlyfans links - and lied about it.. he didn’t get any further than the login screen because he claims he doesn’t have an account, and that he’d never pay for that. So I can’t help but think that for sure if that subscription was free - he would proceed. I’ve been crying to him for months about how low he’s made me feel and how insecure he’s made me with his actions. Not only attempting to get to someone’s onlyfans, but publicly liking provocative & explicit photos on the internet for others to see. It makes me look stupid. And it’s hurtful and disrespectful to me because I would never.. I’ve brought it up over and over how I’m not okay with him liking those things because what reason is there for him to give other people validation? When he doesn’t even give it to me enough. It’s one thing to look, and to keep scrolling, but to look and take the extra step to like these photos, letting these people know he’s looking at them - it’s disrespect... he says he didn’t see anything wrong with liking things like those on the internet.. but I had told him over and over that I’m not okay with it and it makes me feel gross. Does he just not care? Is he too invested in the idea of putting his parts into people? Immature maybe? Idk .. I wish I understood. Why is he so curious about what other women look like naked.... when I’m right here.. am I not fulfilling enough? Because that’s what it feels like. I feel like I’m not enough. I’ve expressed this, but nothing I seem to express about my feelings seem to get through to him. I want so badly to build a future with him as he says he does with me, but then why does he do this instead of respecting my boundaries?
  13. First I need to say I’ve been with someone for 10 years. I’ve been happy, but after a few years began to become unhappy and just felt like I’ve been deteriorating. When we were first together I wanted to better our life. She has never worked in her life. She doesn’t really do a whole lot in general for me nor herself. She will make my coffee and lay out some clothes, but never cleans, comes to hug or kiss me. She has never done this, maybe in earlier dating years. I am always the one who initiates any kind of intimacy or love. She gets disability and has said she can’t really do much and is on a few different medications (which I really don’t think is necessary) I used to do drugs but gave up when I met her because it inspired and motivated me to do so and to better mine and her life. She never takes showers. Never is up in daylight to do normal every day things. She suddenly gained an immense fear of driving and doesn’t like to even go anywhere alone. I basically feel like I’m taking care of a disabled child. What makes matters worse is both of her parents died a year apart from each other. I have tried to be supportive, but I can’t even get her to go pick a headstone for them and it’s been a year and then she blames me for not taking her? She wakes up at night and randomly will be in different moods. I bought us a house, we have two vehicles. I have given everything I can give physically and emotionally. She is two years older than me which isn’t much of an age difference. But... there is someone at work I have started to work with and she’s really nice to me and kind of seems like she might like me, but I don’t know for sure. She’s a pretty successful and independent person but she is 10 years younger than I am. I just feel bad for having this kind of “crush” if you will. Am I wrong for liking this other person? I don’t really know them, but the conversations I have when I am with them are fun, but I feel bad for feeling this way about another person. I am not sure what direction I should take. I feel like, I don’t even know.
  14. **NO JUDGEMENT PLEASE** I feel like I’m in a pickle. In June of 2019 I began a relationship with Geo. I met him at a part time job I was working at. He is a trucker. The chemistry was immediate. He told me he was separated and about to divorce. He told me not too long after we were dating that his wife and himself still lived together. He continued to say that he planned to divorce her. It is now a year and a half later and he is still married. If I bring up the situation he denies that he ever planned to divorce her. He has blocked my number before and earlier this year he ghosted me for two months. He says he does this because he feels guilty about his family. His wife has done much for his parents in helping take care of them. He is much older than myself. I’m 31, he’s 50. I always ask him what his plans are for me for my future. He just says that “You are my future.” And it’s a future of “love” that he regrets blocking me and ghosting me but he kept trying to deny his feelings for me. But he can’t anymore. So during his time ghosting me there was a gentleman that I knew from a previous job. He ran into me in public one day and asked for my number, I gave it to him. He said he always liked me and wanted to be with me. It’s so different. He’s so certain about me. Wants to take me to San Fran to meet his family. Talks about out future things. Asks if I were to marry him where I would want to go on a honeymoon. He seems very future oriented and has his mind set on me. He is not married. Nothing binding him from me. And I guess I am at a crossroads. As much as I have chemistry with Geo and I do believe he loves me, I don’t know if I’m okay with living in the shadows. And Jack is so much more certain about me, can offer me stability and his undivided time and love. When I told Geo about Jack he got jealous and drove here just to see me. He said he felt his heart was taken out of his chest. Who do I turn to?
  15. I have been with my fiancé for over 1.5 years, however I have known him for 10 years, because I am best friends with his sister so I’ve always been close to his family. I am F (27) and he is M (26) we just had a baby in June he is now 4 months old and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship and I have another from a previous as well. A few months back I found out that he had cheated on me With a Much older coworker F (42) while I was pregnant. I admit that I kinda understand why he cheated, I wasn’t having sex with him, I was being cold towards him, I was very depressed while I was pregnant. This obviously isn’t a valid reason to cheat, there never is but He admitted his mistakes And his regret and he has since been trying to make things right and we are trying to rebuild the trust. He has been being honest with me, Doing what he needs to in order for us to rebuild the trust. He deeply regrets what he has done and has said how disgusted he is with himself because this woman is well, disgusting. She’s much older than him, is addicted to pills, not attractive. He told me that he used her for money because she kept giving him money, which I found to be true she had given him around $5,000 in the four months they were involved. I don’t know how to feel about this, she still tries to reach out to him through third parties because he blocked her on everything and changed his number and wants nothing to do with her anymore, but she still tries to contact him. He is not in contact with her, but the fact she still tries makes me so angry and I have so much anger and resentment towards him for what he did to me even though I’m madly in love with him. It has caused me to be so hateful and degrading towards him, and I know the things I say hurt him but I don’t understand how to move on from this and truly forgive him. I have so much anger and resentment towards him and I know he already feels horrible about what he did, he cried about it almost every day how much he regrets it. I’m just wondering how to truly better our situation.
