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Everything posted by Medus88321

  1. I want to be short but Concise, which will admittedly be very hard with a story like this. I met who would become my boyfriend about a year ago now, when he was still with his ex. They had just had a baby together and it was their first time out since the baby was born. I was there with my SO at the time so our interaction was not one of love at first sight it was really an indifference to each other since we were in full swing of our respective relationships. Fast Forward a year later, they had been broken up from a very toxic and spiteful relationship. And vice versa on my end. We were both single for awhile when we finally became better friends. He moved out of living with her and in with brother, and I had moved out of my dad's place and into an apartment of my own. He was coworkers with my sisters husband and they played video games together and then he became part of our whole circle of friends, hence how we took a billion years to actually meet and then forever to actually become friends and get to know one another. He wasn't really out on the prowl for a side piece after the collapse of his relationship and new custody troubles with his ex. It took a long time for him to even make up his mind about liking me for sheer fear of my rejection because he has a young child and I don't have any children and I'm 5 years younger than him and a little better off financially. Not to mention he wanted to make sure I was a good fit to get along with his child, like as in finding out if I was open to kids and how well I interacted with them, how mature and open I could be really. Just like he was feeling me out I was also feeling out what kind of man he is, how truthful he was about what happened between him and his ex, and observing what kind of father he is, His dedication, and reliability, trustworthiness. Normal Stuff. I normally would never date a guy with kids since I'm only 23, and going to college and living alone. He was kind and respectful and seemed genuinely interested in showing me that he wasn't just interested in casual dating but was very interested and if things proceeded for the better he hoped for something more serious and long term but only if I was as serious and committed since he wasn't letting flaky people he was dating take priority over his daughter. I found in so endeering how devoted and soft spoken he was with her, he really loves her so much and it's apparent just by how he acts, and the decisions he makes. We have been dating for 4 months now, and we were in full swing of a powerful and happy honeymoon phase of our relationship. Until last wednesday when I found out I was pregnant. We both agreed that the best thing to do would be to not keep the baby, I couldn't afford to take leave to have it and keep my apartment, and he can't afford to pay my rent when he has child support and his own rent, bills as well. He told me that if I truly want to keep it he would stand by me and help make it happen no matter what, but he also made his reservations and true feelings about it known as well. We have only been together for 4 months, between the two of us we can't afford for me not to work and pay my own rent, it's so soon, and he is fighting for custody of his current child as we speak and feels so overwhelmed with stress. I would only get a fraction of his attention because he doesn't have the finances to keep me and him afloat. He says that he is happier than he's ever been and would love to have children with me someday when we are better equipped, but it still hurts me I know it shouldn't but it just does. I am pregnant now and I just don't think I can have children with him ever now because I feel like he is always devoted to his first child, which isn't wrong, I know that, but I am pregnant now too and I still seem not to be any kind of priority. He's so set on that we can't keep it that he doesn't seem to be taking this as hard as I am. He already has a child so he never has to worry about missing out on having one, but I am going to miss out on having my own and I understand why, but I find myself so angry sometimes and I can't put a finger on why or what the exact cause is. I cry myself to sleep most nights. I have an appointment in 10 Days for the procedure. I feel like all my love and trust for him is going to die with this procedure. I am overwhelmed with guilt that I can't have it with him but I would be even worse off on my own. He would always want to be part of the child's life so it would be a lifelong commitment to him as the father, but who can commit to something bigger than marriage in 4 months of dating? I am so torn, so broken hearted at how matter-of-fact he is about it, and how I have to be as well when I am an absolute mess inside. My first pregnancy isn't a happy one, it's second rate to him, but first to me. I feel like just getting the procedure and breaking up with him because I know I can't just go back to things being the same, he expects that they will but I know I won't settle so easily. I see myself manifesting feelings of hate towards him and when he brags about his baby that he already has while mine gets to be forgotten (not by me of course) and how he goes on daily life like his situation is so stressful that he can't even begin to really process me or our situation. Am I not as important, why does this make me so angry, I act spiteful and lash out for no reason now and I feel so emotionally out of control. When he's gone I feel like my mind can wrap around the situation and I feel better, but when I see him he just says one thing that bothers me and I feel so angry I can't speak. He sees me becoming distant but doesn't know how to help, he just leaves me alone. His daughter is more important, I know that's not wrong of him, so why does it hurt so much that I can't keep this child I don't want to have or a father I feel like I don't want to be with anymore?? can we ever make it through this or has it killed the relationship before it could really start?
