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ilovemykids

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  1. Thanks everyone for your persistence. I am REALLY hoping I can get some clarity and do what I need to do. It's so awkward because we're so close to moving into our new home and I even went over there today to clean it up while my husband was there working. Everything feels quite normal between us right now... I just don't know when I am going to have the talk with him and I'm so worried I won't go through with it, just like the last 3 times. I wish someone could just do it for me and fast forward a year!
  2. I have talked to him in a serious manner about divorce 3 different times in the last year, but he always has a way of "changing my mind"... I am at a really difficult point where I mostly want to get a divorce, but a part of me wants to "work it out" because a small part of me thinks he may be able to change... ahhh this is so difficult
  3. I am starting to feel quite worried that I'm not going to be able to go through with it... I feel like I'll need just one more thing, one more event to happen in order for me to be done. I can't tell you exactly why.. maybe because things are going well between us otherwise, so it's somewhat weird for me to imagine the conversation of me suddenly telling him I've filed for divorce. In our conversations, it's natural for me to talk about our future, which scares me. it's like I'm hoping that i'll catch him again so that i can have a reason for divorcing, which I know is silly because I already have LOTS of reasons. I know this is hard for anyone to understand. I think I need a counselor!
  4. Thank you everyone for your concern. I think I'm going to wait until we close on our house. This time, when I'm finally ready to do it, I'll actually file for divorce before saying anything to him. That way, he can't talk me out of because it'll be done already. I just hope I can go through with it...
  5. What's ridiculous, is he really doesn't do much to show that he truly loves me when I find out. He doesn't show much remorse at all. I guess he will say that he doesn't want to lose me and he doesn't deserve me, eyc and may even cry a little, but than the next day acts the same as always!
  6. How do I delete a comment i made? I accidentally made one twice... I want to delete #12
  7. You have explained it very well! I do want what's best for my kids and he really is a GREAT father. I believe they are not being affected by what's going on at this point, because we do not talk about it in front of them. And yes, I do love him, which makes it very hard. It for sure is going to be very hard to be the one to walk away. I agree that I've probably stayed so long because of the hope of him changing and each time really believing he could. But I am scared he'll never change and I'd rather divorce him while my children are really young so that it'll be easier for them. Luckily, I have a full time job where I work from home 4 days a week and I know i could move in with my mom right away. I just need to find the courage to follow through with it. I think a part of it is that I really do feel bad for him. He must be miserable living this life and knowing it's wrong, but not being able to stop. But I can't live like this forever.
  8. I need help! I have been married for 4.5 years and we have two children, a 2 year old boy and a 3 month old girl. My husband has had a history of cheating on me and I have no trust in him, but for some reason I never go through with getting a divorce, even though I know it's what's best. Here's the story: When I was pregnant with our son was when I first found sexual text messages on his phone (summer of 2011). He had been texting a girl the night before asking what a sexy girl like her does for fun, asking if she likes watching porn, etc. He said it was a girl from work (he's a general contractor) and that they've never hung out & that it was the first time they've spoken. There was also a different girl that he had met at work that he would always go running with and sometimes wouldn't even come home until 1 or so in the morning! He made me feel like I was crazy for not letting him have any friends that were girls and we always argued about it. I first found out about her when I saw text message conversations and he would totally flirt and say things like "anything for you". I thought all this would stop after we had our son. I was wrong! Soon after we had him, I kept finding more text messages, one time someone had even sent him a picture of herself topless. He claimed he didn't know who she was or why she sent it to him. Things were going somewhat well a little after that, but than he had to go to AT (training for National Guard) for 5 months (summer of 2012). Soon after he left, my phone stopped working so i had to use his old one. I looked up the internet history on his phone and saw that he had looked up TONS of escorts in our city! They advertised for massages.. I looked up our cellphone history and saw that he had contacted tons of them via text and phone calls. I confronted him and he said he has never done anything with any of them, he usually just dials the number and than hangs up. By this time, I was considering being done with him, but he said he'll change, etc etc. Towards the end of him being in training, I saw a couple of charges for hotels and he said it was because they went swimming... When he came home, I thought everything would be okay, but I noticed him texting someone a lot and he said it was a friend from training. When I read some of the conversation, there was a lot of flirting going on and he once again got mad at me, saying he should be able to have friends that are girls. A couple of days later, I was looking through all his things from training literally hoping I'd find something and I sure did. I found a letter from this girl saying she'll never sleep with a married man again and that he's still a good person, etc. He didn't know I found the letter and when I confronted him, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about! It wasn't until a couple days later, after I said we should separate, that he admitted to it and begged me to stay, that it wouldn't happen again etc etc. I decided to give him another chance. Soon after, I got pregnant again and was excited because I thought this time he'd for sure change. Beginning of this year (Jan 2013) I saw some weird charges on our account and saw that he had joined a social network who's slogan is "Life is short, have an affair". I saw that he had yahoo chats with a girl on there talking about f-ing and how she likes it, etc etc, really bad stuff. I also downloaded an app on his phone that allows me to see all of his text conversations and internet history on his phone. This is how I found out he was basically dating a girl. He took her to dinner, they would go to the dog park together, etc. After their date to dinner, he text her and said "It was nice getting to know you with your clothes on". He was also still contacting escorts. This time, I was sure I was going to get a divorce. But after I confronted him, he claimed it's because he'd been out of work and had been having a hard time and he once again begged me to give him one last chance. I gave in. We found out we were having a girl and once again, I thought he'd for sure change! Baby girl was born in July 2013 and things were going good until recently. He had been out late one night and said he hung out with his old friend from college, but I was suspicious. I still have that app on his phone that tracks his messages, but he is aware of that. I thought it was weird that I didn't see any conversations with this "college friend" about hanging. What my husband doesn't know, is that this app also tracks where he is. I saw that he had been in a city that's quite far from where we live. A couple of days later, I see some ATM withdrawals for around $100 plus $30 to the movies on our bank account. About a week later, my kids and I stop by our house that my husband is building to visit him and he's not there... I look on the tracker and he's in that same city... I call him and he says he has to go to the "Lowes" out there to get something. A couple of days later, there's a $30 charge to iHOP. After all this has been going on, I start wondering if he's gotten a second cell phone so another day, I randomly stop by our house he's building and while he was walking around with our son, I hurry and looked in his truck and guess what I found? A cheap Cricket phone! I hurry and looked and only had time to read one text and it said "I want your sexy body all over me". He was starting to walk towards the truck, so I hurried and put it back and acted like nothing happened, but I was pretty sure he knew i found it. Once again, i had decided i should get a divorce, but when I confronted him a couple of days ago, he said he's changed and begged me to wait until January 2014 to make my final decision. And here I am again, giving him another chance. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I really don't understand why I haven't left him. It's NOT a low self-esteem issue because i KNOW i can do better. I just don't know why I can't go through with getting a divorce. I need help.
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