  16. Before I start, please can people not comment saying "you need therapy" or "you need to look at yourself". I am receiving extensive therapy and treatment for why I let these people in and I know why I do it, because my father is a narcissist and therefore I seek out emotionally unstable partners. I am working on things. And i am trying, I wanted to share my story so others can recognise the signs and maybe feel like if they wanted to share theirs it might help them. This relationship went on for almost 2 years. Hi, I don’t know who is reading this but I needed to write this out because I felt like my brain was going to explode if I didn’t get my story out somewhere. There is no where sufficient online to post about my experience and what I have been going through in the last few weeks so I’m just going to type this up on Microsoft word. The narcissist’s name is Mr. X (I don’t even want to type his name out because it gives me flashbacks). I’ll go from the start. So, I’m 26 years old and 2 years ago…. I got out of an emotionally (not physically) abusive almost 2-year relationship with a man who was almost 10 years older than me. Long story short….it ended by him leaving me in hospital, unsupported, while I was having numerous biopsies to find out if the tumours I had found in my bones were cancerous or not (I was a medical student then). I had to wait 3 weeks for the results and I was not supported nor shown any sympathy during this period of time by my PREVIOUS partner, and actually told by that individual I was most likely making this up “for attention”. He refused to come to hospital for any of the urgent scans, or results appointments etc etc. Anyway, that was finally the realisation that I needed to end the relationship with the former narcissist. I found out after that he was actually cheating on me with another girl as well to make everything worse. After begging for his sympathy and love and to even come and see me for WEEKS…I gave up and I told him to never speak to me again. I felt empty and broken for around 3 weeks. I remember lying on my bed crying for hours on end, even ringing my mum to come to University (which was a 2-hour drive) to come and comfort me because I was in so much emotional pain and worried for my health and felt so alone...none of my friends could comfort me sufficiently at all. Thankfully, these tumours turned out to be benign thank goodness and get monitored now every year by a specialist. However, I remember going to university (studying full time medicine) and literally being on auto-pilot, sitting in lectures not even listening to the lecture but staring into space wondering what I did wrong, blaming myself (maybe I was too needy, clingy, expecting too much from a partner....the list goes on). I sought out help from university welfare but it didn't help much so I paid for a private councillor which helped me a lot. I had to post on here to cope with the break up so you can look back at previous posts i've made. After 3 weeks and the news that my tumours were benign, I decided to muster up the courage to go on an online dating app “Tinder” as I felt so empty on the inside after this experience. I think a huge part of it had to do with the fact i'd been an athlete previously and I felt since being diagnosed with these tumours that my body was broken or damaged and I had subconsciously taken a huge hit to my confidence and self esteem as I am facing a huge operation in the future potentially. Anyway, the second or third night I went on there out of boredom and loneliness, I saw a handsome, blonde 23-year-old named Mr X. He was the only one that stood out to me on there out of a range of men, and I reached out to say “Hey, would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night?” (I had a new found confidence since I was told by the doctor that I may have had cancer at one point so thought, it, why not?!). He agreed, and he picked me up the next night and we went for dinner at a steak house. I was nervous when I got in the car and from the side view I was a bit sceptical of his looks but I thought id give it a chance. As soon as I laid eyes on him in the restaurant (we went for drinks first in the bar area), I felt an instant connection. I was fascinated by his every word and I didn’t feel awkward at all. He paid for all of my drinks and then we proceeded to have dinner. There were no awkward silences and I felt like I found my perfect man. We stayed at the restaurant until around 11pm when it shut and we got asked to leave and were the last couple in there as we were speaking for so long we didn’t even realise the time and he payed for everything (it was a very expensive meal) He asked me if I wanted to go on another date the next night (Saturday) which I thought was a bit odd and intense however, I agreed to it as I really enjoyed his company. At this point, I didn’t even really consider the conversation that we had had that night until after the relationship has ended. On our first date, this individual informed me that he had tried to take his own life a few months prior, and that he was admitted to a psychiatric unit. He informed me that he said to the psychiatrist that he felt fine and was discharged from the unit and psychiatric care but placed on an antidepressant. He informed me was doing well at present and this was all behind him. Looking back, bit intense for a first date and probably a red flag. But, I ignored it….why? I have no idea. The second date was slightly awkward. We went for drinks, and this individual spoke about his father all night and how he abused his mother and his sisters when he was a child, and how he has no contact with is father and ‘wishes he was dead’. I remember he didn’t really speak that much this night and I felt slightly awkward in his presence but continued to make conversation and was taken away by how handsome he was. We then went back to his house where we had a conversation about how much we had in common for around 2-3 hours and watched some t.v. and had more drinks. We then had sex, and I remember he struggled to get an erection and said it was due to his medication (antidepressants). The next morning, I got dressed and said right I will see you when I see you then and he disagreed firmly with me and said no we’re going for breakfast. We then went for the most awkward breakfast in the history of breakfasts and he informed me that he had deleted Tinder and that he really liked me so I was quite taken aback by this after how quiet he was that morning. I said that’s a bit weird deleting tinder you’ve known me 2 days, do you not want to see other people? He said no he didn’t and he wanted to try things with me and when he does do things he does them “seriously” and not half arsed. I reluctantly agreed to this (have no idea why again….) and said I’ll see him in the week after our breakfast was finished. We saw each other most nights of the week for the next few weeks. I remember him texting me a few times telling me he was “in a mood” and didn’t want to see me that night, but never specified the reason. However, I was busy with uni so I didn’t pay too much attention to it. He then told me he loved me after around 3-4 weeks of knowing me over the phone one night flippantly at the end of a conversation as if I wasn’t to notice it. I said I loved him too. He then gave me a key after 6 weeks of knowing me and said I was welcome there whenever I wanted. He then asked me to move in after around 2-3 months of knowing me and suggested that I was to give up my flat with my friends at University because it was ‘pointless’ spending £450 a month on a flat, when I was at his most of the week anyway (he lived around 1 hour from university). He also was 100% convinced that I was having a sexual relationship with one of my housemates and informed me he didn’t feel comfortable with me living there and would feel more comfortable if I lived with him. I agreed to this again (no idea why), I was just so infatuated by him. He spoke to me about marriage, kids, how he had finally met the perfect person and that he had never met anyone like me and that we had this soul mate connection and how we were going to “grow old” together and "sit together in rocking chairs". We went to festivals together, music events, the zoo, dinners, to see his family, to see my family, you name it, we did it and he paid for it all. He then bought me a “promise” ring around 6 months as he said he wanted to propose to me but it was too early….the ring had our names engraved into the outside of it and “I love you” engraved on the inside. This ring was almost £500 which pushed him into his overdraft financially. I was lavished with gifts, expensive flowers and cards all of the time, poems, cards with poems in, cards telling me how I am the love of his life and that he will love me