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accidentprone

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  • Birthday 06/18/1988

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  1. thanks for all your respective input. it certainly is a rough and stressful time for several reasons that all happen to be going on at once. i will try and answer your individual questions. wiseman2 - the LDR certainly hasnt helped things and we had been on the same page up until a couple months ago that we wanted to be in the same place together and the upcoming "ending leases" just happened to be an easy way to plan and would give us time to prepare. the big issue that ive seen with that was the wishy washy nature of her questioning whether or not it was a good idea anytime we'd have a fight or anything, as if things would always be the way that she felt in that moment of fighting. catch 22 is that the tension and fights were brought on in large part by the distance so this seemed like a great way to resolve those issues. i am not depressed nor have ED issues. this issue with our sex life is that it went through phases of ups and downs, some because of things on my side and some on hers. we have had plenty of discussion in the past which improved things for a bit but then something would happen where it dropped off and if we're only getting 2ish days together per week its hard to balance everything, but i am afraid that internally she has just given up, which is surely possible. prior to these things over the past couple months, our goals/future plans/values all lined up so well. misscanuck - i agree with the possibility of her having met someone else, even though im sure she'd never admit it or hasnt acted on it, not sure. she's never given me reason to not trust her, especially with us spending 5 of 7 days apart typically, which is why this sudden feeling of suspicion caught me very off guard and made me feel crazy and ended up blowing up/handling things in the worst way. i should have brought things up in a more fair and neutral way instead of unloading at once while making these connections that may or may not be there. i will agree though that she has been pulling away from the relationship to an extent but again with only seeing each other twice a week and the communication the rest of the week being a good morning/good night and occasional catch up call, theres not much to go on. but things did feel on track for the most part. its really only over the past 2 weeks that the communication has been sparse and tense and she has really felt like shes pulling away alot (which i feel is in large part due to our fight making he either realize/question how shes been feeling) but then even today i get call with her telling me that she misses me and is excited to see me tomorrow and for our time together. there just seems to be no consistency. reddress - regarding the move, i am really pretty much already planning on just finding the new place for myself and leaving the door open if she ever decided she was ready. the biggest thing i hate about all this is that our relationship felt like it was progressing the right way and we were working towards something (this being able to be together in a normal way like we have wanted) but i feel like with the past couple months of things being a little off and then the last two weeks of things being a lot off following the fight, that this is not too little and too late. the sex issue is the we were having less over the past couple months but again with only seeing each other twice a week it was hard to sustain enough for her (her drive was always higher) she had been put off and frustrated when it wasnt happening enough and we were working on it (again hard with such little time) and i really am afraid that she's just given up on me/that altogether, which is likely a big component of this whole mess - and the biggest slap in the face is that it will be my fault, which is hard to live with. she knows how much i love her and care for her and she knows just how much ive sacrificed and done to make this relationship work (although i have not once held it over her head and never would) she knows that i really want this to work and she says that she does (but at the same time is frustrated with the lack of sex as well as her recent loss of weekend freedom/social life with her friends, etc.) at the end of the day, im really just going to see how this weekend goes and hopefully it will tell me what i need to know and help with my decision/what to do going forward. i have certainly had thoughts and made suggestions of us taking more than just these two weeks apart and she gets seemingly upset by the idea and goes on about missing me, and then irrationally worried that i just want to hangout with another girl, etc. so over the past two weeks when all of this discussion has been swirling, i have given her plenty of outs on this and chances for some real space to "think" about things but she doesnt take them and instead wants to make plans with me for this weekend. i truly think she is torn at this point and unsure of how much she values and wants the relationship. i have no intentions of pressuring her on the move, especially with things being so off recently, and just seeing how the next couple weeks go (while on my own making my necessary plans to find a new place, etc.)
  2. SGH - very strange indeed. hence the reason it popped into my mind and i started making all of these connections. i wanted to be careful though not to just give into paranoia and sudden onset insecurity over a few less than perfect (but still pretty good overall) months coupled with texts from an unknown person i didnt directly ask her about. still dont know who was texting her but certainly agree that its just initials, which is very weird. again though i wouldnt want to open that door of accusation unless i was sure because then there is no going back from that. i did ask her during the fight and once since then if there was someone else because she was giving me such weird signals. i am clearly trying to give her an out. and i have also cut my communication way back, to which she reacts poorly (didnt answer several texts and a call i didnt see on sunday and she flipped out saying i was ignoring her) its very strange hot and cold behavior im sensing. regarding closing the distance, it didnt cause the drama but moreso it adds a bit to the pressure on both of us knowing that its coming up soon, and that with the acknowledged fact that something has been off, has made it an elephant in the room. but the elephant is getting louder and im soon going to have to start making decisions which will likely result in ultimatums, for lack of better word. and that surely never goes well. i dont want to end things and be wrong about my reasons, but i know she wont admit to me if it was actually more than just her having cold feet about moving. i also dont want to try and hangout together if things are going to be weird. i suppose even though i am hesitant due to how things were the last time we were together, that i will see her this weekend just to see how things feel and hope that gives me a better idea of whats up and what to do.
