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  1. And you want to know the one of the worst things about this....I already have bought my engagement outfit...it all keeps getting worse
  2. Lonewing - Thanks for that advice..I just don't know how to erase him from my mind and heart though. I was planning to marry this man. I don't even know how hard it is when I start getting questions about him from family and friends..telling this story over and over is going to be self destroying and then I dont want everyone to talk about me..sooooo much stress i understand its the bad that makes us grow..but I really am in dire need of some good in my life..Its been a very long time since I have any of that.. Hope I can take those baby steps...
  3. how would you all confront him? I want to do it in the best way where he will also feel some pain..I'm not a mean revengeful person, but he needs a taste of how incredibly bad he has destroyed me and I pray he never does this to anyone else..
  4. Shooting Star - Thanks for your sweet reply..I need all of the support and big hugs I can get right now. I am completely falling apart. The night I found out I had zero sleep and today could be a repeat of that. I'm truly turning into a shell of a person. I still can't imagine how anyone could do that to someone that they say they love. It's pretty disgusting isn't it? I agree..I don't want to ignore this..In my past I have played the nice girl one too many times and let things slide. This time I deserve to have answers for him. He destroyed my life, they least he owes me is some answers. Maybe he will lie again and say he was forced into getting married..ugh True she may stay loyal to him..but I just want her to know what i never was allowed to know..the truth.. And I feel its my duty that now I know what a horrible bf he is, he must be an equally bad husband..And she should know what happened regardless no? Also, what if there are other girls out there? My mind races just thinking about it.. Yes, I've thought about how dreadful that flight would be going and coming back from there..She's a dr too..so what would I do..make an appointment? and then tell her..it feels so crazy awkward..Do you have an suggestions?' or would the phone still be the safest bet?
  5. RollingAlong- Thanks for your reply. About the trusting easily..When I met him, I did have walls up from being cheated on in my previous relationship..but through all the love I felt with my bf..those walls came down and it was then that I started trusting. SO I don't know what more I could have done to prevent this? I do know men lie..its a sad fact of my life..But this is bordering on psychological lying. HE definitely hid it very very well so that I didn't find out.. I just don't know he manages to speak to me so much throughout this entire relationship and even after getting married..where is this wife?? It all leaves me with more questions..Also what do you think could make a newly married man decide to keep a long term relationship going with me as if nothing happened? I wonder when he would even tell me..after they have kids?? I'm really sorry you are having issues from your relationship? I truly hope you are in a better place after it ended. I can also understand when you thought he was going out while you would be away. Thats a natural thought and I did tell my bf he could go out and have fun with his friends while I was away..most of the time he said I would rather talk to you so we would just talk all night, but he did definitely spend time with friends. I don't really know where in the line between grilling your bf all the time because you've become paranoid to just giving them free reign to do whatever..In my case, I did not want to be controlling so told him he could spend time with his friends but we clearly had a conversation about no cheating EVER..guess his brain was on auto pilot that day I did see her full name on FB..I'm actually not a member on the site but just saw the pictures which google linked me too..Wish there was a way for me to see more or find out more. I really want to know when this relationship with her started. I think she works out of 5 clinics..Feels like a nightmare to have to track this chick down among all the other things Im dealing with. I'll def look more into finding a way to send those voicemails..I have tons of them saved.. Thanks for your support.. I will keep posting here.. I'm really thankful to all of you have have posted so far..It means a lot to have someone listen and try and help.
  6. Sara-Pezzini - Maybe that might be easier than in person. I'm still in two minds about all of this. I definitely do not want him to get away with this. I think right now, he has his cake and is eating it too. It probably would be one of the worst conversations of my life but maybe she will listen to what I have to say and kick his ass to the curb..Somehow women are always the ones that get screwed around. He is such an incredible liar that I'm sure that he would find a way to convince her that I was just some crazy ex who wanted him back or something..who knows.. Do you think I should for sure tell her? Or is anyone on the fence that it would cause more harm that way. I'm also thinking that if he is this crazy to marry a girl behind his gf's back..then what else is he capable of? btw. I also have saved voicemails on my iPhone..do you think there's a way to save those and maybe send that as proof?
  7. While writing that last reply..I just got 3 texts from him asking where I was and telling me how much he loves me and that he can't wait for our future Does he even have a conscience?
  8. Ms Darcy - Yes, I think he must have met this girl while I was dating him and then decided to marry her. I still can't believe it The was divorced from his ex wife before I met him. Showing proof was the reason I wanted to fly out. It could cause more drama but if I was to get in touch with her, she might believe me more face to face. I never in my life, thought I would be in this situation. I can't even imagine what I would tell her..I never knew I would have to deal with "the other woman" in my lifetime.. If there are any women on this forum who have dealt with this personally (i.e. confronting the other woman) please let me know what to do? what to say? Also how should I confront him about this??? Right now, he doesn't even know that I know.