forever until the day that he dies. It was amazing, compared to my last relationship. I have never been so in love with someone in my life. He even said he was planning on asking my dad if he could have permission to marry me after 10 months in, I was ecstatic that I had finally found the love of my life. Then…. the devaluation started. Looking back, it’s quite hard to pinpoint exactly when this happened as I believe it crossed over with the love bombing stage of the relationship. I noticed that when I moved in, although I knew he could be moody through text, I'd never seen it properly before. I saw the intensity of the mood swings. Some nights he would come in from work and be over the moon to see me, and other nights he would come in and not even really want to even speak to me nor have a conversation with me, never mind look at me. Whenever I asked what was wrong he said he didn’t want to speak about it and I “need to be comfortable with the silence”. These moods got worse and worse, and more unpredictable. The gifts stopped, the dinners stopped, he started volunteering to work away more and then not really speaking to me when he was away or acting cold and aloof when he did ring me. We would try and do activities together such as rock climbing but he would go the whole session without really speaking to me, and drive like an absolute maniac on the way there for absolutely no reason. If I called him out on his mood or asked to go home because I felt uncomfortable, he would go absolutely ballistic and tell me I was being too sensitive and needed to “leave him alone” and “people are allowed to be moody sometimes” and that I have issues that I should see a therapist about. He also would tell me that there is nothing wrong and I am imagining things and making up that there is something wrong (This is someone who would come in the house and not even look at me or speak to me and give me blunt 1 word answers when I would greet him with dinner). A couple of weeks after this he then ordered a gaming computer on finance (around £2000), and moved it into the separate room where he said he would go to “de-stress” from our relationship and me. He would sit in there for hours, all night, not reply to my texts or answer the phone to me sometimes because he was gaming and then if I ever asked him to do something even like take the bins out he would sulk at me and say “what?!?!?!” whenever I opened the door when he was gaming. I ended up doing all of the laundry, cooking, cleaning etc almost every weekend while he either slept until mid-day or was on his gaming computer. Bearing in mind this is the individual who used to get up early before work and cook me breakfast and make me cups of tea when we first met. This is absolutely unheard of at this stage of the relationship now. I’d be lucky to even get a ‘good morning’ before he walked out of the door to work in the morning. He was so withdrawn and moody, and every time I tried to understand what the issue was, he would get even more withdrawn and moody, proceeding not to speak to me for several days at a time sometimes. The arguments got worse, and then my panic attacks started, he told me I had psychological issues and I needed to see a professional because he couldn’t help me anymore. Every time I suggested to go to my parents house for a period of seperation he would point blank refuse that I leave and that "being separate wouldn't solve any of our issues". If I cried he would aggressively shout “WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!?!?!! JUST STOP AND THINK ABOUT THINGS LOGICALLY”. I remember trying to leave a couple of times and he informed me that he ‘doesn’t know what he’d do if I left’ and that he did not want me to go. So I stayed because I was convinced that he didn’t want the relationship to end and we’d try to fix things, and we always did. And every time we did, it was amazing for several days or a week at a time. And then the moods would start again. He would tell me I couldn’t’ see my friends because “who needs male friends”, he would tell me off for wearing make up and say I don’t need it, he would accuse me of sleeping with people at the hospital and then when I got upset he would say he was joking. This then all proceeded into a downward spiral of me trying to leave the relationship several times but being spoke into staying and convinced it was because of “lockdown” and “people aren’t supposed to spend this much time together, when lockdown is over it’ll go back to normal don’t worry”. So I waited, and waited and re-evaluated and re-evaluated hoping it would go back to the start. Some red flags I noticed were that he’d always kick up a fuss and start an argument before something big in my life such as an interview, or an exam, or an important event at uni the next day. So when he decided that 3 days before my final final medical exam that he was going to leave and move out, WITH NO WARNING AT ALL, looking back, this didn’t really surprise me. He told me he was no longer happy in the relationship anymore and ‘things can’t continue like this’ and that he was ‘moving out’ and we can ‘go to counsellor to make the relationship work and stay together. He then proceeded to vanish off the face of the earth for 11 days and refused to speak to me (I didn't beg him to come back AT ALL, i simply said where are you and are you ok). I then found out he had rented ANOTHER PROPERTY in a different city and he said we need to live apart for a certain period of time....while he 'clears his head and decides what he wants'. I reluctantly agreed to this, despite the absolute emotional turmoil I was in. I noticed though in the 3 weeks prior to him leaving he didn’t want to do ANYTHING, he wouldn’t even kiss me when he came in from work, he wouldn’t hug me, or even have sex with me. He’d say he was ‘too tired’. His moodiness and irritableness got worse, however, I still loved him and didn’t really think much of it so I just continued to study for my exams and thought we would sort things out after my exams were finished as I was stressed. He didn’t want to go to a neutral councillor. He wanted to go to HIS councillor who he had been seeing for over a year. I reluctantly agreed to this even though I knew this was wrong and it was all on his terms.....I did this as I was panicking and wanted to make the relationship work. I just wanted him back, I was in withdrawal. He would call me some days, text me telling me he loved me and wanted things to go back to normall.....and then other days he'd say he hated me.....and doesn't want to be with me...and that he needs MORE TIME and MORE INFORMATION. I couldn't understand what he was saying and he wouldn't even give me a reason why he left he just VANISHED. I let his hot and cold behaviour drag on for around 4 weeks with him randomly showing back up to the house with stuff and then taking stuff again and moving intermittent things into storage. I finally decided after 4 weeks to end it as he said he couldn’t make up his mind on whether he wanted to be with me or not anymore and said he needed a few more months of being ‘friends’ before he could figure out if he wanted to live together again. My mental health was plummeting and I needed to make a decision, FAST. He accepted the break up but said he wanted to remain friends. He tried to text me several times after but I blocked him from every social media website and call and text/app from my phone as every time he messaged me a neutral message (I believe this is called a hoover?!) I would go back to square 1 emotionally and ruin all the progress I made. I also was always hoping he would reach out and say he made a mistake…..or apologise for what he did before my exam…..but guess what THIS NEVER HAPPENED. BLOCK THIS PERSON FROM YOUR LIFE. DO NOT REMAIN FRIENDS WITH THEM. THEY WILL USE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT. YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS. THERE IS A CLEAR LOVE-BOMB, DEVALUE AND BRUTAL DISCARD IN MY CASE. And I just replaced one narcissist with another…. clearly…..4 years of emotional abuse back to back. My own fault, I’m not blaming anyone. I enabled this behaviour. And now I need to heal and be on my own and reflect on why this happened and how I can ensure it doesn't happen again. Symptoms I experienced during withdrawal from this individual: o Night sweats (worst) o Nightmares about the individual o Dreams about the individual (us being back together or him leaving) o Raised heart rate o Depression o Loss of interest in activities I used to enjoy o Mini panic attacks o Tremor in mornings o Loss of apatite (lost about 8kg) o Waking up early in the morning and inability to go back to sleep (3-5am) o Anxiety o Tearfulness o Social withdrawal from friends o Nausea o Vomiting (when the actual discard took place and he vanished off the face of the earth before my exam) Symptoms have been present for over 2 weeks but easing slowly. One common thing I note is that these 2 individuals showed the same traits of moodiness and also discarded me at huge points in my life (hospital biopsies, and also final medical exam). Has anyone else experienced anything similar? I'd love to hear your story! X
