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  1. Kinda long storyy I (F19) matched with this guy(M23) on a dating app and moment we met it was a vibe, (I was like Yaahh , finallyy someone my type.) and I liked it, I was sure I wanted something serious, like a commitment and I was never sure about casuals Now after talking for sometime, we decided to meet , and he never even called it a "date" He showed up late ,He didn't reply my call or texts for over 30 mins and I was waiting at the cafe for half an hour and then he called was like "I was stuck a family birthday gathering" The first date went super awkward we didn't talk much, and he was offended because I slightly called him out for being late and he didn't even say sorry for that ,then later that evening he was like you're special to me I told you sorry , I 'his name' never tell sorry to anyone Now skipping to second 'date' he wants to take me to a hotel room of his friends hotel and he says "I want to meet you and want to hug you and kiss you and hold you tight" and he doesn't want anyone to see yet because he's kinda famous (which I had no clue ,I found it later) and if someone sees him it might go viral and stuff ,I've told him no but he keeps trying to convince me and says there's no other options What should I do? i don't want it a casual hookup thingy and definitely not seggs on 2nd date..
  2. I am in a relationship with a girl the same age as me, we both are 25. She has this one male best friend that i dont like for some reasons. Because i think i know what he is up to the way he talks and acts. I told my girlfriend many times but she never listened to me and a few days back i asked her for a night out and she said she is going with that guy and that she said its just a casual night out. She rejected my plans and went with him even after knowing that i am uncomfortable with this. And then she ignored my call and text and the next day she said she ignored it because she was busy hanging out with that guy. I am confused, i see this as a big red flag. And i alright tried yo talk yo her on this topic vut everytime shr just gets angry. What should i do?
  3. A girl I go to college with (I'm first year, she is fourth) seemed very interested in me from the moment we met and now all of a sudden she responds very rarely to my messages. This is confusing to me since she was the one to make a lot of moves. First she came sit next to me before a lecture and started a conversation back in October and we continued to sit next to each other since then because we enjoyed each other's company. Then she texted me about something completely unimportant we had talked about (which was obviously a way to get into my dms). Then we started texting regularly, having fun, she invited me to go to a club with her friends before the holidays and it was great. Went to a concert with her three days ago (we're musicians), hung out until midnight with her afterwards. I said that we should go grab a drink some day and she said "About time! Choose a time and a place and I'll be there" After that, she started to answer my text more and more rarely, sometimes with more than 10 hour intervals, and now I'm super confused as to why that is. We're always laughing when we're together and I'm 100% sure that there's chemistry between us. I plan on asking her out this week, but I don't know what to expect since she's not been giving a lot of feedback these last few days. Everything was going smoothly and little by little I realised that I liked her a lot. Don't know what to think...
  4. Hello! Hope your day is going well. I have a friend who I look up to she is older then me so I view her as an older sister. We were very close and would hang out (online, we play online games too) almost every day. She was someone who I thought totally understood me and someone I could always go to, I really really trusted her. But recently things have changed. She has a new friend now and I’m fine with that, I don’t view myself as jealous just confused? She spends a lot of her time with this new friend and I didn’t understand why she would spend every single day with him. Even the days we would hang out he would end up playing with us or she would join him after playing with me for a few hours. tbh I was feeling left out and a little jealous at first but then we had a talk and I was back to being super confident in our friendship. But then she lied to me. I asked her if she wanted to play a game with me and she declined saying she was going on this trip the next day and had to get up early. But when I woke up for work in the morning I saw her playing a game me and her use it play all the time but now with him. After I got off work a few hours later I saw she was still online and asked if she wanted to play but then she said she kinda only wants to play this other game right now…and played that with the same friend. She didn’t even ask if I wanted to play or made any effort in trying to include me after I asked her. And just now I see her playing the game I asked her to play… with him…after she told me she’s just not feeling it. I know I’m not entitled to her time. But im more confused why she lied to me, she was someone I trusted to always tell me the truth and I think realizing she could lie to me really messed me up. I don’t know how to proceed with this and it’s really irritating me. I already talked to her about these problems I was having and she said her other friends said the same thing, but some how it’s even worse. I feel not valued in this friendship and im realizing there’s a chance that she might just not care about me anymore. Sorry if parts don’t make sense, i could clarify if needed. But any recommendations on how to proceed with this friendship would be amazing. Thank you.
  5. So me and my ex of one and a half years took a break and this girl in my one of my classes apparently has a crush on me and I can’t figure out whether I like her or I still like my ex cause. It’s just a break and I don’t want her to try to go back and I’m already with someone else. The girl makes me genuinely laugh and smile, and the more I think about it, I don’t think I’m in love with my ex anymore. I’m just scared to ruin the friendship we have because I date someone else while we’re on a break. Also, me and my “ex” are long distance, and I’m scared it’s just not gonna work out. Me and the girl on the other hand go to school together and I’m just concerned that I’m catching feelings while I have a girl ready to get back with me when I tell her I’m ready.
  6. Sorry if this is in the wrong section as I'm new to this . So got a bit of a thing going off and just need some unbiased advice. I met a guy in ticktok (tacky I know) spoke to him and he told me he lives in leeds (40 minute drive from where I live in Nottingham) after a few days we arranged to meet,he drove down and we spent a few hours in town before driving somewhere quite and having sex in his car , during this time he slipped up and told me he's actually from Liverpool . Anyway he went back the same evening and that was about a week ago,this is where I don't know if I'm being paranoid or if there is someone else. So he video calls me almost every day but it's the exact same time ( late evening) on his way back from work ,he only calls me when he's going or coming back from work,not once when he's been home. He says he works 2 jobs as a career and has no time hence why he can only talk to me at night in his car ,he does send me the off msg on social media,but most of the time it's a phone call or video msg on his way back from work and almost always his phone goes dead and he's saying it's the connection that's bad . He tells me he wants to see me but don't know when as he's always working . He said he's not on Facebook only Instagram and ticktok so I managed to set him up an account so I can put my relationship status up with him but now he's locked it down to everybody but me ,he's also told someone I know over one of his vid calls that he works in a warehouse and even told him the company name,we googled it and it is a warehouse in Liverpool but told me he was a career ...on these video calls he's always got a hoodie on so IV never seen his uniform,it's been two weeks but after the first week he told me he lives me and I love him,he tells me everything I want to know and it makes me feel great ,just have this niggling feeling as iv always been terrible at picking out men Am I being taken for a fool or is it just my paranoia?
