bryce2102

Hi Dinosaur, Seems like you really love this girl. But the fact is she broke up with you, and your girl probably isn't in any shape to continue in a relationship. If you are going to be there for her to overcome it, then it's best not to have expectations of getting back together. If not you will be the one feeling disappointed at the end of it. Each person griefs differently and for different lengths of time. How did the counselling go? Hi melspi, Your boyfriend is going through a difficult moment, and he isn't thinking rationally. By my experience, if someone tells me to think rationally, I will shut off that person. (Even if they are right) He will take time to recover, and being there for him is possibly the best you can do for him. Try not to 'aggravate' him by telling him to look on the bright side, everyone heals at their own pace. Give him time to sort things out on his own, if he truly cares for you then he will want to step out of his grief.

Hi Pollara and kb821, I'm sorry to hear of all that has happened to the both of you. I can imagine how terrible it must feel to hold on to someone with the hopes of continuing the relationship and then they dash it for you. But I guess the one who is griefing can't even focus properly and that's why they end up hurting those who truly care for them. It's important then to focus on yourself after all that's happened and do all you can to overcome this. Holding on to hope will only prolong the pain. You could try refocusing on your passion or interests, ones that you probably didn't have the time to pursue after all that's happened. Or maybe a trip overseas would help to clear your thoughts. Loving yourself once again should be your priority. Just my 2 cents worth. To be honest, no one will know how one behaves when griefing, but ultimately, the one who has to step up, face it and get out of it is still the griever. For me I did something which I will regret for a long time to come, and I constantly berate myself for not doing the right thing. However, I am still slowly accepting the fact that I have to learn this the hard way. Many things are not within our control, but we can choose how we react or view them. I hope the both of you get better soon.

Well, it's all over. Met up to talk and she shared that she was already seeing someone after we broke up. And he was the one who was there for her during those moments she really needed me. It was hurtful to hear that she had moved on so quickly. Whatever it was, I'm trying to get over this feeling and move on. And yes, I do agree that it's important to heal myself, no matter what has happened. I do hope that those of you who are experiencing it (be it griefing or supporting the griefing party), hang in there. Things happen for a reason and it's for us to learn the lessons behind them.

Hi everyone. I'm glad I found this forum, because I thought that I was the only odd one experiencing such feelings. And yes, I can empathize with you Miri, and somehow feel that it relates to my situation. I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months before I broke off with her after my mum passed away from cancer. The first 4 months was going fine, until the last 4 months just before she passed on. It was a tough 4 months, having to juggle work, part time studies and taking care of my mum. It pained me to see her getting thinner everyday and honestly, it was a stressful and tiring period for my dad and I who took turns to care for her. He was doing it most of the time, and I'll help out the moment I came back from work. During those days, I couldn't spend much time with my girlfriend because I had to take care of my mum. She was understanding and offered to come over to my place to accompany me at times. We had our fair share of arguments and disagreements at times, in part because I couldn't cope with so many things on hand. She shared with me that she was feeling restricted and not herself during those months, but I wasn't able to sit down and have a good chat with her during those times, but she still hung around for me. Even when my mum passed away, she came over to help with the funeral arrangements and was constantly by my side. But I felt that the dynamics in our relationship had changed, I felt her presence physically, but could not connect with her emotionally. We had a talk a few days later, and she told me she didn't share many of her feelings (happy, sad, angry etc) with me during those months. I asked her why, and she said that she didn't want to agitate me. She also said that she felt restricted and needed assurance. I then initiated a break off, because I felt that she couldn't understand me and had chosen the wrong time to bring up this topic. A few days later, I told her that I truly regretted what I did, and that I was too caught up with my mum's death. I also asked if we could get back together, but she declined, because she was still very hurt by my actions. Till now, one month later, we still keep in touch, but on a surface level. Many of my friends told me to keep in touch with her and to get her back. But honestly, it's hard to, when dealing with my mum's death is one of the things I have to get over. I also noticed she has been pretty cold towards me, her replies to my texts are usually brief. Honestly, I wish I could start all over with her again. But yet, there were many issues that led up to this. And I question myself if holding on to such hopes will be worth it.