  17. I met my boyfriend three years ago as a friend online. We talked about travel and decided to meet and had a great time! I went home thinking that I wish I could meet someone like that- since we were many years apart. I was 48, and he said he was 28. I have friends of many ages, backgrounds, etc. So comfortable with that. We went out again, and it was apparent he was attracted to me. I liked him a lot, and he seemed quite serious. He wanted to date and have a romantic relationship. I resisted the idea. He basically convinced me that we should try. I thought about it and considered if I took age out of the equation what else would stop me from dating this person? Nothing. Why not? It’s so hard to meet someone. He seemed sincere, we got along so well, so we started dating. At first, I held back, believing after a few months it would likely end. Instead, he said he loved me. I started to believe the relationship could work and tried to keep in mind that relationships fail for different reasons, and it’s not like I had a “destination” as I do not want to get married and have children. He did not either, which would be my main concern. It was a relief. What I find is that other people seem to want this for you, asking if you’ll move in, etc. Things went well. So I introduced him to some of my friends, and they all liked him. My friends are supportive and open-minded. I mean, the age difference “disapproval” especially when you are the older woman is a pressure created by society. I am independent and resilient and positive. If I want to be with him, then I can handle it. What some stranger thinks isn’t their business anyway. It’s something you cannot control. Live and let live. When we were together, it honestly didn’t seem to be an issue. We could be seen in public. I am an attractive person with everything going for me. (I am often taken for much younger, but for sure the age difference was obvious) Our relationship was really good, honest and enjoyable, lots of laughs and learning from each other. He was stable and seemed mature. We were safe in our cocoon. He was originally from another country but (came here at 20) now a citizen. At the citizenship ceremony last fall I discovered he lied about his age. He was 25 when we met. I didn’t understand that either. So really we are 23 years apart. In his home country, the age difference would not be accepted. His parents lived there, so I didn’t think it should be a big deal. It’s not like they lived around the corner. He had a couple of friends though, (same culture) who when we first started dating, he mentioned I was older, (and I believe he lied to them and said 7 years) and they were very judgemental. Almost outraged from the sounds of it. So he didn’t want to talk about it. He said that if they said something bad about me, then he would have to stop speaking to them. This bothered me. And I thought, well, they don’t really sound like friends. But I accepted that. That was a red flag, and I was making excuses. That was dumb. I thought any new friends should not be a problem. He was taking a college course and just finished. He was actually working on edits to his final project, and I stayed over. The next day he was going on a road trip with school friends. I took him to the bank and bakery, and we went back to his place for coffee. Then he said that I didn’t have to wait around. His friends were coming to pick him up. I said I wasn’t in a rush, but then noticed he seemed fidgety, and he said something else. Suddenly it dawned on me that he didn’t want me to be there when they came, didn’t want them to see me. So I said “You’re asking me to leave?” Was he actually ashamed to be seen with me? And I called him on it. Why was he worried about what they would think? Some people he has known casually for less than a year? I couldn’t understand. More worried about them than how humiliated I now felt? So disrespectful. After three years, his true character was like a rude slap in the face, and there was nothing I could do about it. I don’t stay if I’m not welcome. Goodbye. He went away for his weekend and called me when he got back, (Monday night) and we discussed it some. He knew what he did was wrong/felt badly. The thing is, he was still exhausted from the all-nighters from his final week and was also about to leave in a day to his home country for a month. Bad timing for a heavy discussion. Tuesday he was supposed to come for a nice dinner, but apparently got busy (preparations for trip, his friend may come by) and then said he would come later. I mean, I was expecting him for dinner, and get home and see a message at 5:30 (when I had just left work) He should’ve told me earlier. That warrants a phone call. That wasn’t nice either. So I called him. I could come now he said - but I said no, just stay home, get some rest. Wednesday we spent some time before I took him to the airport, but didn’t talk about what had happened. I asked, and he said we will, but didn’t. I was just going to drop him off. Then he said: aren’t you going to park? Huh? Ok....So we went in, checked in, and he had a bit of time before going to chat, and inside I was just burning. It’s not like I want to break up before he goes on holiday. But I want clarification. I calmly said that I don’t know why you would want to continue this relationship. You have a problem with how other people see it, and I don’t think that will change. He said all the right things: I love you, I am so happy with you, I want this to work. What I did was wrong. I can make it up to you, sorry, we can talk more when I get back...and off he went. His words were white noise. I was deeply affected by his disrespectful behaviour. You can’t enjoy being with me as long as we’re alone. And dismiss me because of what you presume others might say. You can’t treat people like that. It’s wrong. You should assess people by their actions. Some things are just black and white. He crossed an important line, and I don’t see how it can be undone. His own insecurities are what he should be ashamed of. At that point it would’ve taken a lot to win me back. But I like to believe people can learn. Anyway, about a week after arriving, there were several days with no messages. At first, I thought that’s fine, since in my heart I am thinking it’s over, and really awkward now that he’s away. I can use this distance to process the breakup. We will sort it out when he returns. Then I thought well, what if something happened? I would never know since I am a dirty secret. I mean, I know you get busy, but in this day and age...we communicate every day. I know he’s with family and don’t expect him to feel obligated to “report in” but didn’t know what was going on. It was worrisome. I also do not chase people. I try not to make assumptions. Maybe he didn’t have internet who knows? That’s what actually happened to me; that weekend my router went down, so I couldn’t send anything. But he hadn’t for 4 days. I am not a needy or demanding person, but based on our routine, I don’t think he behaved considerately. It sadly demonstrated he wasn’t thinking about me. It is usually better to wait. It’s not like I stopped caring about him. Finally, he sent something benign. I responded very directly to his message and expressed my concerns, disappointment, and confusion about the sudden lack of communication. Then the next few days ok. Now the next bit: he had an interview via Skype and he has been offered a job. A great job. In another city. The city is 5 hours away. The job starts five days after he gets back. So really, it’s synchronicity- a blessing from the universe. Maybe his lack of messages was disengagement since he knew he was moving? Perhaps he already knew?The tough part will be the next two weeks he’s is away, since I know it’s over and yet not official. I don’t know what he’s thinking. What do you say? Short daily messages/photos on IG, just surface stuff, the weather, ugh. I don’t know what to do... The move away would have been tough, but having this incident before is what really troubles me. I want to be respectful, and I do wish the best for him. I just think he needs to take a look in the mirror and especially not date anyone older again since I wouldn’t want anyone to ever feel like I did and be treated like that. Or whatever reason he feels embarrassed by. Or needs to keep secret from others. It shows that he lacks maturity, but age is no excuse. He is an adult and I thought someone with sensitivity