  7. In a relationship (48M) with a (42f) that was diagnosed bipolar but now says it was a misdiagnosis and won't take her meds for 10 years now, we have an autistic son together and live together. When we met we did everything together and she was awesome!! She was exciting, playful, lovable, full of labido, very generous, fun to be around and hang out with and made many promises to me the first 5 years we were together. 4 years ago she started to treat me differently after starting to play online games and going back to school and it got worse every hear that went by, 8 months ago all love, intimacy, bonding and connecting stopped. When I bring it up to find out why because I'm stressed out, miserable,, frustrated, lonely and miss her terribly, she gets upset and says its because she doesn't feel close to me, because I won't communicate with her or open up and share my feelings to connect with her. I was doing all that before she cut me off, I pay all the expensive bills, I support her addictions and needs, I drive her to school every day there and back a half hour each way 4 times a day. I make her dinner every night, i let her vent and complain to me every single day about the things that bother her, I listen to her when she talks to me and let her know im interested in what she's saying, and never complain about any of it. After 8 months of no love, affection or bonding, I don't feel comfortable around her and find it very difficult to communicate with her because I strongly feel like she doesn't care anymore, she never shows empathy or sympathy when I tell her how I feel, I get berated and treated with contempt when I try to talk to her, I can't reason with her at all and every time I bring up her diagnosis she tells me I'm crossing the line and mentally abusing her. I need advice, bad, what should I do?
  8. I've(19) been talking to a girl(18) on instagram for more than two years. It was occasionally flirtatious, but mostly friendly as we both dated other people (we are both single now). We helped each other through break ups and always gave mutual support in difficult times. We even had a few longer convos over the phone, where she recently told me that i'm the only guy who made her feel so comfortable being herself. Two weeks ago she came to my city for college and we saw each other immediately the next day. It was amazing and the chemistry we had online was even stronger in person. I've never felt such a connection with another girl before. She also told me how worried she was that she was not going to meet my expectations, but i reassured her by repeating how dear she is to me. Then one day later while texting she tells me that she's going out with another guy, which made me feel kinda bad but since we always talked openly about going out with other people i didn't think too much of it (she told me he wasn't great in the end). Then when i asked her out three days later she agreed, but rescheduled two times and put our date on saturday at noon because apparently that's the only free time she has. I then told her that we should reschedule for next week once we'll both have time and she agreed. We're still talking like before, but i don't exactly know what she wants because on the one hand she tells me how much i mean to her and on the other she doesn't seem to put spending time with me higher on her priority list. How do i deal with this? Edit: forgot to mention that she jokingly told me that i'm a reverse catfish, because i look even better irl than in my pictures.
  9. I’ll cut straight to the point, I’m a 27 year old mom of 3 dating a 40 year old dad of 4. I don’t mind how many kids we have between the both of us, I really like them and they’re on the older side and get along with mine pretty good. He treats me really good, better than I ever have been treated before, I feel very emotionally and physically safe with him. We have great chemistry in and outside the bedroom, we have a lot of fun. He’s a great guy, loves God, encourages me when I’m down, makes me dinner, cleans and takes me out. Here’s where it gets complicated… he lost his gym during COVID 3 years ago, got a divorce, lost all the money from his divorce and got into a lot of debt, plus the debt from his failed business. It took him 2 years to find a steady job and that was only because he was living out of his truck and I told him I wasn’t going to be with him unless he got a job. He did side gigs here and there but his excuse always was “he’s trying to figure what he really wants to pursue”. Things got a little better after he got a job. He got a one bedroom apartment and his kids visit more often now but I think he has issues with ex over child support. My issue is that I don’t feel like he’s a provider, I don’t want to be the breadwinner of this relationship goes further (marriage) I have a good job and pay all my bills on my own. I feel like he has a poor and victim mentality. He says he wants to start a business and provide for me but he never actually sticks to anything and follows thru. I’m the one always giving him ideas on what to do or how to do it. Idk I feel really resentful and just drained, I don’t feel like I can trust him to lead me or a family if we ever become one, I don’t trust him with finances or to run a business. I’m really torn because I want to give him the chance and I know it’s been a rough couple year for him, but some days I feel like there’s no hope. Any advice is appreciated 😩
  10. this might be a jumble of rambles I apologize. Also I can’t read a person or room to save my life which is why I’m here. This guy I met through a friend around July has talked to me everyday since the day we talked. He calls me daily and all. So what we often do is find games to buy and play. Hell once his friend was over and I played games with his friend which confused me cause It was odd to me. We’ve watched YouTube together, drawn together, listened to Spotify together. Like this is new to me personally and I’m just confused. Around the 5th week of talking he mentioned if I’m ever in the state he’s in To visit (he only likes 4ish hours away). And he has mentioned it again a few other times.(Ik the dangers of this btw) So recently I told him “people close to me think you like me or think we are a thing. Can you like confirm?” over a message and he sent a shrugging emoji. That night when we called he went “you never did get your answer” in a teasing way and didn’t answer still. My friends say he likes me and I’m just nervous and scared to ask him out cause I don’t wanna loose someone I enjoy talking to daily if that makes sense. also I have never been rejected and I don’t want this guy to be the first cause he’s like really nice and has a decent head on his shoulders.
  11. I'm in need of some advice. My ex is confusing me with how we broke up and how we are now. About 6 weeks ago my ex through me out. It was a shock but the relationship was having difficulties. We had 4 weeks of silence between us, any contact we did have was angry and argumentative. She also stopped me from having any contact with me son during this time. Then about 2 weeks ago we started talking, deep and long messages about how I hurt her, and how she was hurting me. We spoke for hours that one night. The next day I was able to see my son. From then we have spoken alot more and actually seen each other a few times. This last week things have changed. She finds alot of reasons to message me, and we talk most of the day. She keeps saying there is no us and she doesn't want a relationship with me. She tells me she doesn't love me but she also doesn't hate me. It's worth noting that I'm not asking her to start again with me, but I have told her I'm still in love with her. The last 48 hours we have been discussing sleeping with each other. She comes up with alot of excuses as to why we shouldn't but never actually says no we won't do it. In fact she has said multiple times she wants too, it would be comfortable but because I have feeling it best we don't. Tonight she invited me to stay for tea with my son. He had already eaten hours before I got there, but she cooked for me, and she ate tea with me at the table making polite conversation. She also dropping into conversation that she is going out, and hopefully she could meet a sugar daddy, or a toy boy. She knew how this would make me feel. But i sort of brushed it off. She then said well you might meet someone its going to happen sooner or later. I cannot say she is hot and cold, im really not sure what i should be thjnking or doing right now. I always let her message first. And althought she isnt giving me hope, her actions are not clearly matching her words. I would love to hear what people think is going on. Thank you James
