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Everything posted by Lambert

  1. I would wait a little longer. If you feel he was sincere and remember you guys are not exclusive--- keep dating others. And let him come to you. Distract yourself. It's the best thing you can do. Time will tell. You can't tell someone to reach out when THEY are ready and then check on them. It makes you look bad... just wait and see. If you meet someone better, then you do.
  2. Is this a deal breaker? because bad reception is totally separate from letting the battery go dead. You have to decide if you can accept people as they are and not in the hopes that they will change. They won't.
  3. This ^ Once you open the door you have no control of how the other person will take it or react. You decided and that can create huge insecurities.. he might have been thinking the same.. like how could she decide to leave me, knowing my kids are in foster care and I can't just leave the country. Immediately jumping to texting other women seems extreme to me, too but I think you're seeing that maybe things are not as strong as you might have thought. It's not really mixed signals. You were willing to let go, he is, too. Maybe you are both being insecure and you should talk to him before this gets worse. Or maybe you need to be more honest with yourself about what's happening. Does he want out? I have a general rule in life..... people are free to go at any time. grasping at straws to keep a person only holds you back. The people meant to be in your life. are in your life. it's really that simple. He knows what your relationship is and he should not be contacting other women. And then act like "what?" that is not cool. The only thing you can do is decide for yourself, are you going to put up with this?
  4. Right! You have options. Don't make it a habit to excuse away bad behavior or make excuses like he was nervous. That's your perspective but you dont know him.. he might just be a crappy date. Take things at face value... you'll save yourself a lot of time.
  5. You seem to be making a lot of permanent decisions on very little info. I think its cool you are looking for a relationship and stating that up front but one date with lots of chemistry does not make a relationship! Things need time to pick up steam and lead to the next stage... so that's several dates, with both of you still open to date others ... eventually realizing you both want to be exclusive with each other. I don't think switching back and forth and being undecided about a person after TWO in person meetings means a person is mentally unstable! Rather I think it takes time to know someone, get comfortable around them and decide what one thinks. I think on some of the things you said, you might be being unreasonable. you made it awkward, so you have to wait a month to talk again? that's weird to me. You are upset she dated someone else? you should be dating, too. She's not your girlfriend. The chemistry was off the roof, but then it wasn't. Well as you see, things that start with a bang can end with a fizzle. Focus on getting to know someone before you jump to conclusions and into relationships.
  6. To me, what you wrote doesnt have much to do with texting. but more with you had one date. He ignored you at times but you still think he is great and sweet. Why do you care so much about a guy that you had one date? he wasn't that great and you're already thinking about the fact that this is just a fling? A fling by nature is just fun & easy while it lasts. This sounds neither fun or easy. Don't you have other options for men to date? why tolerate this?
  7. Do you have children with this man? You need to leave this is a nightmare
  8. Amen! good character is the only thing that lasts! this poopy guy is a bad partner. let him go up to strangers and find a new gf! lol
  9. @Sahanna Good for you. I honestly think you can do better than this. If anyone called me while having a car problem-- my first sentence, what can I do to help. Whether it's your significant other or whoever. You help the people you care about, period. That whole grocery store scenerio with the Uber. O my. You just don't need this. Being a great person when it is easy-- doesn't cut in my book. A great person keeps it together and digs in deep when it's hardest. Not saying mistakes can't be made.... but this guy is a selfish jerk.
  10. I think this is one of those situations that you have to trust yourself. This is your marriage. Your husband. Does he hide things from you? Does he lie when he doesn't want to suffer the consequences of the truth? How close are you two? Can you tell when he is lying? Does he lie? Or is the facial expression & changed story a bad knee jerk reaction from him? Is his laughing it off, saying it was nothing and not understanding how you feel the right response for you? If you truly feel he is cheating on you, that he is capable of those things, while gaslighting you and not understanding your hurt feelings, why are you in this marriage? Trust is a major component in any relationship. On the one hand, your gut told you not to like this woman (just a gut feeling) and now on the other hand, you don't know what to think about your own husband. Don't you think that's a little flip flopped? What's your history with your hubs? Does he lie? Did he ever cheat on you or anyone else in the past? Do you accuse him of cheating and act suspisciously of him regularly? Is he right to think you are over re-acting? Do you check his phone a lot? Why? So many of these questions-- only you can answer. There is no one answer fits all.