for others. Instead he behaved in an insensitive manner to the person he is supposed to love. So the age gap itself is not the problem. It’s not about me. Whether it’s age, race, religion, hair colour...Acting on a presumed prejudice is hypocritical. His perception is the issue. What I have learned is that he was willing to allow his fear of judgment from others to ruin a good thing. His presumption of other people being intolerant allowed him to mistreat me. Not standing up to potential bullies. That’s not acceptable. Hopefully, he will learn from this experience. Or karma will come for him. I don’t know what he wants or is feeling either at this point. In his message about the dream job, he said: “I know this is upsetting for us, and I want you to know that I care about you a lot and I love you. It’s just I really need to take a step in my career and this would look great, ...” This is a perfect opportunity him and the next phase. It is a 3 month contract with a year to be added, (and I doubt he will screw up). The move will be permanent. His move ends things naturally, but I don’t think I could or should accept how he behaved in any case. Assuming he wanted the relationship to continue. I want to be inclusive in my partner’s life. I don’t think it’s healthy to keep different parts of your life separate; especially if I’m supposed to be so important to you. You should accept people as they are. He has demonstrated he won’t. Not me, specifically, but others perceptions, and he has to grow out of that fear of judgement. It makes no sense to me. And people would definitely think worse of how he treated me than our age difference/relationship or whatever he’s worried about. That’s the irony. He is at a different stage in his life, too, so I would not date someone this much younger again. Too much risk of changes. Usually, romantically, I would go ten years either way. I think it’s got a higher chance for success regardless of gender or orientation. I feel foolish for allowing myself to feel comfortable and trusting him, and discouraged how it happened. I feel crushed. I should have seen this. Rather, I did see it (no parents, no friends) and ignored it. Third time was the charm. But it taught me a lesson: Stop making excuses for others behaviour. This is a repeat for me. Even if the next person I date is “age-appropriate” that’s no guarantee of any “happily ever after”. It works until it doesn’t. Things can happen. Feelings can change, people can move. Right now I am very sad. It’s just so very difficult to be disappointed. Heartbroken. We had a lovely time until now. I love him, and have to let him go. I know I will manage and move forward. It’s just until he gets back it will be hard since it’s not resolved. I feel sick. Having a conversation about it will probably help. All the things we wanted to do together, travel, will not happen. I wasn’t ready for this. I had invested. Now I have to let go. Ultimately, he is not ready for the type of relationship I deserve. I don’t know what I want...no contact, usually that’s what I would do. Overthinking now... Is it possible to grow from this and (eventually) be just friends (at a literal distance). See how the scar heals? If he wants to stay in touch that is. We still care about each other. He will be busy working, moving to his next stage in life anyway; maybe out of sight out of mind. I am thinking no contact. If he wanted to let me know how he’s doing at the 3 month point that might be ok. If he reached out. Not me. No expectations. Should we discuss that/I be open to that? Or just leave the campsite in better condition than I found it and call it a day? Close the door. Often it’s better that way. I want to move on too. I’m just saying whether to respond, to touch base if he did. I would feel guilty to ignore. But it may not matter. He may not. I don’t know anything at this point. And I am anticipating future feelings. Too many what ifs. Too much to process right now. We need to talk. I have been reminded by friends not to base decisions on someone else, to stop helping, but to put my needs first, what would be best for me. I don’t want to feel bitter or hurt; I know I must forgive him and time will heal. I just need to resolve what happened, try to understand why his love was conditional. Then to be grateful that it was enjoyable for the time we had. Isn’t that all we can ask? You just try your best and enjoy happiness where you can. The relationship would have ended with his move in any case. I was doing my best to just live in the present and see how it went. And it was going great. It’s too bad this happened but it feels like the universe definitely has another path for us. I have to realize I have more experience and am stronger, more courageous, willing to risk/ignore judgement, and definitely would never ever do what he did. Doubt is toxic. Compassion and respect is everything. Real love stands up. Proudly.
  18. I've been living with a guy for 5 years . He is much younger than me but we were happy but now he says he wants to be friends and go out with someone else. Obviously I'm heartbroken as I've been relegated to friend.the trouble is he cant afford to move out so I have to watch him go off under my nose. It's so painful I cant function. He has aspergers so doesn't understand why I am struggling. For him straightforward he wants this and why cant I deal with the rejection. Anyone got any advice I am collapsing under the pain
  19. Hi guys/gals. Sorry for the long detail of this story but want to cover all grounds. So I met a guy on a gaming platform last year and we started playing together and what not. I introduced him to the friends I play with regularly and then we proceeded to all play together. He was always asking me personal questions (nothing inappropriate) such as was I married, what my favorite things were, favorite food, what side of town I lived on (we live in the same city) etc. etc. getting to know me. A few months went by and he asked me for my Snapchat so we could stay in touch and at first we wouldn't talk very regularly but this year in January we started talking everyday. He then found me on Instagram (how....I am unsure but sure enough he did!) We are both single but were always just friendly with each other. One day I told him I felt I was going to be "single forever" (kind of joking, kind of not) and proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t going to be, asking me if I wanted to go get something to eat that night. I was shocked. He had always mentioned one day he was going to meet me but it was just really random and I did not imagine it happening right then. I was nervous - not because I thought he was a catfish or anything (we would Snapchat so I had seen him) it was just nerve wrecking to meet the person you talk to everyday finally face to face. I said okay...he then told me he was nervous (made me feel better lol) but told him to not be. So fast forward, we met for dinner that night (this is February) and it went great he offered to pay for me but told him we could split the bill. So we hugged each other at the end of the night and proceeded to go our separate ways (and played video games when we both got home). After that, we would see each other probably once a week or so. I took him to a company function the next week and after that we went to go eat again. He never posts anything on snapchat, but on this food adventure he took a picture with me and posted it on his snapchat. I know it might not sound like anything, but he never posts anything and I was stunned he put in on his social media. I casually brought it up that night saying omg wow I made the snapchat story! He said “I’d always be on his snap”. So in the month of March we saw each other every week once a week. After our last food adventure, he asked what our next one would be. In February, I had told him about a DIY project I wanted to do at my house and he was very excited about it and wanted to help me with it. So I told him next time, I could cook and we could work on the project and watch a movie – in which this is all happening at my house. He was excited about it just as much I was. Fast forward that next week...sometimes he would go some nights and not say anything to me at all...starting from like 5pm...yes that would make me feel a certain way like what is he doing and he can't say anything or say he's okay? But he spoke on it and apologized for it saying that some things happen at home that put him in a bad mood and personal things go on and I told him it was fine. One night I didn't say anything and that bothered him but I just wasn't having a good day and told him when he does it to me I don't say anything or point it out, which is why he apologized and explained what goes on…telling me he cared about my feelings.He said he felt comfortable