  12. I 18F have been talking to this guy 20M since april so about 2 months now. we met at school and everything had been pretty great. it’s important to note that he is a secure attachment and i’m a very anxious attachment, deal with abandonment issues and struggle with major overthinking. i have really struggled with anxious attachment and it even caused problems with my last situationship as he was very avoidant and the relationship just took a toll on me emotionally as he wasn’t able to express anything to me. however when i met this guy i was so happy as everything from his communication to his love language is what i look for in a partner and makes me feel secure. however, now that schools done and it’s summer he has ended up getting a full time summer research position with the university we attend. i’m going into my second year and he’s going into his fourth so he obviously has a lot more responsibilities and stress when it comes to school. (he’s also in biomedical science and i’m in political science so i don’t understand the stuff that goes on within his field so much). but everything was going great until he got that full time job. in the beginning he’d always want to see me as much i was available which made me so happy but also scared me as i was not used to that type of treatment from a guy. but lately he was calling less, not texting good morning and not as available as he was before. i was confused by it but i knew or at least chose to believe it was because of his job not me. he’s also not allowed to have his phone in the lab where he works. he called me 2 weeks ago around midnight and i was so happy that he called me so we could just talk like normal but i could hear that he wasn’t home and he told me he actually had just left work. when i heard this my heart dropped and i had a feeling where the conversation was going to go. he told me he wanted to talk to me about something so i knew it wasn’t going to be our normal phone call where we would both fall asleep on the line. he expressed that he felt bad that i texted him the day before and he didn’t see until the next day as he was working and so tired later. he said that he used to have time during the week for us to see each other at least once a week but “for now” it won’t be possible as it’s a lot going on with this new summer research position and he also has to study at the same time for his deferred exams which he still doesn’t know exactly when they are (our university admin sucks at notifying students). he said that he “doesn’t want to just be another bad thing that happened to me but he wants be a good thing”; (i’ve opened up to him alot about my past traumas so i did appreciate him saying this.) therefore he needs space for at least the rest of the month to get his exams done and settle into his job; and for now the idea of us has to sit in the backseat. when he said this i understood and i saw it coming so i was happy that he was honest and communicated this with me as waiting for him to call me and text me every night was getting very draining. i was very anxious that we were over even before this conversation but he said very reassuringly that we’re not over. however i did ask him about his loyalty to me during this space and he said “there’s 100% no other girl as he doesn’t even have time for other girls right now.” my anxiety was also rising so i also asked him how long of space does he need and he said he obviously can’t guarantee but these are the answers he can give me right now. i told him i can’t wait for him the whole summer (i said that as i don’t want be some desperate anxious girl who waits the whole summer for him to finally call me as i have already experienced such pain with my ex). when i told him that he told me that im jumping the gun and that he didn’t say we’re over but he just needs space. i then could hear the stress in his voice as he said that it’s hasn’t even been a week and me bringing up that kind of break stuff isn’t helping either; all he’s asking for is space to do what he’s gotta do. so we eventually ended the conversation on a good note and he said we’d still talk and he’ll let me know the next time we can see each other. i told him i hope everything works out for him and he said goodnight. that was june 6th and till this day i have not heard from him. at first i was actually enjoying the space as i was no more getting upset by the fact that he wasn’t contacting me since i knew that he was just busy and that it wasn’t me. i have also started going to weekly therapy again to deal with my anxious attachment and past traumas. but now i’m starting to get anxious and overthink the situation again but i also cant tell if my thoughts are valid ones. i also want to note that my anxious attachment has caused a few problems between us before as i kept comparing him to my highly avoidant ex and he’s expressed that it feels like i don’t listen to him at times as i keep repeating the same things over and over again (i do that when i’m anxious and i am searching for reassurance) but we were able to talk it out and get past it. but now i’m confused as i don’t know if he’s lying to me and he said all that to let me down easy. he always told me that if someone did something he didn’t like he would let them know before cutting them off but what if that was lies. it also doesent help when i search up “what to do when a guy needs space” for some sort of comfort and everyone is just saying that he is lying and no man is ever too busy to talk to you. a few friends have told me to text him and check on him. but i don’t want to as if i text him im mainly texting to see if he will reply to me (which i am aware is selfish of me and is why i haven’t texted). if he doesn’t reply within 2 days it’ll send me into an anxious overthinking spiral that he’s done with me and we’re over. i really want to see how he’s doing, i actually miss him a lot and i wish he would at least text me to check in on me. but i don’t want to contact him first as if i do that i feel that i have lost control in a sense. in the beginning he was chasing me and i tried my best to not trust him and get attached but now it feels like i’ll be chasing him. but i’m getting frustrated as now it feels like i’m waiting for him. when we go back to school in september we will end up seeing each other. he’s healthily and clearly communicated that he needs space to focus on his exams and figure out his new job…but still i’m looking for reasons as to why he might be lying and also “guys lie all the time, there’s a big chance he’s just lying to me”. i don’t know if i should continue to give him his space while focusing on myself. if i should text and check in him or if i should just move on and assume things are over to protect myself.
  13. I’m 24 years old and I met a guy a couple months back we started talking and started dating we didn’t have sex till 5 months into us dating he tells me he never usually waits that usually happens with the first 1 or month in a half but because I’m different and special to him he doesn’t mind taking it slow and going at whatever pace we finally had sex after 5 months and the first 2 we were still exploring and I’m not experienced in sex so he didn’t cum he made it about exploring and seeing what I like how I handle things etc was good tho but the the next 3 times he’s cum not inside me but literally on my p***** and last week I officially spent my first weekend with him and we had sex for the first time that night and he asked if he can cum inside me and I said yes and he did we had sex multiple times during that weekend in which he claimed my vagina as his and was saying sweet nun and it’s been nice and slow in some occasions as well and has said he enjoyed making love to me while we are intimate but during that weekend he’s cum inside me multiple times and when he does he brings me into him as close as possible hugging me tightly and he is like dip up inside he’s planned future dates ahead of time and has had a conversation with his relative about postponing a move to another state because of me before this happened. I’m kinda of confused by the whole thing I don’t want to get ahead of myself but I do like him maybe even falling I love with him. The way that he looks at me sometimes I’ve never been looked at like that he makes me happy. But I want to know what all of that means I don’t want to be played for a fool . I don’t want to be naive and I am on birth control but he didn’t know that before he asked or had sex the first time. But he’s stated that when we have kids I would need to take that out. Forgot to say he’s 11 years older then I am I am not sexually active before this but I still went and got checked for any stds and so was he.