  3. my gf is 26 and im 31 and we've been together for 2 years. the dynamic of our relationship is an unconventional one as she lives 1.5 hours away and doesnt have a car so i have done all the back and forth for two years. its not terrible and we've managed to spend nearly every weekend together for the past 2 years. like all relationships it started exciting, alternating if we'd stay in her town or mine, taking small trips every few months, and building comfortable "homes" in each of our places (though she was never in love with my city and really only liked hers slightly more) We've been through nearly everything you can think of together from job changes to a pregnancy scare fairly early on and have weathered many storms and fights together. for the most part up until a couple months ago, we were very happy and saw/spoke about a future together. However, over the past few months i have noticed a change in her overall excitement/affection toward me. Now a lot of it had to do with my sexual drive dropping off for a while which made things a little sparse in that area, which caused tension with the little we were already seeing each other anyway, and we discussed this every so often, but then things seemed like they improved afterwards or maybe they just went away for a while. over the past few months i have noticed her pulling away it seems and becoming distant here and there. i know she has a hard time with work (hates her job) and was feeling disconnected from her friends and social life and some other stressors and we've talked about these things off and on. right around the time of her pulling away or slightly before, we were talking about moving her here soon as both of our leases are up at the same time at beginning of sept and it seemed like we were both on board and excited as this would afford her more job opportunity in this bigger city, as well as give us more time together, and be the next chapter for our relationship. two weekends ago, at the end of my birthday weekend/trip we ended up getting into a big fight which seemed to come from nowhere (though i had been holding back that i thought things were off) because she had been weird and distant with me all weekend and also kept getting texts from a name (actually just initials, which i thought was weird) and seemed a little secretive about it - so in my head i made connections that may or may not be there based on our lack of sex, her seeming aloofness, and the weird texts, tried to push and find out what was up and ended up asking if there was someone else, because to be fair this is how people act when there is and gave her an out if there is or if she doesnt want to be together right now. this resulted in her freaking out and "needing space" to think about why she might be feeling this way. we agreed to not see each other the following week/weekend to give her some time. i know i messed up alot by bringing this up and escalating in that way and told her this. we spoke a little off and on to just check up through the week and she would often say she missed me, etc but we talked about nothing serious until sunday when we had what felt like a productive conversation during which she said that she thinks what the problem is would be for the past few months she's felt like shes been missing out on the type of life she had before we were together, and especially recently since shes been hanging out much more with friends new and old, but is still pretty sure she still wants to be together, etc. although the upcoming move (i am moving out regardless so it will either be me or the two of us)is likely an added pressure there too. i still have a weird feeling that somethings off because she's acting much different and less connected with me than she ever has before - not contacting me much and our conversations are flat. though as of today we have plans to come back here and hang out this weekend and i dont really plan on having any serious talks or anything but at this point, knowing she's hot and cold and essentially having doubts about the relationship, im not exactly sure how to proceed. this will be the first ive seen her in two weeks, easily the longest we've gone in two years. if the relationship has run its course, that would be really hard, but i'd understand but she isnt acting as if she really really wants to be together but at the same time, shes still making plans and reaching out to me. not sure whats going on and any advice or similar situations would be appreciated.
  4. been awhile since i needed to post on here. feels bad having to return. i have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. while we have only been together 6 months, we have together been through what feels like a couple years worth of experiences. overall, things have been pretty great. we have been very happy together. only recently, things started to feel like they're falling apart. in a series of terrible events, we both lost our jobs around christmas (she has since found another) and then spent the week of christmas together. all in all, despite the circumstances, things were still feeling okay. however over the past couple weeks since then, we have been arguing a lot (like every couple days) and things just felt tense. now we have had bad arguments in the past, nothing has ever been over serious subject matter, and they always resolved themselves. this time has felt weird and different though. even though we talked and resolved the issue, she has felt pretty distant and lackluster with me. her persona with me has seemed to almost do a 180. the normal silly, fun, affectionate, cant-wait-to-see-me girlfriend of the past 6 months now feels detached and forced a bit. i asked her about it and she says that ever since the last fight, she hasnt felt close to me, even though the air has definitely been cleared. i have been home for the past few days since then and we havent really talked too much and the communication we have had via text and a phone call or two, seemed pretty unenthusiastic on her end. before this past fight, and an underlying issue i had suspected from previous fights, (it's never about what it's about) was that for a couple weeks before i lost my job, things had been a little boring and routine/apathetic i guess, even though we both still had fun and she seemed genuinely happy. the intimacy was sparse because of issues i was having, but everything else was in place. i truly feel like me dropping the ball with that made her feel undesired and disappointed in me and started a slow downhill spiral. it fueled her frustration with me i know as well as added to her own stress in life. i feel so awful about this and the fact that i may have inadvertently ruined our recently great relationship. i am so in love with her and this would eat me alive to lose her. is there any advice on here from anyone or has anyone has similar experience? thanks in advance.
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