talking to me about personal things and I told him I'm glad he did that he could talk to me about things anytime. So that Thursday night, he didn't say anything. In my mind, I'm annoyed because he does it and just apologizes over and over again, after saying he wants to fix not saying anything and at least let me know some things were going on. (We've known each other for about 7-8 months at this point). The sorrys just got tiring...that's all. He's asking about my day and such and we're both having a busy day at work so I'm not responding how I usually might. We were talking then all of a sudden, he leaves me on read....he left me on read Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and then Tuesday…in my mind...somethings wrong. We’ve never gone this long and not talked. But I see he's on Snapchat...so finally Tuesday (after being persuaded by a friend to say something) I asked if he was okay…he said he was fine and he stopped talking because I was being “short” and took it as me not wanting to talk to him anymore and he left it alone. I was stunned, and confused. I was not being short… Attempting to not be mad, I asked him why he thought that and asked why he couldn’t have said that earlier? He said he thought I knew. That angered me. There is not a huge age gap (I’m 27, he is 25 next month) but I found that response to be extremely childish. Am I a mind reader? No. I’m upset at this point. I was being logical with him and asking him if he had asked me if I didn’t want to keep talking to him. He said no and he guessed he should have. He said he assumed I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. How could you think that? We have plans for you to come over and help me with my project… I never once said to you I don’t want to talk to you anymore. He then proceeded to ask me what my answer would have been if he asked. I told him never mind that, did he want me to leave him alone? He said “I think it’s best we go our separate ways I have too much going on” and I said “as you wish” and we have not spoken since. Assumptions are the worst possible thing one can have and act on for that matter. It hurts. He then proceeded to keep watching my social media stories and that triggered me. Who do you think you are? Telling me you think we need to go our separate ways but lurk on my social media? Going our separate ways? But we’re just friends? I took him off everything but he still follows me and watches my stories to this day but doesn’t say anything. Why is he watching my stuff still? Mind you he hasn't taken me off anything. He was like the male version of me... we just clicked...Yes I liked him but we never did anything nor did I ever bring it up because I wasn't sure if it was mutual. My friends said yes he likes you CLEARLY he talks to you everyday sends you good morning good night wants to see you help you with handy things etc etc. He would tell me I was beautiful and send me the kiss emoji if I sent him a picture of myself or hug me when I saw him, as I would too. I’ve left it alone because in my mind there is a maturity gap and I’m still upset. But at the end of the day, when I see he is seeing my stuff, it hurts…I miss him. I miss our friendship. I miss our conversations, us hanging out. I honestly have no idea what went wrong and how this escalated where but I am prideful. The pride in me keeps me from reaching out because this is what he wanted. Not me. It’s been three weeks or about a month or so. My friends say he wasn’t expecting me to be okay with just saying we shouldn’t talk anymore and was probably hoping for a different response and that he didn’t view me as just a friend…well I’m not 20 and if someone tells me bye then okay I guess it’s bye… but I’m still over here conflicted. And I know for a fact it’s not because of another female. I see things that make me think of him and I want to send it to him, but then I tell myself not to....I feel like he might think I hate him or I'm like super mad at him and I'm not...I'm disappointed he let a mental assumption end our friendship like this. I went from talking to him all day everyday to not speaking to him at all and anybody who knows that feeling understands the pain. Do you think if I reached out and asked how he was doing that would be okay, or should I just leave it alone completely? I have the strong urge to be like "so you can watch my stories but can't speak (:" (in a playful banter way but I don't know)
  20. So I have this friend, I've posted about her before, we have not been friends that long but we've become super close - she is the girl who is dating a much older man, there was tons of drama at first, and they broke up, but they got back together and are VERY happy and in love now. So now to my issue and I myself feel I am being very judgmental but I DON'T want to be!! Some of you know my issues with weight in the past, and my obsessive quest to remain thin. I had an eating disorder many years ago, it goes back to my mom (not blaming her, but my issues are related to her obsessive need to be thin and to keep ME thin)! Anyway, I still struggle with it, although not as bad, but I still probably have a rather unhealthy attitude about weight if I'm honest. So, back to my friend. Within the past few weeks, she has gained a TON of weight. I would say around 25 pounds on a 5'3" frame. Which would not be so bad except she has not bought new clothes so her clothes are way too tight, she literally busts out of her blouses (buttons look like they're gonna pop), she has broken zippers, her belly spills out way over her pants and she literally looks like she's eight months pregnant! I kid you not. She is definitely not pregnant we just had a discussion about birth control and she has admitted she wants no more kids, she has one already. At first I was super worried cause gaining so much weight, especially in her tummy, I just didn't think was normal OR healthy. I addressed it very sensitively and she assured me when she gains weight, most of it goes to her tummy so she assured me she was fine. So that's all good, whew! But to the eating, extremely unhealthy foods and LOTS of it, literally all day long. I spent a day with her last week and I was shocked at how much she ate in one day -- ALL unhealthy, burritos, fast food, chips, cookies, pizza, Mexican, you name it! She is always telling me how fat she is (she uses that word) but it doesn't appear she wants to do anything about it, she says her bf loves her body as is (which is fabulous, truly!) but at the rate she's going, the way she eats and with most of her weight going to her tummy, I don't know how to make her understand how serious an issue it is, health wise! I also want to tell her how bad it looks appearance wise, but never would. As for her busting out of all her clothes, she got super pissed off at her employer cause they called her in last week and told her she needs to dress more professionally and wear outfits that fit the image of the company. She has worked there for years and this is the first time addressing it so my guess it it does have something to do with her weight gain and how she busts out of all her clothes. Guys, am I being too harsh and judgmental here? As background, I had a another friend who gained about 30 pounds a few years back but she still looked beautiful, wore tasteful clothes and ate healthy, just more than usual (her now-husband and she like to dine out a lot) which is why she gained. But this situation is different, I don't know I think I need a good kick in the butt to get me out of this overly-judgmental state, which I am OWNING, and I don't like feeling this way!!
  21. Good day everyone. Ok to start of, after being single for 7 months i've been focusing all my time and energy into building my business, which right now is somewhat thriving, which is more than i can say about it really, as well as physical fitness and just perusing self improvement, i've learned a new language a new instrument etc... recently i've started dating again, however i am not having any luck. whats weird is before i had money and a relatively good body i could really date like 3-4 girls in a week, not gonna hide it or not gonna say im proud if it, but when i was a lot younger and naive dating and hooking up was easier. but now I feel like im a completely different person i cant point out whats wrong with me. i just cant find anyone to match. i've tried online dating, going out to bars (no love in the club) i know. Im a lot successful than what i used to be. and I thought women would be more accepting and it would make it easier if i had a healthy lifestyle. but noooo its a lot harder now. hope someone can help, and dont take it the wrong way, i am ready to settle and i am back in dating because i want to find "the one" and not just to hook up, thought that would be great too.