  9. Sara Pezzini - Thanks for your reply..I don't know if I can leave it with one text..Its 4 years I spent with him..I want him to at least have to give me some answers..I feel like a text is just letting him off the hook. As for the wife, I've never been in a situation like this..Maybe if I call, she'll just hang up on me?? Ms Darcy - Thanks as well. I think you have misunderstood the situation though..He was not married when we met and his divorce was a long time before we dated..We just discussed it during the initial stage of our relationship.I would NEVER date a married man knowingly. Also this was not meant to be an indefinite LDR..There were definite plans to marry. I also could not meet the entire family as they live in different countries around the world. I unfortunately can not afford to spend that much money for flights. I did manage to fly my entire immediate family to meet his Father though and I was in touch with his sibling through the phone. They all did know about me..I had been around him talking to his sister and he talked about me to her. SO it wasn't as if I was a secret. I'm not sure how I share evidence with someone who I don't even know where she works or lives. How should I go about all of this? I don't have her email numbers anything..She was just a stranger I found married to my boyfriend on FB. This is all so stressful for me
  10. Hi everyone, I'm sorry in advance if this turns out to be a long post or if it sounds overly emotional/confusing. I am in desperate need of advice and have no one to turn to. Right now, my mind is a mess..I am shocked, sad, and drowning in my own tears My story: I'm in a committed LDR for the past 4 years with my boyfriend. He lives in Texas and I'm in Canada. We have made frequent trips during that time as well as spoke on the phone (and internet) every day, multiple times a day for hours. He has already met my family and I flew to another country to meet his father. Since the beginning we have always talked about marriage, kids and spending our lives together. He was supposed to be "the one" for me. Yesterday I randomly ended up looking him up on a search engine. I had done this once when we were first dating, but it was more curiosity at that time. Last night it was for a silly reason of hearing on the news about identity theft and they recommended you should look up loved ones on a search engine to make sure no one has been using their info. And so that's what I did. I searched his email and came accross his FB profile. He had FB when we first were dating but said he rarely used it and I guess he made it difficult to search (wasn't able to find it the first time I looked).. And I'm not on FB so I wouldnt really be able to check otherwise. Anyway, there was his profile with one pic that I could see. I read the comment that someone left and it said " Nice pic! Congrats on the wedding to ****. Hope we can all go on a trip one day".....My mouth hit the floor. It hasn't left. I ended up staying up all night and found out through further googling and clicking on FB that his brother in law had posted pictures. And then I saw them.. There were 4 pictures of my boyfriend of 4 years with some other woman.. MARRIAGE PICTURES!! The date was Nov 23, 2012. I remember around that time he said he had to help his Dad with some business and also see his sister and brother in law (they all live in anther country. I haven't met his sister or brother in law btw as they live so far, but have spoken to them) and he said he was going to his cousin's wedding and he needed to go as he missed so many family weddings growing up. I stupidly believed him. I checked my old texts and he had written before he left, "I love you so much. I'll miss you and would much rather be coming to see you". He kept in touch through texts and we spoke a few times, but he said he had issues connecting his phone. Truthfully I don't even know where he got married or if he ever left, as the pics say Houston. And if he did get married how/why was he txting and calling me like nothing happened, telling me that he went to some relatives house and that he was helping with the cousins wedding etc??...I just can't understand any of this. The worst part of last night was seeing this other woman (this pretty doctor) and when I clicked on her profile she had a wedding picture of my bf, his father and her as her cover. I was able to click on the only 4 pictures I could see (because of privacy settings!) and they were all of the wedding. One was a picture of both of them at a club hugging. It was dated a few months ago, a couple weeks after my birthday. I literally collapsed on the floor after seeing all of this...shaking, crying, stunned. I pulled up old pictures of us together just to make sure this was him. I felt like I was going crazy and kept telling myself, that maybe this was some other guy who just really looked like him. But it wasn't. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare This past year has been hell on me since I have had some ongoing health issues, and I even briefly considered not being with him a few months ago as I didn't want to make his life harder because I was so sick. I stupidly have always thought of him. I have been 100% faithful to his man. I just can't understand how anyone can do this to someone. I couldn't even imagine doing this to my worst enemy. It's not like he had some arranged marriage, because he looks happy and he has always told me that he is an independent man. He had a past marriage that failed and during the first part of our relationship we spoke at length about what he went through and how she took him for a ride. (Who knows if that's true or not) I always was on his side about his role in his marriage and helped him through whatever traumas he had dealt with in his childhood (his mom and brother passed away when he was young). Our relationship has had some ups and downs like every relationship, but we were happy I thought. If there were ever times when we did fight, he always pushed for us to stay together. Ive even heard him cry on the phone about us always staying together..Were those even real tears or maybe just crocodile tears? Our last call yesterday he was telling me how excited he was to have children with me one day and he started asking me about how we should plan our future..where we wanted to live, etc. Im confused as to how can he be married to someone else and have a full relationship with me. Making me believe that we have this amazing future together when really I have nothing. Telling me each and every day that he's in love with me. Words which I really believed. I don't know if I became the other woman or was she dating him before me, and I'm the other woman. Whichever way it is, its absolutely horrible. I feel like the floor has fallen from under me. I have thought about flying to Houston so that I can find this other woman and tell her the truth about her supposed perfect husband. I know you may think it's wrong to do so, but my life has been destroyed by this so why should he be able to just continue with his with no repercussions. It's not something that I ever would like to do, as I'm sure she thinks the world of him too, but why should he just escape blame free??? Plus he's ruining her life too, by having this relationship with me. I have also thought of just showing up unannounced and seeing how he reacts and confronting him them. A part of me wants him to see the pain he has caused face to face because right now I feel disposable and like I'm toy that he's playing with and will one day just throw away. I love this man with all my heart..more than any one else I have ever loved. But this is the worst thing that someone you love can do to you. Sadly, I have been cheated on before, but never like this. And my boyfriend knew that I was cheated on previously and he always said he would take care of me so I never get hurt. All lies I guess I really don't know how I can move on from this.I feel like I can't believe in anyone anymore. I am imagining just closing myself from perpetual hurt and just living alone forever. I feel like its one bad relationship after the next. I don't even know if any of this relationship was real..was every moment we shared a lie??? I don't know why he has decided to continue to make me feel like he's my boyfriend and we have this perfect life together..I would have more respect for him if he has just broke it off with me before he decided to marry this girl. Actually I don't think I'll ever have respect for him. What should I do? Do I just confront him on the phone or should I travel there? Should I contact her? Please help!!!
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