  14. I’ve had a crush on this guy since January 2022 when I first met him but every time I tried to set up a get together with him during the time of Jan-July he either didn’t respond or made an excuse like his phone died (this happened once when I showed up to an event he invited me to. I searched for him but couldn’t find him, the next day I asked what happened and he said his phone died, I guess maybe this should have been a red flag for me but I didn't take it seriously at the time) we only humbug out about 3 times between the months of Jan-July. In August he suddenly began to show interest and asked me to go out with him. He invited me out to a rave party and he told me that he loved me I was kind of shocked but I told him I loved him too. We spent the entire next day together and were talking back and forth for about a week or two. He kissed me on our first official date and I felt so happy like I was in heaven! He texted me that night and made a promise that we would have many more adventures together, but then.. the very next day he texted me saying that he finally got a call from a job he applied for. He was accepted for a job out in Alberta and he needed to leave in 2 weeks but he wanted to know if I’d be interested in a long distance relationship. I agreed and told him yes we should try it out. Looking back on this now I think I jumped in too quickly and I regret making this decision. We spent time together for 2 weeks before he left. Since then he’s been working for 4 weeks and comes back home 1 week a month to see his 10 year old son. It’s been 8 months now and he has no plans on coming back to stay he says he wants to buy land in Alberta and stay working out there making money for as long as he can. (He’s moved out to Alberta for work because he says he can’t make enough money working here, he still lives with his mom when he’s here and he says he needs to make enough money to buy his own place) When we first began our relationship he told me that he had worked in Alberta before but he only lasted 3 months and he told me that this would not be forever and that he’d move back home once work is done to be with his son. He keeps changing his mind on how long he’s going to stay out there, sometimes he says he doesn’t like the work so it will only be a couple more months than other times he says he really needs the money so he will be working there for years. It’s really depressing me, I cry almost every day because all I want is a partner who is here for me. I have no interest in other guys now and I fear that if I let go of this guy then I’ll never find a partner. I am 30 years old and I want to start a family but I can’t seem to find any man who wants the same. Deep down I feel like I’m wasting my time with him because I’ve noticed sure we have things in common but his priorities do not match mine and honestly the more I get to know him the more irresponsible he appears to me. He’s been working out there since September and he says he has almost spent all the money he made already! (He’s spending money on $1000 gemstones and crystals) and it’s causing me to resent him and it’s very hard for me to hide my resentment when he’s here visiting me. Back around Christmas time he texted me saying that he won’t be home for Christmas so I decided to end the relationship at that moment I told him that long distance relationships are not healthy for me but he insisted that he loved me and that he wanted to make this work. I’ve tried to end it with him again in March but right after I tried to end things he offered me a free plane ticket to come out to see him. I said ok let’s make this happen but when I tried to make solid plans with him to go out there he would stop responding, I could tell that he didn’t really want me to go out there to meet him and I don’t know why.. he didn’t even come home that month! He stayed out there for 2 months instead of coming home! When I ask him why he did that he just smiles and says something stupid like “no reason, it just happened.” This distance is hurting me and he knows it. I cry everyday when alone and wondering what to do. He says he loves me but he ignores my feelings says nothing is wrong and that I just need to be patient. He gets annoyed at me when I tell him how much it hurts and says that I should focus on the positives. I tell him I feel extremely lonely and misunderstood and he gets angry and says there’s nothing he can do. he says he doesn’t understand why I’m hurting. I thought I might mention that I don’t have a lot of relationship experience I’ve only been in one long term relationship before this. I’ve dated a lot of guys in the past but none of them wanted commitment. I’m afraid to leave this guy because it’s the first time in a long time someone actually wants to commit to me. He says he’s had a lot of relationship experience so this distance doesn’t really bother him and he’s fine with the way things are going.. I don’t want to waste time when he can barely even find the time to see me. What should I do? Is there any hope for us to remain friends after a break up like this? I’ll add a quick update, I tried to have a serious talk with him about it a few days ago over the phone. I asked him “be honest with me. Would you want me to move to Alberta and live with you?” There was a long pause so I said “is that a no then?” He replied “it would be kinda cool” I said “only kinda?” Then he said “no, it would be great”. Should I take that as a no? I’m trying to get get to the bottom of this and get him to be honest with me and tell me the truth about what he wants but I sense hesitation in him. I don’t know if it’s due to his own insecurities or if he’s just not that into me. It’s frustrating I don’t know what to do anymore. One of his friends I’ve met recently told me that “he gets in his own way” and that’s just the way he is.. I wonder what he means by that.
  15. Dear eNotAlone: I still don't know what to do. I guess I'm confused, frustrated, disillusioned - so many emotions and I don't know where to start. On one hand, I want to pursue a career that will make me happy, but on the other hand, I worry it won't be practical or even possible. To make matters worse, I often don't feel like doing the things I should - if anything, I want to "punish" myself for considering options other than what I "should" do. Should I focus on my goals or just do what everyone else wants me to? What should I do? Please help. * * * Are you feeling frustrated or stuck in a situation where you don't know what to do? It might be a challenge to consider all of your options and figure out what is best for you. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a breath and a step back from the situation. Sometimes it's difficult to figure out a future plan when there are so many steps involved. It can also be hard to evaluate whether your current course of action is the right one. To help yourself decide on the best path forward, brainstorm a list of pros and cons of each option. You may even enlist the help of a trusted person who can provide additional advice or perspective. Writing out these ideas on paper can help the decision-making process become clearer. Once you've limited your choices, focus on answering the following questions: • How does this option align with my values and beliefs? • Will I be satisfied with the results if I follow this plan? • Am I willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen? Keep in mind that whatever choice you make, there is no guarantee of success. The key is to create a strategy for how you will work towards achieving your goal. Even if something doesn't turn out the way you envisioned, you can always course correct and change your plan. It is natural to be hesitant to pursue something unfamiliar or untested. You may feel the need to go down a conventional path – one that feels safe and predictable. It is okay to take calculated risks in life. Plan ahead as best as you can, but remember that failure is an essential part of learning and can provide valuable lessons that can help you grow. It is also important to look beyond what "should" be done. Consider what you need to feel fulfilled and supported. Many of us have internalized external expectations, causing us to limit ourselves and our possibilities. Rather than follow the expectations, ask yourself what makes you feel joy and satisfaction. Of course, it is not always easy to make decisions about your life when you are feeling scared or stuck. But allowing yourself to dream and think big can help you find new paths that could bring you closer to your goals. Find people who can listen, support, and push you outside your comfort zone. Use fear as a tool to inform rather than hinder. Above all, remember that there is no one-size-fits-all plan for a successful life. What works for one person may completely fail for another. So forget the noise of what others expect of you and remain true to your own vision. Don't be afraid to take risks and make mistakes in order to find what works best for you.