  2. So I’m a 22 year old young lady and some background on the situation is really this, I live with my dad, I don’t pay rent, or car insurance while I’m going to school is the deal I made with my dad. I only have two retail credit cards for tiny amounts that I do use but not for anything I couldn’t pay off right away. I also make $70 payments on and emergency room bill twice a month cause I want that gone. (Only a tiny bit longer) I work a full time job for about $12/hour. My dad agreed that it could be beneficial for me to buy a bike, I own my own car and I don’t need a new one at the moment. But he liked that I finance a less expensive bike like under $7000 and just make larger Payments on it since I am able to afford it, I would pay the insurance and all that stuff. I’ve been pouring over the internet and I get really discouraged that there is such conflicting advice, some people are like “you’re a damn fool to finance a bike. you don’t have the money to put down on the whole thing, you don’t get a bike” and others find it quite a reasonable credit building tool if you’re going to maximize the benefits from the situation and weigh the costs to the value and time. Sooo I guess I’m just trying to decide if that’s a good financial path for me. I am dying to get into the hobby, I grew up riding my dads Suzuki 180 and Honda 250, he also owned a Kawasaki ninja and a hyabusa at one pointor another. I am still a noob but have an idea of what I’m looking for in a bike and what it’s worth to me. I’ve researched insurance and got my permit, looked into how much registration costs. Like the works, I tried on gear and everything so I already know what I want and have it ordered. So what I am asking is, am I a naive little girl to want to finance a new Honda 2018 CBR300R for roughly 4999? Plus taxes and fees and all that? I get it’s MY first bike so the chances of me recking it are quite high, but I also have enough experience that I think I can get by with lots of practice?
  3. Well I'm really grateful for the insight, from the other side it seems so simple now that I find it funny. I know in reality it's still very complicated and I despise the silly "dating game" we humans play at times. I hope you're right about some things, I want to be able to even get the chance to bring more to the table than I have ever gotten the opportunity.I am very independent, I can go weeks without hearing from him and I'm okay. It's hearing from him and making plans with him that puts me in a tizzy! I just don't know exactly what I would ask him if I did try to talk about it, don't guys hate it when you ask how you feel about them? Especially grown men, who have been on this marry-go-round so many times?
  4. I'm not entirely sure if they do ACTUALLY see each other or they just have some kind of communication flow going? He said they ultimately split because she had a music career in Tennessee and his business is in the state we live in and it was too hard on top of all their other problems to work through the distance. Then she remarried right away, but that was five or so years ago and she got divorced and came around to him again? that's literally the entire extent that I know about it. I didn't want to pry too much by asking all the time.
  5. He just introduced me as my self but with out any kind of label. But when we left the next morning his friend said he was super happy to meet me and was glad I came, and hoped to see me around more often. The same kind of happened with his uncle who made the comment that I was lucky to have around and he should bring me more. So, good I think?
  6. I really hate to go into so much detail when I really don't need to. Essentially way back in January I was working as a barista and this customer came in and at first it seemed like a normal transaction but somehow he struck up a fun conversation with me and we talked for awhile and then ended up giving me his business card and asking me to call him sometime. He was very charming but also down to earth and a very yellow happy free energy about him. After a week I called him, and he wanted to meet at a bar. Now, he didn't look 35 but that's what turned out to be the situation and I'm 22. We met up and chatted for hours, he was not as surprised about my age as I was his since he knew I was in college. We played some pool and laughed a bit, he's very comfortable in almost any situation, intelligent, and open minded. He owns his own successful Arborist business he started when he was 24, he has traveled all over the world. He just was intensely interesting and fun to be around, and I was really confused as to how he got into me, I am very average and I don't have nearly as many interesting life adventures as he did. He is a mountain man but with a BA in literature and his own business, he likes to hunt and camp so we don't have a ton of time together, he avoids situations where he would have introduce me and I don't know if it's because he is scared to, ashamed to, is he hiding something, is he hiding me, does he have a girlfriend he's lying about, is it just too soon maybe? I picked him and a buddy of his up from a party and spent the night at his friends house, and he took me out "hunting" (kinda but not serious hunting) with his uncle and friend, but I don't know if that means we are "dating" or "just friends" or are we exclusive or just experimenting? I don't know how to even go in that direction, he did mention his ex wife coming around him now that she is getting divorced again, and he said he was so done but could that be a thing? I live at home still and don't make much money and still go to community college so I don't have a TON going for me, so we are just in very different spots in life but I really enjoy his company and want to start getting closer I guess he's funny and very real yet humble and kind, and I'd like to think if I was just a hump and dump he would have quit me after the numerous times I ignored him for dating other people. I'm scared he only wants me for one thing, but he doesn't outwardly act that way all the time but I'm not 100% sure either, because he's not the type to convey his thoughts or feelings so openly. I was thinking about inviting him to a casual dinner out with my sister and some friends to introduce him, is this a good idea and first step into the "serious" category or maybe not? I just know the ambiguousness kinda gives me anxiety and is nerve racking for me. Should I wait or just tell him how I feel? I literally don't know, I am on a certain level intimidated by him in the success department. I just need advice, I feel kinda out of water and a little in uncharted territory. I am scared of wasting my time, but even more scared of rejection too, I have serious trust issues from being lied to and cheated on so I am usually hard to tie down relationship wise. Thoughts?
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