  11. Couldn't you just say hello, how are you to them and then excuse yourself "to give them girl time" or just say, hey I'm so glad you came by. but that you had a long day and if they don't mind you are going to hang out in another room? There is no reason you have to entertain her company just because you live there. And if she thinks you're mad at her, you can kindly let her know that's not it at all. and that you both live here. those were her plans and if she expected you to be involved, maybe she can give you more notice next time. no harm no fowl. it's all in how you say it. You gotta find a way to understand each other and not be forced to do things every single time. especially without notice so you could prepare.
  12. Sorry for your situation. I think the only things you can really do are suck it up, try not to antagonize her and get creative on how you can move out. The harder you try and the more effort you put into it, the worse she will treat you. Maybe if you just keep your head down and act like an appreciative guest. Cleaning up after yourself & do thoughtful things (household chores or errands) for mom and dad on a regular basis. Only utilize the group text as instructed along with any other rules she asks. it will get better. It sucks but you're in a needful situation. Your mom. well she is who she is. doesn't sound like she has much else to do but beat you up. So try to see it as the payment for the roof over your head. don't call out problems. Maybe consider using the internet in another room or a coffee shop.
  13. that's great that he knows what he wants.... just don't let that supercede what YOU want.
  14. I think you have a few factors coming together at one time. And you need to find your new normal. All the things you mentioned that cause the anxiety are either temporary, can get resolved or are (I'm sad to tell you) just life. You are getting older. We all are. Someday everyone will die. Cars do break down. Work schedules do impact everyday activities. Getting off your meds will impact your experience. All these things can be fixed. You have to fix them. Take your meds, visit and spend time with those you love, change jobs to have a better life balance, pursue friends and hobbies. In none of your complaints do you really mention your relationship. Except for the fact that he has decided he will always live there. I think this is pretty common in Michigan. Michiganders LOVE MICHIGAN! I don't understand it but I've experienced it. lol So that's the rub there. You can make your life there work, but you have to work to make it so. Going back to a place you never really liked (to begin with) seems like a cope out and maybe your desire to go back to simpler times, like in childhood. Life does take work. It is not easy but all the things you mentioned can be solved. Some of the things you mention just need to accepted. And in the those cases you just have to make the best of it. I think this is a real coming of age tale for you.... you're seeing what life really is.
  15. this is true, too. OP.... maybe try to run into him and see if you get a vibe
  16. I personally think it depends on the nature of the relationship to begin with.... If you're feeling the guy is not in the marriage way, then you have to recognize that and not move in with him. If you read these forums enough, you can see where maybe one person moved in, thinking the other person would change or would see what a great idea it is to be married. That normally does not happen... 10 years pass and you're roommates. But they probably knew going in, that the relationship was not that strong and they weren't following their gut or they allowed themselves to be misled. of course there are exceptions. Liars do lie and you're taking a chance trusting another person. That's life. That's why you always have to be willing to do the hard things that protect you. Things like making sure you speak up about your needs and be willing to bail if you're not being treated with respect and appreciation. If engagement is important to you, then it is. If that's your deal breaker, then I think you're finding that out now. 5 months is just getting to know a person.... There could be instances where maybe you stay together a lot... but at this point you should not give up your own place or leave your parents place officially. The other thing is, if you can't make it on your own, you should not depend on just boyfriend/girlfriend. That's too much pressure on the relationship. So with all that said, I see living together as meaning.... we are on the same page, we want the same things, we are building and living our lives together. If marriage is a goal for both people, it's discussed and mapped out what needs to happen to get there and when we will get there, in very specific terms. If marriage is your goal, you need to make sure that is their goal, too. And its discussed in details. not just general terms like, when we make more money we'll get married. Details like how expenses are split, what are the house rules, what does us living together mean, what about emergencies, what is our budget, what happens if one of us loses our income, how are chores divided, what happens if a pregnancy occurs, what are the expectations for visitors and family obligations and so much more..... Until you can answer all this and feel confident about what's happening, you're not ready. It's fine for your bf to disagree about the engagement. But it is something to consider that moving in to him, does not symbolize the depth of his commitment, but rather a convenient living solution that may or may not lead to marriage. For me, I will not live with someone I'm not married to. I don't need to play house. I would not live somewhere my name was not on the deed/lease and I would not buy or rent something with someone that that is our biggest commitment. You want to live with me? we have to be each other's biggest commitment. but that's me.