  16. We've all been there — that moment when you start to wonder what it's like being on the other side of the dating pool. You’ve fallen head first into situationships and confusing encounters with guys (or girls!) only to find yourself more lost than the hours you’ve wasted in them. You look back and think to yourself, “Is it me or am I attracting the wrong guys?” The answer is complex, but it’s worth examining why you are in these situations in the first place. Believe it or not, you have the power to choose and more importantly, control who enters your life. Your choice in potential partners is influenced by your subconscious and the underlying self-esteem issues you may be struggling with. Unknowingly, you may find yourself attracted to people who lack upstanding qualities and bring you down instead of lift you up. Stop and Think The next time you encounter an unwanted situation or a seemingly nice person with questionable intentions, take a step back and think. Ask yourself two questions: (1) Does this person add value to my life? And (2) What’s my motivation for staying in this relationship, no matter how casual? Asking yourself these questions can quickly validate or nullify whether you’re choosing a partner wisely. If the answer to both questions is no, it’s probably a good indication that moving on would be the best option for you. Search for Signs of Self-Worth If the idea of asking yourself those two questions seems daunting, then start learning to listen, really listen, to others but more importantly, to yourself. Keeping tabs on your thoughts and feelings can help you identify who is best for you and who isn't. Your relationship choices follow the underlying rhythm of your self-worth. If you feel uncomfortable discussing things that are important to you or even sharing qualities or traits about yourself, acknowledge those feelings and begin to become aware of them. Explore why you’re feeling that way and start to learn about yourself. A scrupulous sense of self-exploration can help you take inventory of areas where you might be lacking. This will also push you towards prioritizing your needs and looking out for your wellbeing in every corner of your life. Say Goodbye This can be hard, but once you have taken stock and figured out why you have felt so confused and why you’ve attracted less than stellar romantic partners, then it’s time to start saying goodbye. If you find yourself constantly questioning your choice in partners, start to take a hard look at the types of people you've found attractive or attractive enough to take a chance on. Saying goodbye doesn't necessarily mean cutting someone off entirely, but rather recognize that person's place within your life instead of letting them occupy space that they don’t deserve. Don’t Give Up Don't give up. Be patient and remember that the right options exist and are out there. With self-love and inner awareness, you can create the right circumstances and attract the right people. Try to remember that self-respect is essential to long-term happiness. Take a break from the distractions, commit to understanding and finding self-worth, and start from there.
  17. When feeling lost, confused, and overwhelmed, depression can quickly become a dark cloud looming over every day life. Loneliness and depression can seem like swirling fog that descends upon us before we have time to think, leaving us feeling empty and without relief. It’s hard to escape the ensuing hopelessness caused by the unshakable feeling that no one can help us. Take heart in knowing that you are not alone. Many people struggle with the same issues that have come to reward you. While the fog of loneliness and depression may temporarily blind you from reality, know that help is out there. The first step is to acknowledge the misunderstanding among friends, family and even strangers, while reminding yourself that emotions should not be put aside and deep-seated pain should not be ignored. The next step is to make small changes in your daily life. Try to take a step back to objectively evaluate the source of your emotions and the situation they have become the center of. This doesn’t necessarily entail any major decisions on your part, but rather small changes in how you manage your thoughts and feelings. You can also seek external help. Consider reaching out to support groups and stop bottling up your emotions and struggling alone. Supplemented with healthy lifestyle habits such as eating nutritious meals and exercising, you can create an internal environment for healing and growth. Regular meetings with a therapist can also conduct this process in a safe environment, where your pain can be viewed from an outside perspective and you can start to identify patterns in your behavior and thoughts that could lead to more destructive outcomes in the future. Change can sometimes be excruciatingly slow and, even though you can’t expect immediate transformation, keep going, one small step at a time. Grasp onto the thought that you are strong and capable - that you do have power of choice when it comes to your thoughts and feelings. When faced with adversity, grant yourself permission to recognize the difficulty of your situation and to be honest with your feelings. Allow yourself to feel and be mournful. Not only will this provide you with distance and a sense of control, but it will also equip you with enough energy to take action towards a healthier emotional state. Finding hope and developing resilience can often emerge from having permission to grieve the current moment. Acknowledging the emotional complexity of life leads to the understanding that a foundation of stability and peace lies within reach. It may not be an easy road to follow and the journey may not be visible at first - but, with courage, you can slowly make your way out of the fog of loneliness and depression. We may face darkness, but know that we never have to walk through it alone. Let yourself be surrounded by supportive people and seek the kind of help and guidance so often denied to us in moments of high emotion. Learning to find balance between our negative and positive emotions can give us strength and control over our lives - and it starts with this one brave step forward.
  18. We've all felt it. The overwhelming sense of uncertainty and loss that comes when the future is completely unknown and the path ahead is shrouded in darkness. It isn't easy. It's a feeling of being almost nowhere. For Anna, a 37-year-old single mother, this is her everyday reality. She sees no light at the end of the tunnel and she feels as if nothing can help her. Her day-to-day life consists of working long hours to afford her rent, spending time with her children, taking care of her parents and struggling to make ends meet. Her work-life balance is suffering, leaving her drained at the end of each day. After putting the needs of her children first, Anna has neglected her own health, leading to a growing lack of confidence and self-worth. This decreased her resiliency and brought her to a point of paralysis with no clarity or outside perspective on where to go from here. Struggling to find direction, Anna feels like she is stuck in limbo. Uncertain about who or what to turn to for guidance and reassurance, she is left feeling overwhelmed, alone and in the dark almost nowhere. But instead of viewing this bleak landscape as a dead end, Anna should look at it as an opportunity— a chance to make a positive change and take control of her life. There are steps she can take to get her life back on track and to create a healthier and happier future. The first step Anna can take is to find a support system. Whether it's friends, family members, colleagues, a therapist or even group counseling, having someone to talk to and process these emotions will make this journey easier. Talking and expressing your feelings can help you gain clarity, as well as build your resilience when faced with tough decisions. The next step is to take a step back and assess the situation. Write down all of your goals, both short-term and long-term. Think about the big picture and ask yourself questions like, “What do I want my life to look like in five years?” and “What actions do I need to take to get there?” Once you have drafted a plan, break each goal up into smaller, achievable tasks that you can work on one by one. Finally, be gentle with yourself. Change is never easy and progress isn’t always linear. There are going to be setbacks, but remember that those moments don’t define you. Developing self-compassion and patience will make the hard times a little bit easier. For Anna, this long, dark journey is full of hidden possibilities. Taking the time to nurture yourself and discover your true potential will ultimately help her reach her destination. With courage, fortitude, and determination, Anna can learn to let go of the darkness and find her way out of almost nowhere.
  19. Fathoms deep in the dark of night I find myself, utterly lost. My days drag on in a perpetual lethargy, with no sense of joy or accomplishment. Once I had hope and ambition, but that has all faded away. Where do I go from here? The sea crashes over the shore, threatening to drag me with it. Yet, I remain stubbornly steadfast, mesmerized by the sea's strength and intensity. I am so deeply immersed in my misery that I cannot escape. My feet remain rooted in the sand, incapable of moving forward while also not daring to move back. My heart races as I consider all the possibilities before me. Left, right, straight ahead; which one holds the promise of clarity and light? This never ending struggle to find purpose and value consumes my every thought. But which direction should I take to free myself from this soul crushing conundrum? Time passes slowly, bringing a twinge of feeling still oft forgotten: Hope. Instinctively, I know this is a turning point – the only way out of the darkness. After all, we rarely glimpse such blinding light until we have fully embraced the harshness of our hard-earned truth. I have been imprisoned by my own emotions, but now finally I have the courage to be liberated from their grip. The path I choose reveals itself, illuminated by its own shadows. There are moments of indescribable joy interspersed with seemingly endless pain. Each day I am rejuvenated by the determination that carries me through. Every struggling step forward illuminates new horizons and brighter possibilities. With each steady breath, I sense a deepening assurance that this is indeed the way forward, and so I push onward with conviction. I understand now: The answer, like all good things, was found through suffering. Righteous upheaval eventually brought me clarity – a confirmation that I am not defined by my circumstances nor bound by past failures. Instead, I must learn to live humbly and use those experiences to propel myself towards my highest potential. Hope is fundamentally a choice. It might be hiding in the shadows but, like the proverbial phoenix, it can rise from the ashes. As long as I keep my focus on that which brings growth, understanding and truth, I know I will one day find solace in the act of embracing life in its entirety. If you too feel lost and confused, remember that life is full of strange and unexpected turns. Don't despair. Push yourself. Dig deep and increase your resilience. Use your troubles to spur you into action. Utilize the knowledge acquired through suffering to open doors to greater insight and understanding. In time, you will find peace in whichever journey you choose.
