So I've found out that my boyfriend watches porn and it made me feel really upset and angry and hurt. It makes me feel like I'm not enough to make him happy, it makes me feel like he fantasizes about these other women and he would rather be with them than me. It makes me feel like I can't live up to it... ultimately slashing my self esteem and making me feel really down and rubbish about myself.
I've talked to him about it and he tried explaining that it's not like that, he doesn't know or care about these people it's just visual stuff and it's no big deal and he was only watching it because he's away working in London 5 days a week and he gets frustrated. In which I replied that just because he's not around at home doesn't mean I go off looking at other guys... why can't he just be happy with what he's got. And he said he is it's just what all guys do and testosterone etc etc. Even though he's sat down and explained it to me I still just don't get it and I can't help feeling this way. If I put 200% into a relationship I want 200% back. That includes no wandering eyes... I don't feel the need to look at other men because I'm perfectly happy.
Anyway this chat went on for a while and ended up as I'm over-reacting and that I need to get over it fast. That's what he said... I tried explaining that I know some women are fine for their boyfriends and husbands to watch stuff and look at other girls as long as they don't take it too far like you know the whole "look but don't touch" thing. But then I also know a lot of women aren't comfortable with it... I spoke to a few of my friends about it yesterday and they all said they wouldn't feel comfortable and it would make them a little insecure too... so I can't just be making this up.
I don't know what to do. I love him, he says he loves me. I know he would never cheat on me... I just can't shift these negative feelings I'm having about it. I've got confidence and self esteem issues as it is, he knows this. It's really difficult for me to not compare myself to others and get out of this way of thinking.
Any advice would be highly appreciated because I do just want to get over it and make it work...