  22. Hi all I am really trying to seek out some guidance as I’m not dealing with this very well. Long story... we met 6 years ago, online and initially I think for us both it was a bit of fun, although for me (I am 14 years older) it quite quickly, well within about 6-8 months, he grew to be somebody very special. We went through some blips mainly to do with stage of life, due to our age and the distance we had between us, which started out at about 1.5 hours, but he moved and changed jobs to be closer, so down to an hour. So, IMO not really that far. We would see each other most weekends, he would come to me and I would go to him mid week. He was so very supportive of my life, he helped me as much as he could with my 2 boys, both financially and emotionally, he was always there to listen and advise when things got tough with them. I have zero financial or emotional support from their dad. He encouraged and motivated me, told me how beautifully I am inside and out and was really a very lovely kind man, and in fairness I was the same to him. He wanted and had bought a couple of houses to do up and rent. I helped and accepted that’s what he needs to do, I supported his job choice which meant he couldn’t live closer to us, and helped him through very difficult times too. He used to say he was punching above and couldn’t believe how lucky he was. I made him high on life!! Anyway that’s a bit of background. We did fall out due to the distance and I think primarily the responsibility he felt that although he did it, he didn’t really want it. So we saw each other Boxing Day and had the best day/night. We laughed loved talked, he said when we were in church a few days previously he felt like he wanted to marry me. The next day I had to work and he said he was going to work on his house but would be back about 6. We arranged what we would have for dinner. We messaged through the day and he said at 5, he was about to leave, then he calls and says he doesn’t think he can do this anymore. He needs to be free to do what he needs to do without feeling guilty, he doesn’t want the responsibility, I need a man that’s there for me all the time (I think he was referring to a hospital appt I had when he couldn’t be there) I was gob smacked. I asked him how he could do this over the phone, he says when he’s with me all his fears disappear but when we are apart he dwells on them. So saying it over the phone is easier because he can’t see me!!! After 3 hours of talking, crying, shouting. I Eventually said that I think we are just at different stages of life and I respect his decision. He sobbed when I said this. When we finally said goodbye it was so painful as I think I knew this would be the last time I would ever speak to him. This was a week ago and I realised yesterday that he has still put £200 in my bank account, as he has done for the past year, to help me and also as he spent a lot of time at mine to pay for his keep!! He earns 10 times more than I do, but none the less, seeing that money made me think what an amazing man. He did say on our last phone call that he was always here for me and he wanted to carry on supporting me. So.... do I thank him for the money, I so want to reach out to him but fear it will break my heart even more if I do, but I don’t want him to think I’m not ever so grateful for him doing this. Do you think space will help him realise if he really does miss me, or was this all just an excuse and he’s already met somebody else. He always said he would never find anybody as amazing as me, and he is so proud of me... we fit so well together etc. Anyway sorry this is soooo long. Feel like I just poured my heart out to total strangers, but could really do with some insight. Last point is that we have always had these issues of different stage of life, and have briken up twice before. Once I instigated getting back together and once he did!! Thank you all for listening. Xx
  23. Hi everyone, I'm a 32 year old guy. I have always pondered on the topic of trust and jealousy in relationships. First, I would like to explain my perspective and then I would like to hear the views of others. It will be a long post, I'll try to articulate my thoughts as much as I can. Platonic relationships: I am quite conservative when it comes to platonic relationships. I know that its a debatable topic. In my personal experience, I have never seen platonic relationships working well unless the two people do not find each other attractive or there is something else holding them back from forming a relationship with each other. For instance, a very big age difference or some religious concerns or if they are married (although we have seen married people cheating too, sadly.) Also, from what I have learned, women usually are more open to the idea of platonic relationships than men. We often see attractive women who have many male friends. However, men usually don't prefer to be friends with attractive girls. I am sure you have all come across those men in your life who try to be nice and stick around waiting for that day when the girl accepts him. Sometimes even when a girl is in a committed relationship, there are men who are sitting at the fence and waiting for something to go wrong and then they exploit her in a vulnerable situation. I have even seen men who bad mouth a woman's significant other by saying that "He should treat you better" and things like that. Its rather rare for men to be appreciative of an attractive girl's husband/boyfriend. In my personal life, even the girls whom I did not find attractive and was just friends with, sooner or later, their feelings were evident and they wanted more than just friendship. There was an attractive lady who was 12 years older than me. I used to have conversations with her sometimes. I was absolutely surprised when she expressed interest in me after 1 year of friendship where all we did was just talk or share some life experiences. Physical intimacy usually follows emotional intimacy. Repeated exposure to a person of opposite sex who exhibits a good level of understanding, offers emotional support and is near your age can result in attraction especially when one of the two is vulnerable. I also understand that there are plenty of articles and videos on Internet who teach "modern men" to be cool, try to act alpha around their women and never be uncomfortable in such situations. Some of them say, that your girl might even try to make you feel jealous at times and put you through some " tests". Always act cool and she will only see you as a confident person. I would like to hear from the women on this Forum. Do you really think this is a sign of maturity from a woman? And why are there so many articles teaching men to pretend to be someone they are not. Infidelity We are living in a time when divorce rates seem to be through the roof. And if I am not wrong, they are only increasing with time. Even in conservative parts of the world where divorce rates were significantly lower, there has been an increase in the past few years. In some places, divorce rates are not going up because many people have voluntarily chosen not to get married and be single. One of the popular reasons for relationship problems is usually a partner cheating and having a "physical" or "emotional" affair with another person (single or married). And in most cases, it turns out that the person they are having an affair with is someone they used to refer to as a "friend". I personally feel that a lot of times, words like "insecurity" and "jealousy" and "trust issues" are used too often to dismiss or act defensive when we know deep within that the concerns of our significant other are reasonable. I do not believe that "trust" is something that comes as a bonus of being with a person. Trust is something which is built with time. It can only take a second to break the trust but take ages to build it. So, in my opinion, its reasonable to have concerns and openly discuss with your partner if something makes you feel uncomfortable about their interaction with a person of opposite sex. Instead of living in the fear that you might be judged as a "jealous" person. I looked through most of the posts on this Forum and there were numerous cases of people being hurt that their partner is communicating a lot with a person of opposite sex. For instance, a girlfriend/wife talking to another guy (single/married) or even an Ex in some cases. And in all these cases, I saw a common pattern. They were assured by their partner that its just "friendship" and soon they realized it was more than that. And I also don't agree with this talk about "be an alpha male" and exhibit confidence all the time in such cases. If we are talking about being alpha then history has shown that men had to fight for what they want and protect it from other men. There will always be other men who want something which you have. Jealous Ex-Boyfriends During my communication with different girls in past few years, I have observed a pattern about the "ex boyfriend being jealous". They often say that their Ex Boyfriend was jealous of "their friends". It takes a bit of digging to realize that, by friends they meant "guy friends". They were jealous of the interaction between their girlfriend and some guy. And these girls say: "He did not trust me, he was jealous of my friend". And at the same time, these girls did not like the fact when their boyfriend/husband would communicate with other women (either on call at home or hang out with them in cafe). So, this comes across as double standards and the lack of ability to think from another person's point of view. I always feel "don't do the things to your partner which you would not like to be done to yourself.". I think meeting as a couple with other couples is healthy. Interaction with opposite sex in such places are healthy and very rarely result in problems. In a workplace, interaction with people of opposite sex is common as well for work purpose. Although, I am aware that even at workplace people try to cross boundaries. I want to hear the views of other people on this topic. And not "politically correct" views but something that they truly feel and think. Something that they experienced. If you have personal experiences, kindly share them too. Would love to learn more.