  20. When we get stuck in life and feel ourselves grow confused and besieged by a situation, there may be only one way out. We must call within ourselves for courage and strength and search for answers that dwell within our very beings. It can be overwhelming to search and to find within the long depths of our own emotions. When we are swimming in a sea of doubt and confusion, and disorientation, it may seem like no one is near us that can assist us on our journey. It can be difficult and lonely. Yet, help does not necessarily have to come from outside ourselves. By seeking within, we can discover guidance and comfort. There is an unlimited resource within each of us – wisdom and intuition that we can draw on if we care to look. But just as the waters of the sea often appear too deep and dark to contemplate, so do our innermost thoughts and feelings appear inscrutable at times. It can be unnerving. At times, all of us run straight into a wall and become blind in our attempts to sort out the debris of our lives. We might be unclear whether to enter a new relationship, take a new job that appears to be offer more money and stability, or steer around difficult family issues. What should be done? The best advice is to pause and catch our breath. By taking a moment to simply settle into a quiet mindfulness, we can alleviate some of the stress and tension of the overlaying tasks and questions and turn inward. Here, we can answer even the most perplexing questions: Remain with the person you are with, leave the uncertain job offer, or attempt to build bridges between estranged family members. Instead of looking outward and relying on others, try looking within and touch on your inner sparks of wisdom. This way, you will recognize your insights and feelings as valuable. And rather than relying on someone else’s words, you can access your own personal truths. These questions can be posed to the depths of your consciousness. Can I stay in the current relationship? Is the job offer fair? Can the family be reunited? The answers may appear gradually, gently and silently, but diligently searching within these portals can foster greater understanding and meaningful resolutions. The answers may not always appear immediately and could require trial and error as you check in with yourself repeatedly. By cultivating a mindful stance, we can open up to them in due time. More importantly, we may treat ourselves with gentleness and faith. No matter how daunting and distressing the questions presented in life, when we remember to seek counsel within, we can transform difficulties into hope-filled directions and actions. For it is the serenity of the deep, inner fastness that allows us to detect a course of action that wil suit us best and ultimately see through the confusion. With this practice of self-exploration, the clarity and assurance we gain can provide the perfect remedy for doubt an confusion. Affirm to yourself that you can cope. You can make it through. Your inner strength will prevail. We owe it to ourselves to slay the bewilderment eventually and make positive strides toward a more balanced life. However, it is important for us to stay patient and encouraged as we embark on this intimate exploration and trust that we will uncover answers as time passes. Remember that life isn’t a single destination but rather a robust journey. When it brings troubles, its worth searching inside ourselves to discover the hidden paths towards a brighter destination. For when we reach within the hidden regions of our hearts, the wisdom and strength already present there can be boundless.
  21. For many people facing the difficult reality of a partner’s infidelity can be a confusing and traumatizing experience. It is normal to feel a sense of hurt and betrayal when discovering that your loved one has been unfaithful with another person, particularly if the affair was with a close friend. The swirling emotions experienced can make it difficult to know the best course of action for how to proceed with the relationship. No matter how lost you feel or how much uncertainty surrounds the situation, there are some important steps you should take as soon as possible. Firstly, if safe, remove yourself from the environment where you discovered the infidelity. Many people feel so overwhelmed with the immense emotions unleashed by such news, they find themselves incapable of thinking objectively or making any meaningful decisions. Create a safe space for yourself, whether this means staying with a relative or going for a walk in a nearby park. This way, you can get a much-needed break from the situation. Furthermore, seek out professional help. It is vital that you properly process this traumatic event in your life. Having someone knowledgeable to help you navigate these complicated emotions can be immensely beneficial and help you to eventually move on. Consider attending both individual and couples counseling sessions. Joint therapy will help you to work together to create an agreement on whether continuing the relationship is the right choice. Whereas individual counseling will help you to examine any personal issues related to the betrayal which may have intensified the situations effects - enabling you to gain clarity over what you need to move forward with your life. In addition to seeking professional help, practice self-care and listen to your intuition. Read inspirational books, meditate, go for long walks - anything that helps you to cultivate inner peace. Furthermore, listen to your body. When faced with moments of emotional and mental exhaustion, take regular breaks to rest and restore your energy and emotional wellbeing. In moments like this, it is important to be gentle and patient with ourselves. Finally, do not provide an immediate answer on how to move forward with your relationship. Allow yourself plenty of time before jumping into any decision-making. The shock of this situation means that whatever resolution is made must come from a place of long-term thought, rather than short-term emotion. Situations like this are inevitably complex. it is up to you and your partner to identify what is best in the long run. When faced with the devastating discovery of a partner’s infidelity there are several important steps to take. It is okay to feel lost and confused, but by taking action such as finding a safe space, seeking professional help, and listening to your intuition, you can begin to work towards accepting the situation and taking steps towards understanding what direction is best for your future.
