bugsygirl

It's been almost five months since you broke up with me. I miss the days where I hated you and the thought of ever running into you. Now I see you all the time and as much as I hate to admit it, I still love the days we get to spend time together. I want to believe myself when I say there isn't a part of me that wants to be with you anymore, but it's a complete lie and I know it. "Feel better for me, please?" That was what you said to me this morning before you went back to work. I miss us. I really wish we could just go back.

It's been weeks and yet it still hurts just as much as it did the first day. You don't want to be friends, you don't want me in your life, it's the hardest thing for me to deal with. I wish I knew your secret for turning your back so easily after all the years we've been through. It hurts too much though. It hurts so much and I can't do it anymore. I have to let go. I have to give up. I thought you were it for me. I guess I thought wrong.

It's not getting any easier for me, but I thought that was the point. For things to get easier. If anything, it's only gotten harder for me as the days go by. You're still not mine. You're still not hurting. You're still not thinking of me. You're fine... and that's great, because all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. But it breaks my heart. Over and over and over again it breaks my heart because it feels like things will never get better. I miss you so much. I wish I could tell you that, but I can't.

It's been a week and I honestly feel like you're not missing me at all. Mornings are the hardest for me, you know. I always wake up thinking about you.. and then the hurt rips itself through me all over again. I drive to work and I can't stop myself from crying because of how badly it hurts to know you're fine while I'm falling apart. I would give anything in the world if it just meant you coming back and realizing our relationship is WORTH IT. You're worth it. We can make it work, I promise we can. Every time I ever had a thought in my mind of walking away... I pushed it aside. You know why? Because I loved you too much to ever give up on us. We promised each other over and over throughout our three years that we would do anything to make us work. But you still left.. I miss you so much.