  17. I might be reading too much into it.... he didn't reply back with his contact info and the whole hopefully we'll cross paths.... he could have a girlfriend by now. Don't assume he is still available. You gave your info... maybe he'll email you. Unless you're willing to fully put it out there... and invite him for a drink or something. How interested are you?
  18. When you break up, they lose your constant support. A parent passing is sad and it's kind of you to show your respects but that's it. You give condolences and that's it. You are not her person anymore. Don't use the death as an excuse to hold on. Step away from this situation. Don't focus on her and who she is with. Focus on you and who you are with.
  19. What is to live about this? I think you've been abused for so long you can't see it. You need to get out of this relationship and talk to a therapist. The threats, accusing, controlling & mean words are not love
  20. I have to agree with the others. End this. he is not a good partner selfish, manipulative, immature, not considering you, not able to handle his own problems. It's very important for you to stick to your plan to live on your own. It's very important to ALWAYS be able to support yourself and have your independence. Moving in together solves his problem, but will create yours.
  21. after 10 years, his response to your dream is no compromise? don't let him hold you back. If things were stagnant and he wanted some change, well here's an opportunity to do something total different together! I say go and don't look back!
  22. You got a lot of great advice here.... For what it's worth, I think the best thing you can do is be super strong when you talk to her and let her go. The LESS SAID BY YOU THE BETTER. Nothing is less attractive then the person that will do anything to keep you. You know what I mean? On the other side of that coin, the most attractive thing is strength. She chose this and you respect her decision. Period. What else is there to say. No waffling, like call me when you decide or anything like that. Sure you guys might both cry. It is sad. And a huge disappointment. But it's also like losing a game, you don't want a win because of pity from the other side. You are too good for that. You deserve better. You are not friends. You can't be friends with her. You need to heal and find a better woman. It's that simple. Hard? YES! but put on that brave front. It's the only thing you can do. That way you have your self respect and who knows what the future brings. But no matter what happens, this will change you and for the better. You got together young and in some ways, that does stall your personal growth. You may find in the months to come, when you fall in love again, you'll realize that she wasn't what you really want. But keeping your self respect means that you heal that much faster.
  23. healing is a spiral. sometimes you feel good and realize how far you've come. Then somehow you find yourself back to old thoughts. Keep telling yourself things that support moving forward and that the relationship was a lost cause. You will start to feel stronger. that's doesn't mean you won't fall back once in a while.... choose to push forward with yourself you can and will get through this.
  24. Of course this is painful and you feel a lot of turmoil. That's what break ups are-- even when there isn't mental illness involved. I think you need to stop looking for answers and start looking for peace that her illness ultimately ended the relationship and you have to save yourself. You can't have a healthy relationship with an mentally unhealthy partner. There's no logic to the illogical. A person with advanced degrees in psychology etc would not be able to tell you how to do this. The mind is a very complicated place. You can love a person and still know you can't help them and you can't be there for them. You need to find a way to cope with this is the end. Whatever happened or will happen-- it is not because you would not sell your investment property.
  25. 10 years & a house together and you don't know how to bring up your needs? Why is that?
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