  24. Hello first of all I want to say thank you so much for spending your time to read my post ... I’m really depressed and stress out . I don’t have many friends that I can reach too . and I’m hoping getting advise from people here My name is Elle I’m 25 years old I’m originally from Asia, I lived on and off United states for the past 9 years The reason why I moved to United States is because of school. I obtain 2 degrees from 2010 to 2016 . When I moved to USA in 2017 i was 17 years old . I never had a boyfriend before and I’m a virgin. Beeing gay in my country is illegal and you could go to jail for that . Some when I first moved to USA I finally can experience freedom and realize that it’s ok to love a person that is same sex. Finally after 17 years I can be my self. My first boyfriend seems verry loving and caring . He is so much older than me at that time . He is 43 years old and I was 17 . The first couple months is extremely beautiful and I never feel love like that in my entire life. I trust him 1000 percent . The fact I loose my virginity with him for the first time makes me feel I can trust him even more and give my self fully. Long story short , I start to notice things changed over time with him . Especially after 3 months he convinced me to move in with him and leave all my friend behind for some reason . My life start to fall apart ... he start to become verry dominant , aggressive and also abusive ( mentally and physically ) I received many sexual abuse from him to the point I think I want to kill my self. There is many times I have to go to Walgreens to find medecine from bruises and cut because he punch me. He extremely manipulative too because after he punch me the next day he will be the nicest person and verry loving person . At that time I really confused and I still love him because he told me he could go into a lot of trouble if I ask for help. He also asked me for money too multiple times and ask me to contribute every month for 700 usd. After almost 2 years in hell i finally able to get away from him. Before I left he threatened me to blackmailing me and show our picture to my family . When I left ... he really did , he sent pictures to my parents back in Indonesia . At that time as a young innocent teenager boy I was destroyed to the core . I become almost crazy because of it and since then I have a trust issue with people because of this experience . The person that I loved the most hurt me to the core . Now in 2019 I finally fall very deeply I love again with another man . I was traveling to los angles back in 2018 and I was planning to just visit los angles . And then I meet with this one guy let’s called him madd and he is 43 years old . I meet him in gay dating site that supposed to be only for hook up , I didn’t know I will meet a great men in those site. Because of my past experience getting used and hurt I become verry close person . I even didn’t want to tell my real name when we first meet because I don’t know him. On the first date we shared so many things I also told him about my past how I get abused a lot by the person that I loved the most. He also tell his story how he get cheated on before by his ex wife because she want to work as a stripper in Las Vegas and they have long distance relationship . He is so mad because he feels like his ex wife value money over his relationship and long distance relationship caused her to cheat on him and choose another man beside him. So madd also have a really dark and scar experience. We bond so much trough our experience and I started to trust him a little bit by little bit but because of what happen with me before I cannot trust him 100 percent at that time yet . Because I went to a horrific experience before from trusting a man . The problem start to occur in febuary when I feel verry comfortable with him and start trusting him fully . I tell him a lot of things about my life and my family situation . The response that I get is anger and blaim. My family situation requires me to stay full time in Indonesia but because I love him so much I try to make my life 50/50. Live half of the time in USA and Indonesia. Because of he have bad experience with long distance relationship , he told me that he will never be with some one who live away from him and I tottaly understand that. He wants me to live 100 percent with him and for me to be honest to my parents. What he want is 2 things 1. To me to be open with my family about our relationship 2 to live with him full time because he had a traumatized experience with long distance relationship . I try to explain to him that 1. My parents is super religious and they live in a place where beeing gay is illegal for their whole life . So if they find out it will hurt them a lot I feel like I’m a disappointment for my parents and the last thing I want to do is to hurt them . I’m ok if I do things that hurt me but I don’t want to do things that can hurt my parents. They even told me they don’t want to know anything about my lifestyle in USA . I used to blaim my parents for not accepting me but as I grow up I learn that they just grow up in a different era. Madd wants me to be fully open about our relationship to my family but I told him many times it will destroy my family and it will hurt my parents a lot. I just confused if he love me why he wants me to do something that could destroy my relationship with my family. Eventoughy family didn’t accept that I’m gay but I’m still very close to my family and I don’t want to do that . 2. After hearing his story and his concern about long distance relationship I decided to change my life plan because I love him so much eventough I’m sacrificing a lot of things in my life including my future And I believe my sacrifice is worth because he is wonderful person. I decided to switch my plan by living 50/50 to 80/20 which mean I will live mostly in USA and come home once in a while . I told h just give me 2 months every year to see my family and take care somethings . The problem is he don’t want that either . He think if it’s not 100 percent it’s mean I don’t want to live fully with him . He keep mentioning how he wants to be with someone that live with him 100 percent . But my situation is verry difficult because all of my family and business is in Indonesia. And he always blaiming me why I didn’t tell him about my situation on the first place because he definitely won’t agree with it. I apologize multiple time , I know I’m wrong but I try to explain to him the reason why I can’t be open 100 percent with him . I had a really horrible past in trusting people and end up getting hurt most of the time . I beg for his forgiveness but it seems like he never move on . Theron issue here There is a lot of thing in my life that I cahange because I love him so much , I’m not a perfect person I make mistake too but I always learn from my mistake and becoming a better person every single day. Everything that he want me to change I did it for him . But why he can’t love me the way I love him , he still insist that I have to live full time with him and he won’t accept if I go back for 2 months in a year to see my family because he thinks it’s not a full time relationship . Guys I give up so much thing in my life for him , I wasn’t supposed to stay in los angles now and I ditch my work back home for him too . I loose around 6000 USd per month for staying with him and do nothing at his house and i don’t care at all about that. Me going back home it’s not about money at all I just want to see my family . I actually don’t want to mention about my sacrifice that I make for our relationship because I don’t like to brag about things that I do for the person I love , but sometimes when we argue about things thing I really want him to know the pressure that I got because he keep blaiming me for not telling him my situation erlier. That’s the another problem he think I’m ashame because I don’t want to bring him to my family . I told him multiple time it’s not that I ashame but it’s just my parents will have a hearth attack probably if they find out about him . Especially back in 2012 when my first ex black mailing my parents they also extremely traumatized for old gay guy using me . He is a verry loving and loyal and kind but I’m just really sad because of his past experience he couldn’t accept my situation. I really love him guys what should I do Please help me He just want everything planned the way he wants but I told him when you’re in relationship 2 people become one which mean we both need to understand and work things together because every single human in this world have their own life experience .
  25. I have been in a serious relationship with a man for almost a year now after knowing him for 3 years. He is much older than me (18 years difference). He has 2 teenage kids. They are honestly quite difficult at times. His daughter is very spoiled and has a tendency to disrespect authority. I thought I was fine with kids at first, but it seems like it’s bothering me more than I thought it would. We live together and I don’t like it when they’re there, they don’t help around the house at all and expect us (me) to clean after them and cook for them. It’s frustrating. Besides, the mother is still very much involved. She comes to my boyfriend’s events, his birthday, and she judges our relationship. She openly admitted to him when I was out of town that she regrets her decision of leaving him 7 years ago. That bothers me. He also bought a house for her to live in, free of any charge. I love him, but I feel like I’m never the priority. His ex-wife even comes before me in his priorities a lot. I would like for him to have little special attentions for me like buy me flowers or plan special dates, but that never really happens. I told him multiple times and he just gets mad when I talk about it. I feel like he takes me for granted and I don’t know what to do
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