  22. Nothing breaks our hearts or shatters our ego like a breakup. Whether it was a loving and mutual decision to part ways or an abrupt and unexpected one, the hurt and confusion that lingers in the aftermath can feel like a complex puzzle with no easy solution. For those struggling with the consequences of a recent parting of ways and dealing with the emotions left behind – particularly if the ex-partner has moved on quickly – the situation may seem overwhelming and the path forward hard to grasp. For many, the recovery process begins with taking time to really process the experience, understanding what happened and identifying the range of feelings that arose throughout the relationship and its conclusion. Some may need to take a step back and conquer the more nebulous aspects of the what-happened-why cycle before they can move forward. Depending on the individual situation and nature of the breakup, it can also be beneficial to use a range of resources to find sources of support, such as talking to family, friends, a therapist or even a life coach. Adopting coping strategies tailored to one’s own individual needs can make all the difference in working through the hurt and turmoil – from writing in a journal, to creative outlets such as art, to breaking a sweat during physical activity. When trying to decipher the actions of an ex-er, the capacity to empathize may lead to a better understanding of their motivations. It is important when doing so, however, to keep in mind the need to steer away from blame and criticism; seeking out others who embody the spirit of neutrality and unconditional support will prove especially helpful in this regard. Examining events objectively and honestly can help chase away the shadows of confusion and foster a more balanced point of view. Many pain points are a natural outcome of every breakup, and it’s increasingly important to recognize this and look out for signs of discontent. From comfort eating to staying glued to the phone, these unconscious behaviors can sabotage rather than incentivize the process of self-discovery. Without allowing themselves the necessary space to heal and rethink what went wrong, those going through breakups likewise run the risk of getting derailed in the murky depths of unhealthy cycles like repeating patterns of grief, bereavement and pain. Fortunately, forgetting the past can pave the way for building a stronger, wiser future. Choosing to focus on the good things in life, as well as on opportunities to grow and be part of positive and meaningful activities, can lift the veil of hopelessness and reignite passions and loves. Equally important is being gentle to oneself, accepting the heartaches and challenges that breakups invariably bring to the surface. It’s ok not to be ok; what matters is to never forget that the only way out is to press on and strive for better days. When dealing with breakups and their accompanying feelings, it is essential to remember that each individual is unique and experiences this process in different ways. The ability to trust one’s intuition is key in finding what works best for each individual and learning to thrive in spite of the pain. With adequate support and guidance, along with personal initiatives to take a step outside one’s comfort zone in search of contentment, the path forward can be illuminated. What may at first appear bleak and despondent may turn out to become a time of transformation and realignment, if we’re willing to look past the sea of sorrow and just fill our sails with the winds of hope and optimism. Despite feeling confused or hurt by our ex, we can choose to repair the broken pieces of our heart and speed up the healing process. Here’s to better days ahead!
  23. Hi, so 10 months ago the mother of my kids seperated with me one evening after I had confronted her about her strange behaviour. She had been cold, distant and had been going away to the coast with friends every other weekend. She stated she'd not been happy for a while and that I'd not been making her feel like I wanted her anymore, that she had been telling me for so long that she wanted to do stuff together like we used to but I would just dismiss her and she has given up. I must admit I wasn't the best, I had been through a bit of a metal health issue and let it get to me and was using my hobbies as a way of getting over it so wasn't giving her and the kids time like I used to. My world fell apart, as the man I was now looking at a life as a part time dad, alone and with little money to find somewhere else to live added to the fact I'd lost the love of my life. She agreed that we could stay living together as long as needed and we continued as a family just eventually we stayed in seperate rooms. She told me she still loved me and for the first month I begged and pleaded with her to reconsider and I just pushed her further away it seemed, she continued to go to the coast with friends and seemed to have a new lease of life as I spiralled into a quite severe depression, but kept hope that she would come back to me. 2 months after our split she went away and I was looking for somthing in the bedroom and found that some peticular items of clothing i had bought her had gone missing, my heart sank but I convinced myself that maybe she had thrown them away, but when she returned I took another look and they were back, I couldn't control myself, I didn't say anything but she soon noticed my behaviour and I eventually told her what I had noticed. She initially made up some bull*** about how she did it on purpose and in the she caved and told me she had planned on wearing for a guy who lived where she had been visiting. I was heartbroken all over again, but this time I felt a little more like I didn't want her back anymore and think that was the beginning of acceptance where she was concerned. As the weeks went by i saw her relationship with this guy continued to develop, she would sit on the phone to him for hours and go to see him every weekend. it killed me to hear her on the phone to him. She would ask me to close my door, obviously so I couldn't listen to her conversation but she maintained they were only friends, I had stopped hoping we would get back together at this point and started to focus on my kids, work myself and my work. my self esteem was through the floor, I was depressed and anxious at the thought of what my life was to become as a seperated dad, and I feared she would fall for this guy and move to be with him taking my kids with her, I was all messed up, every time she went away I would enjoy relaxed time with my kids and I feared it would be the last and that she would come home and ask me to leave. Things got strange when after about 5 months I started to feel better about the situation, my depression had lifted and I was starting to feel good about myself again, I had worked on all the things that I felt caused my relationship to fail and was spending lots of time with my kids, I noticed that she seemed to be getting more and more depressed and I asked if she wanted to talk, bit she was emotionally unavailable and heavily walled off, she became very upset and angry and slipped that I had become all she ever wanted and why I couldn't have done it for her while we were together. I had started to notice that her phone conversations with him had become less than positive, I could hear they were were heated and she would appear very upset and distressed afterwards, but I had learned not to ask anymore and just continued on my path to recovery. One weekend she had and intense argument with him over the phone and I decided to see if if she was OK, I didn't ask anything I just went in and gave her a hug, she came with the kids and I out to an event and we had a really good day, like old times. That evening she told me she was going out to see friends and would be staying there, after she had gone she began to message me telling how nice the day was and the conversation moved to talk of sorting things out, I said that it'd be best if we discussed it face to face and told her I lived her and she said the same, but by tue end of the weekend she seemed cold again and told me she didn't want to talk about what we'd discussed right now, I told myself not to hold my breath and carried on. I had become indifferent and distant from her, I had lost around 50 lbs, tidied up my image and had a wardrobe change, and began going out myself and meeting up with old friends, this lead to me meeting someone new, and we began talking regularly and meeting up every now and again at her place, my ex began to question me about what I was doing but i didn't tell her, as I didn't feel i had to. My ex came to my work place one day to drop my youngest child to me as I was finishing the day, as she was going away. When she arrived I was talking tona woman and we were laughing and joking, I said bye to her and walked over to my ex and I could see immense anger in her face, even her teeth were clenched. I asked what was wrong and she just said "you know what's wrong" and she seemed incredibly jealous and it baffled me, she'd made me feel unwelcome in my own home at times and here she was, showing more jealousy than I ever did to her over just seeing me chat with a woman. She continued to probe me about if I was talking to or seeing someone, I just kept denying it and leaving it there, then one evening when I was in bed she came into my room and seemed upset which wasn't uncommen at that time as she was obviously depressed, she asked if she could have a cuddle before she went to bed and I agreed. It felt nice to cuddle her again, we spooned and both fell asleep together. She woke and got up and left giving me a kiss on the cheek and left, but returned moments later and got back in bed and cuddled again, I could feel us drawing and shifting closer and eventually we just engaged in a very passionate kiss that went on for a few minutes until she withdrew and became upset, I asked what was wrong and she said she felt terrible and that she isn't like that (I assume because she was with another guy now) she left again and I followed and said that there was a reason