lancsbloke

Thanks everyone for the advice. Very sorry Princess_JJ for making you sad, but alas its just the way I am. I knew my confidence was very low at the moment, but I didn't realise that it was so obvious that it shone through my written word - oh dear. At the moment, I am favouring giving it another try.

Hi Ideally I'm hoping for some female advice but all advice is welcome. In June I met up with an old friend, I call her Sarah, whom I've known for years but lost touch with over the past 4 years. She was my best friend and I loved her as a friend very much. Often, I wonder if that love was "soul mate love" as we used to get on really well. The old cliches of "feeling like I'd known her all my life" and that "our minds connected on a higher level" were all applicable. The one main problem was that we were both in relationships although hers lasted, whereas I seem to be one of those men who women date once and just become mates with, which made me wonder if I was reading too much into our friendship. Also her boyfriend was handsome, rich and successful, also known as the total opposite to me. However, Sarah used to say that I was the only one who could make her laugh naturally and someone who made her feel at ease and easy to talk too. That though isn't handsome, rich and successful, so I figured that if she was unhappy with her boyfriend, they would split and we could take it from there. Instead, they stayed together and moved away; as the years have gone by, I regretted not saying how I felt but I'm not entirely sure that she didn't realise. Fast-forward 4 years and by chance I met up with Sarah again at a mutual friend's social gathering. We talked, and apart from the fact that I'm even uglier and now balding and she's even prettier, it was just like we'd seen each other the day before. By the end of the evening, I found out that her boyfriend had long gone, having left her for someone else and cheated on her with two others at least. Understandably, she seems to have been quite hurt by this, especially as he was her first boyfriend. I gave her my phone number and said I'd be pleased to hear from her. After waiting by the phone for 3-months, it was obvious that she wasn't going to call and I think I came on too strong - however I couldn't disguise how truly grateful I was to see her again as I never expected that I would. Without wanting to sound arrogant, I got the impression that she was very pleased to see me. It was her birthday in September, so I obtained her email from our mutual friend and sent her a message wishing her a happy birthday. I really agonised over whether I should or not as it seemed intrusive and I thought I might frighten her into thinking I was a stalker - but fortunately, her birthday is the same day as my sisters' so I explained that's how I remembered. She didn't reply though. Four months later, in December, I though I'd try a second and last time as it was Christmas; to my surprise, she replied albeit briefly. In this email she wrote how the lease on her flat is expiring and how she's moving away to stay at a friends and won't be able to use the internet until she has somewhere to live permanently, which could be in months. At first, I feared it sounded like "you're stalking me! Please don't contact me again!" However, it is correct, and it's not an excuse. Although her message doesn't say "I'll contact you" either but just "I can't be contacted for awhile". If she didn't want me to contact her ever again, she could have just not replied again. My dilemma now - bearing in mind that I rushed it and thought I'd blown it in June - is whether to do nothing and risk her losing my email address when she moves or to send her my phone number again. - she leaves on January 10th so I have little time to decide. My heart says send her all my email addresses, my phone numbers, my home address plus my entire family's email addresses, phone numbers, and home addresses! Whereas my head says that sending her my phone number will scare her off again but if she doesn't send me a forwarding address then I'll never see her again. It does sound like I'm rushing ahead to marriage and children but I'm not; its just that I'm desperate not to lose her again. Ideally, we would take things slowly, get to know each again. Then progress to being a couple if that is what fate has decreed. My problem is I don't know how to achieve this and now I'm panicking as we could lose contact for good. Any advice on how to achieve this would be most helpful. One other thing is that I still can't provide the lifestyle that she could find elsewhere with someone else. thereforeeee I can't help thinking that I shouldn't pursue and just let her go and find someone who can. Thanks in advance for all advice received