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  1. Hello, So I was dating this girl for 17 months and she broke up with me last weekend saying that she loves and cares for me but is not in love with me. She said we are basically just good friends, that she wants me in her life and will be in my life, but not romantically. She said that things would basically be the same between us, she would help me if I needed anything, we'd still talk, etc. A couple weeks before this she had told me that she loved me but wasn't sure if I loved her because I never did the little things like take her out, get her gifts and be romantic. She thought we should take a break so I could see if I still loved her. I assured her I do love her and promised to change but just happened to have exams the week after so I was buried in work. I was planning to take her out this past weekend but it was too late... The past week she was really pulling away, not really being physical with me. She has also picked up a new hobby swing dancing which I haven't shown much interest in doing, and in the process made a bunch of friends. On the other hand I haven't been getting to know many people because I put social life at the bottom of my priorities since I met her. So I feel pretty alone right now. Been talking to my parents a lot. I guess she finally got sick of putting in all the work for the relationship. At first things were great but the last few months I focused too much on school, always thinking she'd be there. I still saw her and talked to her every day but I just never did anything romantic the past few months, I rarely took her out, etc. Of course now I'm realizing how screwed up my priorities were. She basically told me when she broke up with me that she realized we were both busy and she wanted to be single and focus on herself. I was pretty down and cried in front of her, told her she was special and I loved her so much. She basically said that I'd find another girl and it wouldn't be her (I took this to mean that she wasn't interested in me ever again). She just didn't see me romantically. It has been a few days. The day after we broke up I went to give her some stuff back and we just talked like old times, I ended up making dinner for her. Essentially things felt the way they were several months ago but without the physicality. Of course its difficult for me but when we talk I try to just be a good friend, to be more interested in her activities than I used to be, and to not act sad. She doesn't seem all that sad so I assume she has been emotionally pulling away for a few weeks now. She has been hanging out with her new friends I assume and studying for school. I know I hurt her by not putting in the effort when I should have, the effort that I did when we first started dating. What should I do? Its her birthday next week so I plan to send her a simple card. I know this girl really loved me (and still does, but platonically) and was into me (she used to say all the time how handsome I am). I really love her but I screwed up my priorities and became lazy and also kind of a slob (an engineering program will make you want to wear sweats 24/7). I'd do anything to get her back, I want to take her out, make her food, all those things that I did at the start and should have kept doing. I want to start from scratch, go on a first date, woo her and give her what she deserves. What should I do? I have been a good friend but not a good boyfriend to her and that is probably how she sees me now. She is probably sick of putting in the effort and getting little back. I think this girl is really special and I know I screwed up big time. I don't know if I should give her space (since she pretty much dumped me for not being romantic enough), or try to win her back by being romantic, or what??? Is there any way I can appear romantically to her again without making her feel like I don't care? Is the romantic attraction gone forever once its gone? Personally I don't believe this since every long relationship is sure to go through phases of lessened attraction and nobody is young and pretty forever. I realize I screwed up big time, I don't know if she'd give me another chance (since she said the next girl I find wouldn't be her) but I don't want to just be friends. Also we are both pretty busy with school and for a while spent all our time with each other so I thought her saying that she wants to be single is something of (A) she is sick of putting in so much effort and (B) she wants to have time to pursue her hobbies. I actually thought it would be great to start from scratch, slowly, and to keep our lives balanced if I get a second chance. I guess I'm mainly unsure about what my next move should be. I want to get back her attraction but since I took her for granted I don't want her to feel like she was right about me i.e., that I don't care for her and am not willing to put in effort for her. But on the other hand, I don't want to be a doormat or to push her away by doing lots of romantic things after the relationship is over (even though I'd love to do these things for her). Right now we live in the same building (but she's probably moving at the end of the semester) so I had gotten into a habit of seeing her and talking to her every day. I figure I should probably stop this so I don't get friend zoned more-so than I am already, so last night I went to wish her good luck on an exam and told her that if she wanted to see me she knows where to find me. I don't plan to really contact her for a couple of weeks (except for the birthday card) unless she contacts me. But then again I'm worried this is the wrong thing to do since she broke up because I was basically neglecting her as a boyfriend. I would appreciate any advice about what to next. I really want to make things work and I feel like I could if I did things right. I want to reignite the spark but not get friend zoned. I've been reflecting on my life a lot these days, and realized that I cannot take anything, even the smallest thing such as the ability to run, for granted. I realize that we don't always get another chance in life but I'd like to do anything possible to increase my chance of another chance, and to make the most of it. Thanks for reading and sorry this is so long, I felt like I needed to get my feelings out.
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