it happened, because we still love eachother. The next day was awkward and she withdrew again, I kept my cool and went back to focusing on myself. I sensed things were getting worse between her and this other guy, and any time we were together things were light hearted and fun, we began watching TV, eating dinner and even chatting about random things together again in a relaxed way which hadn't happend for a long time. One evening I was in bed and she returned from an event she'd attended with friends, I was woken by her climbing into the bed with me and she gave me a cuddle, this lead from one thing to another and we went at it for hours, afterwards she questioned me again about if I was seeing anyone and I finally admitted it. She flew into a jealous rage which lead to me getting lots of stuff off of my own chest to her and it concluded in the small hours with her telling me to leave. I broken heartedly left, I had got to a point where I knew I just had to take the leap and see where I landed, not long after I had left she was calling me and I eventually answered, she ended up asking me to come back to talk, I went back and she said she had told her rebound everything and he had forgiven her and that she loves me and wants me but isn't ready yet, asked me to stay living there and that she just needs time, but she didnt feel good about me talking to other women, I told her that I was single and what I do is my business and I have no reason to stop (kind of trying to get her to be that reason) she explained that she never lied to me about her situation and that I did lie to her, that's why she was asking me not to, or at least not lie about it to her anymore. Since then she has continued her relationship with him and its still not great from what I over hear, and we seem to have a nice time together, apart from her finding out I was chatting to a girl again and she asked me to leave once again, I agreed and packed a bag but she wouldn't let me leave and fell into my arms apologising for how she'd been to me over this time and we laid together and fell asleep. I'm not sure what to do tbh, i feel hopeful one minute and then like I'm being used and played the next, I want to stay forever and leave and not look back. Has anyone else been through this, what happened what did you do and how did it work out, I'm so confused, pleas help me!!! TIA
  24. I really don't know what to do anymore. So I (M22) have known this girl (F22) for around 2 years now. At first it was flirting on and off with a couple of hook ups until we didn't talk for a semester followed by us rekindling and spending our (last/second senior) semester as everything but the label, being almost inseparable. However, before we both moved back home, we decided to end the romantic aspect and be friends for now while we adjusted to adult life and figured things out. During the past summer, we texted from day to night (literally) talking to each other about our days and what we've been up to, and towards the end of the summer, it even became routine to Facetime nightly. With the way we talked and texted (and the fact that we were mutual #1's on snap), I always had the assumption that feelings were still there. Fast forward to like two weeks ago and she has to dogsit in the town of our alma mater (she's from the town over). When a mutual female friend drove to her to go out to the bars for the weekend, she became very quiet and spotty over snapchat and text, but she was with friends so I did not blame her. Eventually for two more days even after her friends left, she was very quiet. One morning, I took a walk and did not answer her good morning texts for two hours after she sent them, resulting in her immediately asking if I was mad once I did eventually answer, which I denied yet I began to question her absence during the past whole week. A pretty heated back and forth ensued, during which we lost the heart signifying mutual #1's on snap. I asked her if she could talk later that night, and she had a whole different attitude than I've seen her have. She pretty much told me that she doesn't have to explain herself whenever she gets quiet (which we have always done) and that she can't do a relationship right now (which I already knew and understood???) Then when I asked her if she still had feelings for me, she said "not right n...no" which I literally would've never guessed she would say. I hung up and that was the last time I called her. I've answered a couple of her texts the days following (she just kept asking how work was/acting like the talk never happened) but I stopped texting her. I snap her like 1-2 times a day, and she usually answers those within an hour which is shocking considering how cold I'm being. I don't know what to do. As angry and frustrated as I am, my feelings for her are still so strong. I have a strong feeling that her friend that visited (who is all about partying and being single) has something to do with this. Can feelings just disappear like that? Do I stop snapchatting her? It would hurt me so much to break the streak, but if it would do anything to make her miss me. How did she not realize that friends don't just text all day and facetime nightly?
  25. Hi everyone, hope you're all having a great day. Well, I have never quite investigated or properly put my thoughts into words about this so I'm going to try my best, sorry if it's too long or confusing. I'm basically constantly in conflict of what I want, most of the time I'm completely fine by myself and can't be bothered, then the next day I want to make friends, cycle repeats. Then again I mostly limit my interactions online as I moved a while ago and I really don't want to get to know the places around with covid and all, besides I think that's beyond the point since this also happened while I had irl friends anyway. Okay so, with both online and irl friendships (not interested in romantic relationships at all) I always start with this huge energy boost where we constantly talk with each other, message each other, talk about lots of stuff like hobbies, favorite movies, music, all that stuff and it's great! Honestly I do love getting to know people, it's heartwarming. Here's the thing tho, it's like this is a separate version of myself, I often find myself wishing to be back to the "regular" which is minding my own business by myself. Let me try to explain as best as I can. My personality has changed a lot through the years, mostly after learning actual value of friendships, ditching toxic people and overall figuring things out and growing up. Last 7 or 8 years have been a self improvement path that I'm quite proud of, but this is basically what hasn't changed. I fluctuate a lot between wanting to make friends (and actually trying) and minding my own business with zero things bothering me. I think I can't find a balance between both, sooner or later talking and keeping up with friends becomes a huge chore that quite honestly annoys me and often have to retreat into my "selfish self" for a while without any explanation. Legit writing even a short text or giving any explanation, or coming up with one feels like an impossible task even tho I can be working my butt off at the same time, it feels like a huge energy drain to keep up with friends sometimes and it makes me feel stressed and sometimes it combines with stress from work or being tired and my willingness to work out that friendship becomes impossible to deal with. I don't really know why I'm like this, I'm just curious, really. I'd like to find a proper balance and keep friendships for longer, I want I avoid forgetting to reply or even ghosting people accidentally or purposefully. Don't get me wrong I do actually like talking and getting to know people a lot, even tho I'm an introvert I managed to improve this a lot, and still, at some point I just no longer have the energy to keep up. Combined to this, I may also be VERY picky with what kind of people I want to be friends with, I usually avoid A LOT of people with what I consider lame or toxic behaviours, I think I judge lot but never have to say it because I simply don't chase anything with these people, it's simple. I usually avoid people that are overly toxic and loud, people that only wait their paycheck desperately so they can get drunk every week, people who just call you when they need you, and overall just people that don't seem interested in a stronger sense of friendship like I do. It's fine, we all can choose right? I mean maybe my personality might be unlikable to other people too, but what I find most attractive in people is their personality so it's a huge deal for me, and I know being picky and so indecisive about wanting to make friends aren't exactly good personality traits. I do get complimented a lot, my nowadays me is nothing like before! But I have yet another issue on top of the stated above. I also feel like often friendships go nowhere, they eventually turn into boring chit chat everytime or meaningless conversations, not sure if there's someone at fault here o just think it happens naturally but don't know why. Lastly, maybe my expectations or idea or friendship are flawed or unrealistic? Maybe I don't know. If I'm being honest, I don't think I've had a real friend yet, and I just turned 25. I've lost friends or ended friendships mostly when the other person betrays me or something, if there's something I'm good at when dealing with people is dropping my interest, ghosting or ending the friendship very efficiently and with zero remorse or second thoughts really, when people use me or betray me I just no longer feel anything towards them and lose all interest, also I'm too tired after work to involve into any drama haha! I know MBTI might be silly to a lot and to be honest it kinda is to me now, but if it helps as any insight, I'm INTJ. Sorry if this was a bit long and confusing, like I said before I wasn't very sure how to write down se thoughts into words properly. I'm just wondering if this is at least somewhat common or known, I'm very good at many things but at this type of stuff I'm clueless!
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